Moral Support

I spend time talking to my son. Let's meet in the chat room tonight and visit some more. I'll go there now.

Prayer!

I've found over the years that it's the one thing that makes me feel better and lets me get some sleep when I'm worried sick about one of our sons.

Over the years they've been through tons of slumps, bad seasons, injuries, surgeries, etc. Experience has taught me that everything always works out for the best, but I still have a hard time remembering it sometimes.

The only way I can calm my fears late at night after a bad game is to turn everything over to God, who cares about them even more than I do, and let Him deal with it.

It gets better, I promise!
I will never forget one night my son had a real bad outing as a freshman, that night he called us, wanting to come home. Things had gone from bad to worse over a few weeks. We had witnessed his performance on TV, so we knew what was coming , but he sounded lower than we expected. We listened, we ached for him. Lucky for him he has a great pitching coach who went to find him, they had something to eat, the next day they reviewed film, went over some things he did wrong and by the following day he was back to his old self. The following week, he had a great game, all was forgotten.
I wish I could tell you that he never had "down" days after that, he did, but he didn't sound so low as he did that night. As he began to mature and realize what he needed to change to find success, those phone calls became less and less.
You can't physically be there with your son, whether he is 1 hour away, 3 hours away or 12. No one said it's easy for a college baseball player or for his parents . First year is the hardest, pitchers forget how to pitch, hitters forget how to hit, big adjustments. For all college athletes. We want to be there with them to help them through it all.
Fortunetly, those calls don't come often anymore and when they do, he knows at this point what he did wrong, no sympathy, and the game is over and on to the next.
Just be supportive, listen and tell him you love and miss him. That seems to help ease the blues.
If he is really struggling, tell him to go speak with his coach. If he is not feeling well, make sure he sees the doctor.

MaBBMom......I too am from North of Boston....hope it's not getting too cold too soon up there!

Know what you are feeling and most of we moms have been through it too......and bottom line.....there is not much you can do. We just stayed positive with our son during his phone calls....no matter how down he was.....we just tried to find the good.....son's freshman year was tough too....to include a fractured wrist....and he is 2,700 miles away......now between you and me.....after I hung up the phone...I did just what you are doing.....worry, stress, concern....it's normal....we are after all mothers.....it comes with the job.

They do mature.....and it will get better......and as one other poster said.....Prayer! Don't know how much it helped my son.....but it was good for me.....hang in there.....you are not alone......

MaBBMom - I'm sorry to hear you had such a tough evening. Like has been said, it's very normal for us to worry about kids when they are facing and struggling with new challenges. Also, as has been said, I think it gets better.

Not only do I agree with TXMom that prayer is helpful to my soul, I think it can help our boys. I did remind my son last year during a trying period that he should also reflect and remember to say his prayers. I don't know if he's continued or not... I hope so.... but I believe highly in the power of prayer!

Thanks for sharing your feelings here because I can assure you there's another parent out there who's feeling the same worries and stress as you. You've just made her feel better as she's reminded she's not alone neither!

Keep us posted on your son's progress.

Good Morning Ladies,

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.....I am counting the minutes until it is late enough for me to call him without risk of waking him up! You have all given me great advice. LadyNmom...it is difficult enough for me being only 40 miles from him, I really feel for you being so far from your son! And right now we have been having a glorious fall, with temps still in the 60's

Diamond Darling....thank you for your support and sorry that I did not meet in the chat room, I had signed off right after posting last night!

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, I knew I wouldn't be alone in my feelings and it really helps to hear about others situations. I am hoping that he gets some guidance and support from the coach. Part of my concern stems from the fact that both the head coach and the assistant that recruited him are no longer with the program! This is a brand new coach, and he doesn't even have steady assistants yet. Not the best situation for a freshman, especially since he had developed a very nice rapport with the previous assistant. He handled the change very maturely though and has not regretted his decision. He chose the school more for the academic reputation than for baseball and I applauded his decision.

So thank you all once again, and I will keep you posted!

Ann

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Part of my concern stems from the fact that both the head coach and the assistant that recruited him are no longer with the program!

Mabbmom...I understand the concern COMPLETELY! Been there, done that too...and your concerns are valid. You just have to count on the fact that your son has the talent and the ability to contribute to the team, as witnessed by the prior coaches, and the new coaches will recognize the same attributes in your son. Altho, it is a legitimate concern you have....I think ALL parents of freshmen (regardless of the coaching situation) worry about the well-being of their sons and how they will fit into the team dynamic, new coach or old coach. Your son, like mine did (and still DOES), has to basically try-out all over again for the new coaches and prove to them that he belongs on that team. Yes, more stress .

The good news? LOL. Might as well get used to the stress because if it isn't one thing (new coaches), it is another (bad performances, injuries, getting sick, grades, girlfriends etc.) that has to be dealt with....and that stress is shared by ALL of us moms. So you came to a good place with your concerns!

I think you got some pretty good advice from the above posters. I particularly like TXmom's

"Over the years they've been through tons of slumps, bad seasons, injuries, surgeries, etc. Experience has taught me that everything always works out for the best, but I still have a hard time remembering it sometimes."

What I have "learned" is that sometimes MY definition of "everything working out for the best" isn't necessarily the same definition that God is using! And like many have suggested above, after waaaaay too much time "stressing" about things I can't control, I am FINALLY "starting" to realize I have to relinquish it all to a higher authority.

Let us know how it goes. I'm sure this is probably just a momentary "blip" in your son's college career, and by tomorrow he'll be on the mend. The one thing that I can actually DO when I am feeling stressed re: my college kids....I BAKE for them...they KNOW that I am stressed when they receive containers of chocolate chip cookies, rice krispie treats, brownies, etc. I don't know, it just makes me feel better to actually be DOING something for them when I know that the situation is actually all out of my control. Needless to say, my college son and daughter have received LOTS of "Goodie Packages" from mom .

"I BAKE for them...they KNOW that I am stressed when they receive containers of chocolate chip cookies, rice krispie treats, brownies, etc. "

That's a GREAT idea, and one that is right up my alley! However, this would require my son to actually locate his mailbox.....which he has yet to do!

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it is difficult enough for me being only 40 miles from him,

Sounds like a special "MOM" delivery might be needed!

Good news update! Just spoke with son and he is feeling much better. Apparently after speaking with his Dad he proceeded to vomit out the window of the bus ....can only imagine that scene! But afterward he felt much better. Got to his room and slept 11 hours! His bad outing was not as bad as it seemed immediately after the game. The coaches said he pitched well just had some bad luck. It's also tough for him because he is used to also playing OF and being in the line up. Because of his hamstring injury they are waiting till spring to see if they will use him when he's not pitching. So, needless to say it is hard for him to sit through 2 1/2 games without being able to play...especially feeling like he let the team down on the mound.

BUT, he sounds like his old self today. AND we are making arrangements to be able to see him play next weekend

Thanks again for all the advice and support, it really helps!

Ann

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Good news update! Just spoke with son and he is feeling much better. Apparently after speaking with his Dad he proceeded to vomit out the window of the bus ....can only imagine that scene!

Oh My!

Glad to hear he is feeling better about things today. Welcome to the rollercoaster ride Mabbmom!

My son had a tough time last year at college, didn't pitch well, broke a bone in his foot, and sat a lot. After winning the batting title at HS never got to bat in college. However, we talked a lot and focussed on the good times he had, friends, grades and how well he had done in HS and summer. We kept reminding him that he is a good player and things would get better. Freshman years are very hard but things do change and every day is different!

MaBBMom- Glad to hear he's feeling better today! I think things often are not as bad as we originally thought.... just takes some time to reflect and put things in perspective! He has a long way to go in his baseball career.

A certain wise poster here (who can remain nameless unless she wants to take credit for this advice) last spring told me, when I was expressing my worries about my son in the middle of a tough series of outings, that at this point the kids start turning to each other for their comfort and advice, and don't really expect their parents to be their primary support any more. I think that really helped me to relax a bit--realizing the truth that we are no longer primarily responsible for them and that we probably don't need to do much except tell them how proud we are of them and let them know we're around if they need us. It is really hard for me not to call when I'm worried, but I have come to realize that I need to back off because if they hear the worry in my voice, or the frequency of my calls, it just makes them worry where maybe they wouldn't have before. Come to think of it, MORE than one wise poster has said this to me. Some people take a while before learning their lessons, sigh!

The baking cookies did seem to be appreciated. My S sometimes calls with requests for one of our several cookie/brownie specialties, always saying "Mom, X(name of other student) would really like some of your Y cookies". Hmmmm.....WHO is it who really wants some of those Y cookies? Anyway, I'm always glad to oblige!

And it's funny--just when I get absorbed in my own life, is when I seem to get the calls asking for this or that! Reverse psychology, I guess...

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It is really hard for me not to call when I'm worried, but I have come to realize that I need to back off because if they hear the worry in my voice, or the frequency of my calls, it just makes them worry where maybe they wouldn't have before.

Bordeux....that is so true! I have come to realize that my husband is MUCH better at "talking" with our son if there is any sort of "baseball issue"......he has an uncanny knack of not sounding "worried" when discussing situations, whereas my son always perceives me as being worried which sometimes makes the situation worse. And you know what...he's RIGHT, I "AM" the worrier!

Bordeaux,
Very good advice.
There comes a time when our players need to turn to their teammates and coaches for advice and some only want to give us "reports" and only hear that we are in full support of them and how proud we are of them. This may not be true for everyone, but we found that by letting him "let go" he was able to only worry about what he had to do (in everything not just on the field) and not what we thought. I have learned, the more they try to please everyone around them, the harder it is for them to mature. It's very hard, whether your son is far away or close by. But think about it, they have academic and athletic advisors, they have pitching and hitting coaches, some have tutors, they have girlfriends and older players for support. I am as guilty as eveyone else trying to drag answers out of him at times, and I know he doen't like it.

I also found that daughter has a tendancy to call home more frequently than her brother.

I think the sooner we realize what you have said, the easier the transition is for them and us. JMO.

Lots of great advice and words of wisdom here! I appreciate it all. I'm sure time and experience will ease some of my concerns. What made the other day so difficult was the fact that my son even voiced his feelings. He has always been the "strong, silent" type, very stoic, etc.. I knew he really had to be hurting to even express his state of mind to me. I believe this is a good thing though and I am glad that he was able to express himself, but at the time all I wanted was to wrap my arms around him and HUG!!! Not that he is big on hugs either..lol.
Now the plan is to start baking some big ole brownies and cookies to bring when we go to his game on Sat

One more piece of advice MaBBMom..... remember that there WILL be highs and there WILL be lows. My son has had a very good fall so far and has pitched very well. I know though realistically that he'll have a bad day eventually. I call him tonight "how did you pitch?". "Like a little girl!!!" Aw oh!!! Time to change the subject and make the call short! I don't freak out any more when there's a bad one because I know it's going to happen and I know he'll feel better tomorrow. I also know he'll use it to motivate himself the next mound appearance!

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I call him tonight "how did you pitch?". "Like a little girl!!!"

Lafmom...did he REALLY say that?!?!? That is just too funny!

All in all,..we're just moms, and these heart strings of ours are ferocious! I swear we need an BBMOAA ( baseball moms of America annonymous ) chapter in every town. That way we could all come together and sit in someones kitchen and bake like maniacs,..ventings,..sharing, ( munching ) laughing, and crying.

For now we have the HSBBW Ladies Forum,..and for that I am greatful. But if anyone starts a BBMOAA club in their town,... let me know,....I'll be on the first plane into town!!

Hugzzzzzz to all the fellow mom's!!

This motherhood rollercoaster is a lifetime ride,...hold on tight!!! Bumps ahead followed by shear joy and amazement, guaranteed!!!!

Brownie anyone?

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Lafmom...did he REALLY say that?!?!? That is just too funny!

Luvbb - Not only did he say it, he said it with the utmost sincerity! Hopefully, today he's feeling slightly more masculine though!

Edit: I talked to the little girl and he does feel much better! I thought he would!

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Edit: I talked to the little girl and he does feel much better! I thought he would!

Okay, I've been reading this thread and not posting, taking comfort from the words of advice. Wanted to let you ladies know how much it helps to have "sisters" out there.

My college-age son had a rough start....first time away from home (4 hour drive), death of his grandma the first week of school, got strep throat the second week and couldn't drive (2 hours) to the funeral... they were REALLY close, missed several baseball workouts and two days of class with a 102 fever, felt like cr.p, fell behind in his classes, couldn't keep up in workouts because he really wasn't ready to be back, didn't eat for 3 days because he had no idea how to get food when you have chills and can't leave your room, didn't even know anyone well enough to ask for help, lost 15 pounds, lost a $150 textbook, lost his confidence and performed poorly when he took the mound....

Get the picture?

Happily, things have turned around. Remember the saying, "This, too, shall pass?" He's back on his game, but says he's "behind the curve" in both school and baseball, trying to catch up. It was SO HARD offering support over the phone (long distance) when we really had no idea how bad things were. He kept a lot of things about his health from us because he knew we had a lot on our plate with my mom's death. He's his own worst critic, such a perfectionist! It doesn't help that his baseball situation is so competitive with everyone fighting for a spot on the roster. What a time to get sick!

Things have a way of working out. I'm just glad to hear the positive tone in his voice again. Can't wait for Fall Series and a chance to see for myself how he's doing. Everything he's been through has made him stronger. I'm watching him grow up right before my eyes!

Thanks for listening, ladies!

KCBaseball, sorry to hear your son is not feeling well and the loss of your mom. That must have been devistating for him not being able to come to the services. I am thinking of you and your family and things can only get better.

Wonderful thread! It really does help, I think, to have moral support from other moms (dads, too) who have seen their son adjust to college and college baseball, survive, and eventually thrive.

Mine is a college junior and we didn't even realize how homesick he was at the start of freshman year. (He didn't tell us, but did tell his girlfriend, who told me much later - he sometimes wished he could come home, but of course he stuck it out.) Now he loves his college and his team, and does think of school as "home" for much of the year.

Most of the college parents here also can tell you that freshman year can be a big adjustment on the field. Do not worry (easier said than done) if your son does not make an impact freshman year, or doesn't even get much playing time. It usually does get better in sophomore year, though some of us are still waiting for junior year to be the breakout year (yours truly included)!

Whatever happens, the ups and downs, the joys and struggles - it's all good. Our son's college baseball experience has been very different from what we hoped or imagined for him, but it has been amazing to watch him mature through the difficulties, and become tougher and more determined. However it plays out on the field the next couple of years, the maturity and toughness will always be his to keep.

Best to all,

Julie

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Our son's college baseball experience has been very different from what we hoped or imagined for him, but it has been amazing to watch him mature through the difficulties, and become tougher and more determined.

Add me to that "not as expected" club MN-mom! And I second the notion that it has indeed been amazing and comforting watching our sons mature thru the difficulties...which will serve them well throughout their adult lives.

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My college-age son had a rough start....

To say the least KCMom! Here's hoping things continue on the upswing for your son!!

Update on my son's rough start posted above...

He got to pitch yesterday in game 2 of the Fall World Series. He really is back on track. Ended up getting the win in a game that went to 10 innings. Pitched 2 innings with one hit, no runs, no walks and one K. He's feeling so much better about things and we're very happy for him.

A reminder to all...
Don't let the highs be too high and don't let the lows be too low. Baseball is quite a roller coaster of emotions! I'm just glad he ended the fall on a good note.

Thanks for listening!

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Originally posted by KCBaseball:
Update on my son's rough start posted above...

A reminder to all...
Don't let the highs be too high and don't let the lows be too low.

Along with "Baseball is a marathon, not a sprint", this was my mantra last year! Thanks to my good friend hokieone, who probably doesn't venture to this forum!--for reminding me of it from time to time last year.

The scrutiny at the college level is so much more intense and the pressure sometimes seems unrelenting. I just remind myself that they are living a dream that very, very few kids have been able to do, and that along with the highs and the lows come a lifetime of memories; and that to get as far as they have, they clearly have the emotional strength and the moral support of their teammates and friends, to get through it all.

I like how ya said that Bordeaux!!!

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they are living a dream that very, very few kids have been able to do, and that along with the highs and the lows come a lifetime of memories; and that to get as far as they have, they clearly have the emotional strength and the moral support of their teammates and friends, to get through it all.

Good reminder and good words to remember!