Liking the moms forum

Kim,
I hear ya. The problem is, once they go off, they are not our little guys anymore.

I have learned something from other parents at son's school. Very few spend time with their sons when they go visit. The ones who live close by come for games and go home, spend very little time with them. They cherish just seeing them play on the field, a meal at night. I always thought our son spent more time with us, because we were not there often so he tried to spend as much time as he could out of obligation. We stopped that, we knew he had too many things to do while we were there. My best times I spent at school was when school ended, there was more time to see him, even if that meant helping him move or shopping and spending money for clothes, shoes. It seems that when he is on the road, there is more time to spend, no school and no other distractions or commitments. I like the road games for that reason. In Miami we took a room down the hall from his and spent ONE WHOLE day with him until time to get the bus. In Omaha we saw him more in a week than we did in two years since he went up to school. We actually even went to a game together, sat with him in the stands as we did in Jax for playoffs. So I don't expect as much when we go up to school, we kind of find our own thing to keep us busy.

You will also find that many of those freshman bad habits disappear as they get older.

Other parents may feel differently, but we felt that he didn't need to spend time with us when he had little time to give. I think he actually is relieved when he calls us to ask what we are doing (while at Clemson) and we tell him our plans for the day don't always include him.

I know you miss him terribly, but he is off doing his own thing and doing it well and happy, that is what should be important.

Hiii Niner " Mom ",

So glad to see you posting!

My son is away from home also for the first time this year. Some days he calls and is very interested in what going on at home, etc. and then other days he calls and its all about him.
( hmmm,....has he not figured out that the world does not revolve only around him ??? ) Selfishness,..not a characteristic I find pleasant or amusing in my child! ( can you hear my momma grrrrrrr under my breath????? )

Its been kind of a roller coaster of events and emotions for all of us. I think that he's trying to figure out who he is. I think that sometimes that means our guys need to pull away a little bit and see who they are when they are standing on their own. Its kind of a trial and error thing. They need to try different things and figure out what fits them the most.

As TPM said:

quote:

You will also find that many of those freshman bad habits disappear as they get older.

I have to agree, or at least hope she's right!

I think you're going to have ups and downs. Your son may be acting strange right now because he's figuring out who he is. I'd be willing to bet if you give him some time, he'll come back to being the boy you always knew. Most usually do,...just takes a while for them to realize " Mom & Dad were right!!! ". Ahhh sweet parenting validation!!! We dont always get it as often as we had hoped for, but when we do,..its pretty nice!!!

Hang in there,..dont give up yet. He's not finished growing up and figuring things out. Have faith in the way you raised him and confidence that he will come full circle.

It stinks though having to watch them go through this stuff and it hurts our "momma heart strings", at times doesn't it? I hope you find comfort in knowing that alot of us have felt or are feeling what you are going through and that we are in this together! Mothers of son's sewing their oats unite!

Hugggzzzzzz!!! Hang in there!!! Its gonna get better!!!

TPM & ssmom,
Your message is for me, also!!!
Some days I just want to ...He's 8 hr. away, doesn't call often, but when he does i'm just for joy!!
I know he's busy...but if he's staying up half the night bs'ing with God know who...then he's not that busy!! I'll answer the phone at 2 AM or anytime!!!...just want him to call!!

The blessing is he's a man now...still lots of maturing to do...but still a man!

Baseballmom,
As I always said, we usually miss them more than they do us!
Regardless of what he is doing to keep busy, it's his life now, we are no longer in control of what goes on. The proof comes out later around grade time. Then we can take back some control if things are not looking too good. But this is something they need to learn on their own. It's not always about mom and dad being right, because sometimes we are not, it's about growing up. I was pretty lucky, mine had traveleld alot so he was pretty much independent. I also tried to get him to do a lot of things on his own before he left home, cook, laundry, writing checks, etc.

My son called when he needed money..lol. Now we just dumped in enough in the bank account to last a semester, if not, he's out of luck. He actually is budgeting well!

quote:

You will also find that many of those freshman bad habits disappear as they get older.

I have to concur that I think this is true. Most of these guys are away from home, and on their own, for the very first time in their lives. They are feeling their oats and sometimes, it doesn't prove to be a very pretty picture and can be upsetting to us moms. But, I do also believe, that most of them return to being the boys we have always loved...albeit, a more grown up and mature version of it. Of course, "feeling their oats" doesn't necessarily mean that they need to be rude to the one's who love them the most, or that their bad behavior shouldn't be brought to their attention. If you were as hurt by his behavior as you seem to have been, maybe dad can bring this to your son's attention. I know in MY case, if "I" said something to my son about it...he'd think I was just being "emotional". However, he would take it much more seriously if his dad called and told him how hurt I was re: his behavior.

Another point, my son also has a little sister who sometimes gets her feelings hurt when her big bro doesn't seem as "ecstatic" to see her, as she is to seeing him. For me, as a mom, it is very easy for me to point this out to him (more so than me saying "it hurts my feelings that you don't seem to want to spend any time with 'me'") And, he seems to respond much more to not hurting his little sister, than wanting to spend more time with his MOM! Sounds like you are in a similiar situation with your younger son...maybe your older boy would respond better to how his behavior effects his little bro, than how it effects you.

That being said, I also agree with TPM that our son's don't need us as much as us mom's seem to need them. And it is sometimes hard to accept that. They have alot going on in their lives and they know that their family will always be there for them, so sometimes their family is the one who gets the short end of the stick. But, if the behavior continues....it certainly wouldn't hurt for either dad or mom to point it out to him.....CALMLY!

I am now beginning to have funny freshman stories. First of all, we only live 2 hours from son so we have been attending home football games. They also plan fall ball games before football games so fans can watch. When we are there he does his own thing. We are able to get a glimpse of him at the scrimmage (he is not scrimmaging, tore acl) and it is just reassuring to see him looking healthy. This past weekend, I made homemade lasagna, in disposal foil pans and homemade brownies. He lives with four other baseball players so I made lots. He called this morning three times to find out how to reheat it. He actually asked his dad if he could put that tin foil thing in the oven. I have a daughter and just assume that this domestic stuff is common knowledge. I didn't get a 4th phone call so all of the reheating instructions must have worked. He also told my husband that this sorting clothes stuff is a waste of time. It doesn't hurt anything to just throw it in the washer. Oh well, pink underware and t-shirts, then he will figure that one out. I get very few phone calls but can't tell you how thrilled I am when I do get one. I have also found that the text messaging works well and then he seems to call when he has a chance. Even though we haven't talked alot, probably six times in six or seven weeks, they are quality conversations. One call was to inform me that on his ACL brace, the velcro was shot and he had to duct tape it on his leg. Isn't duct tape an amazing thing? Hang in there and try not to make plans when you are visiting. Then there is less disappointment when they have already got plans. The newness of college will wear off soon. Thank you to all of you who have shared your experiences. It is nice to know we aren't in this alone.

TPM,
Oh, he's independent...I started him young, with lawn & garbage duties before he was out of elem. school, laundry, meal planning &grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning his bathroom, time management, prioritizing, goal setting, etc. as he has grown thru the next 6 yrs.
Question is... will it stick? Or WHAT will stick?

He's doing fine...I just miss talking to him about stuff...

quote:

He also told my husband that this sorting clothes stuff is a waste of time. It doesn't hurt anything to just throw it in the washer. Oh well, pink underware and t-shirts, then he will figure that one out.

Go with me on this one,..envisioning big baseball stud,..and pink underwear,..tee hee hee,...snicker snicker,..YES again,.." Mom was right!!! ",...another case of parenting validation!!! Gotta love it!!! LOL

quote:

Isn't duct tape an amazing thing?

Works great at keeping a broken duffle bag closed too,..or so I've been informed, by one young son away from home for the first time!!!
heee-heee-heeee

quote:

Question is... will it stick? Or WHAT will stick

So true so true!!!

Here's hoping that all our boys make it back full circle to be who we had always knew and hoped they'd turn out to be, after they stretch away and " sew their oats ".

Bet some of them even suprise us and go beyond those hopes and dreams. ( I'm not talking professionally,..I mean as a human beings.)

In the long run, I think what it comes down to is that we just want our kids to be happy with the life decisions they choose to make. Having been down many of those paths ourselves, we naturally want to share our knowledge with them in hopes they dont make the same mistakes we did!

Now,..I dont know about you all,.....but this momma is always right!!! ha ha!!!
( well perhaps I like to think I am! ) ha!

Now if I only had a dime for each and every gray hair I've earned during this process.

Please keep the stories coming ladies,...its such a pleasure to hear from so many from so many places.

Baseball mom,....

quote:

He's doing fine...I just miss talking to him about stuff

I hear ya!!! Hugggzzzzzz!!!!!

I have to agree, once they start coming up with pink and baby blue underwear they learn to "sort".

Once they burn the pot on the stove or lasagna in the oven they learn to keep an eye out on it.

Once they forget to call mom or dad for money and the ATM doesn't spit out cash, they learn to call home in advacne.

Once they forget to set their alarm and late for class, they become paranoid the alarm will never go off.

Once the open the refrigerator and the smell is enough to kill a horse they learn to discard old food.

Once their allergies start bothering them they learn to dust.

Once they start inviting female company into their apartment, they clean the toilets.

Once the weather truns chiily and they get sick, they learn to dress warmer.

Once they get an electric bill high enough for a 10 room mansion, they learn to turn off all TV's and pc's and a/c heat when they are gone.

Strangely enough the water bill is always lower for males than females.
Anything else?

Hey Tigerpawmom - Of all of the things I've asked about you brought up one I've never asked. He's sorting and doing laundry, changing his sheets every single week, cleaning up the kitchen after the piggy roommates, vaccuming, cooking - BUT I never even asked if he's cleaning the bathroom!

I really believe that what we've taught them will come back to them in time - some quicker than others. It's just a matter of figuring who they are without the parentals and siblings - spreading their wings - because there is no one there to monitor them - and trying and doing things that we are better off not knowing about. But eventually I think the upbringing brings them back to a place where we can all be happy with the results.

quote:

He's sorting and doing laundry, changing his sheets every single week, cleaning up the kitchen after the piggy roommates, vaccuming, cooking - BUT I never even asked if he's cleaning the bathroom!

Shoot, I wouldn't worry about the bathroom!!! If he's doing all that, he's living under much better conditions than most college guys!!! My son knew how to do all that, but that didn't mean he did it!!! Kudos to your son!!

Well, there you have it, straight from TPM, the curriculum requirements from the University of Hard Knocks, one of the best schools in the nation.

Last weekend when we took the lasagna to their house they were all at practice. I think my husband was afraid to go in the house. I put the lasagna in the refrigerator and he asked if there was any other food. Yes, the television was still on. I did tell son about the lint trap in the dryer. I told him this would cause a fire if not cleaned. No need to worry he informed me, it is a brick basement. That was reassuring. The first thing I asked last conversation was if he was cleaning the lint trap. Yes he is and also showed the roommates how to do it. The rookie comes through again. Amazingly the house is pretty clean though. As far as food, I noticed lots of cold cereal. I do know he is happy and looks healthy and that is all I can ask for. He is even enjoying school. I do look forward to seeing him this weekend.

Lint traps...forgot that one.

First year we never set foot in the dorm apartment, we weren't asked, we weren't invited and we didn't really want to go in anyway.
Last year son moved into a new apartment and he asked us over several times when in town. The one big problem was getting through the door as there were about 30 pairs of various shoes left btween 3 guys. We went out and bought a shoe rack to place by the door, and the gift was much appreciated.
The only time we helped him out was when he returned to Omaha and had to get off to the cape asap, so we did come in and pack up and I then told him the bathroom needed a better cleaning, but he did not want me to do it. I think he did pretty well because he got most of his deposit back, so I know he can take care of business in the house.
Like anything it is a learning process, they do manage to figure out these things for themselves.

Son is a freshman this year. Got a call on Sunday asking if I had sent his running shoes. I told him I had not gotten around to it yet but would mail on tuesday. Exact words from his mouth "Mom, I told you I needed those shoes and you said you would send them. You need to be responsible" I was shocked and actually responded with well Dad and I went on a date on Friday night and I worked during the day, missed the post office saturday...then it hit me. This is the same kid who still has his graduation gown at the bottom of his closet since last May. Mentioned that to him and told him "Apparently you taught me everything I know". Got a call on Monday night apologizing. It was a good day

One of my favorite moments was right before Christmas freshman year, when my son and his two roommates sheepishly asked if we could take the dorm room wastebaskets home with us over winter break and disinfect them, because the last time they emptied them "some flying things" had flown out of one and spooked them .

They (the boys, not the flying things) were so cute and giddy of course I said yes, even though it violated all my "school of hard knocks" principles!

Now they are juniors, and very self-sufficient and besides there are girlfriends to keep them in line. I'm missing my silly-boy memories a little.....

Oh my goodness, I am literally laughing out loud at this discussion!

"I did tell son about the lint trap in the dryer. I told him this would cause a fire if not cleaned. No need to worry he informed me, it is a brick basement. That was reassuring."

"I told him I had not gotten around to it yet but would mail on tuesday. Exact words from his mouth "Mom, I told you I needed those shoes and you said you would send them. You need to be responsible" "

"my son and his two roommates sheepishly asked if we could take the dorm room wastebaskets home with us over winter break and disinfect them, because the last time they emptied them "some flying things" had flown out of one and spooked them "


I love these stories!

I remember freshman year, being so "hungry" for any news from my son, but he seemed to be so caught up in college (social) life plus the demands of classes and baseball, that I didn't hear from him very often, unless I called. We did usually get to take him out to dinner when we drove down for games, though. Now, I can't say that I hear from him more often (Junior year), but I guess I'm more used to it.

It is so hard to see them leave home, but it makes you proud when you look back after a year or two and realize that they can make it without you!

Julie

It is so great to read that others are feeling like I am. The calls are way too far apart and the house is SO quiet. But when we visited for a scrimmage a couple of weeks ago, I was told by my son that he and his roommate both agreed that what surprised them the most about dorm life is how much they missed their own personal showers at home.

What lured him to come over and relax a little and visit at our hotel was the clean, hot shower that he could stay in for as long as he wanted to!

Oh my gosh - I forgot about the lint trap!!!

LOL!!!

Hoovmom, you have a pm!

Well I checked and he does clean out the lint trap and he has cleaned the bathroom - no one else there is going to. When he did the bathroom he felt like a warrior going into the battle zone against the evil yucks! He actually bought lysol or something to disinfect. Flashed his cleaning rag around like a scimitar! (spelling?)

Hey Shortstopmom - back at ya!

Some never learn. I just spent a few days in the mountains at my brother's cabin (he is 60). I thought of you all and this thread when I put some clothes in the dryer and checked the lint trap

I have to share my excitement. Son text message me (new form of communication) and said he saw surgeon on his tore acl and he gets to start light running on Tuesday. He is soooo excited. He is not one that sits and watches well. It has been 10 weeks today and things are looking good. Got in trouble last week for playing catch KIND of using his pitching motion. Twisting his leg. Ooops. He won't be playing catch for a week. Thanks for letting me share my excitement. Also, I shared with you that he said he had been cleaning the lint trap. He was home last weekend and brought his laundry. Don't think he had done his laundry since I cleaned the lint trap. The latest problem is they have mice and used some sort of killer they eat, problem is they disappeared and guess what, house stinks now.

OK Girls! I was doing just great...hanging out on the website for the first time in almost a month...then started reading all these stories and started thinking about my little boy who also grew up overnight when he went away to college 2 months ago! Proud and Devastated at the same time. He was doing so well...without ME! Anyway, now I am crying hysterically in my wine, ready to jump in my car and drive 8 hours to make sure he still needs me. Instead...note to self- call Doctor in Monday...increase miligrams on Paxil!

Puma1. I know what you mean accept mine is only two hours away. My daughter called everyday when she was in college but don't hear often from son. If I am lucky, once a week. Everyone suggested text and that seems to be working well. The really sad thing is that being a baseball player, we won't even get to see them much in the summer because of summer ball, however, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything for him. He is the happiest I have ever seen him and that makes me happy. We will survive though, right?????

Oh Puma - don't resort to meds! Just come and visit here and share your heart... works wonders!

That first year is tough. It's difficult not knowing what's going on with them and how they're doing. The old addage though, no news is good news is typically true. If they're unhappy or need something, they'll call! Otherwise, they're usually busy and crazily happy with their new environment forgetting to make time for mom and dad!

quote:

Oh Puma - don't resort to meds! Just come and visit here and share your heart... works wonders!

I second that!
This place can do wonders to pick up your spirits and mood!
Therapy for FREE!! ha! Can't beat that!!

P.S. Lafmom,..I was just teasin' ya in another forum about soil in glass jars,..you made me laugh ( not at you,..WITH you!! ) sooo hard!!!
But seriously,..wouldn't that make a fun conversation piece! I mean some people ( God rest their souls ) put urns of loved ones on the mantel,...why not glass jars of soil, with like a brass label on it depicting place and date??? Our friends already know how nutty we all are about baseball,..why not solidify any doubt in their minds? ha ha!! I think it would be cute & funny at the same time!!
Hugggzzzzz!!!!

That's all I was gonna post, but......

With the subject of medication on the table here, and the continual raging debate on "testing" in Texas, my mind wandered over to the necessity of a testing program here in the ladies forum.

That's a little trickier test for the girls than the boys, ain't it?

SSMom - Wouldn't that be a funny gift! Brass plate and all! Actually, I may just do that one day for my son!!! It would be a way to make fun of myself and he would think it hilarious!!

FO -

I keep forgetting to check the ladies forum! Am glad I stopped by here tonight. Hilarious stories mixed with poignant reminders of what I face in less than 2 years. Our family checked out an out-of-town college last weekend and son stayed with family friend's son who is a junior and shares a house with 3 other guys. It was sooooo interesting to see everything firsthand. The grass was by far the highest on the block and there were dirty dishes everywhere, but the guys were having a blast relaxing on 2 junky sofas watching their big-screen TV. Friend's son spoke to us about plans for an internship in another state and I teasingly asked him, "Are you sure you don't want to live at home this summer?" He responded, "It's great to go back home for 4 or 5 days, but after that my mom and dad start getting on my back." I immediately told son, "Close your ears and don't listen to another thing he says!" I'm sure son will be thinking the same thing soon -- if he doesn't already!

Great stories!

Last year my son and his room mate came up with what they considered an ingenious idea...they used the empty box from the newly bought dorm refrigerator as their trash can.
He commented that it was a two man job to empty it but they only had to take out the trash once every six weeks or so.
He was quite proud.

It warms a mother's heart

Oh Bluesky....now THAT is funny!

quote:

Originally posted by Infield08:
Friend's son spoke to us about plans for an internship in another state and I teasingly asked him, "Are you sure you don't want to live at home this summer?" He responded, "It's great to go back home for 4 or 5 days, but after that my mom and dad start getting on my back."

Oh heck, were you talking to MY son??? That sure sounds like him! (Oh wait, no, he is still living in a dorm....I think......)

My son called me today, guess what, he lost his cell phone (my daughter was there visiting so he used hers). Called it, the battery is dead. I thought, no big deal, hardly ever calls me anyway so I will make him sweat it out without one. Coach calls our house today trying to get ahold of him. Oooops. Maybe he should check his lint trap or the toilet (he already flushed one). I am going to buy him one of those things that hold your glasses on and attach it to his cell phone. I am not sure I am going to survive this.

I have to admit that this is my favorite forum to read ... don't post much in here though (I'm trespassing now)...

We cheated. Junior has been with the same girl since his soph year of HS .. and they went off to college together. We have a built in "spy" and "den mother" who lets us know if we're really needed. Other than that, we just write the checks and pay the bills.

One of my more "favorite" stories about my son living in his apartment at college....

Last year during a particularly intense heat wave, son caved in after a particularly restless night due to the temps, and drove to Walmart at 2 a.m. to purchase an airconditioner for his room.

He called the next day to "warn" me about the charge that will show up on my credit card, and then said "I can't figure out WHY my carpet in my bedroom is SOAKING wet?" After discussing it for a few minutes, I couldn't come up with ANY idea as to WHY.

Discussion then returns to the airconditioner, and I ask "So, are you SURE you have it installed SECURELY in the window, because I don't want it slipping and dropping to the ground and possibly KILLING someone!?!?"

Son "What? What are you talking about? It's sitting here on the FLOOR of my room!"

DUH....reason for soaked carpet JUST answered!

That is great.

quote:

Other than that, we just write the checks and pay the bills.

Something all we college parents have in common H!!!

I have to post this. I just got my first e-mail from my son. Right in the middle of class. It said "Lost my wallet. Call me as soon as you get this message". While we had to cancle everything immediately I did find humor in the fact that I needed to call him "as soon as I got the message"