Staying on the straight and narrow

Its a sad thing but its true

Lately,I have lost friends because I dedicate so much of my time to baseball,even the ones who just want to hang out or see a movie.

I know for a fact that the majority of kids are out doing what they do for fun,but I see that as time to get better and time to keep playing.Because Im usually occupied with school work when I do get free time I choose to do something baseball related.

Within the next few months,I will start working(I can get a job in a few months by age)so I see every minute of free time as baseball time.

You just cant let it get to you.

I'm not a parent but will would like to respond from personal experience>

Found myself seperated at times from college teammates due to extensive drinking and partying. Not as one participating, but as one who didn't.

Each day at practice I noticed the adverse affects drinking had on teammates and would try to council with them to no avail because they were just not ready to quit drinking. They would ask me, why are you doing so well and I'm not? I would try to explain in the nicest way I could think of that my mind was clearer or my physical body in better condition. Two of my teammates did listen that I talked with on several occasions and both played several years each in Major Leagues because they were willing to sacrifice and let preparation hit opportunity square in the face in a sober state-of-mind.

Unfortunately, even though we were ranked #1 in the country for most of the year that college season, it eventually caught up with us/team and we were knocked out of contention in post season tournaments.

Well, for me and several others, we received many post season honors and got rewarded beyond belief for staying sober but can say that the party aspect had cost the team a National Championship and upset several of my teammates and most importantly, my coach, greatly. He in fact stepped down after that season and assumed AD responsibilities only.

While scouting at a Super Regional Tournament a couple of years back I conversed with several scouts who had actually followed prospects to bars and saw enough to "remove from follow" in scouting reports. If they were telling the truth-lol

Shep's advice> Seperate from the norm and become great in the process. Pray to your HP whoever that might be and find local AA meeting and sponsor. Preferably a sponsor with significant sobriety and athletic background. You might lose friends in this process but might gain much more, including your life. I will send up a few messages for you and hope others who read your post will also. With Him, all things are possible.

Shep's Moment of the Day

Nice post, Shep. I admire the young man for posting the orginal thought. I am a parent, and the best I can hope for is that I have armed my son with enough sense of "doing the right thing," that he will consider, at least for a moment, the consequences of his actions. I hope, too, that he has seen the adverse effects of other people's actions.
Effectiveness, is learning from your mistakes.
Efficiency, is learning from the mistakes of others.

I know you have JT>

Worried about BD, hope we caught in time, it is Sat. Night. Wonder what time zone he is in. Shep's worried...

Shep

User ID says NJ-hopefully he will be back...

Shepster,
I'm still here. Dont worry about me... I do not drink. I am on the straight and narrow, just wanted to get some reactions and thoughts. I appreciate your thoughtfullness though. I'll be going out soon just to hang out with some friends though. Everybody have a good sat. night
-BD

Thanks BD and always come to us before you make decisions. We will help you.

Sincerely, Shep

BD2579, I'm an old man now but I once was young. More importantly, I was once in your situation. Personally, I've never taken a drink. Why? It wasn't right for me. Did I ever want to? Sure! I had goals that I had to achieve. Alcohol, drugs, crime, all were deterrants to those goals. Girls, social life, fun? Well, at the time, I knew if I became the party animal, I'd have plenty. Then I asked myself why wouldn't people like the real me? I found one young lady that did. Incidently, she was voted "Most Attractive" in high school. I've still never had that drink. I didn't make it to the majors but I get to coach baseball and teach and so, I'm the most blessed person I know. Of all of the things that I know, I know that person deep down inside of me that has a sense of values and won't waiver on those. Here's hoping that you can "stay on the straight and narrow."

BD - I did allow myself to partake of alcohol a very few times when I was a teenager. It was not very smart. However, I did something even more stupid when I was young and accepted rides on several occasions from someone else who had been drinking. When I think of those times, I realize how easily I, and they, could be a memory right now.

Alcohol doesn't have a place in any teen's life, however you will always find some that do choose to partake. Twenty-thirty years from now, you will look back on your teen years. I can promise you that there will be some things that you would do the same and some you would do differently. Drinking alcohol isn't something that you will feel you missed out on. Reaching your goals in baseball probably would be. Making smart choices will help you to get where you want to be!

A hand full of my friends, have started to drink and smoke and all that, and I've just choosen to stay away. One of my friends who I been friends with since 3rd grade has been drinking and smoking pot. Last summer we would be praticing at a field at least 2-3 times a week. And now slowly he is sowly losing intrest in baseball it seems, and doesn't want to play unless it's a game. Unfortantly theirs not to many kids who live near me, that I can pratice with, and want to put the time and effort into improving their game like myself weather their sober or not.

bd,

i am a parent of two boys, oldest in jc,youngest jr in hs.when i was in hs our school had 2500 kids ,making a varsity team was difficult. a friend of mine made varsity as a freshman a great accomplishment for him.the older kids took him under their wing,the drinking age was 18 back then and alot of kids drank some legally .the legion coach would have a trash can full of ice and beer in the back of the bus.anyway my freind started drinking a litle as a freshman and found he liked it alot,had a good high school career but didn't go to school or play after hs. passed away about 6 years ago, liver.
my oldest didn't party much ,spent his time working on baseball,should have spent more time with the books,but had a very good hs career,2nd team all american as a freshman at the jc. the youngest has a little too much of me in him and is taking a different path,but has enjoyed success at bball.i'm very proud of them both.i give you alot of credit for staying the course,even as an adult you feel if your not there your missing something .truth is your not missing much most of the time.you get up the next morning and remember what you did. i can't type enough to tell you all of MY drinking fiascos.haha
keep your eyes on the prize you sound like a good kid. good luck with your goal

BD,
Most players your age wouldn't give it a second thought. I admire you for caring about your goals and recognizing there are consequences.

If you think there is a lot of drinking in HS, just wait until you get to college. In college it's harder because you are essentially on your own, no mom or dad to watch over you. So the more you can excercise discipline now the better off you will be years down the road.

Don't isolate yourself from others though, try to go out and find others who have goals like you do. It's important to have friends. As long as you can resist the peer pressure, you'll be ok.

Nice post JT!

BD,

I appreciate your candor in raising the question. I would certainly encourage you to stay the course.

Fortunately, I do not have any "horror" stories about my two sons. However, we did have an incident here last year that relates to your question. Our HS has a zero tolerance policy (which I agree with). Last year 6 players on the varsity basketball team were drinking at a weekend party early in the season. All six were sumarily suspended for the season. Three of them were starters.

Would any of those six been able to play basketball at the college level? Who knows. What is certain, is that not a single one is playing now!

BD25...I can't say I'm certain that my son was on the 'straight and narrow' when he was in high school, or even since he's been at college. It has disturbed him in the past when one of his longitme friends had succumbed to drinking/drug use. It was in high school when he began gravitating toward other buddies. These were kids that had similar goals - to play baseball and stay out of trouble. He even distanced himself from the ones that had gone into the drinking headfirst. Seemed to work for our kid.

High school has got to be tough, but seek others that are like-minded and you should probably thrive on many different levels. Stay positive.

**** this hits hard. No doubt it is true that your social life does go down a little bit. But who cares, you wont be seeing them later on in life most likely. Do what you know is right.
Brad

I have always had a similar problem with respect to drinking and social relationships. Even as a 40-something adult, the mere mention of not drinking has long-term effects on one's social opportunities. Then again, it may just be me?

I have chosen not to drink because I don't like the taste (first taste of alcohol was when I was age 9). That will do it to you!

I was never much of a partier when I was in HS. My Father was very strict and you didn't leave the house without a valid destination and return time. When I was in HS, the drinking age was 18. We played football on Saturday mornings in the Fall. On Fridays evening, the coaches would call you to make sure you were home. My senior year, the other team captain and I were delegated the duty to make the calls. I would call half the team around 9:00 PM Friday night. As I said, I was Mr. Straight & Narrow, little did I know that a large percentage of the team would wait for my call and then head out for drinking and partying. I only figured it out at the last game of the season, when I choose not to call anyone. At 9:30 I started getting calls from players who wondered why I had not called. I decided to call them all back at 10:00 PM and a lot of them were not home. Then all the pieces fit together. Our team was awful, perhaps because of hungover players, perhaps we just stunk. I was the only member of that team to get any athletic scholarship offers.

Now, the reverse happened to me in College. I was only 17 my freshman year, but all you needed was your College ID to get into the pub. The pub opened at 10:00 AM and very quickly I found myself there way to often. I screwed up academically and wasted my entire FIRST freshman year. I was booted from school and had to start all over again somewhere else 2 years later.

BD,

Keep your eye on the prize. Many of your friends/teamates think high school is as good as it gets and throw away a bright future due to poor decsions.

My 04 son did not partake in the party lifstyle and it cost him some friends on the team, but he found others.

Guess what, he is one of only handfull of kids from his school that received an athletic scholarship. Their were allot of talented athletes that could have played in college but you have to contiune to work on your craft. You can't just show up on game day.

It WILL pay off, and the people that count, will respect you for your decsion.

This is a very positive thread

I have to say as this is my first year in High School,I have seen enough drugs and alcohol to last a lifetime.My life and future is too bright to throw away for some harmful fun.

Stay Straight and always know why you are doing this.

Drinking is often just liquid courage- enjoying the additional confidence received under the influence. Baseball can provide that confidence also. Look for courage within yourself, by taking pride in your work ethic and performance (which will be negatively influenced by excessive drinking.) If you are playing ball at the college level, you already have alot to be proud of and you have experienced a kind of "high" that alcohol will never give you.

This probably one of the most important threads I have read.
One of the most talented exciting hockey players I ever saw was from Boston. Yearsw ago I saw him play for the Halifax junior Canadaians in the OHA. The local fans chanted his name ever time he did an end to end rush. They gave him a case of beer every time he scored a goal. I saw him score 2 goals against the Russian National team upside down between 2 defence men. I have never seen anything like it. He was caught drunk and out after curfew several times and was cut from the team. He actually got a shot at pro and blew that to. The talent was beyond belief but he was a drunk and was not a team player.
It is great to see players putting their team and goals ahead of drinking and partying.

good topic BD, IMO you are referring to the discipline it takes to accomplish tough goals

you will find great talents in many careers exhibiting destructive behavior -
I'm NOT smart enough to tell ya why they do it -
but AM smart enough to notice that they do it -

it's sad that social life must suffer, but in HS it may be necessary due to irrational
"zero tolerance" policies used by some

later you'll hopefully find you can socialize and "not partake" of anything you don't want to
without any social stigma - it's part of growing up & making decisions


Shep, ya gotta love 'em - "scouts followed prospects to bars" - -

AND, they've also "staked out" bars miles from any known prospect just in case one shows up
& they want to cross him off their list -
"I HAD to stay till closing Dear, ya never know when a prospect might walk in"
THAT'S THEIR STORY, AND THEY'RE STICKIN' TO IT!


there are many paths to destruction that do not involve drugs or alcohol, and responsible drinking when you're of age will not an automaticly cause you to self destruct


a few recent high profile stories with no alcohol/drugs come to mind, all football - hmmm?

all of 'em pain me, but one that still has me shaking my head is the 1rst round NFL talent -
they say he had the "Midas Touch", but even screwed that up -
everything HE touched turned to MUFFLERS! (Midas )
yup, the Artful Dodger

good luck

.

I think you mean license plates Bee>, and I am guessing the vice is gambling, and I'll go out on a limb and say Art Schlister of Ohio State.

Here is a baseball one for you. Who was the last 30 game winner in big league baseball? I think he produced a few license plates as well.

I just can't see MLB scouts following prospects to bars.

Do you think many of them head to the schools on saturdays for tailgate parties before the big football game, just to check out if any baseball players might be tailgating? That's when you need to check it out, NOT during super regionals! Don't scare these HS kids to death!

Gee, from what I have seen in pics posted on websites for tailgate days, who needs a BAR?

BD2579 -
You sound like a kid with his head screwed on right. I know exactly the situation you are in as my son deals with the same issues in hs. Doing what is right isn't always easy. Stay your ground and you will be rewarded.

quote:

Originally posted by cong:
I was never much of a partier when I was in HS. My Father was very strict and you didn't leave the house without a valid destination and return time. When I was in HS, the drinking age was 18. We played football on Saturday mornings in the Fall. On Fridays evening, the coaches would call you to make sure you were home. My senior year, the other team captain and I were delegated the duty to make the calls. I would call half the team around 9:00 PM Friday night. As I said, I was Mr. Straight & Narrow, little did I know that a large percentage of the team would wait for my call and then head out for drinking and partying. I only figured it out at the last game of the season, when I choose not to call anyone. At 9:30 I started getting calls from players who wondered why I had not called. I decided to call them all back at 10:00 PM and a lot of them were not home. Then all the pieces fit together. Our team was awful, perhaps because of hungover players, perhaps we just stunk. I was the only member of that team to get any athletic scholarship offers.

Now, the reverse happened to me in College. I was only 17 my freshman year, but all you needed was your College ID to get into the pub. The pub opened at 10:00 AM and very quickly I found myself there way to often. I screwed up academically and wasted my entire FIRST freshman year. I was booted from school and had to start all over again somewhere else 2 years later.

Does anyone else think that is a little over the line to make sure your teamates don't go out on a friday night? I mean i have never got drunk or have i every smoked, and i do work for baseball on fridays, but i also like to go out and hang out with my friends. We go watch a movie, or play cards, or just hang out. If I never went out on fridays, i would have a horrible time in HS.


Just my .02$

I think it might be a little excessive unless it is a curfew before a game or big weekend. I think you set your policies and have to put your trust in the individuals until they break that trust. make your policy clear and the results of breaching the trust clear and swift.
I know many guys who are late night guys but they should be in early on important nights before a game.

DB,
You have gotten alot of good advice here.
While my boys were in HS they did not drink, left a few parties that they went to because of drinking, and yes, lost friends.

We had a good bunch of guys to come over most weekends. They watched movies, played cards etc. Then one weekend, they arrived, and soon left. My son said they had beer at the basement door, and he told them they could not bring it in, so they left.

A boy who was a senior was busted for drinking, at a minimum he would have to have sat out the first 6 weeks of the season, but the coach decided it was not right for someone else to work and win the position, only to have to sit the 2nd half of the season, and the player was cut.

That alone was a enough for my boys to stay on the straight and narrow. Unfortunatly I have "heard" it has happened again, 6 years later, but the boy may be allowed to play after 6 weeks? Not sure I like that message, IF it turns out to be true.

Today, in college, and 1 who is over 21, the other 20, I won't say they don't ever drink, but neither drinks during the season.

As far as drinking or anyother rules that coaches have remember the rules are for everybody the # 1 starting pitcher to the kid who sits the bench and rarely plays.

If you are a hard working, dedicated, successful athlete in high school you can rest assured that many of your "peers" will want you to partake of the party life with them. One of the biggest reasons that they want you to join in their reindeer games is because they do not have the dedication and discipline to work hard to reach a higher level(your level).... thus, they find it easier if they can get you to compromise your principles and drag you down to their level.

Stay the course, their life-path is not your life-path!

OPP

p.s. cool new "smilies"!

OPP ...

You said everything I would have said ... it can be tough on a kid who stays the course, but we found ... fortunately ... that our son was respected for his commitments by his teammates, especially in college. He wasn't invited to many parties in high school, but by the time he got to college, the party throwers would invite him and then ask if he wanted regular or cherry Pepsi that week. We thought that said a lot about their individual and corporate respect for his decision to not drink alcohol.

I always wish some of his teammates, who were above average players, would have understood that they could have been outstanding players if they had elected to cut out ... or at least cut down ... the alcohol consumption.

BD ...

OPP's statement is well worth re-reading ... boldly ... "their life-path is not your life-path" ... and assimilating.

BD - excellent post!!

everyone has a horror story to relate: Mine, briefly: lost my 17 YO nephew, riding with a drunk friend - senseless!! Our family has been devestated [I posted this 2 yrs ago and appreciate all the thoughts and condolences, so I would rather stay on point here]. At the time, my 2 youngest were 17 and 16, very close to their cousin.

I am hoping that the pain they felt at the time, and the constant reminders, help keep them straight. You sound like you have your head on right. Even though it seems like it, not everyone drinks. Junior has had several friends nailed recently for drinking and/or driving. Thankfully, he has been smart enough to avoid this. The other thing is, he is on several daily and weekly medications for his medical conditions, that are supposed to preclude him from drinking, lest there be dire consequences, due to reactions.

He goes to school in the fall and we are concerned!!

ADVICE: Find like-minded friends and teammates - I think you might be surprised how many others there are like you out there, wanting to do the right thing. Sometimes it just takes a little backbone - sounds like you have your share - good luck.

We talk about our kids drinking and driving and rightfully so. However, I feel that most parents on this site trust and have faith in the kids that they will not make the wrong decision.

My 17 year old daughters have a midnite curfew unless I am called prior to that, and they say that they at a friends house, with these people, doing this. Then they will be home at 1:00, no later. They know that they are putting their reps out to hang with me and they also know that if I have any doubt I will check it out.

My point, the curfew is not threshold for them, I do not trust the other people on the road after midnite that I have no control of. If you think about it what % of drivers that are out after midnite that do not have a couple under thier belt.