Player Benched For Refusing to Cut Hair

First thing I don't like is by the angle of the video this coach probably doesn't know he's being video'd. The woman is antagonizing him trying to get him to overreact on video. Then it seems she's trying to jam a decision down the coach's throat. This is your typical PITA parent. She has just harmed her son's baseball future unless he's a stud, gotta have player. The kid now has a reputation of being attached to a parent from hell.

 

The kid's intentions are good. But the coach has team rules. If he makes an exception to his rules over time he will get approached with other exceptions to the rules. There are other ways the kid can support cancer. I side with the coach. 

Whats with the mom/exwife spewing out to her ex about being divorced? She had to get that on video just in case there are any takers out there for a woman who will secretly video you as she antagonizes the hell out of you.   

I took that as the woman fending off her ex-husband, who (not sure because he was harder to hear in the background) seemed to be saying to the coach, in so many words,  "This is coming from her, not from me."

 

I'm not sure that short hair needs to be a rule for some rec level teenage team.  I think that coach should maybe review his own rules going forward and think about whether his rules are relevant to his task or whether he's just being a control freak.

 

But the mom is still wrong.  She is clearly one of those who doesn't stop talking until someone bows at her feet and admits they are wrong and she is right.  And she clearly doesn't respect the fact that when someone volunteers to run a team from which your family benefits, they are in charge, and their judgments rule.  No group organization can be run if every person not only reserves the right to disagree, but insists that their every thought be implemented for them.

 

I think parents can and should speak up when a player's health or safety is involved.  I think parents can and should speak up when a coach behaves inappropriately.  Here, I give this guy high marks for staying calm, avoiding profanity, and clearly articulating his philosophy of how he runs a team.  It's not exactly how I would do it, but it's not like it's ridiculous, either.  Truly, I'm not sure I would've been so judicious had this woman been in my face badgering me for three minutes. 

 

I probably would've said something along the lines of, "That decision has been made.  You may wish to discuss it further, but I do not."  And then I would've walked away and tried to get a fence and a lot of distance between me and her, in order to assure that the conversation ended.

And people wonder why it's hard to get and keep good HS baseball coaches.  Jeez.  Ask Johnny Damon how he felt when he went from the Red Sox to the Yankees.  You gotta do what the team asks of you.  Give it a rest mom.

Wow, I thought that the coach was remarkably calm given the incident.  He basically repeated that the young man made a decision and he made a decision and so, he is the coach and what he says is what is going to happen.  I'd expect no less. 

 

I don't view this lady with much respect.  She puts the coach on camera without telling him and then baits him. 

I'll tell you how Johnny Damon felt -- $52 million heavier.  That's several million for each hair he cut. 

 

While the mom is a piece of work, the "coach" is too.  All rules have exceptions and this is the perfect opportunity to engage the kids in a cause greater then themselves.  The headline should be "Team grows hair for kids with cancer."  Instead the coach has to pound his chest "my team, my rule, blah, blah, blah."  In other words the coach has a choice -- figure out how to make this work for the kid, the team, the community or have a my way or highway attitude.  This has nothing to do with baseball and everything to do with control. 

Coach shouldn't have stupid rules, and Mom should know how to act like an adult.

That's the short way to say it.  Thanks.

Making kids cut their hair is stupid. I'll never understand why coaches have such rules. Student-athletes aren't in the military. I've always viewed it as some weird kind of power trip when coaches have rules like that.

 

With that being said, I agree with everything stated already. The mom was out of line here. Just because you don't agree with a rule doesn't mean you act in the manner she did.

 

Hmmm.  I never had this rule as a coach, but I don't think its a "stupid rule" either.  Right or wrong, a coach might feel that its 'respect for the game' to dress or look a certain way (pants up or pants down, jersey tucked in all the time, all buttons buttoned, no white shoes...no facial hair, hair a certain length).

 

Many of those types of things are 'enforced' at least through college.  Sometimes even in pro ball.  And yes, even as a coach of 12-year olds, there were certain dress codes I enforced.

 

Is it any different to 'expecting' a certain dress code in the workplace?  I know...that kind of thing is slowly going away, but I sure wouldn't like it if one of our employees showed up for a big meeting with a partner with matted hair, grizzled shave, shorts and flip flops.  Would I fire them?  No.  But still, I wouldn't like it and I'm quite sure it would affect how the customer saw that person (or us).

 

The kid had a good reason.  Seems he didn't explain it from the start.  Mighta made a difference? - but the coach got backed into a corner and lets just say something that true - its hard for us humans to 'give-in' in real-time. Especially when confronted by an angry mom/dad.

 

Now this mom?  YIKES!  Video-ing without consent/knowledge?  Double-YIKES!

Yeah, I was one of those stupid coaches with stupid rules.  You will not wear your hat backwards.  You will be in full uniform before you get on the bus and will be in full uniform when you get off of the bus.  I laid out all kinds of stupid rules to get the team to think and act as one.  Stupid I know.  I bet he has stupid drills for hitting, fielding and pitching.  I bet he is only in it for the money.  Now, that would really make him stupid.  In fact, I think he needs to be in line just behind me in the stupid coach awards banquet.  (Anyone ever see one of those teams get off of a bus where everyone looks like a stud and so, the other team is intimidated from the get go.  Then, they all do all of their pregame stuff like a machine.  STUPID!)

 

I am betting from the video conversation that the rules for playing for this coach were laid out well in advance.  In fact, in the video, the coach mentions setting the player down and going over those rules.  So, why not make a choice and decide not to play for this stupid coach if this means so much to them?  After all, mom was the President of some local organization and so, she obviously knows baseball. 

Hair rules are applicable in many contexts, including many jobs, the armed forces, as well as the Yankees (as noted above) and the Reds.  It's a team unity thing.

 

I had a law professor once who told me that it was silly for civil disobedience protesters to try to use their work for their cause as a defense to a criminal charge, because the whole point of civil disobedience was to call attention to the cause by going to jail.  Either you're committed to the cause or you're just in a publicity stunt.

 

Seems to me the kid wanted to make a point of his sacrifice for the cancer patients, and now he's made a big publicity splash about just how far he was willing to go to serve them.  In other words, he got what he supposedly wanted. 

 

Only to discover that it wasn't what he really wanted.  He wanted the feel good, attention getting aspects of doing it without the actual sacrifice of doing it.

Money has nothing to do with it.  There are 32 MLB teams he probably could have gone to.  Maybe NY offered a little more, but he went into it knowing what he was going to have to do.  And regardless of how much NY pays their athletes, they still have the rule about facial hair.  Damon or anyone else could fight it and say he was going to do his own thing and suffer the consequences, or he could do what his team expected of him with dignity.  I think this 16 year old player and his mom have the same options.  It is just one of those things that some people and organizations believe.  Doesn't make it stupid or wrong.

 

Kids?  I agree.   I didn't watch the video because it was blocked here at work but I don't think a youth coach can/should dictate a kid's appearance at the recreational level. 

 

Student-athletes?  I think they need the discipline so I will disagree with you.   My coach followed the Yankee model - hair cut, clean shaven, pants worn high, and 15 minutes early to meetings.  Why?  It creates discipline.  When you get to the show, you can do whatever you want. Until then, you will do it their way because they pay you to be a professional.  And, yes, college athletes ARE paid to go to class, represent the school and play baseball. 

 

Midlo, that sounds like a pretty big leap. Maybe the kid just wanted to donate his hair, and play baseball for fun, and it never occurred to him that doing both would be a problem until the coach explained his team rules. For the vast majority of rec teams (I am assuming that's what this is), long hair would not be a problem. And as another recent thread her points out, adolescent boys are not known for their stellar communication skills.

 

What I don't know: Did the young man play for this coach before and already know the rules? Did he approach the coach with the proper respect and ask about making an exception for a pretty good reason? What would this coach's rules be for a girl on the team? Did the kid know that his mother was taking video and lead the coach into the sting? The coach called mom by her first name; was he hard-lining the kid because he was tired of dealing with her?

 

One thing I think almost everyone can agree on... the mother clandestinely video-taping the conversation was flat out wrong, and set a terrible example for her son.

 

 

redbird- I understood the reasoning, but I never agreed with it. I'm not sure who first came up with the concept that short hair and not having facial hair creates discipline…but it literally makes no sense whatsoever to me. Hair has no connection to discipline. I love disciplined people - in any facet of professional life, including sports. But I've never understood what hair has to do with discipline.

 

 

Nice post. 

I couldn't see the video. Maybe its stupid to some, but not to me, if that is the coaches rule, then that is the coaches rule. 

For those not aware, in almost every organization as a milb player you must adhere to their rules, which for many is short hair, or reasonable length, no facial hair or neatly groomed facial hair, even have to wear your pants a certain way and you can be fined for adhering to these things.  As mentioned, once you get to the big league, you can do what you want, and I personally have no issue with the Yankee model. 

WWJWD?

 

Ask Bill Walton about the subject.

 

(JW= John Wooden)

Practice uniforms don't make you a better player.  "Yes sir & no sir" doesn't make you a better player.  But following team rules is part of being a team.

 

I think its better for this kid to learn a lesson in accountability as a teenage ball player than as an adult in the real world.

 

Or will the mother show up to the kids place of employment to tell his boss that whatever rule he isn't following shouldn't apply to him?

 

Rich

www.PlayInSchool.com

JMO but I see a lot of this being more about what's going on between two divorced parents than anything else.

It may be a stupid rule, but obviously the coach made it clear what his rules were, and yes he can make rules the way he wants when it comes to that stuff JMO.

My son played for some really tough coaches, it was my way or the highway on many of these type of issues even in youth ball. I never seemed to really have a problem with this.

Shame on mom for taking  video and using social media to disgrace the coach.

Wooden to Walton ... I admire your conviction. We'll miss you.

 

Walton shaved and got a haircut that night.

I'm betting more people in her community think she disgraced herself. I'll also bet there was some eye rolling and comments, look what Bitchy Betty pulled today. These kinds of people typically have reputations. Their actions aren't a surprise to many.

The dad seemed truly embarrassed in front of the coach.  I will be there was some heated discussion going on between the two of them before they got to the field.

 

While I think that what the player was trying to accomplish was positive, he did have  a choice to make. If he felt that not cutting his hair was more important than not playing, I commend him, but it was his choice knowing the consequences.

 

Blaming the coach for him not playing hurting the team, well IMO, I think that mom went a little to far with that.

JH - What does a haircut matter?  It makes no sense whatsoever?

 

Maybe…maybe not.  You make the call.

 

I turn to one of the greatest coaches in any sport of all time…mentioned above…John Wooden.  Haircuts, facial hair, how to tie your shoes, how to wear your socks…how to throw a bounce pass, shoot a jumper from the side…Pyramid of success...how to function as a unit. “Wrinkles can lead to blisters,”  “Be quick but don’t hurry,”   One team.  "All in."  Everyone plays their part.  I think thats what John Wooden was teaching.

 

Here's a link worth reading about John Wooden - but the books are better!

 

http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/S...-basketball-and-life

 

 

'Asked about today’s brand of college basketball, Wooden replied: “To me it suffers from two things: too much physical contact that interrupts the flow of the game and too much individual showmanship. I’m interested in teamwork; in the rhythm of the game; in the beauty of watching a play unfold that eventually leads to a basket.”'

 

"Too much on individual showmanship."  I think this is what the coach in the video was trying to address.  Maybe he coulda said it better?  Maybe there are other ways?  All true.  But I think this kid and mom (in particular) were too focused on themselves.

 

'Look at me!  I'm doing something special for a worthy cause!'  <-A noble attempt, but there are other ways to do that mom and son…many that are far more effective on the cause they were supporting.  Ways that don't violate your coach's rule and don't make you some kind of center-of-attention on your team.

 

Maybe none of this make sense to you.  Thats fine.  But I'm gonna predict that in 10, maybe 20 years…it will  Thats not meant in a derogatory or parental way, its just that I believe you will see it differently later on.

 

Anyways, whether you agree with me or not, I absolutely recommend that anyone reading this thread do a little reading on John Wooden.  Tremendous coach and motivator.  One of a kind.  You can apply many of his principles in baseball…or in the "real world."

 

 

Talk about egos. Mama felt little johnny came before the team. If the coach isn't harming your son, then stay away from media and at least have the guts to tell someone you are recording them.

I have never had any respect for a coach that loves to use authority and intimidation to make people look like he wished he could have looked like. It isn't about discipline,  it is about power and ego.

justbaseball- If I had played for John Wooden, I would've put my socks on the way he wanted and gotten my haircut the way he wanted. He's the coach, he has the right to dictate rules as such. His on-court record speaks for itself, and winning is an attractive quality for me. However, abiding by and agreeing with his rules are two separate things, to me. I don't understand what a haircut has to do with being a more disciplined athlete. I know plenty of people that work plenty hard with long hair, and plenty of people that work plenty hard with short hair. It's a facet of coaching I will literally never understand. I don't mean to be disrespectful in this response, but I highly doubt my opinion will ever change. Hair and athletics have nothing to do with one another, and I don't understand why a coach would have this type of rule.

 

My college coach had a facial hair policy - no full beards, and a hat policy - wear your hat straight at all times (including off the field). I expressed to him that I didn't really understand why these were rules, and I shaved anyway and wore all my hats straight anyway. He told me I didn't need to understand, and that it was OK that I disagreed. And he appreciated me following his rules.

 

Whether it was John Wooden, my college coach (one of the least egotistical people I've ever come across), or the high school coach in this video, I will always consider rules pertaining to things that don't have anything to do with sport-specific performance meaningless. 

 

I think what we are experiencing here is a generation gap.

 

I know that last season DK had to shave off his facial hair in spring training, new guy in charge of Detroit's MILB wanted it that way.  He didn't like it either, felt it had nothing to do with how one performs. Sadly, he did it though.

 

I think that is the point here, it may have been stupid to him, but it was the rule and he had to abide by it, regardless of how he felt.

 

BTW, as soon as he got to his destination, they got permission to grow it back, but had to be neat and trimmed.

 

Makes you wonder what the real reason was, but regardless, that was what was required.

 

College was very,very strict, while #7 allowed longer hair, no tattoos to be showing and never an earring or any metal in the head. If you cut your undershirt, then no ragged sleeves showing.   If you didn't abide, you didn't put on the uniform.  If he felt you needed a haircut, you got asked everyday when you were going to get your hair cut, and then you did it just so he never asked!

Sounds stupid, but as I always say, pretty sure he wouldn't be who or how he is without some of those stupid rules.

 

 

JH - Its about buying into the "team" and not trying to stand out personality-wise or otherwise…and you clearly understand that.  And like Bill Walton, thats all that matters.  

 

You would not (will not) behave as this mother did either.  Thats good too.  Your (future) kids will do great in life and on baseball/basketball teams!  

 

…and you will, indeed, understand my point a bit better in a few years (no disrespect intended).  

BTW, whatever happened to that "clique/cliche" thing?  

FYI- If you click the link to the mother's Facebook page through the story, she posted another message asking everyone to stop harassing the coach's wife and children over this. So now that she secretly videotaped him, his family is suffering. Plus, you can read all the other people posting on her wall about how this coach is bully. Unreal. 

Send 'em here - we'll straighten them out!  

Well, we all know that parents don't ever agree with the coach!

Coaches are morons. When I stopped coaching my IQ went up 50 points. I was almost able to dress myself.

Ah, yes, the fallacy of equivocation.

 

It's a stupid rule because it isn't functional, unlike the things you mention. Do you know why certain branches of the military have hair standards? Function. It's not discipline, it's so that you can wear a protective mask and avoid interference with other headgear. Until 2005-6, the Army wore polished boots...why? Not because of looks, but because of waterproofing.

 

As John Madden said, "Discipline is knowing what you're supposed to do and doing it as best you can.... On third down and short yardage, the Raiders don't jump offside. That's discipline—not a coat and tie, not a clean shave." Or, keeping in the theme of things, no combat-ready unit ever passed inspection, and no unit that can pass inspection is combat-ready.

Matt, I don't have to quote others.  I speak in terms of building teams/programs and with the results of state championships. Your experience with regards to baseball?

 

As I like to say, "I know what I know but I know what I know.  Some people know what they know but they don't really know what they know.  You know?  I know what I know but I know what I know!  Matt, since you consider this coach, "stupid" and would also apply that to me, I'm all ears to hear how you have developed championship baseball programs. 

Your state championships had nothing to do with your player's appearances.

 

CoachB25- The things you outlined - training properly, warming up in unison, executing mentally as a unit - are real things that impact on-field performance. The length of a person's hair doesn't have anything to do with it. A coach having a rule telling a player how long his hair must be is not a coach that focuses on what needs to be done to succeed on the field. That's my point.

 

And yes, that's from baseball experience.

 

and you know this how? 

JH, what if I told you that it was the players who wanted this?  It was.  What if I told you that they wanted me to do the same and to the point that I had to have my head shaved by the team at some point during the season?  Believe it or not, this was a type of team bonding that continued up to and including the state tournament.  JH, in fact, this was routinely reported in the local paper and became a tradition of the program. 

 

BTW, I also have a lot of respect for you and think it good we can agree and disagree.  That is why they have vanilla and chocolate ice cream.