How many of you parents have gone on an official visit with your son? And why?
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I did not go on any of them
Why?
It was my sons trip not mine--I wanted him to have a good 48 hours without Daddy bring there
As his AD said to me "Tom, what are you going to do when he is out at night with the team"?
My sons enjoyed all their trips with out me and all made great decisions for themselves. They obviously didnt need me there with them
Why?
It was my sons trip not mine--I wanted him to have a good 48 hours without Daddy bring there
As his AD said to me "Tom, what are you going to do when he is out at night with the team"?
My sons enjoyed all their trips with out me and all made great decisions for themselves. They obviously didnt need me there with them
We went with him. The coaches pretty heavily encouraged it in every case.
More than any other time it was a chance for us to have good, comprehensive conversations with the coaches in their own comfortable environment...different than our living room.
We did stay clear on the social part and also on a couple of the meals in order for the coaches to have their time with our son.
More than any other time it was a chance for us to have good, comprehensive conversations with the coaches in their own comfortable environment...different than our living room.
We did stay clear on the social part and also on a couple of the meals in order for the coaches to have their time with our son.
We went with our son on his visits. Of course he didn't NEED "daddy and mommy" there but this is a new venture for a young man and just as I ask for and respect his opinion in my endeavors, he wanted our opinion. Is this considered HIS visit? Sure it’s his visit but I think that is a moot point. Since the NCAA allows the reimbursement for the parent’s expense on official visits, I would think that indicates parents on visits are the norm. It was my experience that parental involvement is encouraged by the staff and the administration of the recruiting institutions. Of course the two main factors in this situation is one, whether or not the son wants the parents involved and two, who is paying the bills. 
Fungo
Fungo
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Went the TRhit route on all visits for the same reasons.
Was a call away for advice, but the plane trip, the distance, the time, and the space gave him a certain posessory interest in the decision that I don't think he would have felt had we gone.
That being said I think it really depends upon the player. And the school. And the coaches.
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Went the TRhit route on all visits for the same reasons.
Was a call away for advice, but the plane trip, the distance, the time, and the space gave him a certain posessory interest in the decision that I don't think he would have felt had we gone.
That being said I think it really depends upon the player. And the school. And the coaches.
.
44
I fully agree with you--it all depends on the kid and the family---what we did worked for us--for others it might not
And Fungo, our choice had nothing to do with our costs being reimbursed or not--I just felt my son was old enough to handle what had to be handled--after all he and his brother and friends went into NYC regularly by train for pro games--Rangers and Knicks----even to the Rangers Stanley Cup Title Game Victory.
I fully agree with you--it all depends on the kid and the family---what we did worked for us--for others it might not
And Fungo, our choice had nothing to do with our costs being reimbursed or not--I just felt my son was old enough to handle what had to be handled--after all he and his brother and friends went into NYC regularly by train for pro games--Rangers and Knicks----even to the Rangers Stanley Cup Title Game Victory.
quote:just as I ask for and respect his opinion in my endeavors, he wanted our opinion.
....a rare trait.
We went on his two recruiting trips because we were invited.
We went through this with 2 sons and we went on the official visits because we all felt (son included) that between all of us we asked a lot more questions and made a lot more observations. We left him alone for the social part (we were always put up in a hotel, while our son stayed with a team member -- we didn't see him at all in the evening). After the visit, we all compared notes, which made for a great discussion. Ultimately, the decision was theirs, but they valued our perspective.
I went along on the first one (well, somebody had to buy the beer ), and let him take the lead unless I was addressed directly by the coach. My son felt it was a decision for both of us. After our own discussions on that visit, he felt comfortable going on the next visits on his own, and I knew he knew what he was looking for, what questions to ask, and how to read the coaches' answers.
For us, this was a good balance of recognizing both of our roles in the process.
), and let him take the lead unless I was addressed directly by the coach. My son felt it was a decision for both of us. After our own discussions on that visit, he felt comfortable going on the next visits on his own, and I knew he knew what he was looking for, what questions to ask, and how to read the coaches' answers.For us, this was a good balance of recognizing both of our roles in the process.
Orlando,
I have water all over my monitor and keyboard (too late for beer).
You are too funny.
I have water all over my monitor and keyboard (too late for beer).
You are too funny.
orlando! Orlando! Orlando!
ROFLMAO!
ROFLMAO!
I went with my son for his trips during High School. Why? Because I was curious and maybe overly cautious and he was only 16. I haven't accompanied him on trips this year, JC, as he is 18 and it is his decision.
As far as costs are concerned, If you drive your son, all costs are covered. If you fly, parents are not reimbursed for their flight, but meals and logdging are covered
As far as costs are concerned, If you drive your son, all costs are covered. If you fly, parents are not reimbursed for their flight, but meals and logdging are covered
TOUCHE, Orlando!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 
Bullwinkle and Mrs Bullwinkle stayed home with the dog and cat..
We were invited, but Bullwinkle Jr wanted to go alone, we (the family)felt that this is his personal college choice and wanted him to make a decision.
He chose his school based on academics and baseball and location. He stated that after he got back from his travels that he felt "like he belonged" at UCI.
We were invited, but Bullwinkle Jr wanted to go alone, we (the family)felt that this is his personal college choice and wanted him to make a decision.
He chose his school based on academics and baseball and location. He stated that after he got back from his travels that he felt "like he belonged" at UCI.
I went on one visit, and he went on the other one. Both worked out great, and he made a great decision.
I went on all my son's visits. Other than an introduction, a little small talk, the rest was up to my son.
We have been over this many times before but I tend to lean towards TRhit and his philosophy. The only thing that I would do differently is take an unofficial vist to the top 2 choices with my son and I do understand that some people do not have that ability. What we do have the ability to do is tell the student/athlete to select a school that he plans to attend and graduate from. Do not allow the student/athlete to transfer when things don't go his way as you will not be teaching good life lessons. Being a student/athlete requires alot of hard work and most parents will need to dish out a little (sometimes alot) tough love along the way.
quote:Do not allow the student/athlete to transfer when things don't go his way as you will not be teaching good life lessons. Being a student/athlete requires alot of hard work and most parents will need to dish out a little (sometimes alot) tough love along the way.
HOGWASH!!!
pamom,
Not allowing the student/athlete to transfer is just my phylosophy. I was a student athlete (top 5/D1 school) and if my father had not dished out several doses of tough love I would have transfered a dozen times. I am glad he treated me the way that he did. He also told me that if I did transfer the bill would be mine (I was smart enough to know that debt was not a good thing at 18) and for me not to make any plans to move home. I ended up graduating from the school in which I started and I am glad that I did. Hey, it's just my opinion but all of us need to grow up and leave the nest at some point in our life. Some people accomplish this when they are 18 while others sponge off their families and others forever. I would rather my kids grow up early and contribute to society without feeling they need me as a crutch. If I can accomplish that I have been successful as a parent.
What most of these boys need (mine included) is 3 good years in the United States Marine Corps.
Not allowing the student/athlete to transfer is just my phylosophy. I was a student athlete (top 5/D1 school) and if my father had not dished out several doses of tough love I would have transfered a dozen times. I am glad he treated me the way that he did. He also told me that if I did transfer the bill would be mine (I was smart enough to know that debt was not a good thing at 18) and for me not to make any plans to move home. I ended up graduating from the school in which I started and I am glad that I did. Hey, it's just my opinion but all of us need to grow up and leave the nest at some point in our life. Some people accomplish this when they are 18 while others sponge off their families and others forever. I would rather my kids grow up early and contribute to society without feeling they need me as a crutch. If I can accomplish that I have been successful as a parent.
What most of these boys need (mine included) is 3 good years in the United States Marine Corps.
cbg ...
Methinks you generalize too much here.
Depending on what the situation is, some may feel things just aren't "going his way" when the student/athlete and his/her parents see it differently. If a student/athlete finds himself sitting for a year without benefit of red-shirting, and realizes that it isn't going to change the next year, you might perceive it only as things "not going his way". But for the player who really wants to be on the field and has worked hard, he should have the option of transferring is he chooses. Of course, he must understand the consequences of his decision and actions, but hopefully at that age, he is able to grasp it completely.
Perhaps the "tough love" could come in if this develops into a "pattern", but why should a parent restrict their son for something that may well have been through no fault of his own? What about the situation where the coaching staff changes completely ... something that happened to a private school in northern Cal back in 01/02 ... and the players from the last recruiting class of the previous regime are basically given the proverbial shaft buy the new staff? Should these players be expected to "tough it out" when they did nothing wrong, when their dreams were to be contributing players yet their dreams were dashed by external circumstances?
Trust me when I say that I am hardly a soft touch but I think there are many many valid reasons for a student athlete to transfer. After all, we all understand that there are a myriad of solutions to problems, not the least of which may just be to walk away from it. That is merely what some of these players are doing ... and they have every right to do so.
JMHO
Methinks you generalize too much here.
Depending on what the situation is, some may feel things just aren't "going his way" when the student/athlete and his/her parents see it differently. If a student/athlete finds himself sitting for a year without benefit of red-shirting, and realizes that it isn't going to change the next year, you might perceive it only as things "not going his way". But for the player who really wants to be on the field and has worked hard, he should have the option of transferring is he chooses. Of course, he must understand the consequences of his decision and actions, but hopefully at that age, he is able to grasp it completely.
Perhaps the "tough love" could come in if this develops into a "pattern", but why should a parent restrict their son for something that may well have been through no fault of his own? What about the situation where the coaching staff changes completely ... something that happened to a private school in northern Cal back in 01/02 ... and the players from the last recruiting class of the previous regime are basically given the proverbial shaft buy the new staff? Should these players be expected to "tough it out" when they did nothing wrong, when their dreams were to be contributing players yet their dreams were dashed by external circumstances?
Trust me when I say that I am hardly a soft touch but I think there are many many valid reasons for a student athlete to transfer. After all, we all understand that there are a myriad of solutions to problems, not the least of which may just be to walk away from it. That is merely what some of these players are doing ... and they have every right to do so.
JMHO
I went on his most recent official visit, but mainly because it was a four hour drive and he's a much better baseball player than he is a driver 
.
I read a book in the hotel while he hung out with the team. I made it clear to the recruiting coach that I was mostly there as a taxi driver and to offer advice if he asked for it, but Sean owned the decision process. I think being there did help, seeing most everything he saw ... so if he asked me what I thought about the school, facilities, community, etc., I'd at least have first hand observations to draw from. But, I tried purposefully to stay more in the background.
In my mind, the pros/cons of the different schools pursuing him were pretty obvious. He had to digest. I'm more logical and structured ... if it were me, I'd draw up a list on paper weighing the pros/cons, make the decision and be done with it. He has to sit and let the information brew for a few days.
Ultimately, the opinions of his HS and club coaches confirmed some of my opinions, but it was important that the validation came from his coaches, not me. The decision finally came down to what was the right fit for him, academically, strength of the baseball program, financially, location, and college environment. The funny thing is that up until 3-4 months ago, Fresno State wasn't even on our radar. Now, it seems like the perfect fit for him.
. I read a book in the hotel while he hung out with the team. I made it clear to the recruiting coach that I was mostly there as a taxi driver and to offer advice if he asked for it, but Sean owned the decision process. I think being there did help, seeing most everything he saw ... so if he asked me what I thought about the school, facilities, community, etc., I'd at least have first hand observations to draw from. But, I tried purposefully to stay more in the background.
In my mind, the pros/cons of the different schools pursuing him were pretty obvious. He had to digest. I'm more logical and structured ... if it were me, I'd draw up a list on paper weighing the pros/cons, make the decision and be done with it. He has to sit and let the information brew for a few days.
Ultimately, the opinions of his HS and club coaches confirmed some of my opinions, but it was important that the validation came from his coaches, not me. The decision finally came down to what was the right fit for him, academically, strength of the baseball program, financially, location, and college environment. The funny thing is that up until 3-4 months ago, Fresno State wasn't even on our radar. Now, it seems like the perfect fit for him.
Pbone
Which strikes me as normal as he's been playing ball longer than driving, but I digress.
For whatever it's worth, parents going on visits is fine if they are an accessory like Pbone. The focus is the player and his decision.
I happened to not go on the two visits Jr. took. His mom did. It worked out fine. The decision was his anyway.
Good luck to Sean.
quote:...but mainly because it was a four hour drive and he's a much better baseball player than he is a driver.
Which strikes me as normal as he's been playing ball longer than driving, but I digress.
For whatever it's worth, parents going on visits is fine if they are an accessory like Pbone. The focus is the player and his decision.
I happened to not go on the two visits Jr. took. His mom did. It worked out fine. The decision was his anyway.
Good luck to Sean.
Thank you, FBM. That's really what I meant when I said "HOGWASH!"
PAmom....you are a woman of few words!
I agree with FBM....if parents are to let their son decide which college to attend then they should also let their son best judge his situation as to whether or not to transfer if a change of scenery would be in his best benefit.
In other words, if the player is mature enough to decide which college is the best fit and then circumstances change after the player has given it his best shot, then why isn't the same player mature enough to best analyze his situation to determine whether it would benefit him to change programs?
Sometimes circumstances like coaching changes can greatly affect a player's situation and should be given strong consideration as to whether a player would benefit from staying or leaving a program.
As far as parents going on official visits, we went with our son on the only official visit that he took and it was at the coach's invitation. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to whether parents should or should not go on official visits....each family needs to assess their own feelings on the issue and do what they are most comfortable with.
In other words, if the player is mature enough to decide which college is the best fit and then circumstances change after the player has given it his best shot, then why isn't the same player mature enough to best analyze his situation to determine whether it would benefit him to change programs?
Sometimes circumstances like coaching changes can greatly affect a player's situation and should be given strong consideration as to whether a player would benefit from staying or leaving a program.
As far as parents going on official visits, we went with our son on the only official visit that he took and it was at the coach's invitation. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to whether parents should or should not go on official visits....each family needs to assess their own feelings on the issue and do what they are most comfortable with.
cbg,
We differ here. But that is what makes the HSBBW special. You can be wrong and I can be right and we can still have an intelligent discussion.
If your son is mature enough to select a school and make a decision during August prior to his senior year of high school why does he need to be told what school to select the following year? My approach was 180 degrees from yours. I felt my son could use my advice more when he was 16 or 17 than when he was 18 or 19. I agree with the moms on transfers. Yes there are players that transfer for bad reasons but there are many more players that transfer for good reason and there are players that never transfer and end up suffering because they were told (or enticed) to stick it out.
Fungo
We differ here. But that is what makes the HSBBW special. You can be wrong and I can be right and we can still have an intelligent discussion.
If your son is mature enough to select a school and make a decision during August prior to his senior year of high school why does he need to be told what school to select the following year? My approach was 180 degrees from yours. I felt my son could use my advice more when he was 16 or 17 than when he was 18 or 19. I agree with the moms on transfers. Yes there are players that transfer for bad reasons but there are many more players that transfer for good reason and there are players that never transfer and end up suffering because they were told (or enticed) to stick it out.Fungo
fungo ...
Wise words from a wise man ...
quote:I agree with the moms ...
Wise words from a wise man ...
Let go..........Give advice as needed and let him make the decisions about his future. He ought to be trusted enough and mature enough to make visits on his own.
I think one of the biggest mistakes parents make at this time in their kid's lives is that they feel compelled to "be there". I think your kids will be better off in the long run if you just "be available".
I think one of the biggest mistakes parents make at this time in their kid's lives is that they feel compelled to "be there". I think your kids will be better off in the long run if you just "be available".
I'd agree that it's probably best viewed as an individual thing & whatever each family feels comfortable with
we went with my son for several reasons
1) to get out of the house
2) as parents he values our opinion
3) I have "high miles on me" and have seen & heard all kinds of sales pitches
3-1/2)he is "low milage" and hasn't had the same experience
noting the ongoing topic about
"how some coaches change between the recruiting phase & the freshmen's fall workouts"
an extra set of eyes and ears to sort all the info can be much appreciated
to me anyway it'd be like -
giving him my checkbook, sending him over to the car dealer to choose a truck - make the his "first deal", then bring ME the payment book
oh yea - "Dad take a look at that fine print part when ya get time, the light was too poor in the sales office for me to read it, but the salesman said it was just the normal stuff"
I'd really have no right to tell him about any details he overlooked if I chose to be unavailable 'til after the fact
there's a difference between "letting go"
and just not helping your kid when he needs it
we went with my son for several reasons
1) to get out of the house
2) as parents he values our opinion
3) I have "high miles on me" and have seen & heard all kinds of sales pitches
3-1/2)he is "low milage" and hasn't had the same experience
noting the ongoing topic about
"how some coaches change between the recruiting phase & the freshmen's fall workouts"
an extra set of eyes and ears to sort all the info can be much appreciated
to me anyway it'd be like -
giving him my checkbook, sending him over to the car dealer to choose a truck - make the his "first deal", then bring ME the payment book
oh yea - "Dad take a look at that fine print part when ya get time, the light was too poor in the sales office for me to read it, but the salesman said it was just the normal stuff"
I'd really have no right to tell him about any details he overlooked if I chose to be unavailable 'til after the fact
there's a difference between "letting go"
and just not helping your kid when he needs it
quote:there's a difference between "letting go"
and just not helping your kid when he needs it
You Bee right!
we went with my son for several reasons
1) to get out of the house
2) as parents he values our opinion
3) I have "high miles on me" and have seen & heard all kinds of sales pitches
3-1/2)he is "low milage" and hasn't had the same experience
Bee,
Good reasons.
May I add #4? They picked up the tab for a beautiful room and food and drink all weekend
All kidding aside folks, if your son is considering going to school far away from home, most schools will include you in the invitation.
Those staying very close to home, they figure you can come on your own
1) to get out of the house
2) as parents he values our opinion
3) I have "high miles on me" and have seen & heard all kinds of sales pitches
3-1/2)he is "low milage" and hasn't had the same experience
Bee,
Good reasons.
May I add #4? They picked up the tab for a beautiful room and food and drink all weekend
All kidding aside folks, if your son is considering going to school far away from home, most schools will include you in the invitation.
Those staying very close to home, they figure you can come on your own
Bee/Fungo: I never said nor implied "not helping your kid when he needs it." I said "be available". That means be available for whatever your kid needs help with. It does not preclude offering advice or anything else.
It appears to me that "be available" and "be there" might mean different things to different people. No right or wrong answers, just different perspectives.
quote:No right or wrong answers, just different perspectives.
My feelings exactly.
I agree with Bee AND #4 from TPM
. Especially #1 as I'd never been further east than MN (unless you want to count the far east that I flew out of from the west coast ). That's what we did and guess what? We didn't stunt his growth and he's still learned to make decisions on his own.Best decision (overall) he's made for us
. Now I can say I've been to Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park, Cape Cod, had Maine lobster (in Maine!), etc.... 