Questions for Gotwood? / Radio Show Guest

Dear Woody,

If you had to spend the rest of your life on a deserted island with only one Webster - who would it be?

Dear woodman,
If you had to spend the rest of your life on a deserted island with only ONE PICTURE which one would it be?

(The first question should be an easy one... and if it's not, he's in BIG trouble at home!)

Dear Woody:
If an image gets posted on Google Image but there is no one there to copy and paste it; do the pixels in the image gather no moss?
Skip

mythreesons,

I set Woody up real good on this one. LOL

Dear Woody,
Why can't a woodchuck chuck wood? And why don't we have any in Oregon?
Emerald Valley

I'm not sure why I'm laughing so hard at that first question, but that is like the funniest thing I've ever read!!!! One of my kids, in another room, came to check to see if I was ok! . I'd like to know, too!


These questions are hilarious!!!!! I'm going to tune in next week--same bat-time, same bat-channel!

Hey Woodrow

If you had to spend the rest of your virtual life on the web with only one finger - which one would it be?
Remember, there may be children lurking.

Your questions are all so funny, I am also LOL.

But here are a couple of more serious questions:

1. While your son was going through the recruiting process in HS, how did he (and you as parents) narrow down the list of possible schools?

2. As parents we all hope that our sons will find a great college baseball situation where they will play, become a contributor on the field, and of course earn a degree! There are lots of things that can get in the way of that plan, including injury. Tell us about your son's injury, what that was like for him away at school, and you as parents worrying about him, and about his path toward recovery.

Julie

P.S. One more question ... how did you win such a cute, intelligent, and witty wife? Or did she win you?

quote:

Originally posted by MN-Mom:
Your questions are all so funny, I am also LOL.

But here are a couple of more serious questions:

1. While your son was going through the recruiting process in HS, how did he (and you as parents) narrow down the list of possible schools?

2. As parents we all hope that our sons will find a great college baseball situation where they will play, become a contributor on the field, and of course earn a degree! There are lots of things that can get in the way of that plan, including injury. Tell us about your son's injury, what that was like for him away at school, and you as parents worrying about him, and about his path toward recovery.

Julie

P.S. One more question ... how did you win such a cute, intelligent, and witty wife? Or did she win you?

Good questions Julie!

My questions relate to the metaphysical aspects of gotwood4sale.

1) Do you believe in Karma?

2) Do you remember that you generated the original pun in the Karma thread and it was Karma Korn? followed up by JT with Karma Chameleon? Did you ever imagine the cult following or should I say Karma following that thread has taken?

3) Have you always been a punster and have you ever met anyone who can out-pun you?

4) All joking aside, do you ever wonder if people may get the wrong impression of you because of the way you employ humor in many of your posts?

5) What would you want people to know about you other than your keen wit for humor?

If you were a tree, what kind of tree....oh, that one's been asked already? By Barbara Walters??

Never mind.

WOOD, PLEASE DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE IN THE PHOTO?

I have THE question for him that has left us pondering for many a year...

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

You guys have me LOL again. I think I may be the only one who was off topic here. I thought that Krak and GotWood were going to talk about HS and college baseball, but there are much more entertaining questions to be explored!

Dear Woody: What does baseball have to do with the cost of Plywood in China?

Okay. If the woodsman is going to talk about Baseball, then I have a question. What do you, Woody, think of wood bats? Should college, and possibly high school, teams go to wood? And why/why not?

What would it take to get the Woodsman to speak of his own children? Inquiring minds want to know how the Great Forester manages his own seedlings.

Which one gets the decorations for Christmas?
Do they make the car smell nice?
Were they amused at the concept of square roots?
Are they afraid of termites and beetles?
Do you even bother picking splinters out?
Do you measure their height in board feet?
Does a bear poop in the living room?
What are their names? Douglas? Firnando? Maple? Mariposa?

How about the family pet? Dogwood? Sycamore?
Is his bark much worse than his bite?

How much is your wood and are your operators standing by for our orders?
Are we "barking" up the wrong tree?
Do you want us to "leaf" you alone?
Are we just a bunch of "saps"?
Don't worry - we're just "needling" you - after all, you are the "root" of all this bad humor.

Woody asked me to be his spokesman.

quote:

Originally posted by spizzlepop:
What would it take to get the Woodsman to speak of his own children? Typical kids, really. Their favorite game is pickup sticks, all but one wants to be a forester.. he favors Chinese Balet.


Which one gets the decorations for Christmas?Unfortunately, no Christmas trees for decorations. I've logged everything within a 50-mile radius.

Do they make the car smell nice? No car. Tractors only.

Were they amused at the concept of square roots? After I beat them with a stick, yes.

Are they afraid of termites and beetles?
No. They've all been killed by the illegal chemicals we have dumped from our crop duster.

Do you even bother picking splinters out? Only if it festers.

Do you measure their height in board feet?Haven't measured lately. They're tall enough with their wooden shoes on.

Does a bear poop in the living room? It's not like I'm inviting you over, anyway.

What are their names? Douglas? Firnando? Maple? Mariposa? No. Stanwood, Forrest, and Tiffany (that was a mistake).

How about the family pet? Dogwood? Sycamore?
Thing One and Thing Two.

Is his bark much worse than his bite?Thing One is a cat. Thing Two was run over by the tractor yesterday.

quote:

Originally posted by Krakatoa:
Websters, is there anything you would like to ask Gotwood during my net-radio interview with him next week? If so, please post here or e-mail your question(s) to nextlevelshow@gmail.com

thanks!

Krak

I was going to protest since I was actually in Seoul recently and didn't get an invite to do an in studio interview.

However, I can't let such a fun topic slide without comment...

1) During your self imposed sabatical, who suffered the most, you or Mrs. Wood?

2) If legislation passes banning metal bats, how much will wood bats cost?

3) What type of tree does woodrow decorate at Christmas?

4) Do the little Woodette softballers swing wood?

5) Has Mrs. Wood ever threatened to put you through a debarking machine for not taking out the garbage or leaving the toilet seat up?

quote:

Originally posted by emeraldvlly:
Dear Woody,
Why can't a woodchuck chuck wood? And why don't we have any in Oregon?
Emerald Valley

These questions were discussed last Monday on Krak's 'Dateline Korea' online radio show..."the show with Seoul!"

I said I would answer them so I will...
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WOODCHUCKS



Identification

The woodchuck (Marmota monax, Fig. 1), is a member of the 'just a little squirrely' family. It is also known as the "ground hog", "whistle pig" or, in the case of the Stamper family down along the Siletz River, simply "Uncle Joe". It is closely related to other species of North American marmots and politicians of every stripe. It is usually grizzled brownish gray, but white (albino) and black (melanistic) individuals can occasionally be found carousing around well after dark when they should really be back in their burrow getting some shut eye. The woodchuck’s compact, chunky body is emulated by many and is supported by short strong legs. Its forefeet have long, curved claws that are well adapted for digging dirt on others. Its tail is short, well furred, and follows it around.

Both sexes are similar in appearance, but the male is noticeably henpecked, distinguishing him from the female. They weigh an average of 5 to 10 pounds, slightly more following each major holiday. The total length of the head and body averages 16 to 20 inches, some with a highly desired 'projectable' body. The tail is usually 4 to 7 inches long and, as stated earlier, follows it around. Like other rodents, woodchucks have white or yellowish-white, chisel-like incisor teeth and are not afraid to flash a toothy grin in the direction of another woodchuck of the opposite s-e-x in hopes of attracting some attention. Their eyes, ears, and nose are located toward the top of their head, which allows them to remain concealed in their burrows while they check for danger over the rim or edge. Although they are slow runners, woodchucks are alert and scurry quickly to their dens when they sense danger. This is particularly true of the males when they sense a pecking hen in their vicinity.


Range of woodchuck in North America



Woodchucks exist throughout eastern and central Alaska, British Columbia, and most of southern Canada, eh? Their range in the United States extends throughout the East (poor things), northern Idaho, northeastern North Dakota, southeastern Nebraska, eastern Kansas, and northeastern Oklahoma OK!, as well as south to Virginia and northern Alabama (Fig. 2). They can not be found in Emerald Valley. Who knew?


Habitat

In general, woodchucks prefer open farmland and the surrounding wooded or brushy areas adjacent to open land. The "Whistle Pigs" prefer to live under the tables and benches at the fast-food franchises near railroad depots and commuter railroad stations in cities and suburbs. The "Whistle Pigs" will fiercely defend their fast-food encampments. The lack of any seagulls at these locations is evidence of their tenacity. For the rest of the woodchucks burrows commonly are located in fields and pastures, along fence rows, stone walls, roadsides, and near building foundations or the bases of trees. Burrows are almost always found in or near open, grassy meadows or fields. Woodchuck burrows are distinguished by a large mound of excavated earth at the main entrance with their dinner plate being exactly sixty feet and six inches from the top of their mound. Don't ask. That's just the way it is.


Food Habits

Woodchucks prefer to feed in the early morning and evening hours. The "Whistle Pigs", as you might imagine, pretty much eat constantly during the time that the fast-food franchise in their vicinity is open for business and their customers feel moved to "feed those cute, fat Whistle Pigs". The "Whistle Pigs" are omnivores and will eat anything put in front of them. Remarkably, they will even eat the McRib when it appears every so often on the menu. The rest of the woodchucks are strict herbivores and feed on a variety of vegetables, grasses, and legumes...boring! Preferred foods include soybeans, beans, peas, carrot tops, alfalfa, clover, and grasses...but no wood. They all tried it once, but none of them liked it...so they chucked it!
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I hope that sufficiently answered your questions emeraldvlly.

Woody...thanks for that insight. In all my years living in Virginia, I never knew that our beloved groundhog that we see along side the road (and occasionally squashed on the road) is actually a WOODCHUCK. I done learned something today!

I'm hoping that many people have learned something today JT.

Now everyone who reads this will know there is a perfectly good reason why there are no seagulls ever hanging out at fast-food restaurants near railroad depots and commuter train stations.

GW, I see that the fence you set up to keep woodchucks out of northwestern Oregon actually worked. Nice job!!

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You know Krak...I'd like to think that this design and the fence that was installed later did the trick...



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...but the reality is almost all of the woodchucks are staying put...not venturing out much at all...why? Take a look at all of their burrows ...what do you see on all of 'em?



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How do you find all of your colorful illustrations? The HSBBW would not be the same without them.

Look closely behind that tree...I think I see a Burger King and a Train Station!

How do I find all of those colorful illustrations gunnersmom? The same way as how I type...'hunt and peck'.

Very perceptive iheartbb. And what do you not see? That's right...seagulls!