Skip to main content

20 replies

Regrets

Y YHF100+ posts
I'm curious what regrets others here have related to baseball, be it as a coach, a player, or a parent. I have a couple major regrets as a player, one of which I alluded to in another thread earlier this morning.

If anyone else want to post their regrets too, feel free to have at it. My two are this...

(1) I've never talked about this other than private conversations with my brother. The punchline here is that my little league coach was a pedophile. He liked messing around with little boys. This was mid-late 70's. Parents let their kids run free pretty much. "Be home when the street lights come on." It seemed like a pretty innocent time, at least to a kid like me. Now, I had a distant relative that had similar issues, but we all knew to stay away from him. He gave off this serious vibe that even a kid could pick up from 10 feet away. He had a certain creepiness about him and it was obvious. Which is unlike my coach.

My coach was a young single guy, very presentable, respectful, very nice to everyone. He gave off no "creepiness vibes" at all. When I was 12 our team camped out at a local lake (popular area) and we invited a bunch of kids from other teams. I neither saw nor heard anything weird (which was true for the entire 4 years I played for this guy). A couple kids from our rival team went home and told their parents that our coach 'touched them' in obviously inappropriate ways. To make a long story short, I and my parents defended our coach and blamed the kids from the other team for making that stuff up. We'd never seen any indicators. Our support for our coach convinced the league to allow him to keep coaching. It wasn't until 4-5 years later that he was arrested and went away for a period of time.

I still blame myself for whatever other kids he affected during those extra 4-5 years he got to coach. It's probably not reasonable to blame myself, as a 12 yr old kid, but i was his loudest defender. I regret not getting it right. I've always felt i should have known. It still bothers me today.

(2) My second major regret came in HS baseball. My family moved during my freshman and sophomore years of HS. I played freshman baseball, but when we moved for my sophomore year, I had fallen in love with tennis for some reason. I took a bunch of lessons for a few months and tried out for our tennis team, made the team and was the #1 player for our school. It came very naturally for me, even easier than baseball did. I played tennis and didn't play baseball for our school and at the end of the year, I realized I didn't really love tennis...I missed baseball.

So I tried out for the baseball team my junior year and the coach basically told me this...you're one of our best players, but since you're obviously not committed to baseball (since I didn't play my soph year) that I would sit the bench and not play. Sort of his penalty box. The coach basically ignored me for two years, not talking to me, not letting me hit during batting practice, gave me an old ****** uniform that didn't really match everyone else's, etc. I figured he wanted me to just quit but i didn't. To be honest, I'm not sure why I didn't quit.

Near the end of my senior season, we traveled to a nearby city to play a very good team who was not in our district. Playoffs were getting ready to start and so our coach didn't want to use any of our regular pitchers. He pitched me which was pretty funny since I hadn't even been practicing with the pitchers, let alone pitching for 2 seasons. So i shut out this really good team and we win. On the bus ride home the coach calls me up to the front of the bus and gives me this big speech about how he's sorry and that with me pitching we can advance really far into the state tournament, etc. etc. etc. He spoke more words to me in 5 minutes on that bus than he'd said to me the previous two years.

I knew he wanted to pitch me our second playoff game but I elected to get some payback rather than playing. I faked that my arm hurt and told him I couldn't pitch. He was very upset obviously, and didn't ask me to pitch again after that. I felt some satisfaction at the time that I'd gotten him back in a way. Of course, later, I regretted doing that. It was a stupid and immature act of a teenager. I could have played for a state champion possibly. But I chose my own stupid agenda instead.

The capper is that the next year after I graduated, I was on the football field before a game messing around with the school's quarterback who was my best friend. I'm running routes and the QB is throwing bombs to me. I'm making one-handed catches, etc. just screwing around. The baseball coach (also an asst. on the football team) walks up to me and I still remember what he said..."Nice catch. You always had great hands. I'm really sorry i didn't play you the last two years. I should have let you play." I told him it's all over with now and just forget it. And that was it.
------------------------------------------ I'm a schizophrenic...and so am I.
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

2Bmom2Bmom1,000+ posts
This is heavy, YHF. I've actually been thinking about it most of the afternoon and was instead having a lot of fun with the lighter side. But you put so much thought into it that I thought it deserved a response.

I have tons of regrets. Among the minor ones, I wish I hadn't jumped into that first marriage, but he gave me 2B! I wish I had known better than to let 2B pitch 100 innings when he was 11 so that he wouldn't have aggravated that growth plate. But he was forced to concentrate on hitting for 2 years. And now, what a sweet swing! If you don't mind a little levity, from another thread I'm kind of wishing I had been a little more creative with his name! Smile But he's got a pretty original nickname.

I only speak for myself, but with the grey hair came a realization that the mistakes I make are part of who I am. I can't take them back, but I can, as they say in the game, make an adjustment. Kids are powerless, and as long as there were others to stick up for that coach, no one would have listened to you, either. My guess is that, now that you're old enough and powerful enough to do something about it, if a child needs your help - especially one that adults don't believe, you're there. It wasn't your time when you were 12. It is, now.

I hope your HS coaches have some regrets about the way they treated you, and that they learned something. And that the way they deal with their regret is to respect the players who came after you. That, hopefully, is your HS legacy.

Not sure what kind of response you were looking for or hoping for, but there you go. It took some guts for you to lay it out like that.
Y YHF100+ posts
Thanks 2Bmom. I don't mind some levity in this thread at all. I suspect everyone carries certain things with them their whole lives, things they may never overcome. I went back and read my post and you're right. It's heavier than the normal posts here. I didn't think of that before I posted it. To me, it was just my life. These two things just happen to be on the negative side. But there's been more than enough good stuff to offset that.

I think I just needed to get that off my chest at some point in my life. No one really knows me on this site and so I'm not risking identifying anyone with this particular post. And I know what a good group of people we have here and so I figured this way I could sort of anonymously tell my story.

Thankfully, I really don't think about this stuff much anymore. Recent email threads with old friends triggered the memories.
luvbbluvbb1,000+ posts
quote:
Kids are powerless, and as long as there were others to stick up for that coach, no one would have listened to you, either. My guess is that, now that you're old enough and powerful enough to do something about it, if a child needs your help - especially one that adults don't believe, you're there. It wasn't your time when you were 12. It is, now.

Very well put 2Bmom!
play baseballplay baseball1,000+ posts
One of my sons was coached by a pedophile when my son was twelve years old. The guy didn't approach my son, but he did a couple of kids on the team.


And an instructor invited both of my sons (underage at the time), on different occasions, to come over to play strip poker. I regret that I didn't know about it at the time.

I wonder how common pedophile coaches are?
Last edited by play baseball
SIBulletsSIBullets500+ posts
This is a good one. I wish I would have said my arm hurt in HS. My dad was pretty hard on me when I was younger especially about baseball. He was very hard nosed and old school when it came to sports. He was around 5'7 so he had what I call little man syndrome since it always seemed like he had to prove that he could play or back himself up like a big guy. I am 6'1 and he thought I should have the same mindset as him which I didnt. Eventhough I was 100% all the time on the field but without the outward emotion. Back to my arm. Proving to him that I was tough enough to satisfy his standards was one of my main objectives when I was in HS. I pitched through so much pain that it was nearly unbearable. My arm finally gave out my first year of college. Partially torn UCL, nerve damage from past abuse and an avulsion fracture. That was where I quit playing. It still hurts to this day to throw and do some regular tasks with it. We had a falling out before I made it to college and he never came to see me play before it all ended. He still doesnt even really know why I quit playing. That was 15 years ago. I guess I fault him for never letting me live down injuries or pain that I had. I do however thank him that he instilled a passion for the game that I still have and can hopefully carry that on to my kids. The game has given me more way pleasure than pain. I learned alot of what to do and what not to do as far as baseball is concerned from him.
Y YHF100+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by play baseball:
I wonder how common pedophile coaches are?


I didn't intend this thread to be just about this but I'll answer your question.

If some guy is a pedophile, he's going to naturally try to put himself in spots where he can be around a lot of kids, particularly in situations where the parents aren't always around (i.e. baseball practice, giving kids rides home, etc.).
Last edited by YHF
2Bmom2Bmom1,000+ posts
quote:
That is really sad to hear. I think you should make up with your Dad or you will have an even worse regret.


That makes me think about my dad. He gave me my love of baseball - took my sisters and me to see Hank Aaron play back at old Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. He said, this guy is going to be something special. We were watching on TV as a family a few years later when Hank hit #715. He and my mom divorced a couple of years after that.

The last time I talked with him was 8 years ago, to invite him to 2B's very first all-star game. As with the last 50 times I had called, he had something else to do, just couldn't make it. I never called him again. He never called me, either. Until we moved to FL, he never lived more than 2 hours away from us, but never saw his grandson play.

His online bio at his job describes his wife and his three dogs. Not his three daughters or his grandson. Someday I am sure I'll regret never calling him again and remember BHD's good advice. But right now, I'm thinking it's his loss. My very awesome stepdad made the 7-hour one-way drive with my mom a couple of weeks ago. He's the true granddad. Smile
Last edited by 2Bmom
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
Today, if a coach is a convicted *** offender blame the sports organization for allowing him to coach. Coaches should have criminal background checks done on them. It's not expensive. If the coach is a registered *** offender he's listed on the internet on a free site. You would be surprised how many convicted *** offenders live within ten miles of you.
SIBulletsSIBullets500+ posts
quote:
quote:
he never came to see me play before it all ended


That is really sad to hear. I think you should make up with your Dad or you will have an even worse regret.


We made up a few years back. Before my kids were born. Things are ok now other than him trying to make my kids Cardinals fans. We still talk baseball all the time, just not when I played.
C CCKnights100+ posts
I regret not listening to my dad more often when it came to hitting. High school was the highest level he played at, while I went on to college to play. My senior year he tried helping me with my swing while I was hitting wiffles off of a tee in the backyard. I told him to leave me alone and that I was good enough to figure it out on my own. It's too bad it took me until my senior year of college to figure out that he was knew what he was talking about. Now I use a few of the things he taught me to help my hitters.

My other big regret is that either of my grandfathers lived long enough to see me play ball. One saw me play some tee ball, but I don't remember it. Both of them had a huge love of the game that somehow were able to instill in me in the short time I had with them. One was a White Sox fan, the other a Cubs fan. My White Sox grandfather took me to games with my father. The Cubs fan retired in the north woods of Wisconsin, and the only thing I can really remember about him other than that he loved the outdoors was our arguments about who was better...The "hitless wonders" or the "Scrubs". I guess playing the game was my way of keeping them alive since I never really got to know them.

My grandmother in the north woods to this day has never seen me in a baseball uniform. She's one who has 17 grandchildren, and if she couldn't do something for all of them, she wasn't going to do it for just one. So she wouldn't go to a game if she couldn't go to the other 16's games. Other than my wedding coming up in 09 and the birth of any future children, I think that her being at one game I coach will be the best day of my life. I wish she could have seen me play or was healthy enough to make it to my college graduation, but dang it, she'll to make it to the ball field at least once.

On another note...I regret not finding this website until after I had given up a two summers of baseball in high school to worry about learning the offense of my high school football team because I thought I was Brett Favre and wanted to play football in college.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
I regret allowing my kids to grow up Philadelphia sports fans. Look at all the fun they would have had had I made them root for my Boston teams.

Is it considered child abuse to allow your kids to be Philadelphia sports fans? Oh well, at least we didn't move to Cleveland.
Last edited by RJM
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
quote:
Originally posted by luvbb:
quote:
I regret allowing my kids to grow up Philadelphia sports fans. Look at all the fun they would have had had I made them root for my Boston teams.

Oh come on....you've got to admit throwing snow balls at Santa during an Eagles/Cowboys game was kind of fun! Big Grin
That was far before I lived here. My kids were born in California. The story behind the Santa Claus incident was the fans hated the owner for being cheap. The Santa Claus was some skinny guy with a dirty beard and a cheap looking Santa suit. The fans took out their feelings towards the owner on the cheap Santa.
Last edited by RJM
Bulldog 19Bulldog 195,000+ posts
I don't regret things. Why? If you could possibly regret something, it means that it is in the past. In other words, it can't be changed so there's no point worrying about it anymore.

I instead choose the find the positive side of things.

For example I've been told that I will someday recret not finishing my Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts. Instead, I look at it as I learned a great deal, I love the outdoors, I attended a National Jamboree, and I had a lot of fun while also enhancing my leadership skills.

My dad said he regrets now that I didn't play "select ball" while growing up. I look at it that I was able to play the game I love because I wanted to play. Not because they had paid a bunch, or I had committed to be there, etc. Instead I played because I loved it and playing less baseball growing up meant I could do things that others who played a sport nonstop couldn't do.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
quote:
I don't regret things. Why?
When I was in the corporate world we had a public speaker at President's Club that made sense to me. I've never forgotten his words from twenty-five years ago. ......

"If you're happy where you are, and you didn't hurt anyone getting there, why have regrets?

Add Reply

Post
.

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×