my son is a 2013, verballed to a mid major d-1 in december while at a camp...he now regrets that decision and would like to explore all his options..any opinions would be appreciated
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
Why does he regret it?
quote:Reply
because he didn't look into all his options before he committed..some other schools were interested in him and he didn't go and visit them...now he wishes he had
quote:Originally posted by roar!:quote:Reply
because he didn't look into all his options before he committed..some other schools were interested in him and he didn't go and visit them...now he wishes he had
presumably you've counseled him in this regard? Actions do have consequences, one must be sure before making important decisions.
I'm of the constitution that your word means something. However, in the context of college commitments, certainly there are varying degrees of real truths from both sides. This isn't like getting married but it's close. He needs to be sure because undoing it later is messy. If he "unverbals" (hmmm) that ship could sail without him.
You and your son need to have a heart to heart.
Did he pick the wrong school, or is he just getting a bit of cold feet? Is there something about the school he picked that isn't right for him, and is there truly something better out there for him, or is he just feeling left out of the thrill of the chase that his friends might just be getting into?
The risk here is that he decommits and never gets another deal. He can decommit, but I'd want to be totally sure that his first choice was wrong for him before he did so.
He might also want to let his summer coach explore things while he's out on the hustings this summer, before he takes the risk of cutting the ties.
Did he pick the wrong school, or is he just getting a bit of cold feet? Is there something about the school he picked that isn't right for him, and is there truly something better out there for him, or is he just feeling left out of the thrill of the chase that his friends might just be getting into?
The risk here is that he decommits and never gets another deal. He can decommit, but I'd want to be totally sure that his first choice was wrong for him before he did so.
He might also want to let his summer coach explore things while he's out on the hustings this summer, before he takes the risk of cutting the ties.
If it's clear that he will have other options and he's convinced that the school is not necessarily his first choice, I'd encourage him to communicate with the coaches as early as he can to let them know that he's had second thoughts. He also needs to be able to explain his thought process to them. The better reasoned his decision seems, the less opportunity there will be for misunderstanding and potential "fallout."
For those who might ever be approached for an early commitment, here is a great example of why so many here have counseled that it ought to be reserved for one's "dream school."
For those who might ever be approached for an early commitment, here is a great example of why so many here have counseled that it ought to be reserved for one's "dream school."
Roar, you have some very good advice here from the group. I don't know if you noticed this or not but up here just before signing day, a bunch of top football recruits put the word out they were "reconsidering" their prior commitments. Many in the community thought it was grandstanding as these kids had multiple offers. As a bystander I wanted to throttle those showoffs. The way the press covered it, I would imagine next year will even have more grandstanding.
Personally if I found out the program had strung previous recruits along, I would reconsider it. we in Washington have a D1 program that uses up recruits like water. I recall hearing from a parent who's son left the program, there was only one or two original players left in his recruiting class, the others had left mostly due to unmet promises.
Best wishes for your son's future.
Personally if I found out the program had strung previous recruits along, I would reconsider it. we in Washington have a D1 program that uses up recruits like water. I recall hearing from a parent who's son left the program, there was only one or two original players left in his recruiting class, the others had left mostly due to unmet promises.
Best wishes for your son's future.
do not compare baseball recruiting to college football and basketball recruiting---hey are three diffwerent animals
quote:Originally posted by TRhit:
do not compare baseball recruiting to college football and basketball recruiting---hey are three diffwerent animals
True, but I see a lot of signs that baseball recruiting (and recruits) are behaving more and more the same way.
quote:Originally posted by Prepster:
For those who might ever be approached for an early commitment, here is a great example of why so many here have counseled that it ought to be reserved for one's "dream school."
As usual, you've got it exactly right!
roar - You're getting some great advice. You really need to have a good father/mother-son heart-to-heart. You've gotta find out where this is coming from...missing the thrill of the chase?...thinks he's a bigger fish than he originally thought?...or something far more meaningful? Even if he's gonna go back on his commitment (something that I am in no way advocating), he is gonna need a lot of your help in handling it properly. No matter what he does, this is a GREAT teaching/learning opportunity for your son with your guidance.
what does the boy have on the table that enables him to go back on his word?
such action can come back to haunt him
such action can come back to haunt him
thanks for all of your insight..i do appreciate it
After much thought and discussion, if he really wants to change his committment I think he should do it. Although it's never good to go back on ones word it can be handled properly. Better to make the move now than after a semester or a year. Then he will have to sit out a year for making a hasty decision as a 16 year old.
The other side of this is that when a school feels it made a mistake to an early committ they can recruit over him and hope the player will decommitt.
The other side of this is that when a school feels it made a mistake to an early committ they can recruit over him and hope the player will decommitt.
If I were a college coach, I wouldn't want anyone on my team who doesn't want to be there so in my mind it's an easy choice.
I would think long and hard before decommitting. Baseball circles are very tight and word would spread quickly that your son bailed. Try to sit him down and talk about why he chose that particular school in the first place; it may hash up some good feelings that convince him to stay. I think everyone experiences a bit of buyer's remorse from time to time with big decisions, so what your son is feeling is perfectly natural. Just make sure he doesn't make any hasty decisions that he might regret later.
quote:Originally posted by TRhit:
what does the boy have on the table that enables him to go back on his word?
such action can come back to haunt him
Living with a hastily made decision can also haunt you.
I agree with 3bagger's statement. It may by time for him to have a heart to heart with not only his parents but his potenteial head coach. After a good talk it may be a mutual decision. If he is not comfortable approaching the HC for a talk then maybe that in itself is a sign.
It's a tough decision either way, best of luck.
quote:Originally posted by lefthookdad:quote:Originally posted by TRhit:
what does the boy have on the table that enables him to go back on his word?
such action can come back to haunt him
Living with a hastily made decision can also haunt you.
I agree with 3bagger's statement. It may by time for him to have a heart to heart with not only his parents but his potenteial head coach. After a good talk it may be a mutual decision. If he is not comfortable approaching the HC for a talk then maybe that in itself is a sign.
It's a tough decision either way, best of luck.
Think of the education FIRST!.if you commit to team A but team B has a better scholastic fit make sure team B wants you and possibley tell team A team B fits your eduaction agenda better??? The bottom line is GO where you WANT to go..are you going to spend tens of thousands of dollars to be miserable? As much as this sounds bad,,iTS ABOUT YOU..the college will survive without you..unfortunately you were a little GREEN about committing..and unfortunately the baseball world is smaller than you think..Hopefully everyone involed understands...Good luck
quote:unfortunately the baseball world is smaller than you think
Let the coach that has never spoken to a verbally committed player cast the first stone.
If you want to do, then do it. There was a long time Ohio State commit who changed his mind and signed with Vanderbilt last fall. Tim Corbin who certainly is a honorable man didn't have any problem recruiting and signing this guy.
How you handle this is more important then the actual way you go. The lesson on the table isn't always stick to your promises, it's right a wrong decision before it's too late. Let's say he was engaged and it became clear it was the wrong decision...wouldn't every parent want their child to stop the engagement rather then continue down the wrong path? Although painful, it's better for both parties. Just don't lose track that it could happen to him too and in those circumstances, your family must also make him understand. He is an early commit, I suspect the coach and program will be just fine without him if he tells them NOW.
The thing I can't abide is keeping one program in your pocket while you search for an upgrade. If his misgivings are such that he is willing to lose his existing scholarship, speak now. If he isn't willing to do that then he should honor his commitment. Don't go forward with one foot in the door and one out as that's how you will really miss the boat. Additionally if he chooses to de commit, I would have him do it in person so that he learns the most possible.
The thing I can't abide is keeping one program in your pocket while you search for an upgrade. If his misgivings are such that he is willing to lose his existing scholarship, speak now. If he isn't willing to do that then he should honor his commitment. Don't go forward with one foot in the door and one out as that's how you will really miss the boat. Additionally if he chooses to de commit, I would have him do it in person so that he learns the most possible.
The biggest issue with early verbals is when the player or the recruiter changes their mind.
If the coach/recruiter changes his mind and doesn't want the player, would it be in the best interest of the player to go play for this coach anyway? No, you're no longer wanted!
If the player changes his mind and doesn't want the college, would it be in the best interest of the coach and program to have this player? No, the player no longer wants you!
I think when one, either coach or player, changes their mind, it's time to move on. It's in the best interest of everyone involved. I do think any change of mind should be communicated as soon as possible. The later these things (decommitments) take place, the tougher it is on everyone.
As a coach I would want to know ASAP that the player wants something different. If he doesn't really want us... I definitely don't want him! Even if a player already on the team wants to transfer... Here's your release! You don't win with players that don't want to be on your team.
I think sometimes people place too negative of a view on these things. It happens and if it's done right nobody gets black balled. I would appreciate the honesty of a player telling me he has second thoughts and that he would like to keep looking. However, verbally committing to one school while secretly going out and "actively" looking for other schools (while keeping our offer in his back pocket) does lack a certain ammount of class. I wouldn't want that player! As soon as it became clear the player was doing this, (doesn't take long) I would call things off.
These days we understand when people get divorced. Why is it such a big deal when a young kid changes his mind about where he wants to go to college?
If the coach/recruiter changes his mind and doesn't want the player, would it be in the best interest of the player to go play for this coach anyway? No, you're no longer wanted!
If the player changes his mind and doesn't want the college, would it be in the best interest of the coach and program to have this player? No, the player no longer wants you!
I think when one, either coach or player, changes their mind, it's time to move on. It's in the best interest of everyone involved. I do think any change of mind should be communicated as soon as possible. The later these things (decommitments) take place, the tougher it is on everyone.
As a coach I would want to know ASAP that the player wants something different. If he doesn't really want us... I definitely don't want him! Even if a player already on the team wants to transfer... Here's your release! You don't win with players that don't want to be on your team.
I think sometimes people place too negative of a view on these things. It happens and if it's done right nobody gets black balled. I would appreciate the honesty of a player telling me he has second thoughts and that he would like to keep looking. However, verbally committing to one school while secretly going out and "actively" looking for other schools (while keeping our offer in his back pocket) does lack a certain ammount of class. I wouldn't want that player! As soon as it became clear the player was doing this, (doesn't take long) I would call things off.
These days we understand when people get divorced. Why is it such a big deal when a young kid changes his mind about where he wants to go to college?
calisportsfan,
I was typing while you posted. Isn't it amazing that we basically say the same thing? Even using some of the exact same words. Needless to say... I agree with you!
I was typing while you posted. Isn't it amazing that we basically say the same thing? Even using some of the exact same words. Needless to say... I agree with you!
Actually, now that I've gone over previous posts, I see many have said pretty much the same thing. I agree with the majority. 
This has the makings of turning into a golden thread IMO
why did he change his mind?
Floridafan....what a story. Thanks for taking the time to share it. Lots to consider and your real experience really lays it on the line regarding the Bird in Hand versus two in the bush!
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
These are the issues with early commits...
The downside is waiting until you're absolutely sure and finding out the money is gone...
If it is the dream school, commit. Otherwise wait.
JMHO...
The downside is waiting until you're absolutely sure and finding out the money is gone...
If it is the dream school, commit. Otherwise wait.
JMHO...
thanks again for your comments-- to answer the most asked question- he commmitted to the first and only school he visited..he really does like it there, and i think it's a good fit- most of the pressure to take a look around came from his hs coach and summer coach..there are some bigger (top 30) programs very interested in him, and they thought he should at least give them a look...still in contact with the first school as well...he did not contact any school until he changed his committment..even though he had been highly urged to.
I think it should be fairly easy to reason out wanting to see other schools. If he committed to the first school he visited, the coach should understand that it is hard to be comfortable with such an uninformed decision. Just let him know that your son still loves the school, but cannot simply enroll without knowing what his other options are. Perhaps apologizing for making a "rash" decision would help.
I was ready to commit after my first visit as well. I realized that there tends to be a fleeting love affair with just about every school you visit and it isn't until a little later that you can look at things objectively. I will say, though, that after everything I know now I'd probably still go to the first school I visited. It is much better to have more information, though.
I was ready to commit after my first visit as well. I realized that there tends to be a fleeting love affair with just about every school you visit and it isn't until a little later that you can look at things objectively. I will say, though, that after everything I know now I'd probably still go to the first school I visited. It is much better to have more information, though.
JPontiac, I love that description: "fleeting love affair with just about every school you visit" and the perspective that you gain later.
This thread is a good one, and I am glad you started it, Roar, as it can help others. In our house I feel as though we have done a decent job in our early visits and research; yet I still am concerned about a potential 'bird in the hand' situation down the road. If he is lucky enough to get a summer offer will he be truly ready to decide, or will he still want to know who would make an offer later?
Interestingly, every coach we have met along the way has also talked about how they don't love the pressure to make earlier-and - earlier commitments. They like the process of official visits in the fall of senior year when the recruits can meet fellow players, learn everything they can about the college, get to know the coaches better, etc. Obviously that leads to a much better decision about 'fit,' but often (for reasons that are clear in this thread) the pressure is on both sides to commit early.
Hopefully all the parents of younger kids can read this thread and others in HSBBW, to understand how very important it is to get out and start looking, sneakers on the ground, at a variety of campuses.
This thread is a good one, and I am glad you started it, Roar, as it can help others. In our house I feel as though we have done a decent job in our early visits and research; yet I still am concerned about a potential 'bird in the hand' situation down the road. If he is lucky enough to get a summer offer will he be truly ready to decide, or will he still want to know who would make an offer later?
Interestingly, every coach we have met along the way has also talked about how they don't love the pressure to make earlier-and - earlier commitments. They like the process of official visits in the fall of senior year when the recruits can meet fellow players, learn everything they can about the college, get to know the coaches better, etc. Obviously that leads to a much better decision about 'fit,' but often (for reasons that are clear in this thread) the pressure is on both sides to commit early.
Hopefully all the parents of younger kids can read this thread and others in HSBBW, to understand how very important it is to get out and start looking, sneakers on the ground, at a variety of campuses.