Letting Go

quote:

So I think I am going to try and enjoy this year and help him make the decision that really is best for him. But letting go is not going to be easy.

Amen on both accounts! It is an emotional time...enjoy every minute of every day. Time starts to fly by even quicker from here on out, IMO. I can't even BEGIN to tell you how quickly those college years go by. And I'm not so sure I've mastered the "letting go" part very well myself yet. But it is all a part of the growing up process, for both our kids and ourselves .

It is tough...two down...two to go!

...and the next three years will fly by even faster.

Hold on.

Wha?? What is this "letting go" of which you speak?

Home Depot does sell extentions for those umbilical cords, you know!

They work pretty well Orlando!

My college freshman son called and asked me to video his younger, HS freshman, football games and send him copies. He lamented that he really misses being able to see him play and talk to him afterwards, critiqing and sharing.

He said it's hard and one of the things he misses most is just talking everyday after practice about how things are going. I asked him if he thought it was as hard as me missing his college games...he thought about it for a second..."I guess it's pretty much the same for you, huh dad?"...yup

It does get better after you get over the initial shock. Mine was my oldest and first to leave the nest. My wife, who normally isn't big on displaying her emotions, cried for days. I had my bouts too. Just walking into his empty bedroom was enough to set us off for the first several weeks.

After that, it eventually evolved into pride of the young man he had become, and cherishing of every moment we had with him during the brutal schedule that is college baseball. During Easter break we saw him for only the one day ... he got back from a team road trip late Saturday night, jumped in his car and got home at 3 AM Sunday, spent Easter Sunday with the family, then drove back at 4 AM Monday morning to make it back for his first class. Our family vacation this past summer was the first time we'd spent more that four days with him in the past year. Our younger son wants to move over into his older brothers room, but we just can't do it yet. Even though he's only home a handful of days each year, it's still his place in our home for us, the place we go visit when we're missing him.

There's still little things that cause me to stop and gaze into the past. I'll be gardening on weekends, pulling up plants and find a wiffle ball he hit over the roof a couple years ago from one of our soft toss sessions. I generally leave it there. It's my little trigger for cherished memories that I'll find again next time that plant needs replaced.

One recommendation: get yourself and your son a webcam and sign up for Skype. Free video phone calls anywhere in the US, even internationally only costs something like .20 cents/min. Being able to see his face during phone calls throughout the year really helped. And, I became an frequent text-message person after he left ... we exchange messages almost daily.

Well said RYNO (and a perfectly timed post I might add).

I’m going through the same thing myself. When I think of all the time we spent together with baseball, working on his game, watching him play, building him up when he was down, cheering wildly when he had his successes, feeling more proud of him than a parent is capable, and just plain having him around...when I think about all that going away..him going away...it almost makes me sick.

Just a few weeks ago he was at a workout for a DII school. Afterwards, they had lunch and took the group for a tour around campus. As we were walking around looking at all the interesting buildings, I looked at my son and saw the wonder in his eyes. I started thinking about all the things he had yet to do in front of him and all the fun he’s going to have. He had this smile on his face and looked like a kid in a candy store.

I found my eyes starting welling up and had to walk away from the group for a few seconds to “compose myself”. “Geez” I thought..”if I can’t even do this, I’m going to be a wreck when he finally does leave home”.

I don’t know how it will be when he finally does go away and we drop him off at whatever school he ends up at, but I’m not looking forward to the ride home already.

He’s a young man now, but somehow will always be my little boy.

RYNO, I know exactly where you are coming from. In the weeks leading up to my son leaving for his freshman year, I really struggled with my emotions. For one thing, moving away to college signifies a significant change. Odds are, they will never be "home" the same way again. I'd lay awake at night thinking about that "little" boy in his room, doing whatever little boys do. I must say that I held back a few tears when we finally left him on the steps of his dorm. But, after a couple of miles I must say it started getting better.

And, it does get better. College is a wonderful transition for them. It enables them to begin assimilating into the "real world", without facing all the harsh realities. At the same time, it allows parents to begin adjusting as well.

Each year they head back to school, it gets easier. Not having that constant (baseball) in my life took some adjustment. But, you'll also find that you'll have time to re-discover pastimes and interests that you've shoved on the back-burner for all these years. Now, if I ever stop paying college tuition, maybe I'll have time to enjoy some of those interests LOL. It's frustrating to have to rely on a telephone call, or text message, to hear about how he's pitching, or how class is going, so be sure and cherish the times that you do have together.

My second child is a daughter who will be leaving on her own college experience next fall. I honestly don't know how I'll react to that one, but I think that in some ways it will be easier.

Mine has been gone now for two months. I felt pretty badly at first and wondered if this feeling would ever change. It did in time, after about one week things stated to ease up and now we have transitioned into this new phase of our lives. So hang in there everyone it will be ok.

What I find myself thinking about reading all of these touching posts is how loved these boys are. How lucky they all are to have parents who are missing them and having a hard time letting them go.

How many kids out there are dealing with bad situations, parents kicking them out, not caring, don't feel loved or supported.......

My son is a sophomore this year. My wife and I had the same concerns, yet in the end like everything his going off to school was the best for him and us. I did notice a couple of things that transpired which helped cushion the impact.

1. Almost every night my son whould have a 20-30 minute IM converstion with his brother. Since he was 2 hours ahead of us we would be in the family room as my youngest had an IM conversation. This would allow he and his brother a chance to chat and Mom and I would throw in our 2 cents.

2. I found myself going to baseball games at the 2 local JC's. I would watch all the kids that my son had been playing with for years. It really wasn't that much different except for the fact that my son was not in the game.

3. I had to upgrade my ISP to a broadband connection so that I could listen to all his games broadcast on the internet. This season I understand that they will be broadcasting video so I will be able to watch his games.

4. Southwest Airlines was a savior. We found that we could see him several times a year and with planning it was very affordable. In the end, between my wife and I we say almost 1/3 of his games.

The best part was having him come home; Why? You could see him growing in confidence, stature and maturity. In seeing this we knew as parents that it was the best for both him and us.

Good luck!

Don't Blink
.... one hundred years go by faster than you think - Kenny Chesney

You're six years old and you take a nap
And you wake up and you're twenty-five
And your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growin' like mine did
Turnin' into moms and dads
Next thing you know
Your better half of fifty years is there in bed
And you're prayin' God takes you instead
Trust me friend
A hundred years goes faster than you think
(So) (But) don't blink


One is off to college. The other I look at when he falls asleep on the sofa and remember when I could carry him to bed. It seems like just yesterday they were born.

I remember the first time we had this discussion here on the HSBBW, seems to pop up once a year.

My advice the same, enjoy your son's last HS season, you'll never have it back, he won't either.

Ours went about 800 miles away, and it was tough the first year. The only time he was home was for the holidays. The second year was easier, the third year being home for 3 weeks, we were looking forward to him getting back to school.

I left home (West Virginia) when I was 17 with only a suitcase and hitchhiked out west to Phoenix, AZ. I really wasn't going somewhere "good" as I was leaving somewhere "not so good". I remember I had a total of .21 cents left in my pocket when I got to Phoenix. No job, no family, and no place to stay. I struggled at first but I made it with just one "warning" ticket for vagrancy by a Phoenix policeman. Those were exciting times for me. Fast forward 40 years ---- My son left for college in 2002. We followed him down to help carry his "stuff" and help move him in. He had a college scholarship, a debit card, a cell phone, a lap top, and an SUV. I felt as if he could make it without much help from me (as long as I kept up with his bank balance). Surely he could conquer this obstacle without me physically being there! My son and I are very close ---- but we have no problem with being close from a distance. He and I both enjoy the "freedom".
Fungo

Fungo,
Wouldn't 21 cents by a loaf of bread, ten steaks, a case of beer, 1 months rent, and a car back then?

That's what my Dad says.

Doughnutman,
You're right and a good point! Yes, you could buy a lot back in those days with .21 cents --- but most of the things our kids have today were not even invented during the "good ole days" ----- other than the case of beer.

Donutman Very Funny thank you for the smile I needed it.

Letting go of the money will hurt too..........

quote:

What I find myself thinking about reading all of these touching posts is how loved these boys are. How lucky they all are to have parents who are missing them and having a hard time letting them go.

This is what I find myself thinking about . . . . oops, can't finish this now - my senior, who will leave me soon, just came in and asked me to play ping pong with him. Next year I won't be able to do that so I will finish this thought later! Be back after I show him who's ping pong champ.

Go Get'em BUZZ, and give him a hug too!

This is what I was going to say. Our sons are very lucky that someone will miss them. Some leave and aren't missed. I think so often of one young man I know of who left high school last year on his baseball journey not from his own loving home, but from the home of someone on this board who was kind enough to take him in for his senior year, when the young man's home life became unbearable. So when I start getting sad about Mac leaving I think, "yes, this is the way it's supposed to be. He's supposed to leave. I'm supposed to miss him." Thank God he has a great place to go. Thank God he has someone to miss him.

p.s. No, I don't want to talk about the outcome of the ping pong challenge.

But did you get a hug?

Got a couple!

Good for you - you are gonna miss those! Luckily my younger son is a willing target of extra hugs these days. Bless the board member that did the right thing. We will be blessed with son's team mate in similar situation for the holidays, Can't wait to spoil them both. Pay it forward people, the best you can.

Ahhh Buzz, enjoy the ping pong, soon he will be exposed to a whole new version!

My son leaving was the second to take flight from the nest. It was very difficult and he was very far from home.
I remember the first holiday he drove back here, after three weeks returned to school. He called to tell us he was "home" and we knew then this was not to be his home anymore, just a place to come to visit.

Now 4 years later, reality is he doesn't belong here anymore, he calls Clemson his home and is eager to get back, with friends, to football, to the baseball field, the familiar gym and trainers, his bed, his apartment, fav hang outs and of course all of his friends. At first it hits you really hard but then you realize you have done what you are supposed to do as a parent.

quote:

Originally posted by RYNO:
Well this is going to be a tough year for me and my wife as our first born prepares to complete his senior year and moves on to college. I personally and already am having some trouble thinking and dealing with it.

I watched my oldest leave in 2003 and my twin daughters leave two months ago. Do I miss them.....every day. Do I wish they were still at home....NOT A CHANCE. My wife wouldn't completely agree, but we spent 18 years on each kid preparing them to move on, it was a "project of love", the worst one to eventually face, but the most satisfying to watch. Now we're working on the continuing chapters which are just as exciting but a lot less work.

TPM, I have two sons who are college sophomores. I've heard of the "ponging" that doesn't involve "pinging." That will come soon enough for son #3 - for now, he's happy with the "ping" variety of "ponging" with mom.

Iheartbb, Yes, I will miss the daily hugs from the hs senior son, but the two older ones still come home from college a couple of times a month to get hugs from me. (Ok, they really come home for the cooking, to get $ and to see girlfriends, but I like to think it's for the hugs!) Son #4 is a freshman in high school so he has to endure a few more years of mommy hugs before he leaves the nest. I find that hugs from one really don't replace missing hugs from another though.

So True, the body may be differnt in nature, but at least---in the true sense of the word, it is a HUG none the less. A hug, is a hug, is a hug, and no matter what anyone says HUGS ARE GOOD! Especially from our kids no matter where they are, what they do,or how corny they think we are, they are always willing to give a hug.

Ryno, yes, this is brutal and I'm right there with you. I had to seriously work to reign in the tears just a couple days ago when I suddenly started thinking about the end-of-season baseball party for high school, still many many months away! This is my first year as Head Coach, and my son is a senior. It's a tradition for the HC at the picnic to go down the line and say what he will remember most about each senior....and when I visualized calling my son's name...and what am I supposed to say at that moment in front of all these people...****, I can't even finish this post.....

Just hold up a picture from Woody.

You'll be allright.

Krak-
It is good that you are thinking about that speach already, I think it will help.
I have two suggestions.
First, before the picnic, sit down with son, or son and family and say to him/them what you plan to say at picnic kind of a one on one intimate and personal. This helps you get a practice run and let the tears flow, etc. He will also be able to hear everything you have to say and comprehend it. Secondly at the picnic do not wait to do your son last. After all of the emotion involved with talking about the other seniors, if you wait until the end to do your son, you are most vulnerable to not be able to hold it together.
Do him first or in the middle.
Whatever you do, you'll be fine - enjoy the moment!

Krak,
I hear ya.

Speaking of letting go, what about opinions on this one. Met a very nice mom of a rookie player yesterday who followed her son wherever he went this summer,and spent 2 months at one place.
Obviously she has the time to do this, but I doubt if I had the time I would even consider it. Would she have followed him to school?
Sometimes there comes a time, IMO, when you just got to let go.

quote:

Originally posted by FormerObserver:
Just hold up a picture from Woody.

You'll be allright.

This guy...may he rest in peace...always had the right thing to say...very motivational.

TPM,
If rookie son was right out of hs going pro it is very hard.. life style is major adjustment and there are players who pack up and leave ...and not because of the baseball.
Players need strong support from family, It can be a very lonely life for 18 yr old and maybe this player needs his family close by while he adjusts, which allows him to focus only on baseball.
Unlike college if a you fail in pro ball you may not get a 2nd chance, so you do what you have to do to help them succeed. (thats why players take steroids)
I read some where where Derek Jeters parents had to make 6 "emergency" trips in 2mos after he was drafted

With all the money in MLB, you would think some braniac franchise would build or rent a complex in the minor league town their prospects play at and harbor them together.

They say misery loves company, and I expect an idea fee from the first club to do this.LOL

I made one "emergency" trip this summer, nj....it just wasn't HIS emergency

Lots of college freshmen don't adjust well to being away from home for the first time and they leave school and choose a college closer to home.
With rookies they don't have those choices.

Its funny that distance can affect whether a person makes adjustments... Say players/students don't see their home for 3 months. The player/student who stays west coast may not have problem. But If that same player/student was sent across country to the east coast. He feels different and cut off.

Rookie yr most players stay together in a hotel.

Our son loves being away. He calls regularly usually at 11 pm or later. The importance of location, our top priority has proven to be crucial. We have no separation problems because he is unbelievably happy . Our problem is how do we get him to come back after 4 years.