Rejuvenating The Passion

quote:

I would like to hear some stories from parents who saw their son's interest start to lessen and figured out a way, perhaps through some ouside help, of relighting the fire in their former star player and got him back on track.

If the parent has to figure this out for the player (passion to succeed) then the gig may already be up. Almost all college players were stars in high school. The problem is, this isn't high school anymore nor will how big a star he was in high school point to what type of future he "ought" to have frankly.

The guys who are succeeding in college are not over-achievers in my opinion. They were indeed stars in high school, yet they are now guys who are willing to pay the price in "college" which is an order of magnitude more challenging than what came before.

That price includes going to bed on time and getting off the cell phone or facebook with their girlfriends. It includes studying so that academics are taken care of each evening. It includes being the first to arrive and last to leave. It includes waiting for that one chance and producing when the chance arrives.

Obviously, as you so correctly observe, all these things and more are all driven by passion for the game. One of the most shocking things for a new college player is realizing that there are no longer gaping talent gaps between the "star" players and the rest of the players. Moreover, the college player often has to work their way up from the bottom of the roster because now there are kids who are far stronger, experienced, and are not going to just step aside for some freshman to take their playing time away.

At the next level, the guy who wants it more generally is the one who succeeds - eventually. Some may call that over-achieving but the answer is simply one guy (having comparable talent) wants it more than the other and is willing to pay a bigger price.

The best motivation for the young man in question may come this spring. When the coach makes out the lineup card, and his name is not in it, that may be the true "spark" he needs.

If this player is a freshmen, it may just be a period of adjustment.Many go through this finding thier new freedom.But I firmly believe and have stated before college baseball is just a daily grind.The ones who want to party and stay up late will struggle.There just is not enough time in the day for these boys not to have their baseball and academics be a priority.

This is something that no parent can ever make a player do.I think for many college is a wake up call.The workload is tremendous and the desire to compete comes from the mind and soul of the player.

I questioned my son's commitment to his baseball in his senior year. After his first year in JC, I no longer doubt him. I am very grateful for the JC program that recruited him and am very proud of his efforts both on the field and in the classroom.
College baseball in a way separates the adults from the kids.

When my son was in high school and even before that (his third grade teacher wanted to know if he could write about anything else), I knew that he had a love for the game.

When he got hurt as a HS senior and had to come back over so many obstacles, really a two year battle when there were so many chances to quit without anyone thinking any less of him - and with so many encouraging him to do so - that's when I knew it was more than a love for the game - it was a burning desire to play the game as long as he possibly could.

Like Pop Up Hitter Dad is proud of his son, I'm very proud of mine - both for his effort and for his tenacity.

Going back to the original poster, I don't think that his level of passion can be anything other than self started and maintained. All we can do as parents is be encouraging and supportive - everything else comes from somewhere deep inside.

08

I don't get the part about this being common in pitchers, I know my pitcher worked very hard to win a starting position. During recruiting, this is an important discussion to have with the pitching coach, understand his expectations and his program. There were tremendous expectations from his, that included lots of learning time with him, lots of time in the gym. His expectations and demands were extremely high. The head coach also sets the expectations for the team, and in his case, that didn't allow for much "free" time. Son also turned down a much larger D1 for the smaller one, he knew and understood that there are many distractions as there is, the less the better off he would be. This goes along with finding the right "fit".

I agree with CD (great post by the way), if the parent has to rejuvenate the passion, it might be too late. The responsibility lies with the player, and he needs to get his priorities in order, if baseball isn't the top one, nothing is going to change that. The passion that drives one to succeed lies within the individual, not us.

I would suggest that perhaps you have a talk with him as to what your expectations are as a parent, that of course should be about the importance of going to class and getting his degree, it's up to him to figure out how far he wants to take baseball. The bottom line is that you can't continue if you don't hit the minimum GPA. That usually is all the wake up call needed.

As I look back I can see that I did things quite differently that parents do today

I never discussed anything with my sons HS coach unless he called me or stopped me to talk after a ball game and if he did it usually was not to talk about my son

I never discussed anything with my sons college coaches--I speak with them, they are at different colleges now, more now than I ever did while he was in college. I never felt the need to call them during his career--if there was something wrong they would have called me if that felt they needed to

My dad was the same with me as I grew up--the only way you learn is by walking on your own was his philosophy--he did the same when I was an adult and his business partner for many years--we went to lunch one day and he simply informed he was retiring and I was taking the reins--he simply said that the baby bird has to leave the nest sooner or later.

I did the same with my sons--I am here if you need me but you have to walk on your own

Sadly today kids do not get this opportunity---they are pampered and coddled right thru college and even longer and it isnt just in sports, it is in all phases of life.

I would never be concerned about rejuvenating any of my sons passion in anything. If they don't have the desire then that is their decision.

EXAMPLE: my youngest son , as fine as an athlete as he was, stopped playing ALL sports in his junior year in HS. He didn't like to fish with me either--no passion nor desire for it--today he is a grade school teacher in Florida and the Captain of a boat companys Swordfishing Tournament Team and featured on the front page of their website---You go figure !!!!

Bottom line is different strokes for different folks

The best answer to this is
"See Cleveland Dad's Response Above."

Brickhouse,
I am in full agreement with prior comments that the parent of a college student athlete probably is not going to be successful in rejuvenating the passion. We sent them to college to learn to live and think and make decisions on their own, to develop their lives and to learn responsibility for the decisions they make. Most all of us don't live in their world away from home and we cannot relate well, if at all, with the experiences that seem to be dissipating the baseball passion.
With that said, I have seen the passion rejuvenated...once. Those who created the environment were the captains, the coaching staff, and the classmates who were teammates.
It was not easy and took nearly a full Fall semester. Finally, it took the captain and close friend to pose the choice which, as I heard it, was something like:
"we will respect your choices; just let us know which is more important, those 30 guys out there busting their butts who think we can be champions with you competing and giving your best or you doing what you want, when you want and thinking only about yourself."
Six months later that kid was selected to a DIII All-American team.
College baseball, as I have posted many times, can be successful or disappointing year by year based upon the extent and quality of the leadership and sacrifices and choices that get made by and within that team beginning in the first Fall meeting and ending with the last inning of the last game.
It is a fascinating dynamic, in my opinion and experience.
So many times, more talented teams under perform and those with seemingly lesser talent over-achieve. My view is those results come from leadership that is respected, accepted by all 35 players, and which is consistent on and off the field from September to May. If passion needs to be and does get rejuvenated, that is where I would be looking, as a parent.

I’m fairly certain the OP did not mention making direct contact with the coach, choosing his sons classes or negotiating salary for their first job.

We all have multi-faceted support systems. The exclusive reliance on the self, as encapsulated by a Nike commercial, is a fallacy and it’s used to sell us Shoes.

Here’s a hypothetical: Let’s say you met your child’s fiancée and you notice that your son or daughter acted in a completely different manner than you’ve ever seen before. Maybe it’s a positive change. Maybe it’s a negative change. Would you communicate your notice of the change to your child? Would you say, “Honey, you have grown for the better, congratulations.” Or, if it’s a negative change, would you confirm your observations with your wife or husband and then contemplate speaking to your child? Not to the fiancée, not the fiancée’s parents, not the pastor or the wedding planner, but to your child?

Let’s assume the OP is not an over involved, helicopter parent, but the father of a fully functioning family. Let’s further assume he’s noticed he son’s changing focus, and from years and years of experience with this other person, he detects that his son is rationalizing away his interest in baseball because he’s scared of failure, intimidated or running smack into one of the million or so things that can derail us. In that context, maybe it’s best to the bird fly and figure out. Or maybe there’s a guided conversation the father can have with his son to draw out the son’s thinking?

Of course it’s entirely possible the son is done w/ baseball. Even Jamie Moyers is going to have to stop lacing up his cleats at some point. But the son should have some idea what’s replacing his baseball commitment. He should be able to say what he’s changing to, not what he’s running from. So does anyone have experience with having this type of heart-to-heart with their son? In the context of a college baseball player, can this wait until the son is back for Thanksgiving or Winter break? Should the Dad make a special visit or have conversation over the phone?

CaBBallFan - this is exactly what I am talking about. Please understand. It is not that he is not working hard. In fact, he is outworking many of his teammates who still happen to be experiencing success on the field. He is just not meeting the high standard that he set for himself in high school in my opinion. He was always the hardest working player on the team. He sees several of his current teammates with poor work habits doing well and I believe that he rationalizes that hard work isn't always the key to success. He is in the finding out "Life isn't fair" stage of his life and is not responding to it in the way that I would have hoped. That is why I am looking to others who have experienced this and would like to hear their experiences, advice, etc.

quote:

Originally posted by Brickhouse:
CaBBallFan - this is exactly what I am talking about. Please understand. It is not that he is not working hard. In fact, he is outworking many of his teammates who still happen to be experiencing success on the field. He is just not meeting the high standard that he set for himself in high school in my opinion. He was always the hardest working player on the team. He sees several of his current teammates with poor work habits doing well and I believe that he rationalizes that hard work isn't always the key to success. He is in the finding out "Life isn't fair" stage of his life and is not responding to it in the way that I would have hoped. That is why I am looking to others who have experienced this and would like to hear their experiences, advice, etc.

Brickhouse,
Your son is a JUCO transfer correct, so I am going to assume that he really should know by now what he has to do and what he doesn't to succeed. If you feel the need to have that parental talk, by all means go see him and have it.

But before you do, is he really not meeting his high standards or are they yours, you got to be clear with that. Is what you want different from what he wants, he may at this point just be satisfied to be on the team, maybe the next level is not what he wants.

Maybe he does need to experience other things, maybe they will get in the way and maybe they won't. My son's first semester away from home, he lost his way a bit, but he found it all on his own, when season began. They usually do and great post by infielddad, older teammates help them to find the way, just as my son had guidance and as a older upper classman he did the same.
And FWIW, sure glad he got those kinks out and grew up in college rather than as a professional.

I think that I would only step in if the grades were suffering, he will find out soon enough where he stands come spring. If it's not where he thinks he should be, he will turn it around, if he wants it badly enough.

Brickhouse,
You are, to my reading, touching on a point that gets made here many times. It is also the most elusive. The mental aspect of adjusting to college, college baseball and the level of competition that exists is just darn hard.
To be honest, from our experience, I don't know how a parent truly knows if their son is the hardest worker, the 4th hardest worker or someplace else on the list.
The fact is college players work hard, incredibly hard.
What happened in HS is pretty irrelevant. While I don't mean to sound harsh, using whatever happened in HS as a base from which to work or compare, is a mistake for you and your son. I would raise the question, without providing any answer, on whether it is being fair to your son, his teammates, and you by visualizing him and his work ethic when he was in HS. My point is he is in a very different baseball experience and the challenges are so much beyond and different than HS.
Do I think you can talk with your son about these? The answer is absolutely yes. Can you talk with him about the importance of hard work, in the context of hard work at college not HS? Absolutely.
Here is where we go different routes: I don't think you can factually talk with your son in terms of him working harder than others and others working less hard with better results. How would you know factually those comparisons to be correct?
Baseball is a series of challenges based on overcoming failure.
Some of those who experienced failure before college might be better equipped to manage those challenges when they occur in college.
IMO, most every one of those players on a college roster has at one point or is experiencing failure. What distinguishes them is which players grow, learn, and get better from failure; which make the mental and baseball adjustments to be a better player and better teammates.
Our son had a college coach who used failure as a way to drive, motivate and challenge, learn and adjust. That approach is not easy for a player, but it truly is college baseball. Our son believes 200% in those teachings of his college coaching staff.
As a college coach himself, he drives himself by "fear" of "failure" and he now uses "failure" as a method to drive his preparation, extra work, coaching and teaching the game.
Eventually, our son's need to be able to make these types of decisions for themselves. Those that do can provide the leadership I mentioned before, and not just for themselves, but for every teammate.
As a parent, do I think you can rejuventate them? Nope, I don't.
Do I think you can question how they are going about doing what they are doing? what they expect from it? how baseball isn't always fair, baseball is a game of failure? and challenge them/support them to believe in their skills and ability? Absolutely.
I don't believe it should have anything to do with what other players are doing or not doing.
It needs to have everything to do with what your son is doing, what he needs to do better and more often, and to help him/challenge him/support him to truly appreciate that "baseball is life."
Success does not come easy and it does not always come at the pace or levels we think would be "right" or "fair." Someplace along the way, your son is going to have a chance to prove he belongs and deserves to play. He needs to be ready and prepared when that opportunity comes. If he isn't, he has no one to blame except himself. If he is, he will appreciate the rewards of hard work and what baseball is truly all about.
Our son's slogan on his college website was "Success happens when 1,000 hours of preparation meets one moment of opportunity."
In 2005, he sat on a Milb bench for the first 20 or so games with no AB's. One night, the starting 2b missed a bus and our son got a start. He went 3-4 and was a starter from that point for the balance of 144 games.
When the story was written in a Lansing newspaper, the reporter didn't focus on anything other than the times he walked through the cages during those first 20 games of the season, before and after games, and one player was taking BP.
Tyler Bortnick, CD's son, has a reputation as a "grinder." For many(most?) players, "grinding" is a part of life in baseball. Sometimes, it is the best compliment a player can receive.

Great Post.

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
Great Post.

Excellent!

Brickhouse,

I can't really add more than what CD and infielddad's last post was (great stuff!)...but maybe your son needs to find that love of the game again? I agree with one thing that you stated in your OP, it's tough to go from a 2-way "everyday" player in HS, to a situational pitcher in college that's fighting for innings...You have to really love the game. You have to grind it out to continuously improve. That includes work in the weight room, additional bullpens to work on mechanics, long toss, running poles, core work, etc...not to mention shagging flyballs, hitting fungo during practices, and charting pitchers during games. My sophomore year in college I was a spot starter, long reliever, and occasional closer, I never knew my role? Our number three catcher went down with a knee injury a few games into the season, so I volunteered to catch pregame bullpens on days I knew I wasn't pitching. I had never caught in HS or growing up in LL, but I wanted to be contributing anyway possible. I went from a very good HS pitcher (Team & League MVP), to an average junior college pitcher surrounded by other talented players. It can be a tough transition, and you really have to love being out there...especially when you can go a number of games without playing time. IMO, it's not our job to help our kids love the game, but perhaps to paint a picture and remind them that time flies and their not going to get this portion of their life back...if indeed your son truly loves the game, he'll put in the time to do what it takes. If he busts his tail and it doesn't work out, he'll still be able to look in the mirror and say he gave it his best shot! Best of luck...keep us posted on his progress!

quote:

Originally posted by bsbl247:
Brickhouse,

I can't really add more than what CD and infielddad's last post was (great stuff!)...but maybe your son needs to find that love of the game again? I agree with one thing that you stated in your OP, it's tough to go from a 2-way "everyday" player in HS, to a situational pitcher in college that's fighting for innings...You have to really love the game. You have to grind it out to continuously improve. That includes work in the weight room, additional bullpens to work on mechanics, long toss, running poles, core work, etc...not to mention shagging flyballs, hitting fungo during practices, and charting pitchers during games. My sophomore year in college I was a spot starter, long reliever, and occasional closer, I never knew my role? Our number three catcher went down with a knee injury a few games into the season, so I volunteered to catch pregame bullpens on days I knew I wasn't pitching. I had never caught in HS or growing up in LL, but I wanted to be contributing anyway possible. I went from a very good HS pitcher (Team & League MVP), to an average junior college pitcher surrounded by other talented players. It can be a tough transition, and you really have to love being out there...especially when you can go a number of games without playing time. IMO, it's not our job to help our kids love the game, but perhaps to paint a picture and remind them that time flies and their not going to get this portion of their life back...if indeed your son truly loves the game, he'll put in the time to do what it takes. If he busts his tail and it doesn't work out, he'll still be able to look in the mirror and say he gave it his best shot! Best of luck...keep us posted on his progress!

Outstanding post - better than anything I've come up with. Brickhouse clarified what they are looking for and that is appreciated. At the upper levels past high school, they (the grinding institution known as baseball) can make you lose your love of the game.

It's nice that people mention my posts sometimes and awfully nice when they mention my son.

Speaking of high school achievements, I even saw my son lose his enthusiasm for the game (one time) and he just had to grow himself out of it. He blamed himself for losing his school's first ever appearance in a state championship game. I've told the story before, but it seems appropriate to tell it again. He made two errors in the game on the same play (a bobble and a misthrow) that led to 6 unearned runs which turned out to be the final score of 6-2. He was inconsolable after the game and had huge tears in his eyes that he was fighting to hold back. One lady from our team said loud enough for us to hear "If it weren't for those errors, we would have won the game!" That was painful.

In a moment however, an angel appeared. A man who had a huge baseball reputation in our community came over and grabbed my son around the neck and with big tears in his eyes, he said loud enough for that lady to hear "If it weren't for you, we would have never played in that game!" I have no doubts he saved my son's baseball career that day

If you haven't played with some type of pain or other disappointment, then you have not played baseball. I have a good feeling your son will find his way back to this great game

I'll continue my stories of college life as they get more disappointing (moreso than high school)before they get better...

In the fall 2005, life was great and my son was hitting college pitching for the first time. He got a good report card (from the coaches and the university) for the winter Christmas break and all seemed good. In the spring however, things seemed to change. The coaches seemed to not pay much attention to him and he (we) became increasingly worried about his position on the team.

One day before the season was to start, he called in a highly emotional state as his teammates all received their uniforms and he did not recieve one. I told him to calm down and contact the coach. He called back about an hour later and said he talked to the equipment manager and that a mistake had been made where he did not recieve his uniform. They told him his # was #38. That was a complete mirage. In fact, he was redshirted and no one bothered to tell him about it. A very UNPLEASANT phone call that I'll never forget.

That night, a tragically deceased member of ours - Jeff Taylor Sr. posted congrats to my son for making the team. That same night, I had to post reality that he had not made the team in that very thread. A devastating disappointment indeed.

Two weeks later a teammate quit and my son became unredshirted which we were ELATED to hear. Two weeks later he started seeing action as a late inning defensive replacement. Two weeks later he got his first college at bat on March 17th, 2006 - a game winning, walk-off base hit for his first at bat and hit and rbi in college. That one at bat changed his entire career.

This a great thread Brickhouse with many great responses. These threads about struggles and overcoming setbacks reminds me that my son isn't the only one going through them.

IMO, like others have said, if we have to talk to our kids about rejuvenating the passion the passion is already gone and their is nothing to rejuvenate. I have questioned my son's passion a couple of times. When I've seen him spending more time goofing off than worrying about school or baseball. I've asked him (during senior year in HS) if he still enjoyed playing and did he still love getting on the field for practice and games. Once it's a chore to go to practice you can mail in the uniform because it's only a matter of time before the party is over. His answer was yes. He's now playing at a Juco so we'll see where it goes from here.

While I don't think you can rejuvenate the passion, I do think it is never a bad idea to talk with our kids period, especially about their direction and future. It's not always easy to look in the mirror and be totally honest with ourselves, it's even harder for young adults. A player who has lost the passion for baseball might have to be reminded to be honest with himself. He may also need to be reminded that it's ok if his baseball journey is coming to an end. Reminded that we still love them if baseball is no longer a part of his life. They might feel they are letting us down if they stop playing baseball.

I also feel that with a lot of players the passion and desire can ebb and flow, depending on the success or failure he is experiencing at the time. Again a little conversation with a parent, coach or mentor could make a big difference on how he handles these doubting moments.

Sorry to get philosophical, but our 18-21 yo kids don't need us fighting their battles but they do need us to lean on and to try and help them through early adulthood IMO.

CD, very interesting stories about Tyler's struggles. My son had an almost identical situation in a state championship game. Minus the ignorant parent. He committed an error that led to the lose. He told me he was hiding his tears on the bus ride home. After commiserating with his teammates that night he felt much better.
Your son's story about redshirting, then being "called up", then getting the hit and taking off from there sounds like a good movie to me. Great stuff.