Questions for Parent Meeting with Coach

A couple of questions:

(1) Did the coach(es) invite you to this meeting?

(2) Have this year's tryouts been held; giving the coaches an opportunity to observe your son's improvement?

Egads! Another one! 

 

If you don't want to be "that guy", I would cancel the meeting.  Seriously.  This has the potential and most likely will be viewed as a parent fighting for playing time for their son.  My advise - DON'T.  It's not your battle to fight - it's your son's.  Let him compete for it in practice and on the field when he gets the opportunity.

 

Sit back in the stands, root for the team, and enjoy the ride.

Great Questions: This meeting is set up by the coaches with Parents. I did not request it. BTW, I don't have a problem being "that guy" for my son if the situation call for it, but this is not it. 

The coaches know parents want to see their son's play. The coaches know that every player wants to be in the line up. Outside of letting them know what they already know what do you hope to accomplish with this meeting? If you are able to have a meeting with the coaches that convinces them to sit someone else's son so your son can play what happens when this happens to your son? The coaches are playing the players they feel are the best. Your son needs to convince them that he is the better option. And that is not accomplished in a meeting. It is accomplished on the practice field and in games when he gets those opportunities. Good luck

I guess I posted too quickly. So the coaches set up the meeting with the parents?

Hmmmmm...are our kids on the same team?! Lol.

MUDAD:  You just got some great advice (and will probably get a lot more of the same from others).  You can help your son the most by NOT helping him in this situation....no matter who set up the meeting.

 

If he's going to have a chance to beat out returning starters, it's going to be on the field.  Nothing you want to say for him will change that.  If he feels like he needs to talk to the coaching staff, let him do it for himself.

 

PS:  Unless there is some kind of abuse going on, there is never a situation that will call for you to be "that guy".

I've never been in this situation, but I would not proceed with the meeting.  You will be labeled "that guy"...let your son work it out and work hard...he will be better off in the end.  Just my 2 cents.

Welcome to the site and glad to hear that the meeting was set up by the coaches.   Based on your first post, most assumed you had asked for the meeting, which triggered the type of responses you got.  Since they set it up, what is the purpose they gave for the meeting?  Are they meeting with all player's parents?  If so, individually or as a group?  I ask largely so the forum can best advise you but also curious as this is a bit unusual if individually.

The team has had tryouts and 2 weeks of practice.

Obviously the most important thing for him is performance on the field, so don't have any illusions about the conversation magically transforming the coaches view. But I do think it could elicit some responses from the coaches that will help my son know what they are thinking he needs to improve.

Coaches set up individual meetings with all the parents.

Question 1: What can we do to help the program, such as field maintenance, concession stand, fund-raising?

 

Question 2: How can we help you promote all the players in the program to the world of college coaches?

 

Question 3: See questions 1 & 2.

Coach: So, Mr.X, do you have any questions...?

Me: Nope. 

MUDAD, never been in this situation but I would think one simple question, asked by your son, not you, would suffice.  "Coach, what do I need to work on improving to get more playing time?" 

 

If it were me I would sit back and in silence as much as possible and let your son lead the discussion with the coach.

I would probably say the same things I said when my son was being recruited. Hello Coach. Thank you Coach. Nice to meet you Coach. Have a good day Coach. I would tell my son the same thing I told him when he was being recruited. Listen to what they say not what you want to hear. Be confident and handle your business. Let your bat, arm and glove do your talking. This is baseball. Your only as good as your game.

From the questions you provided, I would attend. After all, they are having them with all parents, and the questions are important to the program.  I would let them know that I am there to help the program in anyway they need me to, but if any questions are brought up about playing time, I would let son handle them.

I'm going out of the box on this one.  As the initial replies indicate, we usually advocate that the young men should handle their own business.  We state that they know where they stand and what they need to work on.  Their play and effort will do the talking.  It is no longer the parent's place.  And, 99.9% of the time, I am in total agreement. 

HOWEVER...  in this case, the coach is meeting with each parental group to discuss the role of the player.  So, this tells me that coach wants to make sure the dots are connected and the parents know, first hand, where the player stands and what his role is likely to be.  So, that being said, the door is now open to the parents for any such questions. 

So, to answer the OP's question, I would suggest first listening until the coach opens for any questions.  If they haven't already been answered (I suspect most will have been),....

 

-Is it clear to son what specific skills he needs to improve on and what is best path of action to maximize his abilities?

-What resources does son have outside of regular scheduled practices? (extra reps/instruction from coach outside of practice times, cage use, suggested reads/videos, recommended private instruction or clinics, etc.)

-What would you recommend he add to his daily routine to help his efforts toward improvement?

-Is he lacking in any efforts to maximize practice time?

-What positions or skills should he be most focused on?

-Does he need to improve his mental approach? 

 

Your son's subsequent actions/non-actions to the coach's direction will convey his desire to improve and earn additional PT. 

 

MUDAD, our coach did this for the first time this year. All coaches in room with individual player and parents. Not sure what your meeting will go like, but ours were held immediately after tryouts. It was basically for the coach to stop parental complaints is my guess. The explained to each kid their role on the team. Obviously things can change as the season goes along. I am sure your meeting will be very similar. I can only assume your coaching staff has already determined which players will see the bulk of playing time based on history and try outs. I personally thought it was a great idea. No kid or parent needs to wonder where they stand with coaching staff. It also gives an opportunity to see where the player needs to improve. I agree with poster above that stated let your player ask what he needs to do to get more playing time, if that is the case.  In my opinion, all you should do is sit back and listen.

Thanks for the responses. My first reaction was to not say much of anything, but my main frame of reference is football. I think the length of time coaches have with the players and the nature of the sport (more playmaking opportunities in a short time) tends to make playing time decisions more objective. At our school in Illinois, the coaches see players for about a month before games start, so my impression, right or wrong, has been that playing time decisions are much more subjective, and that politicking with the coaches matters.

MUDAD - Since this is a meeting called by the coaches (and not you) that puts a different light on it.  As suggested, I would listen to the coach first and then if you still have questions, ask them.  I'd still stay away from any direct questions about playing time.  Only to spell out the specifics your son may need to work on.  Cabbage pretty much covered it.

 

Now that I think about it, my son's HS coach did this his senior year after the general parent meeting.  This was just a few days before the 1st official game.  He met individually with each parent and child and basically spelled out his plans for him for the season.

Ah heck.  Cut to the chase.  What kind of donation would it take to get Jr. playing SS and batting 3rd? 

That is a level of honesty that I would appreciate.

Careful with that.  A HS in our area had a whale of a problem a few years ago when they accepted fencing, building materials etc. for a new baseball field & hitting facility from a parent.

 

A year later when Jr. was a below average player parked firmly on the bench Pops wanted his $100k back. 

 

I would be interested to hear how this goes.  I've not heard of it used in practice.  I used to talk to my sons HS coach a fair amount but never about my kid.  Now that he is in college I have talked to his coach once.  He helped unload the car when I dropped him off at college.  

 

I think your son needs to have a list of questions and others above have provided great ones.  As a parent I feel you are there to support him but if its not important enough for him to ask then it shouldn't be for me either.  

What you have is a great opportunity to teach your son to listen before you speak..There are plenty of coaches that flat out suck and I wish they were held accountable.(MOST ARE NOT) There are also coaches that have a plan, know what there doing and guiding your son thru baseball's minefields..(THEY VERY RARELY IF EVER RECOGNIZED BY PARENTS)

The only question i would ask. Is my son working up to your standards..Then sit back and listen...

As a longtime coach I would always enjoy giving you my opinion and it made me think if I had judged the kid and his talent right.

Do jr play JV at your sons school. If so, that's where he belongs. Better to start on JV then sit bench on V. 

Son needs to see P coach. 80 velocity is not that great. Is he a righty or lefty?  82 from OF is not that good either! and average speed doesn't help. Needs to work on arm strength. You even said he has been struggling w hitting past few yrs.

sorry to be so abrupt, but it's reality. 

know u asked about mtg w coach, but do you honestly feel that with his numbers he's V ready? Go in with an open mind  And have Son asked coach what he sees R his strengths/weaknesses. 

good luck

Hey Mudad - welcome. I'm inferring here that you doubt the coach's intentions.

 

You said: "There is a very talented group of 2016's at his high school, several of which played or started on varsity as sophomores. I think Son is viewed as a good, but mid-tier player compared to that group."

 

Is he viewed that way, or is that a accurate, objective assessment? 

 

You then said: "My impression, right or wrong, has been that playing time decisions (in baseball) are much more subjective, and that politicking with the coaches matters."

 

First, I'd say you're wrong here. But it sounds like you think your son is a better ball player than the coach thinks he is, and you believe that your son's playing time will be dictated by things unrelated to his ability to help the team win.

 

If either of those is the case, I'd skip the meeting if I were you.  

My kids would have been horrified if I showed up at a meeting with the coach regarding position and playing time. When my son was a soph the coach asked me about the attitude of one of the players I coached in travel. I declined from responding. I told him it wouldn't be fair for me to interject my thoughts on players. Other exchanges were "Hi Coach." "Hi Mr. M" for four years. We did have a long conversation about travel and showcases when he showed up at a showcase my son was participating. But I kept the conversation away from my son. Any recruiting conversations were between my son and he. I stayed out of it.

 

I don't understand what the coach hopes to accomplish having parents at a meeting. It only invited the problem of the parent interjecting in the future. It's high school. It's time for the kids to man up and have a conversation with the coach without mommy and daddy.

He seems to be treating these meetings as parent/teacher conferences, is he a teacher?

like idea of coach mtg one on one w players to discuss what they r seeing, but imo parents should not be invited. Jr./Sr. should know how to speak w coaches on their own, esp if they want to play at next level.

curious, how many players are on your sons V team?

Maybe the coaches are taking the time to do this now to get everyone on the same page to hopefully preclude the PT complaints.

I agree. The extent of my discussion with the HC and AC has been "hey, you look like you've lost weight!", and "go get 'em, coach!". 

 

I did approach the Assistant Coach before a Legion Game this summer that he was umpiring. Told him that we appreciated all he and HC did for team this season and looking forward to next season. 

 

 

That can be done at group parent mtg all together. Tell them as coach you will only discuss playing. Time w players. 

imo these mtgs give parents impression they have a say, and they willcontinue to be involved. 

I have a variation on this question.   My son is a middle schooler, playing premier level baseball in Texas on a very competitive team.  He's one of the best players on the team, considered the ace Pitcher and usually bats 3 or 4 in the order.   He's very tall and likely projects to be quite tall if he takes after myself and my brother.   Im 6"3,  my brothers at 6"5 and 6"7.   We will start visiting Houston area private schools next spring,  should I talk to the baseball coaches when we visit,  get a feel for the baseball programs, introduce ourselves or perhaps do more research on our own.   I have a friend that runs showcase teams out of Houston that are pretty successful so I could just lean on him for thoughts on the various programs.  

I would.  If you are picking the school, and probably paying a premium, you definitely want to make sure you are putting him in a good situation.

Take the meeting only if your son wants you to be there.  If he wants you there, I would do alot of listening and only speak when necessary.

 

Clearly the coach set these meetings up to set expectations.   Why he elected to do this privately is interesting.  Most high school coaches don't want to deal with parents so his selection of private vs a public team discussion has peeked my interest.

 

Please let us know how it turns out.

Don't overlook this website's Texas Forum as an information resource.

 

https://community.hsbaseballweb.com/forum/texas-forum

It is interesting that the coach initiated these meetings.  I think it might be a good idea.  We have all heard the stories where little Johnny tells mom he's gone to every practice/optional workout but instead hung out at the 7-11. If it works for the parent-teacher conference, why can't it work for the coach.   

Thanks. I understand the thought, but juniors don't really play JV at son's school. I was not implying that he won't get decent playing time, only that his ability to start may be in doubt. Being objective as possible, he is ready for varsity.  I gave his velocity stats as a frame of reference only, not to say that he is ready for MLB.  I think those kind of raw stats always have to be looked at in relation to the level of baseball in the area. Touching 80-81 from the mound would get a pitcher tossed from the team at the IMG Academy, but in our neck of the woods it was good enough for 6th best at tryouts for a team of 23 players.  

All three of the coaches are teachers.  They requested that all of the parents sign up for a private meeting, not just those who wanted one. My son told me today that, before the meeting with the parents, the coaches will be telling them separately what their role will be on the team. My son's team has 23 players.