MOM - Job Description
>
>POSITION:
>Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy
>
>JOB DESCRIPTION:
>Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often
>chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and
>organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
>include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
>overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
>rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel
>expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
>
>RESPONSIBILITIES:
>The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
>until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also,
>must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
>zero
>to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the
>backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
>stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
>sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
>calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must
>have
>ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
>mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
>embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of
>a
>half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
>hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final,
>complete
>accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
>include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
>
>POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
>Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
>without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so
>that
>those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
>
>PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
>None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
>exhausting basis.
>
>WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
>Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
>payment is due w! hen they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
>will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
>whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
>you actually enjoy it and then wish you could only do more.
>
>BENEFITS:
>While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
>no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies
>limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you
>play your cards right.
>
>Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for everything
>they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are treasured.
>
> And to your kids so they can appreciate you more!
>Remember, don't sweat the small stuff. Live, love & laugh today! Tomorrow
>is
>not promised!
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