Take two: communication with the coach

I think it sucks and if you don't mind I am going to piggyback on your thread This holier than thou attitude that some coaches have is a joke. Whatever happened to open lines of communication, being a man and discussing things, etc. Instead it's "I'm the coach and not to be questioned".

What level are we talking about here?

I agree with Zacksdad,

I have had problems with coaches in the past. I made the mistake of addressing one of them a year ago or so and my son paid a dear price. Fortunately he retired after that year. But I still have problems with things that are beyond my control and although I wish I could address them, I am concious of what transpired the last time I attempted to ask a question of a coach.

It is a tough deal with no potential for a positive outcome. And, it does not matter if it is the player or the dad who addresses the coach. The results in either case can be devestating.

quote:

THE QUESTION: How do you feel about a coach having a closed door policy where players are forbidden to approach the coach under penalty of suspension or removal from the team?

You're kidding...(I know you're not)

This sounds like someone who can't handle any kind of conflict and deals with it by simply refusing to interact. I've seen these types at work. They don't last very long....Sounds pretty unenforceable. If you went to the AD and complained that you were kicked off for questioning the coach what would the AD do??? (I'm not talking about insubordination in front of the whole team. You should be able to say almost anything in private without repercussions.)

Our coach handed out a flyer at the beginning of the season that just said 'See me if you have a problem. If we can't resolve it we'll go to the AD. If we still can't resolve it we'll go to the principal. But SEE ME FIRST...' He seems to be open to any discussion, not that it does any good.

Truly unfortunate. My way or the highway has its place but it shouldn't be a 24/7 policy. Just a bit of advice, go back and re-read your OP, other than the flyin monkey tangent (they are/were scary!)there was support and compassion for your son's situation. He sounds well equipped to handle the Wiz, trust him.

quote:

Originally posted by floridafan:
What level are we talking about here?

high school

quote:

I have had problems with coaches in the past. I made the mistake of addressing one of them a year ago or so and my son paid a dear price.

I don't believe parents should approach coaches unless it's about physical or mental abuse. Another exception is travel plans for travel teams.

quote:

there was support and compassion for your son's situation.

I'm not looking for support. I have my opinion. I coach travel. I want the bench beating a path to me believing they can start and asking how to achieve it. My most rewarding situation as a coach when a player came to me with a personal problem that had nothing to do with baseball.

The situation presented the idea for a thread on how coaches handle communication and how parents perceive coaches to handle communication.

I can't imagine an AD or principle supporting a coach with that attitude if they knew about it. Sure am glad my son doesn't go to RJM Jr's school.

I understand a coach having a closed door policy with the parents as it relates to the team, playing time, line up, etc. But with the players? Someone needs to smack the coach up side the head (like, the AD).

An AD at a local HS once said in a parent meeting, "I've never known a coach at this school yet who didn't want to win and therefore wasn't trying to put his best team on the field." Most always, this is true I believe.

Coaches should allow communication, thats a given. Parents and players should pick their spots on when and how to communicate. That should be a given too.

I've seen a good share of both good and bad coaches. Even the good ones reach a point where yet more communication accomplishes nothing.

There's not enough information in this story for me or anyone else to place blame anywhere. I feel for RJM and his son...seems like we were once in a similar situation with a HS coach many years ago...however when I look back at it now, I don't see it as clear cut - i.e., coach's fault - as I did then.

In fact, there's a lot of things I see differently now than I did 5, 10, 25 years ago. Doesn't make me right now and wrong then...its just different.

Speak when spoken to. Don't ask me any questions. Sounds like a great policy if you want to turn off the kids to yourself and ultimately the baseball program. Seems like a recipe for failure.

Hopefully wiser heads will prevail and this coach will change his approach.

RJM,
It stinks, no doubt about it. But this decision by the coach is no different than any other decision(playing time, position, batting order, etc.). All coaches do things differently. He probably has a history of parental interference and he has decided to stop it cold turkey. The bad thing is he decided to do it with your son's team. I bet he will relax a little next year but you never know. All coaches are changing in their style as they go along.

Your choices:
1. Stay on the team and play your hiney off.
2. Quit.
3. Transfer.
4. Move back to Cali and play in one of the spring leagues and do travel only.
5. Go to the AD and try to get the coach fired or gutted of authority.

1 amd 3 are your only true options. If you pick 5, he will probably quit and you will have a coach who knows nothing. A fill in guy. And next year when the new coach is in place and some other parent is unhappy, here comes the axe. No coaches are perfect(but there are a few on this board who are pretty dang close) just play ball and ignore everything else. Or leave. The same choice that all of your travel parents have when they don't like your policies.

Whatever you decide, I will be willing to bet that your coaches policies will get better with time and experience.

Don't need advice. We know what the options are. Step one is tune it out and play.

It doesn't sound like a good situation. There must be more to it than what's being told here. I don't know a lot of high school coaches but do know a few. I haven't heard one of them say he wouldn't hear a kid out if he has something he wants to talk about.

RJM,
You do need some advice. You said the coach knows about this site and comes on here. I would recommend not posting any more on this subject and deleting what you have already done. It will not help your case if he reads it. I guarantee you that the only way I would address my son's coach on this, or any other forum, would be in glowing terms.
We love you coach!

A coach who won't communicate with his players has got issues.

Last year, my son got benched for the first half a game because he was told during the game about his "unexcused absense" by the asst coach.

The 'unexcused absence' was due to a college entrance exam the university scheduled up for him on gameday with a division rival. This was 2 weeks before that game on the schedule. My son said he was gonna try and reschedule the exams on an off-day which he did and notified the HC right away of the change which was about week before that game, he told the coach about the rescheduled test and reminded him again on the saturday before the wednesday game he won't be in school tuesday which means he misses one practice but would be at the game. The school attendence office had him out as an excused absence that day.

Come game day, he's not in the lineup and the asst. coach brings it up about missing practice about the 4th inning and my son reminded the asst coach he was there when he told the HC about the exams. Next inning my son was in the game. He never questioned it and stayed on the bench ready to play if they were gonna use him. The HC never said a word to my son about it. IMO, that was a lack of communication on the HC's part and my son told me "it's their loss if they're benching me even though I had a legitimate reason to be out of school". He never mentioned it again and was in the starting lineup by the 5th inning and the rest of the season.

My only involvement was I called the school attendance office (which I'm required by law to do)and told them my son would be out for the day to take the entrance exams, and was marked down as an excused absence.

I wasn't too thrilled that this was how the coach handled because the coach denied knowing about being out of school that day but I thought my son handled it right and I just left it at that, move on an never brought it up with him agsain because it was done and over with and he dealt with it.

What do you think of that? Did my son handle that right or was he wrong?

zombywoof - I think your son handled it beautifully...and you too!

RJM-sorry to hear-false accusations-I'd sue him-it's the American way.

Seriously it is terrible. Me personally, if I knew it was a false accusation, and this had something to do with my son's character (ie drugs, crime, ***, etc) I probably wouldn't say anything. I would kick the door down in his office and break his jaw-but I'm known to be hot headed.

Back to the question about the closed door policy. I think he should have to talk to your son and explain himself ESPECIALLY if they are truly false accusations and it had something to do with his character. But if this "closed door" policy is known, and especially if it is written, have him talk to the ad or the principle instead and go from there.

Incredible. Coaches benching players for being questioned-yet in another thread it is all but right out said-little things don't make a difference the best players will be on the field.

Good luck to you.

RJM - just a thought and not an accusation. Is there any way your kid is being punished for something you have done? Now THAT I have seen before. It's not pretty - and I don't have perspective on how to solve that problem.

I thought I remembered reading from you on another topic that you were the stat keeper for your hs team and there were parents that were complaining/arguing about the way you were keeping the stats or scoring the book on their kid. Something then about the way your son was scored, and comments went back and forth. Who knows what other parents have talked with the coach about regarding you - and this could be payback. Not at ALL a mature response by a coach - but could it be possible? I am just throwing out there that sometimes the kid pays the price. Again - you're not looking for advice - but you did make the post - so just offering an alternative perspective.