The death of a dream (must reading)

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People abusing drugs or alcohol dont relize the stress and the worry they put their friends and family through, always fearing they gonna get a call from a hospital or police telling them their son or friend just died.

Frank you are correct.
I could not help my best friend, Unless I took him out and tied him to a tree. And I thought of it.
And I should of done it in Hindsite.
There's some thing's that are out of your control.
And no matter how hard you try to help that person, They have to want to help themself's.

The soul responsibility is the individual's.
Nobody else. Not there Friend's,Not there Parent's, Not there environment.
The Individual.
Nobody should be held accountible for someone elses Action's.
You and You alone are Responsible for your Action's.
Live with the Consiquences of your Action's.
You Love them, You show them you care.
Nobody's Perfect.
EH
EH

threesons. Through the compliment sandwich, I clearly know where you stand. Let me ask you this...Are loving parents who wink at each other occassionally during the day and tell the kids they are going upstairs to take a nap on a warm Sunday afternoon inciting sexual behavior in their teens? Maybe we all ought to quit having *** and drinking altogether for the sake of our kids. Maybe we ought to live our lives without total deprivation but in moderation. Neither stance is without failure I'm sure. I respect my wife more than anyone I've ever met in my life. In my mind she is what every woman should aspire to be, yet she is not perfect. Her family was totally disfunctional. Where did her character come from? If she read this she'd correct me and write "from where did her character come". I'm pretty sure the answer to this issue is to be the best parent YOU can be, educate yourself and your family, actively manage your life and see how it all turns out.

Regarding your question on hints but no hard evidence: If I heard today that Joey Sophomore was into drugs from any source, I would not hesitate to call Joey's mom and dad and tell them that rumors are flying. Maybe right and maybe wrong but why not help them be a little more alert to Joey's behavior.

Our high school received two anonymous calls regarding our son. They passed them on to us and we had him drug tested immediately. Guess what. Trace positive. Too late to avoid the trouble he was already in, but might have saved his life. I wish those callers identified themselves. I would have thanked them.

One thing I am absolutely positive about. All of us have or will have significant challenges to face. As I said earlier, I'd prefer a different one, but I'm not shrinking from this one.

Lastly, and I'm quoting Bertrand Russell, The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.I hope he's right.

halfmoon,
I understand your point completely - I come from a family that practices alcoholism like it's an art form... a "party" meant a couple of kegs surrounded by lawn chairs in the garage. I could tap a keg by the time I was nine and mix any drink you asked for by the time I was 11. And yet I somehow made the choice not to drink as an adult, as have both my siblings. Who knows why? If there's a formula for raising healthy, happy, well adjusted kids it's a mystery formula... and truth be told it's probably a different formula for every kid.

I wasn't suggesting that parents shouldn't drink, only that perhaps as adults we need to be mindful of the behavior that we model, or as you said, practice moderation. Do we show that there are many ways to have fun with friends, or do we show that drinking=fun. All of our adult friends drink, but there are definitely differences in their intent and approach.

As for mom and dad sneaking off for an "afternoon nap", I think that's modeling good behavior - one of the benefits of a healthy, committed adult relationship. Now if dad sneaks off for the same activity with someone who ISN'T mom, that's modeling a whole other kind of behavior... not so good! I'm reminded of another quote "Don't expect me to listen to the advice you give and ignore the example that you set"... wish I knew who said it, but I don't.

I'd like to think that I always try to do the right thing in life... the hard part sometimes is figuring out just what that is.

i'm sitting here reading this thread again. i am waiting for the world around me to wake up, today my son in rehab comes home for a 24 hour visit. my wife and i have searched his room like we lost a lottery ticket. i'm nervous ,scared,and happy all at the same time. i have found out a few things that may be helpful to some.
this myspace thing. if you get on myspace you can browse there site, in your zip code. without being a member. you might not see your kids on there but your almost garanteed to see a kid you know.and as smart as these kids are? the stuff they put on these things are crazy. i don't think they know that www means world wide web .very telling.
i went to here a man talk about drugs and teenagers the other night. not the crowd i expected but great to listen to. the big thing is kids buying presciption drugs on line.all you need is a credit card.they ask if you have a presciption for the drug and you click ,yes or no. if you click no they ask if you made a mistake? and would like to start over? since most of us work and the mail comes before we get home?? the family computer is another drug dealer.if only it was this easy to get into college.these pills come from over seas, so you don't really know what your getting. very alarming.
reading through this post again was helpful to me, i hope things are well with everyones kids.

20dad - my thoughts and prayers for your son.

Internet drug dealer? I had not thought of that before and that indeed is a scary thought. Thank you for raising my awareness.

Drugs are all over the internet including all the steroids you need or could ever want

As for searching my kids room I draw the line there---to me that is a complete sign of mistrust of the kid--better hope he doen't find out or you might have a gap that you cannot span

I have to disagree, 20 dad is fighting for his son's life.. he can't trust him...

I trust my children, but when they became teenagers I told them "I will read any note I find and I will be looking around while I clean your rooms" I'm their mom and its my job to protect them... even if its from themselves... (they couldnt say I didnt warn them)

Part of helping your kid, at least in my mind, is to show you trust him---yes he has had some pitfalls and is paying for them but showing trust and faith in him can go a long way toward a positive end

Love is unconditional. Trust is earned, everyday.

Dear 20dad,

God bless you and your family and keep them safe..........


Thank you for sharing yet more knowledge learned the hard way............

Trust is earned..and when dealing with a hard core addict trust has been blown out of the water eons ago. You want to believe they are trustworthy but having been dealt blow after blow you learn to be suspect of anything they say or do until that trust factor has been demonstrated for a length of time...they manipulate, lie, steal all for they "fix" their body is in need of...so if I had a child who was a drug or alcohol addict nothing of theirs would be sacred...why do you think they do searches in reheb facilities....because they know from where the clients come

...nice to hear from one of the ladies of the nawth...........

agree catchermom! my sons know (have been warned many times) that I trust them and will respect their privacy so long as they are clean. If they ever blow it, they can expect that their privacy is no longer sacred. By breaking trust, they've given me permission to police them more closely because that's the consequence on the table. They will have to earn it back day by day, and that might take a good long while.

Bottom line: if my trust in them isn't sacred enough to honor, then their privacy isn't sacred to me anymore.

Catchermom03 and Quillgirl,.....AMEN!!!!
I agree I agree I agree!!!!

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Trust is earned..and when dealing with a hard core addict trust has been blown out of the water eons ago

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If they ever blow it, they can expect that their privacy is no longer sacred

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Bottom line: if my trust in them isn't sacred enough to honor, then their privacy isn't sacred to me anymore

VERY WELL SAID!!!!!