Anybody remember the ad (can't remember the company) where the golfer putting was being blitzed by linebackers?quote:Talk about a game that is not a sport...try GOLF...
"Sssshhhhhh! Everybody be quite and he needs to concentrate while trying to hit a ball that is not moving."
My favorite NASCAR moment was when they were doing a story on how much cash those fans lay out to camp in the infield at Daytona. After talking about all that money; they then would ask the fan to predict the winner.
Reporter: "So who do you think will win the big race?"
Guy: I don't know, I don't follow racing.
Reporter: Then why are you here.
Guy: To drink.
Reporter: "So who do you think will win the big race?"
Guy: I don't know, I don't follow racing.
Reporter: Then why are you here.
Guy: To drink.
This is a great time of year. NASCAR started its engines, spring training and march madness around the corner. I love spring time. I never cared for racin' that is until I went and seen it live about
15 years ago. SHAZAM over night NASCAR fan. It will
never replace baseball or college football for me
but I am a fan for life.
15 years ago. SHAZAM over night NASCAR fan. It will
never replace baseball or college football for me
but I am a fan for life.
I guess its up to the individual. Living in the heart of Nascar country here in NC I made my first and last trip to a race around 10 years ago. A good friend of mine was building our home at the time and is a huge Nascar fan. He stayed on me continuously about going to a race with him and some of his friends. Finally I gave in and he greeted me with a 125.00 ticket to the GMAC 500 in Charlotte.
The day before the race he calls and says "Now have your butt up early cause we are coming to get you at 5am. Dont make us have to wait on you. We got to get on the road." Jay its only three hours to Charlotte man. The race doesnt start till 3pm. What the heck are we going to do for 7 hours before the race? "Boy you have no idea do you?" We are going to a Nascar race boy. Your in for a treat!"
Well as promised they show up at 5am sharpe and I get in the Suburban with two other guys I have never met in my life. The cooler is well stocked and these two dudes are already into their third beer. My buddy Jay thank God is just sippin on some Jack. He says "Im just takin it easy right now got a long drive." "But Tommy and Joe are kickin it in high gear already." As we pull out my driveway these two guys start yelling "Hell Yeah its Nascar time baby!" I am seriously sitting there wondering if I will ever see my wife and kids again.
We start out south on I-85 towards Greensboro where we will have our first stop of the Nascar trip. "Yeah were gonna stop at the Cracker Barrel in Greensboro for some breakfast." "Dayeum Guys slow down on the beer we got a long day ahead of us." "Hell yeah its Nascar time baby!" The trip to Greensboro is about one hour and by the time we get to the Cracker Barrel Tommy is about hammered and everytime we pass a car he is holding up 3 fingers for Dale. Joe is laughing and every five minutes lets out his rebel yell. Jay is laughing at them and still sippin on his tall glass of Jack. About this time I offer to drive and Jay says "Come on boy we are treating you on this one. Have a beer get it going man. "No thats ok I dont drink and ride." The next word out of Tommys mouth is "P_____ie!" Now I have never met this guy before in my life and I swear he would carve someone up for me if they messed with me.
We finally make it to the Cracker Barrel and Joe informs us we need to make a stop at the store to restock the cooler. Tommy is hitting on all the girls at the Cracker Barrel. Jay is laughing as usual. I am already wishing for rain. And its only 6:15 in the morning. Its going to be a very long day. After breakfast we head off to Charlotte and we arrive around 9:30 in the morning. Of course its time to restock the cooler. Jay needs to find a ABC store cause he is running low on Jack Black. And I got a headache from all the Rebel Yells from the back seat.
We stop by the store again , restock the cooler and Jay finds an ABC store. "Jay what are we going to do before the race starts." "Dayeum Kenny we are going to meet the drivers and visit all the pits. Then we are going to get some autographs and hang out outside the fenced in section in turn 2." Joe says "Dayem son you dont know anything about Nascar do yah?" Tommy lets out another Rebel Yell and says "Hell Yeah its Nascar time Baby!"
We get to the parking lot for the Charlotte Motor Speedway and the crowd is amazing. Thousands of people already there. RV's everywhere. People have been camping out all week and people are already tailgating. Old folks , young folks , kids , bikers , every single type of individual you can imagine walking around carrying flags of their favorite driver. People wearing the jacket with the number car they pull for. It was simply amazing to me. We finally get parked and Tommy says "Ok guys lets shotgun one before we walk over to the pavillion." Its gonna be a very long day.
We walk across the street to an area that is huge where every driver in the race has a tent set up. There they have stuff you can buy , toy cars , shirts , jackets , t shirts , coffee mugs , key chains , toilet seats , you name it anything you can imagine with the car , driver and number on it. We went to every single tent. Now its getting close to 1 and Tommy and Joe say. "Man we got to get over to the pit!" We got to catch those freaks before they get inside Jay!" They are in a pannick. I say what are you guys talking about. Tommy says "Dayeum you sure dont know nothin bout Nascar boy." Joe lets out another Rebel Yell. Jay starts laughing and then explains. "Look you have to buy a special pass to get in the pit. Once you get inside the the race starts they lock them in. Its pretty much anything goes in there. They dont show that section on TV when the race starts. The bikers , biker chicks , real red necks , all the freaks sit in there. Dude its totally out of control in that section. The girls take their shirts off when their driver comes by during the race. People fight its pure crazy in the pit. We always go down and watch them go in before the race. Its awesome man. If you yell at a girl and say "Show me some" she will pull her shirt up and show you her _____!" Joe says "Hell Yeah." Tommy lets out a Rebel Yell.
So we head over to watch the "Freaks go into the pit." And yes they were freaks. Tommy and Joe are yelling and screaming as they watch them go into the gate. Jay is laughing as usual. And its still an hour before the race starts. We finally work our way towards the gate where we will enter the track. We get inside and the guys want to find their seat before hitting the cooler again that Tommy is carrying on his shoulder. As I walk inside the track area I see the biggest Stadium I have ever seen in my life. A place that holds 125,000 people. Grandstands so high and almost totally around the entire track. Most of the seats are already full.
We get to our seats for the pre race festivities. The first thing I notice is there is absolutely no shade. We are sitting on aluminum bleachers in the boiling heat of the day. It simply is hot as hell. The area you have to sit in is extremely small. The bleacher in front of you and behind you is right on top of you. We are crammed in there like sardines. Everyone around me drunk. The guy in front of me just puked on himself and Tommy says. "Dayem P________ie!" Now Joe lets out a rebel yell and they both say "Its Nascar time Baby!" Yep Jay is laughing.
I ask Jay what the guys in the white suits with the rubber gloves are for standing on the concourse behind us. He goes on to tell me that they are the guys that come down and remove the drunks who pass out during the race. Why the gloves I ask Jay. Joe says "Dayeum boy you dont know nuthin bout Nascar." Jay says "Well sometimes its for when they puke on themselves , sometimes it for when they puke on someone else and sometimes they s___ themselves too." They all bust out laughing and let out another rebel yell.
Now its race time. The roar is so loud you can not hear anything or anyone outside the engines of the cars. Everyone is standing and yelling to the top of their lungs even though they cant even hear themselves yell. At about this time at least 65% of the people around me are drunk. The other 34% are well on their way. And the other 1% are just like me. Thinking they have died and gone to hell and this is their punishment for everything they have done wrong their entire life.
The race begins and its like ground hog day. Around and around they go with the same comments every single lap. "He's reeling him in boys. Here he comes boys. He's a little loose comin out of that turn. He's got it working now boys." Tommy is constantly telling me "Look look look , over there in the pit. Look at that group of gals! Hey take my eyes and look over there! Dang she's got some nice _______!" The entire race Tommy is focused on the pit and hammering down this beer they sell there. I have never seen a bottle of beer that big in my life. Of course its made of plastic thank God. Its bigger than a 40 ounce bottle. And they are putting them down like water.
About 2 hours into this event I hear Jay yell "Here they come guys!" Yep its the sanitation dudes in the white suits. They come down in front of us and scoop up this 65 year old dude who has passed out and fell over the people sitting in front of them. He has puke all over his shirt and he is flat out. Tommy yells "P____ie!" Joe lets out a rebel yell. And you guessed it Jay is laughing. As the sun is starting to go down the race is finally winding down. I have no idea who is winning. I could absolutely careless. #17 crosses the finish line and the race is finally over.
Tommy is speaking in a language I have never heard before. Joe is staggering around yelling "Thats what the F_____ Im talking about. Thats Nascar!" Jay is laughing at Tommy. And I have 3rd degree burns on my face and neck and I believe seriously dehydrated. We get back to the parking lot just in time to see an old white guy and his very old wife jump in an RV and begin to grind down the side of the two RVs parked beside him. He tears off the canopy's of both RV's and barrells out into the street almost running over several other people walking across the street leaving the race. The cops are in pursuit on foot and the old dude stops and we watch the cops drag this old guy out of the RV into the street. Tommy yells "You go you Old Som _itch!" Joe lets out a rebel yell. And of course Jay is laughing.
We finally make it back to the car. Jay takes the wheel. Tommy is passed out in the back seat. Joe is passed out laying across Tommy. And thank God the 3 hour drive is all that lays between me and my home and my wonderful family. When we get back as I am getting out of the Suburban "Tommy raises up and lets out a rebel yell and says "Now thats Nascar." Joe raises up just in time to let out a rebel yell as I am entering my home. And I can hear Jay laughing as he pulls away.
That boys and girls is my Nascar experience. One I will never forget. And one I will gladly never reproduce. At least not in this lifetime! And believe me I have a pretty good imagination. But there is no way I could make this up. One very very long day I will never forget.
The day before the race he calls and says "Now have your butt up early cause we are coming to get you at 5am. Dont make us have to wait on you. We got to get on the road." Jay its only three hours to Charlotte man. The race doesnt start till 3pm. What the heck are we going to do for 7 hours before the race? "Boy you have no idea do you?" We are going to a Nascar race boy. Your in for a treat!"
Well as promised they show up at 5am sharpe and I get in the Suburban with two other guys I have never met in my life. The cooler is well stocked and these two dudes are already into their third beer. My buddy Jay thank God is just sippin on some Jack. He says "Im just takin it easy right now got a long drive." "But Tommy and Joe are kickin it in high gear already." As we pull out my driveway these two guys start yelling "Hell Yeah its Nascar time baby!" I am seriously sitting there wondering if I will ever see my wife and kids again.
We start out south on I-85 towards Greensboro where we will have our first stop of the Nascar trip. "Yeah were gonna stop at the Cracker Barrel in Greensboro for some breakfast." "Dayeum Guys slow down on the beer we got a long day ahead of us." "Hell yeah its Nascar time baby!" The trip to Greensboro is about one hour and by the time we get to the Cracker Barrel Tommy is about hammered and everytime we pass a car he is holding up 3 fingers for Dale. Joe is laughing and every five minutes lets out his rebel yell. Jay is laughing at them and still sippin on his tall glass of Jack. About this time I offer to drive and Jay says "Come on boy we are treating you on this one. Have a beer get it going man. "No thats ok I dont drink and ride." The next word out of Tommys mouth is "P_____ie!" Now I have never met this guy before in my life and I swear he would carve someone up for me if they messed with me.
We finally make it to the Cracker Barrel and Joe informs us we need to make a stop at the store to restock the cooler. Tommy is hitting on all the girls at the Cracker Barrel. Jay is laughing as usual. I am already wishing for rain. And its only 6:15 in the morning. Its going to be a very long day. After breakfast we head off to Charlotte and we arrive around 9:30 in the morning. Of course its time to restock the cooler. Jay needs to find a ABC store cause he is running low on Jack Black. And I got a headache from all the Rebel Yells from the back seat.
We stop by the store again , restock the cooler and Jay finds an ABC store. "Jay what are we going to do before the race starts." "Dayeum Kenny we are going to meet the drivers and visit all the pits. Then we are going to get some autographs and hang out outside the fenced in section in turn 2." Joe says "Dayem son you dont know anything about Nascar do yah?" Tommy lets out another Rebel Yell and says "Hell Yeah its Nascar time Baby!"
We get to the parking lot for the Charlotte Motor Speedway and the crowd is amazing. Thousands of people already there. RV's everywhere. People have been camping out all week and people are already tailgating. Old folks , young folks , kids , bikers , every single type of individual you can imagine walking around carrying flags of their favorite driver. People wearing the jacket with the number car they pull for. It was simply amazing to me. We finally get parked and Tommy says "Ok guys lets shotgun one before we walk over to the pavillion." Its gonna be a very long day.
We walk across the street to an area that is huge where every driver in the race has a tent set up. There they have stuff you can buy , toy cars , shirts , jackets , t shirts , coffee mugs , key chains , toilet seats , you name it anything you can imagine with the car , driver and number on it. We went to every single tent. Now its getting close to 1 and Tommy and Joe say. "Man we got to get over to the pit!" We got to catch those freaks before they get inside Jay!" They are in a pannick. I say what are you guys talking about. Tommy says "Dayeum you sure dont know nothin bout Nascar boy." Joe lets out another Rebel Yell. Jay starts laughing and then explains. "Look you have to buy a special pass to get in the pit. Once you get inside the the race starts they lock them in. Its pretty much anything goes in there. They dont show that section on TV when the race starts. The bikers , biker chicks , real red necks , all the freaks sit in there. Dude its totally out of control in that section. The girls take their shirts off when their driver comes by during the race. People fight its pure crazy in the pit. We always go down and watch them go in before the race. Its awesome man. If you yell at a girl and say "Show me some" she will pull her shirt up and show you her _____!" Joe says "Hell Yeah." Tommy lets out a Rebel Yell.
So we head over to watch the "Freaks go into the pit." And yes they were freaks. Tommy and Joe are yelling and screaming as they watch them go into the gate. Jay is laughing as usual. And its still an hour before the race starts. We finally work our way towards the gate where we will enter the track. We get inside and the guys want to find their seat before hitting the cooler again that Tommy is carrying on his shoulder. As I walk inside the track area I see the biggest Stadium I have ever seen in my life. A place that holds 125,000 people. Grandstands so high and almost totally around the entire track. Most of the seats are already full.
We get to our seats for the pre race festivities. The first thing I notice is there is absolutely no shade. We are sitting on aluminum bleachers in the boiling heat of the day. It simply is hot as hell. The area you have to sit in is extremely small. The bleacher in front of you and behind you is right on top of you. We are crammed in there like sardines. Everyone around me drunk. The guy in front of me just puked on himself and Tommy says. "Dayem P________ie!" Now Joe lets out a rebel yell and they both say "Its Nascar time Baby!" Yep Jay is laughing.
I ask Jay what the guys in the white suits with the rubber gloves are for standing on the concourse behind us. He goes on to tell me that they are the guys that come down and remove the drunks who pass out during the race. Why the gloves I ask Jay. Joe says "Dayeum boy you dont know nuthin bout Nascar." Jay says "Well sometimes its for when they puke on themselves , sometimes it for when they puke on someone else and sometimes they s___ themselves too." They all bust out laughing and let out another rebel yell.
Now its race time. The roar is so loud you can not hear anything or anyone outside the engines of the cars. Everyone is standing and yelling to the top of their lungs even though they cant even hear themselves yell. At about this time at least 65% of the people around me are drunk. The other 34% are well on their way. And the other 1% are just like me. Thinking they have died and gone to hell and this is their punishment for everything they have done wrong their entire life.
The race begins and its like ground hog day. Around and around they go with the same comments every single lap. "He's reeling him in boys. Here he comes boys. He's a little loose comin out of that turn. He's got it working now boys." Tommy is constantly telling me "Look look look , over there in the pit. Look at that group of gals! Hey take my eyes and look over there! Dang she's got some nice _______!" The entire race Tommy is focused on the pit and hammering down this beer they sell there. I have never seen a bottle of beer that big in my life. Of course its made of plastic thank God. Its bigger than a 40 ounce bottle. And they are putting them down like water.
About 2 hours into this event I hear Jay yell "Here they come guys!" Yep its the sanitation dudes in the white suits. They come down in front of us and scoop up this 65 year old dude who has passed out and fell over the people sitting in front of them. He has puke all over his shirt and he is flat out. Tommy yells "P____ie!" Joe lets out a rebel yell. And you guessed it Jay is laughing. As the sun is starting to go down the race is finally winding down. I have no idea who is winning. I could absolutely careless. #17 crosses the finish line and the race is finally over.
Tommy is speaking in a language I have never heard before. Joe is staggering around yelling "Thats what the F_____ Im talking about. Thats Nascar!" Jay is laughing at Tommy. And I have 3rd degree burns on my face and neck and I believe seriously dehydrated. We get back to the parking lot just in time to see an old white guy and his very old wife jump in an RV and begin to grind down the side of the two RVs parked beside him. He tears off the canopy's of both RV's and barrells out into the street almost running over several other people walking across the street leaving the race. The cops are in pursuit on foot and the old dude stops and we watch the cops drag this old guy out of the RV into the street. Tommy yells "You go you Old Som _itch!" Joe lets out a rebel yell. And of course Jay is laughing.
We finally make it back to the car. Jay takes the wheel. Tommy is passed out in the back seat. Joe is passed out laying across Tommy. And thank God the 3 hour drive is all that lays between me and my home and my wonderful family. When we get back as I am getting out of the Suburban "Tommy raises up and lets out a rebel yell and says "Now thats Nascar." Joe raises up just in time to let out a rebel yell as I am entering my home. And I can hear Jay laughing as he pulls away.
That boys and girls is my Nascar experience. One I will never forget. And one I will gladly never reproduce. At least not in this lifetime! And believe me I have a pretty good imagination. But there is no way I could make this up. One very very long day I will never forget.
Coach May,
Aahhh....fast cars, faster women and beer. Truly an American Trilogy. At least a Southern Trilogy.
Throw in a couple shotguns and opossums and you'd just done told about my only trip to Talladega.
Still got the scars. LOL
Aahhh....fast cars, faster women and beer. Truly an American Trilogy. At least a Southern Trilogy.
Throw in a couple shotguns and opossums and you'd just done told about my only trip to Talladega.
Still got the scars. LOL
What has 20 legs and 20 teeth?
Ten NASCAR fans.
Ten NASCAR fans.
Coach, help me up off the floor 
I enjoy the "educated" and technical aspects of stock car racing but my personal experience is close to yours but on a much smaller scale.
I took my twin daughters, 19 at the time, and 6 other 18-20 girl water ski team members to a dirt track race in WI where they were selling raffle tickets for the ski team. I thought if I took the triple rig, a boat with 3 225 hp outboard engines along to show, the motor heads would be mesmerized and we would sell out the tickets before the girls were fed up with the noise, and dirt filled the air. Needless to say, while the boat raised some interest, my 8 girls, wearing shorts, lacy tank-tops, and flip-flops were the "eye-candy" on display.
HOW STUPID OF ME.
I think I was the only guy in the place wearing a collared shirt and had shoes that were not steel toed. I don't know how many times I was asked if I was their pimp, or if they could take one home for their son, or if they could hose-em-down for a wet t-shirt contest. I was un-easy, getting pessed, and asked that a cop be placed in the area for our protection. That did work, as much of the rift-raft left the area because I imagine most had outstanding warrants.
Now, the girls were kicking a$$ on raffle sales versus the local cub scout pack that was selling 50/50 cash raffle. Out of the blue these 2 10 year old cub scouts, one having a plug of chew between his cheek-n-gum, approach the girls and threaten to trash the boat unless they left. I look over and saw the two den moms, both wearing steel-toed boots nodding their heads with approval.
Bottom line, which is most important, the girls sold $1000 of raffle tickets in an hour, and after the laughter and stories ended they decided that for the good of man kind, race tracks served a purpose of corralling guys like that in one place.
I enjoy the "educated" and technical aspects of stock car racing but my personal experience is close to yours but on a much smaller scale.
I took my twin daughters, 19 at the time, and 6 other 18-20 girl water ski team members to a dirt track race in WI where they were selling raffle tickets for the ski team. I thought if I took the triple rig, a boat with 3 225 hp outboard engines along to show, the motor heads would be mesmerized and we would sell out the tickets before the girls were fed up with the noise, and dirt filled the air. Needless to say, while the boat raised some interest, my 8 girls, wearing shorts, lacy tank-tops, and flip-flops were the "eye-candy" on display.
HOW STUPID OF ME.
I think I was the only guy in the place wearing a collared shirt and had shoes that were not steel toed. I don't know how many times I was asked if I was their pimp, or if they could take one home for their son, or if they could hose-em-down for a wet t-shirt contest. I was un-easy, getting pessed, and asked that a cop be placed in the area for our protection. That did work, as much of the rift-raft left the area because I imagine most had outstanding warrants.
Now, the girls were kicking a$$ on raffle sales versus the local cub scout pack that was selling 50/50 cash raffle. Out of the blue these 2 10 year old cub scouts, one having a plug of chew between his cheek-n-gum, approach the girls and threaten to trash the boat unless they left. I look over and saw the two den moms, both wearing steel-toed boots nodding their heads with approval.
Bottom line, which is most important, the girls sold $1000 of raffle tickets in an hour, and after the laughter and stories ended they decided that for the good of man kind, race tracks served a purpose of corralling guys like that in one place.
With all due respect to the more sophisticated posters from Tennessee, one of the funniest things I've seen is a couple of guys jumping out of a pickup truck (TN plates) on Pearl Street in La Jolla (the 5th Av of San Diego), and chasing a possum down the street. They were excited about the good eats.quote:Originally posted by S. Abrams:
Coach May,
Aahhh....fast cars, faster women and beer. Truly an American Trilogy. At least a Southern Trilogy.
Throw in a couple shotguns and opossums and you'd just done told about my only trip to Talladega.
Still got the scars. LOL
How can you tell the toothbrush was invented in the hills?quote:Originally posted by Jimmy03:
What has 20 legs and 20 teeth?
Ten NASCAR fans.
If it were invented someplace else it would have been called a teethbrush.
Coach May, that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time! And I don't doubt a word of it.
When I go to my brother in laws house he and the other brother in law sit in the kitchen sipping bud lite while watching the TV in that room--I am in the family room with the large screen TV watching sports--they do not need the large screen TV to watch cars drive in circles
. TR..
Aren't you just "stirring the pot-Hole?"
44
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Aren't you just "stirring the pot-Hole?"
.
Oh Kenny... that was a side-splitter.
My sons' college team worked concessions at the Kansas Speedway and his stories are just like yours about the experience of .... as your 'buddy' says, "that's NASCAR baby"
My sons' college team worked concessions at the Kansas Speedway and his stories are just like yours about the experience of .... as your 'buddy' says, "that's NASCAR baby"