Need Advice

quote:

Originally posted by Tiger Paw Mom:
OB you are right, you need all different types to have a successful team. Many coaches look for this is recruiting, who will be the quiet steady one, who will be the cheerleader, who will be the rock steady guy and who will add some spark by doing wild things to motivate. Lot goes into mixing personalities that will work toward a common goal.

A good reason why the distribution of the best talent. They are spread out. Starters are recruited, potential starters are recruited(carefully as these are the transfer types), role players are recruited.

The only reason I bring this up is because a coach should be extremely honest with a kid.

justaflmom - I think you've asked a very good question that is a fundamental issue in athletics.

First and foremeost, emotion is a very important part of any athletic endeavor. You'd better feel emotion or you're not competing. To me, your son's reaction is nothing to get too hyped up about. But it would be better if you talked with him about "positive" emotion.

However, I have to say I think your son's coach is a knucklehead...promoting such behavior as "caring."

I have never seen any of my sons' performance improve after throwing a bat, glove, helmet...or displaying negative emotion. It has always worsened in that particular game.

Add onto that I have seen firsthand players who have hurt themselves (broken hand), hurt a teammate, embarrassed the heck out of themselves, brought their teammates down, been tossed from games, been suspended by their coach, elicited the ire of their opponents (CRYBABY!), etc..., etc...

Yes, major leaguers do it...but when was the last time you watched one on TV do it and thought to yourself, "Wow, he really cares...I think I like him. I hope my son behaves like that and I think I'll root for that helmet-throwing MLBer from here on out?" Probably never.

Your son did what all of our sons have done. One time. No big deal. A pattern (as opposed to an 'incident') of negative emotion would be a problem and IMO quite honestly, a coach who encourages it is a big problem.

IMHO you are not the only one that has equivocation about how to deal with outburst of emotion based upon frustration.

This is a difficult subject in that we all want our sons to act like perfect gentlemen at all times...this is a fallacy that IMO has produced over prescribing of drugs eg,. Ridalin...for boys that act like boys.

Whereas it is not the best behavior for our sons to ever display over-agressiveness except in properly supervived sports activities like football, etc, and we should take the time to properly instruct them what is appropriate behavior, none-the-less, it is not good for young boys to continually suppress their emotions.

Our sons each has his own personality and you learn to deal with character issues, rather than personality traits. For me, as long as your son did not jeopardize anyone else in the dugout, a display of frustration is a human trait and should be accepted for what it is.

We made such an issue of any outward emotional display that our son and he compensated by developing a sanquine expression. He told us he has coaches complain that our son is way to stoic. They think he doesn't care whether the team is winning or losing...his expression is devoid of any expression.

IMO it results in misinterpretation of personality traits and because of it your sons' could end up doing BT instead of playing.

My advice, your son has to know what kind of coach he is dealing with...the rah rah type, or the cerebral type. Both can be very effective, but your son must respond appropritely in the environment he finds himself dealing with. JMO

My son threw a helmet when he was 14. This was not an uncontrollable action by an unstable child but a calculated outburst to visually convey his feelings to those around him. Good thing there was a fence between the stands and the playing field to hold me back. I immediately made my point to him about throwing a temper tantrum. I told him I would not accept this type of behavior and would not tolerate it ---- PERIOD! What would I have done if it continued? (He and I both knew it would stop because I was the parent and he was the child) ---- BUT if it did, I would not allow him to play baseball. While healthy human beings cannot control their FEELINGS, they can control their EXPRESSIONS of those feelings. I know there are few times in our lives that we all can be overwhelmed by our emotions. However losing a game, striking out, or giving up a base hit is not one of those events that warrants being overwhelmed. A high school football player in our community “accidentally” killed himself by running headfirst into a brick wall on the way to the locker room after a Friday night loss. Did he really want to kill himself or did he want to show everyone his emotional commitment?

I’m not a doctor but it is common knowledge that there are people that cannot control their emotions. We refer to these people as being emotional unstable or classify them as having emotional problems. It is not uncommon for these people to be hospitalized or incarcerated because of their inability to control their actions. Players we're talking about here are doing these things because they are "allowed" to do these things and will continue to do these things because there are minimal consequences or no consequences at all. I think these outburst lead to an unhealthy learned response to what is just a failure which is just part of baseball. Maybe baseball players should pull up (down)their uniform and show their bra (jock strap)like Brandi Chastain if they hit a home run or throw a no hitter-------- by the way she had planned to do this long before it happened.
Fungo

My son threw his batting helmet into the dugout a couple of summers ago. Big mistake. The helmet bounced and accidentally hit a huge teammate from the "barrio." F-bombs started flying at my son. Son has never had an emotional outburst like that since!

This SEC RHP/DH struck out and tossed his bat against the home plate screen, the bat flew back and hit him in the hand breaking it. Dont think he ever tossed his bat again.

Had seen at the MLB level, the water cooler, extremely beat up. Likley from beatings with a bat. Some MLB teams have installed kick boxing bags, they take beatings much better than water coolers.

Fungo, Your son has never thrown any thing since?

This thread reminded me of a HS game my son pitched in. The other team had not lost a game all season and we were in the championship game. We were winning and the other team was frustrated. They had subed in players and eventually their catcher who was a hot head blew up. He was tossed by the UMP. The unfortunate thing was they had no more players to sub in. They lost their 1st game of the year because this guy was upset about a called strike. Thsi guy later went on to deck a referee in a HS hockey game and be banned from HS sports.
This guy had a lot of talent and went on to play D1 BB I believe at Wake Forest. I couldn't believe his behavior wouldn't be an issue.

In a hockey game a player blew his fuse and jabbed his stick at the goal judge who was behind a screened in area. Stick went through and got the guy in the throad and nearly killed him . He was charged and convicted of aggravated assault.

A guy in a Basket ball games puched the wall and broke his hand. He was a pitcher at Arkansas L R. He broke it just before he went to college.

I could go on for hours with stories of guys doing things while blowing up.

quote:

Fungo, Your son has never thrown any thing since?

I wouldn't bet on it but it's been ten years since the helment throwing incident and I have never seen him throw anything since.
Fungo

I was not very impressed when I started reading Coach May's post toward the beginning of this thread, but he finished it well and I can't disagree with the overall approach.

However, I don't like seeing kids who are naturally quiet branded as "not caring". Different kids have different personalities and I've seen some very vocal types who really didn't care but were good at snowing the coach and I've seen quiet types who cared more than anyone else.

quote:

Originally posted by Coach May:
Let me just say this. I get very upset when I see a kid throw a bat or helmet. BUT!!! I get even more upset when I see a kid that never shows any emotion regardless of the situation. He K's No big deal. I will just go back to the dugout and chill. JMHO

Coach, maybe I am not understanding you. But, if this is to be taken literally, it is very fortunate our son didn't play for you.
During the time he played high school/college and minor leagues, teammates called our son "stoneface." But no coach, teammate or opponent questioned his intensity, effort or desire to compete and succeed. Some said his lack of emotion conveyed a sense of confidence that was contagious to teammates. Others said his silence in the face of whatever the opponent, was reassuring.
The only time I really asked him about it, he responded by saying something to the effect that in baseball, you cannot be preparing for what comes next when you are fuming or screaming about what happened last.
The fact a player K's without a display of emotion does not mean they have none, especially if that player goes 4-4 and is exactly the same. In my view, emotional outbursts leading to throwing helmets and the like don't accomplish much and prove less.

quote:

Originally posted by infielddad:

quote:

Originally posted by Coach May:
Let me just say this. I get very upset when I see a kid throw a bat or helmet. BUT!!! I get even more upset when I see a kid that never shows any emotion regardless of the situation. He K's No big deal. I will just go back to the dugout and chill. JMHO

In my view, emotional outbursts leading to throwing helmets and the like don't accomplish much and prove less.

I used to motivate my players by saying; see what you did to that player, you beat him and he is throwing his (bat or helmet)!

Same goes for a pitcher on the mound, I tell my kids don't show emotion as your opponent will gain confidence against you!

I think , now this is just my opinion ok , that your reading way too much into this. I do not condone throwing anything or acting like a cry baby on the baseball field or anywhere for that matter. You put in quotes part of my post. If your going to do that put in the whole post so the whole story can be told.

If a kid has never done this before. He has always acted properly on the field before. And one time he does this "Its not he end of the world". Its not an indictment on the kid and the type of player he is. I would handle it just like I posted. The whole post OK and not just one line of it. Now if a player was warned and acted like this and does it again then thats another story.

These are kids. This is the HS baseballweb right? They are not perfect. They are not robots. They are going to do things they should not do then its your job to teach them why they shouldnt etc. I dont believe that one incident doing something that they have never done before is the "tip of the iceberg" and they are terrible kids etc etc.

If you want your kid to play for someone that has no flexibility and can not relate to the fact they are going to make mistakes then fine. Im glad I dont have parents like that. But the next time you use one of my post to bash me , put the whole post up. That reminds me of the news media too much for my liking.

Ive coached for over 25 years. Ive had my share of quiet warriors. I know there are kids that never show emotion that burn inside with a desire to beat your butt. And I also know kids that live on the edge emotionally and they battle to keep that from showing. And I also know they are human. And humans make mistakes. It does not mean they are bad kids. And it does not mean they can not learn from it.

Great posts everybody.

You can Coach my kid anytime Coach May.

I understood your post.

My son shows very little emotion, one way are another.

While batting, if he pops up he runs it out.
If he K's jogs to the Dugout and puts his bat up a his helmit in the rack.
On the mound, Same emotion.
Weather a hit or a K.

I never let any kid throw a tantrum without punishment.

Run, And Run, And Run somemore.
And then comeback and ask me what you did wrong.

Well what you did wrong??
Was not having Respect for the Game.
EH