How many kids have not learned something because they were afraid to ask questions, or felt stupid asking them? Then later, when they didn't perform a technique as expected, the coach jumps their shorts about it. Who's fault is that?
Or, have you seen a situation where the kid isn't picking up on something, is afraid to say something and then the coach finds out later that he was afraid to ask.
The first thing I tell my kids is if you don't like me or something I say, or don't understand something I say, or can't grasp a concept I'm teaching, then say so ASAP, even if you finally do it out of frustration and anger and say it in a less than politically correct manner. I will not care about your language or your attitude if it leads to learning. I want the kid to learn. If he has to blow up first, fine. I want him to overcome the adult/kid intimidation barrier so he can ask questions and learn. I don't want him unable to break out because of too much respect for adults.
I'm here to coach, not make perfect angels. I understand frustration. I want the kid to know there is nothing he should let stand in the way of his baseball learning. Not even calling me names........as long as it ends up in mutual respect and learning.
I love Bob Huggins' (U of Cincinnatti basketball) approach with his players. I read somewhere that he allows them to yell back at him (we all know he does his share of yelling) as long as it has to do with learning the game of basketball. As long as it is done with the idea that we are a team/family and there is no quitting and it stays in house.
The #1 priority of any coach should be to teach his sport. He should be graded on how well his players improve/learn. If hard feelings, yelling and yes, a few cuss words, leads to learning then give me a lot of it.
I have never had a problem with this. Sometimes it takes a while for cool heads to develop. But, the reward after the kid finally gets it way outshines the temporary hard feelings.
And, it is up to the coach to lead the way and make sure things end properly.
I will be the first to admit some kids are off the charts in attitude. I believe there are times when they have to go for the good of the team. But, I'm so glad I grew up when I did (late 60's early 70's) when kids were allowed to be kids. They were allowed to make mistakes without suffering the death penalty. Today, coaches coach, teachers teach and principals principal with a throw away mentality. Nothing is more stupid than 0 tolerance when it comes to attitudes, cussing, etc. I'm OK with it for alochol, drugs and the serious stuff. But not for internal team problems.
I coached a kid in basketball that had an anger management problem. A very good kid, great parents, an eventual national honor society member with a grade point average of 3.75. He just happened to blow his stack every now and then due to pressure of game situations, pushing and shoving under the boards. He and I had our moments in practice. Not pleasant. I kicked him out of practice more than once. But, I also loved him and taught him basketball. Before every game I would approach the opposing coach and referees and tell them about this kid. Good kid, hot temper. I asked the refs to T him up if necessary but give me a chance to get to him before the second T or an ejection. I asked the opposing coach to forgive him before any incident. I also asked the player to work on it with me. I told him it was his responsibility to learn to control it. But that I would support him and stand up for him. We got it under control through 6th, 7th, 8th grade. When I got to him in the middle of his rage, he'd begin to calm and we'd take him out of the game, sit him for 3 or 4 minutes then put him back in. Probably had 1 or 2 incidents a season. When he went to high school no one worked with him. Everyone abandoned his particular need. He was on his own. No one would give him credit for being a good kid. All they could see was the bad which was a very small part of him. They treated him as a throw away. And.....he got ejected from a game, went into the locker room, kicked a few things around (no damage). They kicked him off the team. Later he told me they made him feel like a criminal. How sad for adults to do that.
All this kid needed was someone to care for him. But, instead, the coach, principal, and AD were too concerned with their image and egos.
I went to the school board meeting and was the only parent other than his to support him. All the others were concerned with "how they look" and how it makes the school look. Why a coach won't support a player with special needs gripes me.
This kid is now 21 years old, in college with a scholarship and working toward his degree. His problem is still there but since he isn't playing sports it's very rare. Everytime I see him he thanks me.
That's my special reward.
