Ladies, thanks for your insights, encouragement, and prayers. They help a lot!
A little insight on my son:
* Believe it or not, he does not like to play video games! He's not big on watching TV either. (Weird, huh?) This somewhat limits his ability to interact with others in his dorm, since most of them are TV and Xbox junkies!
* He is an outdoorsman through and through - besides baseball, hunting and fishing are his main (and pretty much only) passions. We are helping him to identify outdoors opportunities in the big city. With an outdoorsy friend who is pitching at a nearby JUCO, he has gotten a dove hunting lease about 45 minutes away, which provides both of them hunting and fishing opportunities. Yesterday, I bought him a $60 annual state park pass, as there is a state park with great fishing just 10 minutes away. One of his 2 roommates fishes, but he goes home every weekend. Hopefully, as he feels more comfortable at college, he'll begin staying on Saturdays and Sundays. The challenge now is to identify other teammates and students who like to fish.
I'm thankful for several upperclassmen teammates who have invited him to a Texas Rangers game, eaten with him in the dining hall, and invited him over to their townhouse. I'm hopeful that his friendship with those guys, as well as his other teammates, will deepen as time goes on.
I guess even times of boredom can be useful. On Saturday night, son couldn't find anyone to do something with, so he went to the hitting cages and hit off the tee for 1 1/2 hours. At least he's using his spare time wisely!
I found the following on the web last night and it helped a lot. Perhaps it will encourage other parents too when they get "the call."
Tip #4 – Don't worry (too much) about stressed-out phone calls or letters.
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. Often when troubles become too much for a first-year student to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship, and shrunken T-shirt all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new friend, or the domestic triumph. In these "crisis" times, your student can unload trouble or tears and, after the catharsis, return to routine, relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry. Be patient with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters. You're providing a real service as an advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. Granted, it's a service that makes you feel lousy, but it works wonders for a frustrated student.
There is a bit of hope on the horizon. Parent's weekend is this coming weekend, so we'll get to visit him for 3 days. Also, his school has a fall break in early October, and he'll have a whole week to come home and see high school friends.
I didn't realize freshman year would be such a roller coaster ride. I think the advice, "Don't let your highs be too high or your lows be too low," applies not only to baseball and recruiting, but freshman year as well!
quote:(Weird, huh?)
Not weird at all,....rather refreshing if you ask me!
quote:With an outdoorsy friend who is pitching at a nearby JUCO, he has gotten a dove hunting lease about 45 minutes away, which provides both of them hunting and fishing opportunities. Yesterday, I bought him a $60 annual state park pass, as there is a state park with great fishing just 10 minutes away. One of his 2 roommates fishes, but he goes home every weekend. Hopefully, as he feels more comfortable at college, he'll begin staying on Saturdays and Sundays.
Ahhh yes,,.this sounds promising!
quote:I'm hopeful that his friendship with those guys, as well as his other teammates, will deepen as time goes on.
Odds are in your son's favor. Baseball guys are generally a good breed of kids and they will bond on the field as well as off. As time goes by, that bond will grow and many times, will lead to friendships for life.
quote:There is a bit of hope on the horizon. Parent's weekend is this coming weekend, so we'll get to visit him for 3 days. Also, his school has a fall break in early October, and he'll have a whole week to come home and see high school friends.
More opportunities to look forward. Thats always good news!
I bet you are as excited to see him as he is you all. Ya might want to encourage him to bring a buddy or two for a subsandwich/lunch with you all while you are there, too.
Your tip #4 is great.
Would you mind sharing the website with the rest of us? I betcha' there are alot of us parents who wouldn't mind reading the other tips as well.
Hugzzzz to your son from all the HSBBW moms!
oh my-my son is just a senior in high school this year and I am just in tears worried about him already. Think we will rethink the "not taking the xbox and tv to school" lecture we have given him.
I will say an extra prayer tonight for all of you!!
I will say an extra prayer tonight for all of you!!
I am sorry that your boys are homesick but it will get better. Come spring they will look back at those times and wish they had some free quiet time.
One of the reasons we sent ours so far away because many on the team were also far away from home, so weekends were not lonely times. This was the one fear he had, being so far away and alone on weekends...never happened. Some of the guys who lived close by went home on weekends if there was no football, but that lasted about a month. And once they got into full practice, the coach was big on weekends, so no one could go home.
Tell your sons to seek out organizations that he can identify with, they offer a lot of support.
One of the reasons we sent ours so far away because many on the team were also far away from home, so weekends were not lonely times. This was the one fear he had, being so far away and alone on weekends...never happened. Some of the guys who lived close by went home on weekends if there was no football, but that lasted about a month. And once they got into full practice, the coach was big on weekends, so no one could go home.
Tell your sons to seek out organizations that he can identify with, they offer a lot of support.
Great advice and encouragement.....that's what HSBBW's ladies forum is all about!
SSMom, you asked for the other tips regarding homesickness. These are from the Univ. of Michigan's website. Here they are!
Parent Advice
Coping With Students' Leaving for College
As you prepare to send your students off to begin the first year of college, or to begin at a new college, there are normal changes that might affect your family in this process. While some of you may have had a student leave home before, keep in mind that the adjustments you and this student face will be unique. Your student will spend the coming years exploring life, including academic interests, careers, and all the excitement that college has to offer. An anonymous college student once wrote the following advice to parents of new students. You may find these hints very helpful in managing your student's first year at Michigan.
Tip #1 – Don't ask them if they're homesick.
The power of association can be a dangerous thing. (A friend once told me "the idea of being homesick didn't even occur to me, what with all the new things that were going on, until my mom called one of the first weekends and asked 'Are you homesick?' Then it hit me.") The first few days/weeks of school are activity-packed and friend-jammed and the challenge of meeting new people and adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a new student's time and concentration. So unless they're reminded of it (by a well-meaning parents), they'll probably be able to escape homesickness.
And even if they don't tell you during those first few weeks, they do miss you.
Tip #2 – Write. (Even if they don't write back.)
Although new college students are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence they can in those first weeks, most are still anxious for family ties and the security those ties bring. Most first-year students (although 99% won't ever admit it) would give anything for some news of home and family, however mundane it may seem to you.
There's nothing more depressing than a week of empty mailboxes. However, don't expect a reply to every letter you write or e-mail message you send, especially during times of "academic overload" such as midterms and finals)
Tip #3 – Ask questions (but not too many).
Most first-year college students desire the security of knowing that someone from home is still interested in them. Parental curiosity can be alienating or supportive depending on the attitudes of the persons involved. Honest inquiries and other "between friends" communication and discussion will do much to further the parent-student relationship.
Tip #4 – Don't worry (too much) about stressed-out phone calls or letters.
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. Often when troubles become too much for a first-year student to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship, and shrunken T-shirt all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new friend, or the domestic triumph. In these "crisis" times, your student can unload trouble or tears and, after the catharsis, return to routine, relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry.
Be patient with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters. You're providing a real service as an advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. Granted, it's a service that makes you feel lousy, but it works wonders for a frustrated student.
Tip #5 – Visit. (But not too often.)
Visits by parents (especially when accompanies by shopping sprees and/or dinners out) are another part of the first year events that new students are reluctant to admit liking, but appreciate greatly. Pretended disdain of those visits is just another part of the first-year syndrome. These visits give the student a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her now-important worlds (home and school) to each other. Additionally, it's a way for parents to become familiar with their student's new activities, commitments, and friends.
Spur-of-moment "surprises" are usually not appreciated. It's usually best to wait for Parents' Weekend or another prearranged weekend to see your student and the school; that way you may even get to see a clean room.
Tip #6 – Do not tell your student that "These are the best years of your life."
The first year of college can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments, and most of all, mistakes. It's also full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and exciting people.
It took a while (and the help of some good friends) for me to realize that I was normal and that my afternoon movie/paperback novel perceptions of what college was all about were inaccurate. It took a while for me to accept that being afraid, confused, overwhelmed, and making mistakes were all part of growing up. Those parents who accept and understand the highs and lows of their student's development are providing the support and encouragement where it's needed most.
Tip #7 – Trust them.
Finding oneself is a difficult enough process without feeling that the people whose opinions you respect most are second-guessing your own second-guessing.
One of the most important things my mom ever wrote me in my four years at college was this: "I love you and want for you all the things that make you the happiest; and I guess you, not I, are the one who knows best what those things are."
She wrote that during my senior year. I'm sure that it would mean as much to your student now as it did to me then.
SSMom, you asked for the other tips regarding homesickness. These are from the Univ. of Michigan's website. Here they are!
Parent Advice
Coping With Students' Leaving for College
As you prepare to send your students off to begin the first year of college, or to begin at a new college, there are normal changes that might affect your family in this process. While some of you may have had a student leave home before, keep in mind that the adjustments you and this student face will be unique. Your student will spend the coming years exploring life, including academic interests, careers, and all the excitement that college has to offer. An anonymous college student once wrote the following advice to parents of new students. You may find these hints very helpful in managing your student's first year at Michigan.
Tip #1 – Don't ask them if they're homesick.
The power of association can be a dangerous thing. (A friend once told me "the idea of being homesick didn't even occur to me, what with all the new things that were going on, until my mom called one of the first weekends and asked 'Are you homesick?' Then it hit me.") The first few days/weeks of school are activity-packed and friend-jammed and the challenge of meeting new people and adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a new student's time and concentration. So unless they're reminded of it (by a well-meaning parents), they'll probably be able to escape homesickness.
And even if they don't tell you during those first few weeks, they do miss you.
Tip #2 – Write. (Even if they don't write back.)
Although new college students are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence they can in those first weeks, most are still anxious for family ties and the security those ties bring. Most first-year students (although 99% won't ever admit it) would give anything for some news of home and family, however mundane it may seem to you.
There's nothing more depressing than a week of empty mailboxes. However, don't expect a reply to every letter you write or e-mail message you send, especially during times of "academic overload" such as midterms and finals)
Tip #3 – Ask questions (but not too many).
Most first-year college students desire the security of knowing that someone from home is still interested in them. Parental curiosity can be alienating or supportive depending on the attitudes of the persons involved. Honest inquiries and other "between friends" communication and discussion will do much to further the parent-student relationship.
Tip #4 – Don't worry (too much) about stressed-out phone calls or letters.
Parenting can be a thankless job, especially during the college years. Often when troubles become too much for a first-year student to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship, and shrunken T-shirt all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new friend, or the domestic triumph. In these "crisis" times, your student can unload trouble or tears and, after the catharsis, return to routine, relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry.
Be patient with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters. You're providing a real service as an advice dispenser, sympathetic ear, or punching bag. Granted, it's a service that makes you feel lousy, but it works wonders for a frustrated student.
Tip #5 – Visit. (But not too often.)
Visits by parents (especially when accompanies by shopping sprees and/or dinners out) are another part of the first year events that new students are reluctant to admit liking, but appreciate greatly. Pretended disdain of those visits is just another part of the first-year syndrome. These visits give the student a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her now-important worlds (home and school) to each other. Additionally, it's a way for parents to become familiar with their student's new activities, commitments, and friends.
Spur-of-moment "surprises" are usually not appreciated. It's usually best to wait for Parents' Weekend or another prearranged weekend to see your student and the school; that way you may even get to see a clean room.
Tip #6 – Do not tell your student that "These are the best years of your life."
The first year of college can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments, and most of all, mistakes. It's also full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and exciting people.
It took a while (and the help of some good friends) for me to realize that I was normal and that my afternoon movie/paperback novel perceptions of what college was all about were inaccurate. It took a while for me to accept that being afraid, confused, overwhelmed, and making mistakes were all part of growing up. Those parents who accept and understand the highs and lows of their student's development are providing the support and encouragement where it's needed most.
Tip #7 – Trust them.
Finding oneself is a difficult enough process without feeling that the people whose opinions you respect most are second-guessing your own second-guessing.
One of the most important things my mom ever wrote me in my four years at college was this: "I love you and want for you all the things that make you the happiest; and I guess you, not I, are the one who knows best what those things are."
She wrote that during my senior year. I'm sure that it would mean as much to your student now as it did to me then.
Thank you Infield08!
I think this can be a big help to many and will also now be in the HSBBW archives for others next year, as well!!
I think this can be a big help to many and will also now be in the HSBBW archives for others next year, as well!!
Infield08:
Regarding something to do --
This would be a one time only thing but Tristan's band is playing in Dallas at the Curtain Club (about 15 minutes or so from DBU) this weekend on Sat. Sep 20.
<<EDIT: Just read more carefully and saw you will be here on Saturday...but the offer still stands if you guys would have an interest in coming...give us a chance to meet and say hello. Just let me know :>>
Not sure of the exact time because it is a Battle of the Bands finals (they won the first one) and time is based on ticket sales. The show starts at 5 so it will be sometime after that.
It would actually be on our way if Ben or his friends would like to go...we literally pass the school...and I can pick him/them up if they wouldn't think it too weird to pull up with some strange mom
He could visit with a different group of ball players since all the guys in the band but one played ball. Tristan is the only one still at it but they all love baseball. (The White Rose video on their site features a baseball theme)
They're at Beryl Court if he wants to check it out and see if there's any interest
(I'd be happy to pay his way if he wants to come...)
Of course anyone else in the area who has an interest is welcome...just make sure you say you are there to see Beryl Court or let me know and I'll meet you to sell you a ticket ($8 in advance, $10 at the door). They can win money and studio time so support is appreciated.
Regarding something to do --
This would be a one time only thing but Tristan's band is playing in Dallas at the Curtain Club (about 15 minutes or so from DBU) this weekend on Sat. Sep 20.
<<EDIT: Just read more carefully and saw you will be here on Saturday...but the offer still stands if you guys would have an interest in coming...give us a chance to meet and say hello. Just let me know :>>
Not sure of the exact time because it is a Battle of the Bands finals (they won the first one) and time is based on ticket sales. The show starts at 5 so it will be sometime after that.
It would actually be on our way if Ben or his friends would like to go...we literally pass the school...and I can pick him/them up if they wouldn't think it too weird to pull up with some strange mom
He could visit with a different group of ball players since all the guys in the band but one played ball. Tristan is the only one still at it but they all love baseball. (The White Rose video on their site features a baseball theme)
They're at Beryl Court if he wants to check it out and see if there's any interest
(I'd be happy to pay his way if he wants to come...)
Of course anyone else in the area who has an interest is welcome...just make sure you say you are there to see Beryl Court or let me know and I'll meet you to sell you a ticket ($8 in advance, $10 at the door). They can win money and studio time so support is appreciated.
This is why the HSBBW and baseball people are soooo awesome!
Infield08, as you can see, "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TRISTAN'S OF THIS WORLD!!"
(I have a Tristan, too, and IF08 has been very kind in checking in on him occasionally for us since we're so dang far away!)
(I have a Tristan, too, and IF08 has been very kind in checking in on him occasionally for us since we're so dang far away!)
Bluesky, you are tooooooo kind! Look for a PM!
Yep, Krak, there certainly seem to be a lot Tristans running around these days!
Yep, Krak, there certainly seem to be a lot Tristans running around these days!
Indeed! BUT I know Bluesky and I both take pride in the fact that we chose the name well before "A River Runs Through It" came out! 