parents are coaches worst enemies

Coach,
Welcome to the site and congrats on your first post. Many of us here have many high school coaches as friends and we understand your feelings. I have observed first hand much of what you speak. Coaching in today's environment is very difficult and parents can be a big problem in the programs. I don't have the answers, but letting the feelings of coaches like yourself can't do anything but help.

My son has graduated, but takes with him the rest of his life the positive experience from his four years of nurturing by his high school coach, who by the way was not retained for many of the reasons in your post.

Coach, what you speak is true and plays out every season. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is separate yourself from your loved one and look at things objectively. Frankly some parents are better than others at doing this. All of us, as parents, are going to be biased to some extent.

Am I guilty of second guessing my son's coaches? Sure. However while my son was in high school I chose to bite my tongue and trust that the coach was doing what he thought was best for the team.

Things are more complicated when the team is not playing well. When a team is winning some players (and parents) seem to be more willing to accept roles.

But we've all dealt with this throughout baseball at all levels through high school. College baseball, on the other hand is a dictatorship. If your son is fortunate it is a benevolent dictatorship, but it's going to be the coach's way or the highway.

I remember keeping stats for my son's little league team. Believe me, we were very liberal when it came to awarding hits (basically put in play and it was a hit LOL). I'll never forget one of the parents coming up to me and arguing how there was no way his son wasn't batting .400 or something. He was a business man who was used to getting his way. Frankly, the man's son was not very good and his reaching base was a rarity.

I sympathize with the coaches who put up with this. Granted, there are times when parents are "in the right". But more often than not it's bitching and complaining because little Johnny is not playing as much as the parent believes.

"All coaches are coaching for the passion they have for the game and helping young people grow and to become better people."

"...the positive experience from his four years of nurturing by his high school coach..."

I selected these quotes from the previous posts for a reason. What about those so-called "coaches" who DO NOT fit your description? No longer motivated, blame every bad play or outcome on players (never on their poor judgement), rely on negativity and threats as means to motivate, never offer to help players with the recruitment process, and I could go on. How can we defend their approach or their actions?

My son completed his high school career last season and is now playing college baseball. He endured four years with a high school coach such as the above. Fortunately, the quality baseball athletes in the school district - yes, the players - were good enough over the years for the program to succeed - in spite of this coach. There was no pressure from the school administration to change his ways, so he just continued the negative approach unchecked. No real coaching or teaching of the game, no patience with inexperienced or younger players, no positive motivation, negative threats, demeaning and demoralizing verbiage - I could go on. There certainly was no "nurturing" taking place, no "positive influence" that comes from other coaches, no fond memories of playing for this individual. Thank goodness we live in a metropolitan area where we had access to trained and competent baseball instructors.

By no means do I intend to disparage the coaching profession - as most coaches DO HAVE a lasting and positive impact on our young men and women. I'm just pointing out that there are also "bad seed" coaches that impact a player in a negative way on and off the field -- and those coaches should be called out.

Mktgadman, While I respect your post, there is something that caught my attention. "These coaches should be called out", once again the administration are the one's qualified to reprimand a coach. The parents ABSOLUTELY should have no say so in a coaches style. For EXAMPLE, if I go to Wal Mart and the custodian is not cleaning the toilet the way my wife does do I call to speak with the manager? As every coach has a different style. While some kids need positive reinforcement some need a little butt chewing motivation. And I do agree with you on the fact there are better coaches that master these techniques. The reason I wrote this was because the fact is, Not one coach that I know of likes to sit a kid on the bench! I am sure that there are coaches that do not try to move high school prospects which is a true misfortune. As I have recommended to many parents from other programs to do in that situation is to try to contact college coaches yourself. Often you can have immediate responses from college coaches.

After reading these notes I can only say how I am so thankful for my son's HS coaches. My son is a junior this year. Everyone of his coaches work harder than any two of the boy's put together. I agree, “parents can be a major pain”, but sometimes coaches reap what they sow. In other words they set themselves up for these types of issues that can turn into problems.

Anytime a coach starts blaming the “parent” or the “kids” or “the times” and say oh well “kids are just different these days” for there problems. I have little if any pity. Problems with parents is not a new phenomenon. It’s been going on for decades.
Some coaches in the 70’s and 80’s said the same thing back then about the same things. It’s just an excuse for something we don’t like to discuss. Ourselves.

Usually kids that start going to there local high school usually have one or two parents. Most don’t show up as junior or seniors. They usually begin as freshman. The kids and the parents learn what is expected early on. They see how far they can push there own agenda. It sound familiar. My babies did that with my wife and I all the time. If the kids set the tone of the team and the parents have a huge say in that agenda then as time passes then guess what...the coach is scratch his head wondering how things got to such a state. Who is running the show?

The coaches at my son's HS in Middle TN established right off the ground rules and then they expect the kids and parents to obey them. In short, the ground rules state that if at anytime (we as parents) we don't like the rules then we can come pick our children up and we don’t have to come back. They mean what they say and everybody knows it. The kids reflect coaches. If they are scared, guess what? They play scared. If the coaches are negative with everyone, the kids will reflect the same thing and if the coaches make excuses then so will the kids. There rules make my life much more simple and that’s how I like it.

Coaches that don’t set clear rules or boundaries at the beginning of there career are starting out with two strikes against them and they are sowing a bad seed. Coaches that try to be buddies with parents usually are the ones that are let down the most. This is where the coach is setting himself up for frustration and disappointment. In my opinion, and I don’t care how old a coach is or how experienced a coach thinks he is, if he does not set clear boundaries between his coaching staff and the parents he will not build a very successful program for the long haul.

If the administration doesn’t have his back and supports his disciplinary actions then he needs to look for a school that will. That’s obviously a problem he can’t control.

I encourage the high school coaches out there to persevere, because they can be a tremendous influence on our young men. I want for my son what I had in HS, a coach that’s a leader and a mentor. Like I said earlier, I’m thankful for my son’s high school coaches, we are more than blessed because we have three good ones.

Only one problem with all said in TODAYS world..........which COACH.....are we talking about?
His HS Coach?
His Summer League Coach?
His Hitting Coach?
His Pitching Coach?
His Personal Trainer Coach?
I have players WHO have ALL the above, plus more, plus Parents who are spending the money are obviously emotionally tied to HOW GOOD THEIR SON IS!!
WHO is the player going to listen to???

MktgAdMan brings up some good points. There are different situations that need to be handled differently. While I generally agree with coaches, I also think coaches should not be immune from parental criticism. When my son was in senior in high school, I had to address an issue of pitching overuse I had with his coach. My bottom line...he would follow my request or I would remove my son from the team. He complied with my request after he threw a mini temper tantrum.
Great coaches get very little criticism because they are good! Poor coaches make a lot of mistakes and are targets for parental criticism. Generally speaking, coaches want to be immune and parents want to meddle. This seems to be human nature. If parents and coaches are mature adults, and a situation arises, then both will be able to find some middle ground and the situation never becomes a serious issue.
Fungo

I have been a traveling, competitive youth coach for over 12 years now. 8 of those years with my sons on my teams. I also coach the high school team in the off-seasons. I am hardpressed to remember a conflict or situation that became a distraction in those 12 years. I have had players with active parents, absent parents, white collar parents, blue collar parents and there has been one common theme among them. They all care more about their child than our team. And you know what...I don't blame them. That is their job. I have my job too. Sure I've heard criticisms either directly or behind my back from time to time, but while I might have taken some of them personally 12 years ago when I started, the fact is that I know who I am and what I know. I know that parents are emotional when it comes to their children and when a child fails many parents feel it's their failure. I've felt this myself with my kids and worked through it too. In the final analysis, I manage parents as well as players. I expect them to be emotional and I deal with it as an adult. I expect them to form opinions of me that may not be what I desire. Bottom line is that they've entrusted me with their kids for a significant period of their lives. If parents have you so discombulated that it makes you crazy, then instead of thinking of them as enemies, try and think of them as absolutely necessary to your teams success and take more time dealing with them up front in order to head off conflict before it starts. A lot of coaches feel huffy and say dangit I'm not here to baby sit parents. I say bring them in close to you. At least you can keep an eye on them and it's much better for your mental health!

HMS,
Great Post! I enjoyed it immensely.

Thanks...of course if a coach continues to have parent issues and really can't or won't deal with them, you could always continue looking for what some consider the dream coaching job.....

Head Baseball Coach....
Saint {insert name here} Orphanage.

Halfmoon, sorry to change change the subject, but how did you enjoy your trip to Tennessee last month?

Halfmoon:

Very classy post!

It made me reflect back on all the years I coached and I can only remember one time I had to deal with a parent. 16 years of coaching and one disagreement means when you get close to your players and there families, then few problems ever arise.

Its the coaches who are unapproachable and do not deal good with kids and parents who usally end up having a tuff time. Take time to learn and care about the players and it goes a long way to winning over the parents. They all just want a fair shake because they are helping there kids reach for a dream.

I had coaches who screamed and cussed, I also had coaches who were negative all the time, Then I had coaches who were tuff but fair and gave a pat on the back every once in a while. I always tried to be like the last group as a coach because they made the game fun to play.

Just my two cents!

Tenndad, Hiwassee yup I think when we all approach it from a "customer service" mindset, the relationship with parents is much better.

Bizz, thanks for asking...we had a ball! We went 2-4 mostly against some pretty good Ohio teams, but did pretty good for our being outside for the first time. We lost a close one to Rutledge. I'm not sure if they were full strenght, but we certainly were not. We caught a Carson Newman vs Tusculum game at CN and also got a chance to vist with Coach Achord and his guys before the game. They were super nice and my son was very impressed with him. A coach from Tusculum came to see us but didn't stay very long (not a good sign) I didn't catch his name as he introduced himself just as we were getting started. Some of the boys caught a UT game also, although I didn't go. Gerald Patterson needs to do something with those fields though. Boy were they ugly.

Halfmoonslider,
Good post, continued success.

Halfmoon,

Gerald has not been feeling well lately & I am sure that had something to do with the condition of the fields. Gerald had the facility For Sale last Summer.

Thanks web, I appreciate it. cbg, I knew Gerald had some heath issues a while back. He was looking better when we were down there. I did see the For Sale sign still up as well. Already pulling on our great government for my military pension, I thought to myself...hmmmmm when I saw the sign, but never got the chance to talk to Gerald about it. I could think of worse things to for an early retirement

Neither I nor Halfmoon Jr. has heard a thing from CN or Tusculum since we were there, so I have to assume they didn't have much interest in young Halfmoon. After seeing them play, I thought that was just right about his level, but then again, I'm a.....DAD! We are visiting another D-2 tomorrow...Upper Iowa University for a Junior Day and then off to the Perfect Game Spring league in Cedar Rapids for two doubleheaders. Can't get enough!!!

Every parent should read this:

A Parent's Hardest Job

David Emerling
Memphis, TN

Halfmoonslider,
Good post. As I read what you were talking about I began to scratch my head about letting parents who bash you get close to you. As most all parents have some type of relationship with their coach. I know everyone of my parent's pretty well and my point to this whole post was to acknowledge that parents are becoming more and more of a scene. The focus SHOULD be the kids that play this great game. When I attended the outrageously expensive state tourney in Memphis, I heard some parents from a team which I won't mention that was totally out of line, and it took the focus of accomplishment from the team and the coaching staff to some immature parents. The first solution to a problem is to acknowledge there is one. And I was talking to a good friend of mine who is a college coach the other day, his quote was,"No wonder everyone complains about a boss when they get a job, these kids have been brought up with bashing those who have authority." That is the truth and there is no denying. I love the profession and no parent could ever push me over the edge to act as childish as they might by taking it outside the fences. Thats the solution, parents vs. coaches royal rumble!!!! I am sure some coaches have a few thoughts going through there heads now,LOL! No but really i do understand your point, BUT you and I both know that we can't keep averyone happy(only 9 at one time can be happy). Everyone wants there child to be the best but sometimes there is someone that is just better, lets just face the fact!