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Reflections on a Summer's Eve.

CoachB25CoachB25Honorary "Old TImer"
I will be entering my 20th year of coaching baseball (8 as a head coach) and 16 year of coaching basketball (4 as a head coach and I'm getting back into it this year as a JV coach.) when this school year starts. I'm know that I am in the twilight of my career due to many circumstances. As I sat and watched my Legion team play last night, a sense of pride and accomplishment came over me as I watched the game. Our parking lot holds about 70 cars. It was packed and the road leading to the sports complex was also packed leaving some people to walk 200+ yards to get to the game. Some Observations:

1. Our Legion team plays only players from our school. Some of the area legion teams take the best players from 2-3 schools.
2. We won our Division again and are the #1 seed for the playoffs. I'm so proud of these kids and how they compete.
3. We only have 2 kids playing that graduated last year and completed a season of college ball. As you might all know, you can now compete in Legion ball as a freshman in college. Several of the teams in our area have 4-5 college players on their teams.
4. You can't coach a team in a small community and keep your family out of it. My daughter must know everyone in town. I think that is really neat. Last night, in the middle of the game, one Mom wanted to take my daughter up to Dairy Queen and get an ice cream. (Her child has already graduated and so, it wasn't a case of wanting to get in good with the coach.) BTW, yesterday during open gym for basketball, the Girl's Head Coach came and got my daughter and she went to Open Gym for the girl's team. My kid is going into 7th grade but she did all of the drills etc. that the varsity did.
5. Several coaches from local high schools were there. It is really neat when you get compliments about your program from people in your profession. I received an award from the area coach as our area's Coach of the Year. I also received this award from our area's biggest newspaper. It is alright to get the award but it gets my program and kids more recoginiton. I'd do anything to get them more recognition.
6. As a coach, you have to accept the "dark side." One parent present last night will never speak to me again for the rest of both of our lives. He thinks I don't like his son. I told him I did. His son started 30 of 35 games including the state playoffs. However, he holds those 5 games against me and once said that I destroyed his son by benching him. I DIDN'T BENCH THIS YOUNG MAN. I LET ANOTHER KID PLAY WHO PRACTICED HARD AND DESERVED A CHANCE TO GET INTO A FEW GAMES.
7. We won the game and afterwards, I was surrounded by all of the kids who had to tell me everything that went on during the game as if I didn't already know. I really look forward to being with these guys.
8. I know I've posted this before but, I've never been comfortable dealing with parents. This year, I let my guard down and tried very hard to have conversations etc. IT BACKFIRED LAST NIGHT. One parent came up and has his own idea of who should play where next year and I wasn't playing his son in the right place and why was that and ... Well, you get the point. IT RUINED A GREAT NIGHT.
9. NO IT DIDN'T, on the way out, I drove to one point in the parking lot which overlooks all of the facilities. I simply can't drive out of the complex without going to this point and stopping for a look. It gives me chills sometimes when I do it.
10. I'm going to really miss coaching. I have a few more year left if I can survive this year and basketball. I should never be allowed to coach basketball but we win and so, "the powers that be" want me back in. I do think it will take me down faster for baseball. I LOVE THE GAME OF BASEBALL AND I LOVE MY KIDS.

Sorry for the long post. The parent thing has really bugged me and so, I wanted to get that off of my chest while also saying some good stuff about my kids.

"Failure depends upon people who say I can't."  - my dad's quote July 1st, 2021.  CoachB25 = Cannonball for other sites.

Last edited {1}
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ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
CoachB25,

Thanks for sharing all that and congratulations to your fine team. It has been kind of slow lately on the hsbbweb and you have presented a nice change up to a long summer that is now winding down. For what its worth, I am a parent and the parent thing bugs me. I have seen many people that post here (including me)that often hang out by themselves at games in order to avoid unreasonable people who may have blinders on.
L lafmom5,000+ posts
Coach B - I understand your need to vent and share the feelings about the parent. I also know that there are some coaches in the world that shouldn't be coaching. There are some teachers that shouldn't be teaching. There are some nurses that shouldn't be in nursing. There are ..........

However, I do not believe for one minute that you shouldn't be coaching. I doubt if there are any others on this site that feel that way. It doesn't matter what caliber of coach you are, there will always be someone mad, someone that wants to highlight your weakness, someone that wants to cause you "trouble". That is unfortunately the spot that coaches live in. You'll never be able to make everyone happy.

However, don't give up making a difference and impacting many kids and their families because of one "bad apple".
Last edited by lafmom
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
CoachB,
Thanks for sharing. Last year my son's summer coach retired from baseball after 14 years. He is an amazing person, he helped so many kids get college scholarhips (his goal) and even has a few current MLB from our area play with him.
He told me that he was retiring because of the parents. He had enjoyed working with the kids, but he could not handle the parents anymore, they were too demanding and pampered their sons too much.
Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone.
LadyNmomLadyNmom1,000+ posts
We have stayed as far away from son's coaches as possible....because over the past several years....we have seen so many people behaving badly with them....we didn't ever want to be mistaken for one of the idiots....sorry....but that's how I view them. We know several parents who greatly assisted in their sons being cut.......A lesson we have learned well....after 10 years of youth baseball: Borderline players do not need aggressive parents.....they hinder rather than help.

Coach....Congratulations on your years of coaching......and I apologize for those of us parents who are clueless......they don't recognize good coaching and poor playing.

On that note....I'm signing off.....our first heavy duty monsoon has started....and I don't want to miss a minute of it....
Last edited by LadyNmom
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
Coach, I commend you for your service to the young men that play the game, to the parents, and to the community. Coach, I'm not disagreeing with you about your "problem" but there is another side of this. There has to be. Parents aren't idiots...they are just acting that way. I’m on the other side of the backstop....the parent’s side. I think we both understand that you have a job (baseball) and I have a job (parenting). For a few years during baseball season we are forced to share a young man in order for us to accomplish our jobs. I do what I can to help you and you do what can to help me: At lest we should. For many years much of my “parenting” was done with a bat and a ball. From the time I rolled the ball on the floor with my son to the times I crouched behind the nylon net with a catcher’s mitt and “acted” like I was catching his 90+ fastball. I did these things because I was a parent, not a coach. While I know very little about coaching baseball I assume much of your coaching of players of this age is accomplished using basic parenting skills.
The main difference between the parent and the coach is during these trying times...The coach is in charge and the coach sets the tone and the tempo. You have to accept this responsibility of being in charge and use your skills to communicate to these “idiot" parents that the coach and the parent have the same goals. I’ve known coaches that could communicate with parents without any problems and I’ve seen coaches that cannot. The years that we share “our” boys should be special to them, to you, and to me.
Best of luck,
Fungo
L larrythompson500+ posts
Coach,

Sorry one bad apple is turning an otherwise great season to something of a sour experience for you. As you well know, dealing with parents is part of the business if you decide to be a coach. We all reflect on our decisions we make between the lines after the season is over or coming to an end. I have found that the most difficult parents are the ones who have such unreal expectations for their sons that it is obvious to everyone how wacky they are. Some of the parents of the best players I have ever coached were hardly noticeable during the entire season. As a coach on hiatus for a couple of years, I can tell you that the problems you are having with one parent pale in comparison to not coaching. I had many more parent problems early on in my coaching career (and probably rightly so) as opposed to the last 7 or 8 years. I figured that me and my staff were volunteering our time and efforts, and that a parent who was upset always had the option of moving their son to another team. Amazing how few take you up on that option when it is presented to them?
H Halfmoonslider100+ posts
CoachB25, I have read enough posts of yours to tell you I've always been a fan . Arizona, acting like an idiot is not a permanent condition. Being an idiot is...that's the difference. Same thing as your kid making a stupid decision. Is he a criminal or did he temporarily blunder?

I have always been good with parents (my assessment Smile. I am a youth coach and I coach HS kids off season, but am not a HS coach. My success with parents I think, is very simple. I am confident I give every player a fair shot and therefore rarely second guess myself. If a parent complains, I truly listen and then I make a decision. If I screwed up, I admit it and move on. If I didn't, I tell them the truth as I see it. I never lose sleep this way. 99.9% of the parents I've had really like the way I've handled their kid and our team. A few have not. Have I every made a mistake? You bet. I apologize and move on. Make no mistake though. You care about a team. A parent cares about an individual. Who has the higher purpose?

I feel good today. We in Wisconsin completed our High School Regionals last night and my son pitched a complete game and struck out 12 earning the win. He's completed every game he's started this year. My son will never be drafted, but I don't care. He's a fighter and never quits and I'm proud of him none the less. I only look forward to our sitting down when I'm old er older and reminicing about games like last night's.
LadyNmomLadyNmom1,000+ posts
Halfmoonslider....I've always been careful to differ on "stupid"...would never say....son you are stupid....but have often said (unfortunately)...son you did a stupid thing....I recognize a temporary situation....but I also recognize permanent conditions...and that's what I'm talking about.....

I've seen parents pour tons of money into players with no athletic ability.....training coaches....offensive coaches.....defensive coaches.....nutritionists.....you name it....

I've seen parents sit at games and never see the limitations...the errors....of their offspring.....all they see are the coaches' "mistakes"....and the failings of the other players....game after game.....

I've seem parents frequently confront coaches for lack of playing time......when their kids were lucky to play at all......

Sorry Fungo, and Moonslider......but I've seen chronic illness/idiotism.....I've also seen the damage.....and I think that's where I'm coming from.....kids get hurt with this.....and you must know that.

.....and in conclusion.....I would never lecture a Coach with 20 years experience.....20 years putting up with us all......who am I to tell him how he should or should have not done things......think it's enough for me to just say....thank you Coach.....and pardon the idiots.
Last edited by LadyNmom
H Halfmoonslider100+ posts
Arizona, maybe I'm an idiot cause I have no idea what you are saying. All I read from you was your question:

"Would you please explain the difference between being an idiot and acting like an idiot. I greatly respect your postings and utilization of the King's language....but on this one...I'm confused....."

If the distinction between permanent and temporary is too obvious, then why ask the question?

We've all seen idiot parents as well as parents who act like idiots. So what. That's life. I hope I'm not an idiot, but I am absolutely sure I've acted like one. If what you are saying is that all parents are idiots, then you need to move or take a vacation. Wisconsin can be a nice departure from Arizona Smile

On the other hand I have no problem sharing my thoughts with CoachB25 on dealing with parents. As I said, I perceive it's a strength of mine. I also am absolutely positive CoachB25 has strengths that could help me overcome a few of my weaknesses. So what's the problem?
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
Arizonared,
I think Halfmoonslider and I are on the same page. When I say the parents aren’t idiots...they’re just acting that way is a way of saying they are just acting out of character. Sports are an emotionally charged event... then to compound that with the parental involvement puts these normally in-control people at risk of feeling, doing, or saying something out of the ordinary. Every parent feels those emotions. Some handle it better or at least differently than others. You say you distance yourself from the coach so you won’t be mistaken as one of the “idiots”. Many use that self induced distance to reduce the influences that force them to act out of character, they use this as a way of controlling their idiotic antics. I knew one father that would run and hide behind a tree or a building when his son would bat. Include me as an idiot parents too. I became so emotionally involved in one game that I was taken to the emergency room with my BP in the danger zone. Another time I had to leave the game and go shopping at Lowe’s.
A good coach has the ability to help parents understand the coach/parent relationship during this emotional rollercoaster ride and can make the high school years more enjoyable for all involved. Other coaches don’t want to do this. I assume they feel vulnerable. Some parents distance themselves from the coach and some coaches distance themselves from the parents to avoid what they perceive as an imminent clash.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. As young players mature, the “idiot” parent usually subsides. These young players emerge as mature men. They are able to stand on their own two feet and control themselves, to control their destiny…..only to act like idiots at times. Big Grin
PAmomPAmom1,000+ posts
Fungo and Halfmoonslider---

You've got me looking in the mirror here! I KNOW I have acted like an idiot parent at times. I am by nature an emotional person. Add my baseball passion to the mix and SOMETIMES I get the best (UH---WORST!) of my self! Eek pull_hair

No excuses...that's part of me, too. But I'm really NOT an idiot by nature. Ask anyone who knows me! (I've paid them all off in advance). worm
veryproudmomveryproudmom100+ posts
Caoch ~ Thanks for loving the game and your boys! That is the best testimony for your hard work. Don't worry about troublesome parents.


I have found that the most difficult parents are the ones who have such unreal expectations for their sons that it is obvious to everyone how wacky they are. Some of the parents of the best players I have ever coached were hardly noticeable during the entire season.

Hubby and I both tend to stay away from those parents who seem to have nothing better to do than to complain mercilessly about everything, including the coach, playing time, etc. Sometimes it is best just to leave people alone. And watch the game in a quiet spot by yourself.
veryproudmomveryproudmom100+ posts
My aplogies, Larry. I was trying to quote you (not steal your words) and I couldn't quite figure it out. Think I have this time!

[QUOTE]


I have found that the most difficult parents are the ones who have such unreal expectations for their sons that it is obvious to everyone how wacky they are. Some of the parents of the best players I have ever coached were hardly noticeable during the entire season.

QUOTE]
LadyNmomLadyNmom1,000+ posts
Halfmoonslider....think it's pretty obvious from my postings what I meant, and to whom I was referring....sorry if you don't get it....and don't twist my words to make a cute point...I never said all parents were idiots....

Wisconsin....never....but thanks....we are moving to California....by the ocean....think I'll like it better. Smile

We all have expectations.....but I have never expected any of my son's coaches to be experts in parental psychology....if I can't control my emotions at the field...then that is my problem. The coach has enough to do on the field, with the team......he doesn't have to come and hold my hand because I don't like the way junior is playing or the way he is playing him.....

Fungo...don't have your insight, reasoning, or assumptive abilities....but I do know an idiot when I see one.
CADadCADad5,000+ posts
I coach in part because it is so difficult to be a parent in the stands for me. Hopefully having dealt with some real difficult parents over the last few years will help me to be positive in the stands or keep my mouth shut while the kid is playing HS ball (or sitting on the bench as the case may be).
CoachB25CoachB25Honorary "Old TImer"
Thanks all. For the record, I didn't refer to this parent as an idiot. In fact, he and most of my parents are good baseball people. They understand the game but at time, I don't believe they understand the complications of creating a team. Say John John is a SS but you have a better SS. You put John John in Right field. Right field at our place is the sun field. It has all of the other intangibles of right field such as the slicing ball off of a right handed hitter's bat, the longest throws etc. John does exceptionally well. Some parents look at this as their justification that John was the better SS. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO YOU? I do believe that my dealing with parents will drive me out of coaching. However, that alone could never do it. I've been an Idiot myself to the tune of a .717 career winning percentage in a school that rarely won before I came here. It is the physical nature of coaching that will take me down. I am a very strict disciplinarian and yet, I have such a great rapport with the kids. I believe that this is because I'm soaking wet after a practice. I've thrown thousands of pitches in the course of a week etc. This year, the ligaments in my hand were torn when I was struck by a line drive in BP. My knees simply are breaking down at a rapid rate. Ironically, my arm has never been sore. It wasn't ever sore when I played. So, that is what will take me down. Today, I'll go to the diamond again and work on it. It is a daily thing. Tonight, I'll watch my team play again and sit there at that one spot to view the diamond before I leave. SUMMERS AROUND HERE ARE GREAT!
H Halfmoonslider100+ posts
Arizona, whether or not you believe me, I was not trying to be cute. I truly did not understand what your point was. That doesn't mean I was saying you are a bad guy. The problem very well could have been mine. Anyway, I think CoachB25 and others have summed up this thread. Please don't walk away thinking I'm a smart_ss. I am, but not trying to be in this instance. Smile
B BeenthereILHSBBWeb Old Timer
Coach B...Good stuff.

I coached a team of quality players (16-17 year olds) in the summer of 2002...One of the best experiences of my life.

All parents are fine. Even those that are rude because they think that their son is the best player in the world even though he's not even the best player on the team. I love 'em all.

Parents are fine. Even those that were upset about how I did things.

What mattered is when one of the players came up to me after my "hour long" presentation about how the game should be played in this particular national tournament and he held out his hand and shook mine and thanked me for teaching him more baseball in one hour than he learned in the past 8-9 years. That is what makes coaching worthwhile.

I can get them prepared, but I can't hit, throw, run, pitch,catch, etc. I was a "hamburger" in high school ball but I got bigger and stronger and got good enough to get a chance to play pro ball. I used to be pretty good at all of those things, but I defer to Father time and my sons and "my boys".

Nothing better than sunshine, baseball, hotdogs and that walk-off grand slam at Milton High School forever etched in my memory. Or, that 6-9 in an MSU doubleheader against the Crimson Tide.
Last edited by BeenthereIL
CADadCADad5,000+ posts
Coach B25,
The big problem doesn't come when you have a better SS than John John. The problem comes when you have a SS who is almost as good as John John but who isn't much of an outfielder and you put John John in center field because he really helps your team.

All the parents see is that John John is the best shortstop. They don't see that you have a better team by putting the second best shortstop at short and putting the best shortstop in center.

I had a mediocre 1st baseman who was solid in center field while I also had a bit weaker first baseman who had no range at all in the outfield. The stronger first baseman played center field and the parents are still complaining.
Last edited by CADad
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
Folks

I have been around this game long enough to realize that you cannot satisfy everyone--- the past three days we ran a showcase with 120 kids-- we were beset with heavy fog the first night and the most severe thunderstorm I have ever seen in my life--5 inches of rain in 30 minutes as well as a lightning show that blew out the scoreboard and all the power in the area.

2 dads are still complaining about it all --- but the other 118 are fine with it, or at least they have not called to complain.

I will take that percentage any time

It happens with our team as well--- we had a dad a few years back who I found out after the fact would badmouth us late in the evening after who knows what--but his kid was a starter for us--you go figure !!!


Life is too short to worry about the bad ones---BUT IT STILL GETS UNDER MY SKIN!!!!
H HRDAD10+ posts
Our son's HS coach handled the parents well. He always left his "door open", listened to complaints, there were even some petitions passed around while we were there.

Coach had a good sense of humor. He never took all the criticism personally. He would say to the players that parents can't help it... they are parents and therefore they love their children and they all have "rose colored" glasses concerning their sons and their abilities. That's just life!

To all coaches...try not to take it all to heart... we parents are all idiots! tater
FutureBack.MomFutureBack.Mom1,000+ posts
Coach ..

Great 'reflection' ... thanks for sharing.

It reminds me of a wonderful thing that happened to my hubby last year. After years away from coaching, he received a letter from one of his former players ... from a team that he had coached when our son was 13. It had been a rough coaching year for hubby but not because of parents, rather because of the team manager and the differences they had in their approach to the game. Anyway, the former player was soon to receive his commission from the Air Force academy, and was writing to people that had had an impact on his life. As you can well imagine, my hubby took great delight in receiving that letter, finally realizing that he actually had an impact on someone while do what he loved.

Something tells me that you will be receiving a lot of those types of letters in the future.
Last edited by FutureBack.Mom

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