Parental involvement: Key ingredient in making a good player?

Remember "The Rookie"... not much support or knowledge there.

Excellent movie though and even better when my son and I met Jim Morris & Cal Ripken at a Little League baseball game in Washington, DC and got his autograph. We also had the opportunity to talk with him for a couple of minutes. He was very kind and personable.

Micdsguy,
I think you bring up a very good point. While genetics play a very important part in the “makeup” every individual, I agree with you that a player’s success relies heavily on the proper “dose” of parental support. Now, if you have both genetics and support, you greatly improve the odds of the player being special. We can’t do much about genetics and parental involvement can be a double edged sword...too little involvement and your son stands a greater risk of going astray... too much and you hinder his development. Throw in the variable of each player being very different and it turns into a real gamble. Bottom line there is no formula for success or no guarantees.
I look back at my son and his baseball through the past 16 years and I can’t help but think that baseball just happened to be his niche. My support would have been there had he decided somewhere along the way to be a chess player. When my son hangs up his cleats I’ll be there to help him put them on the hook.
I have to keep reminding myself that success on the diamond should never be a measuring stick used to determine the worth of a son. This past week-end I went by my son’s apartment at 8:00 AM before he left for his pre-game rituals, knowing I wouldn’t see him until after the game. As I walked out the door I said....”I hope you have a good game” and walked off. I thought about what I had just said and turned around and stuck my head back in the door and said...”But if you don’t, that’s OK too”.
Fungo

Fungo is correct. I think our kids deserve our support in whatever it is they choose to pursue. Any kid is going to be more successful if they have a parent supporting, financing, encouraging and offering guidance. We all like to know we have someone in our corner.

You do see kids succeed in life and baseball without the parents, but it's obviously a harder road to travel.

Genetics...my son was lucky enough to inherit his fathers 6'4" big but lankey frame.

Invovlement...my son lost his father when he was 18 months old.

I learned very early that I needed to not only be an involved parent but also educate myself about the game and how things work (politics and rec ball).

I remember taking my son to a travel team tryout when he was about 10 yo or so. Almost every kid that bothered to show up for the tryout had a Father that was a coach or an assistant coach. My son didnt make the team... and from the minute that we got out of the car it was very obvious that he wasnt going to.

I remember sitting on the bleachers listening to these men talk about their elite, star bound, draft prospect sons...can you imagine...these were 10 and 11 year olds in rec-ball! Needless to say most of these kids quit when they got to the HS level or never played beyond HS.

The more involved I got...even if it was volunteering to work the consession stand...the more attention they paid to my son. Eventually he made the travel team. I remember one day while selling raffle tickets with the league comissioners wife she told me that one kid was not chosen because his mom never showed up and that he was a "transportation problem" that none of the coaches wanted to take on. This kid was a good ball player that was also being raised by a single parent.

Having that said, I can also tell stories about kids who did not make teams because of their over-bearing, obnoxius, and unreasonable parents.

crollss,

That is a somewhat sad story (about your husband) but uplifting in that you did whatever was necessary for your son - I admire that. I have always hated the politics in baseball and your story unfortunately seems somewhat typical to me. For a single parent to overcome those things... that is an achievement in itself!

Cleveland Dad- Thanks!

That was just a short story about my first lesson regarding the importance of parental involvement.
I have also learned that as you progress up the baseball ladder and play at the higher levels, politics play less of a role. It all but disapperars when you start competeing at the national level...at least in my opinion.

The truth is that what started out as a sacrifice has turned out to be the best ride of my life. My son was somewhat of a late bloomer only partly because of the Daddy Ball situation early on. Over the last year we have traveled the country with college visits, tournaments, and showcases. He has worked really hard and some amazing things are happening for him right now.

During the 5 hour ride home after his last College visit, we had a conversation about his Dad. He said that even though he missed having his father that he recognizes that if he had a different life, things may not have turned out as they did. He couldnt afford to take things for granted, he plays and lives with such heart.

I am very proud of him.

crolls thats a great story. You are an awesome parent. I admire you for taking on the role that your husband was not there for. Im sure that you had to overcome so many obstacles along the way. I wish your son the best and you as well.

crollss,
Nice post and best of luck to your son.

As far as my own involvement I would have been whether my son's interest was in baseball, football, s****r or the marching band. To me as a parent, it was my responsibility to keep my kids on the right track, and extra curricular activities were most important, whether they had a future with their passion or not.

Involved parents tend to turn out successful players or whatever.

How about the other side of the coin? Have you seen many cases where a wonderful player has parents who have zero interest in baseball, never played catch, had to be begged to buy junior a glove, rarely attended games, etc.

Yeah, I know coaches hate to be bothered by overly-involved parents...those sitting behind the coach with their scorebook, $1500 radar gun and stream of comments. But what about parents who never come to games?

Parental involement makes for better kids --period.

As for better ball players -- who knows.

It really does not matter whether it is a father, mother, next door neighbor, or just a bunch of friend tossing that ball around, as long as someone is doing it.

Living in a neighborhood with a handful of kids his age that love to play ball will be just as effective as throwing with him yourself every night.

There are some awesome players who come from some very poor areas that no doubt do not hae the parental involvement most of us can give.

I applaud all the parents who are supportive and dedicated to their sons baseball efforts. But I personally believe it is his own desire (not to mention talent) more than anything else that will make him a good ball player.

Parental involvement is definitely a good thing.

We should remember that there are thousands of kids with good, involved parents who never made it even into high school baseball.

Then there are, as I heard Gene Keady say in an interview last week those 'helicopter parents', who are always hovering over their children and their children's activities.

Too much of a good thing.....can be too much.

Grateful, Helicoptor parents, that's a great line. BTW, Hats off to Gene Keady and a great career at Purdue. However, I will miss the hair and facial expressions in years to come.

Parental involvement is the key ingredient for making a good PERSON, baseball happens to be our passion. If anyone says I spend to much time with my kids I tell them they are wasting time talking to me when they should be spending it with thier kids. If there's one thing I find more irritating than overbearing parents are parents that rag about the others. How much, and at what level a parent spends with the kids is no ones business but thier own. It all shakes out in the end. Family is family, and how high on the food chain you place your kids is your business only.

crollss - Obviously you are not a coach. Your comment about "a transportation problem" IS a real concern in youth baseball. I won't even consider a child on my team that I could not count on being there. It is not fair to the other kids or the coaches that work for free. I understand what you are trying to say, but baseball is a team sport. I actually think it is horrible when coaches bend over backward for problem kids just because they have a good curveball..etc. These problem kids end up on academic probation, drop out of college or in trouble with the law. It is nice to have "rose colored glasses" but in the end, work with the kids that want to be there, show up and have parental support.

SAvannah

Are you saying that kids without "parental support" dont want to be there?

I recall in LL picking up and dropping off kids who "wanted " to be there--do you want to punish kids with desire to play because of their parents situations?

I played football from 4th grade until I graduated and was varsity co-captain 11th and 12th grade. I wrestled from 7th grade until I graduated and was captain my senior year. I played hockey from 5th grade until I graduated and played JUCO and I played tennis from 9th grade until I graduated.

In all of those years, my parents attended exactly ONE football game and ONE wrestling match. If not for understanding and helpful coaches and other players parents, I probably would have ended up in jail.

The kid that I was referring DID want to be there...in fact at 10 years old he used to ride his bike to the rec complex at least a few miles from his home. Someone always threw is bike in the back of their truck and took him home since it was usually dark when we finished up.

He wasnt a WOW player either. He was a decent ball player that should have made the travel team and didnt because of the lack of parental support. His mother is a decent person who was raising 3 boys by herself and working 2 jobs.

How can you say that a kid without parental support is automatically a "problem kid"? This same kid was a straight A student who received a full academic ride to Rider College-never in trouble with the law. His baseball career ended after HS.

Thank goodness that we have people who do care about those kids in our community and society - those that aren't fortunate enough to be able to have the parental support for whatever reason. I think this world is a better place because of the folks that don't see kids and problems like this as a blight on society or in their lives, but an opportunity to give back. There are kids that need help and support in all avenues of our lives. I've never viewed one of them as a "problem".

TRhit - I think there are alot of coaches that ending up transporting those kids as well as feeding them sometimes. A former coach of my sons ended up buying school clothes for a kid. You and people like you make the world a better place.

quote:

If not for understanding and helpful coaches and other players parents, I probably would have ended up in jail.

What are you saying about your parents?

We have met many parents who have helped others.

The best parents aren't just parents, they're usually the best people, too and willing to help those kids who deserve help as much as possible.

Hi Folks,

Parental involvement. What a grey area. I think all of us ask ourselves are we doing to much, or not enough all the time. At least I know I do.

A friend of mine's son, who is a fresh. at college this year is an example I keep in mind. The young man that I'm refering to is 6'6", 215 lbs., left handed, and in his junior yr in high school broke 90mph from the mound in a game. Both his junior and senior yr in high school led not only his team, but also his league in batting average, HR, and RBI's. The kid can flat out mash the baseball. No BS folks, the real deal.

Pro Scouts inviting him to private - one on one workouts etc. Well...the young man decides he would rather go to college (good choice IMO). He accepts an offer to a D1 school, the school is better known for its Football program..but still has an excellent baseball program. Many players from this program have gone on to the Major Leagues.

The young man gets to campus last fall.. getting ready to start fall practice.. and he decides that he doesn't want to play baseball. He went to his coach and told him of his decision, then called his parents and told them.

Think about this, I mean this kid walked away from the golden ticket. To end the story I talked with his Dad last week and the Son is getting the best grades that he ever has, and according to his Dad, the Son is as happy as the Dad has ever seen him.

What I have taken from my friends experience is...make sure that you don't make force your dream on your son or daughter, they have to choose their own dream.

quote:

What are you saying about your parents?

They had no interest in sports.

My point was that without coaches like TR to offer rides home or to wait sometimes long after practices for one of my parents to pick me up, I probably would have found other, less desirable things to occupy my time. I am very greatful to those coaches still.

I am now one of those parents that will go out of my way to help a kid get to practice or home after, regardless of his ability to play. If a kid wants to play and needs a ride, I'll help him.

Parental support comes in many ways. My Dad did not see me play baseball until I was in Pro ball, as he worked hard and could not get time off.He was interested in how I was doing in baseball, but the house payment was more important. Mom saw most of my games in high school and would then drive me home. During the week when we practiced, I would hitch hike home.

Today, at high school games there are many more parents there, and I often wonder if they work, and how they make their house payments.

quote:

Today, at high school games there are many more parents there, and I often wonder if they work, and how they make their house payments.

Me too. There are dads who never miss a game (or even practice) at 4:00 weekdays. And there are one or two who never attend games. Not many in between.

I'm more amazed by the parents who take a week off for our spring trip every year. Hard to tell whether they are highly supportive parents, compulsive baseball fans or just unemployed bums.

The Dad who cares makes his vacation/sick day schedule work with the sons baseball schedule. If you want to you can make it work--- I never missed a game --made my work schedule coincide --and had a boss who appreciated a dad who was baseball nut

It is a wonderful thing to have a team where almost all of the parents are supportive and present. I have picked jobs/employers that would allow me the flexibility to be there for my kids - whether it be baseball or a school play. As a nurse, I have had a lot of options that some folks don't have. We go to Florida every spring break and almost all of the parents go every year!

lafmom-
IMO nursing is the best profession for moms (and dads). I work per diem now but even when I was full time-it just worked. Because its still primarily a female profession, we moms look out for each other-switching shifts, coming in early, staying late, for a coworker so they can be where they need to be- with their kids.

Interesting thread. You would almost think that folks on this board measure a persons parenting skills by the number of baseball games they attend. Were it only that simple.

Yes, I just took a week off to go watch spring games. There were quite a few other parents there as well. There were also quite a few who were not present. I certainly do not proclaim to be a better parent simply because I was there this week.

If you are able to attend all, or even most of your childs games consider yourself quite fortunate. If you truly enjoy the time, consider yourself twice blessed.

But walk a mile in someones else's shoes before you consider the absent parent to be a lesser parent. You might just be surprised how supportive they are in other areas of their lives.

I know a woman who seldom attended any of her sons games, she found absolutely no enjoyment in the games of baseball. She was a wonderful, supportive, and kind mother, who just happend to not like baseball. Her son did not suffer for her absense, they spent a lot of quality time doing other things together.

Let us not be so quick to judge a parent for their absense at a ballgame.

AParent - I believe I understand what you're saying and agree with you to a certain point. Just because a parent isn't at a game is not a barometer that they don't care about their child or that they are not a good parent. There are many aspects of support as have been discussed previously i.e. transportation, financing, etc.

I do believe as parents though that our involvement and support is best demonstrated by our presence. I know both of my kids have always appreciated looking into the stands and seeing me - whether it be a play, a band concert (which is not my cup of tea, but I went to every one)or a baseball game. Kids want to share their passions with the ones that mean the most to them (usually a parent, sometimes a grandparent, sometimes.....). Obviously, not every parent is fortunate enough to be able to have work schedules or lives that permit this. But we all know the parents who support behind the scenes and the ones who just don't try. I think that is where most of the posters were going (I know I was).

I try not to ever judge anyone, but I do know that the kids that have parents or support present and the parents that are able to be present are considered very fortunate by me. It's a blessing to share in their lives - even if it's a band concert!!!

Interesting thread. I'm not a parent (and this is my first comment), but I think it's a balancing act. I recently heard an interesting argument regarding parental overinvolvement -- parents that coddle their kids, alway agree that they're being treated unfairly when they don't get PT, that kind of thing. The kids don't learn to take responsibility for their own shortcomings as a player, which can be especially harmful in the transition from high school to college. As is probably obvious, the ideal amount of involvment of the parents differs based on the player and the program...

Don't you guys/gals listen to Dr Laura??

Fortunately or unfortunately, I was the 'baseball influence' in my son's young life. Saying that, I know very little about the mechanics of the game from a tactical perspective (I can call balls and strikes from any place in the stands, however), so I have had to rely on caring men who knew the game and cared for others besides their son, who were willing to teach. Probably the first person who made a real difference in my son's baseball career was a Dad who I happened to meet while our flights were delayed (my son was about 11 years old). After figuring out that we lived close to each other and both loved baseball, he volunteered to include my son in his 'every Sunday' infield practice. While his son never played much past early high school, his caring and dedication gave my son the foundation he needed to develop the skills he still uses today. Thank goodness for Jeff G and the many other Dad's who have done so much for others.

Since then, I have tried (relatively unsuccessfully) NOT to push my son past the point of no return . You'd have to ask him if I have been successful or not...

I can easily explain why many parents can be at the games. It is all about their jobs.

My job is such that I can do what I need to do at just about any time. My work can be done at 5 in the morning or at midnite, it doesn't matter. As long as I get that 80 hours in every two weeks, and produce my product, they are happy with it. On the other hand, my hubby runs an automotive shop that is open 7-5 M-F. Those are the hours and he has to be there.

I am at every ball game. Hubby is at very few. Is hubby less supportive than I am? No. The reason I say this, is when the boys and I do get home, the laundry is handled, the dishes are handled, the yard is handled, and there is a good nutritious meal or snack waiting on us.

There are many levels of support, so don't assume if parents aren't they, they aren't supportive.

Having said that, I have taken many, many ball players home after practice and games, and all the cars were in the driveway and the family was home watching TV :-(

The good thing though, as long as I was driving somebody elses kid to a game or home, I could deduct that mileage on my income tax. :-)

You pick a good place. You prepare the soil. You put the seed in the ground. You water it and protect it. It starts to grow you nurture it and make sure that it gets the nutrients that it needs. As it gets bigger and stronger you start to realize it doesnt need you as much. But you still look after it and worry about it and make sure that if it needs pruning or fertilizer you are there to give it what it needs. When it is a mature tree you look back at it and marvel at the miracle. You then wake up one day and realize that you need it just as much as it needed you. No matter how big and strong it becomes you will be there to protect it in anyway you can. These are the kids that have parental involvement. Now the other trees are the ones that grow in the wild. They are at the chance of nature. There is no one there to make sure that it gets watered or pruned. There is no one there to protect it from disease or other dangers. These are the trees that I and many other coaches parents and friends must protect. It is our duty to them and the game. We owe it to those that do not have to make sure they do.

My 16 year old twin daughters are very good dancers and show waterskiers, they practice constantly, they dance and ski in many competitions and recitals. I would give my life for them. But I do not go to all the events that have an audience, I do not work out with them, I do not "lurk" at their practices like I did with my son and his baseball.

Aparent makes a great point.

quote:

Let us not be so quick to judge a parent for their absense at a ballgame.

My daughters "tongue in cheek" tell me constantly that I spent more time at my sons events than theirs. They then turn around and say if I ever bother them as much as I bothered him they will tell me to go home.

If they want me there I will be there either spectating or helping out. However, I will draw a line about wearing a tu-tu, or spandex in the waterski ballet line. We all enjoy our kids and their activities at a level that we as a family are comfortable with.

My wife and I have been involved in our two sons from day one. Helping them when they needed it, kicking them in the behind when they needed it. We have been to every single game, wife missed one last year (and was on the cellphone constantly). I really just enjoy being around my sons, I love them more than anything in the world and would do anything for them. I don't concern myself too much with other kids parents, some I see at every game, some I couldn't pick out of a crowd, some I have never seen. That is their business, I can only help and be involved in my sons lives. I don't judge other parents or expect to know the reasons why they don't come. But believe me when I say this, every kid no matter where he is playing, looks into the stands just once to see if his "support group" is there. It is very important to our son that we be there, maybe a security blanket type thing ,I don't know. But I will always be there for them. God I will miss them when they no longer need me, but I will always be there to "water those two trees". take care and have a great baseball year!