The other parent

rz1,

Great post! And I understand completely.

My oldest son was a basketball player and spent most of his time on the bench. I went to as many games as possible, always hoping the game would be a rout so that he might get a minute or two. I would even go to practices when I could just to watch him play. And I did enjoy watching the whole team practice. Got to watch my son and learned a lot about his teammates at the same time. Made the games a lot more interesting even if he didn't get in. I knew the basketball coach and he welcomed me to watch practice.

I also watched lots of baseball practices. When I coached parents were always allowed to watch practice. They were never allowed in team meetings. I actually wish they all watched practice. If your not in the way, there's nothing wrong with it. IMO

Having worn both pairs of shoes, I can relate to what RZ1 is saying. During LL All-Stars, son was a backup as an 11, a full-time starter as a 12, and mostly a starter in Juniors. But I definitely noticed some parents attitude change when their kids went from starter to backup. So with that perspective, when my son did not start the final 2 sectional championship games last year, I vowed to not change my attitude although it was eating me up inside (and I was an assistant coach on the team). This year, freshman son is working out as the starting shortstop on JV, but with that added perspective, I take nothing for granted and support all the players that are willing to work hard regardless of playing time.

rz1, great point! Watching practice or warm-ups before the game is almost as much fun as the games (and less stress).

You know, lots of talk lately in threads pretty much saying it is unacceptable for a parent to get excited, show emotion, or just generally exude joy for their player.

Baseball is humbling, and we all spend more time dealing with the lows along with them, why not enjoy the highs when they come? I can say that most of the parents from our programs root for all of the players, so when your own does something good, it blends in.

I didn't watch varsity practice in all the sports, but loved the scrimmages, and looked forward to them before the season started. I figure the Norman Dale way works. Coach has a job to do. Same in college except for scout days and intrasquads where everybody came.

Wearing the shoes as a parent of a player who gets minimal playing time, well, I can only say so far that I always support the player and the parents, especially in college ball because they are all talented kids. There were 22 times in 2008 where I wore the other shoes, and received similar support.

My son was in a league where there was a lot of favoritism. During the regular season his team was coached by a former pro that started him at 2nd, back up SS and was the #2 pitcher. He batted lead off because of his speed and ability to get on base. My son was selected by the players to the all star team. The all star coach played his own son at SS despite his son's inabilty to reach 1st base on a throw without taking several steps in that directon. There was a jealousy factor because he knew that my son was the better player and refused to play him even 1 inning or 1 at bat in 3 games. The AS coach didn't even pitch him. We sat there and watched as the AS coach's son failed to make many routine plays and frequently made baserunning errors. My son would have been satisfied playing outfield. The AS coach made the ultimate blunder not knowing the rules. He thought that the tie breaker to advance to the next round of all stars was "runs scored" and not "runs against," Because of his lack of preparation, he left a struggling pitcher in too long and cost a very good team a win in region. I just kept my mouth shut and tried to remain positive. One parent who's son was playing was very obnoxious.

My son had his revenge 2 months later when the AS coach formed a club team of some of the best players in the area. My son was invited by a friend to play for another team that needed an infielder and pitcher. They played him at SS and batted him 5th. He was a wrecking crew against his old AS coach with 5 RBI's including a 3 run triple. He stuck a fork in that elite team when he closed the game on 9 pitches, eliminating his former AS coach's team from the Labor Day Tournament.

I have worn both hats. One child never came off field, one gets in sparingly. Once they reached High School I stopped watching practice. I want to be a supportive parent and know that means mostly letting them tell me how it its going. I know myself and know it would be impossible for me not to offer a little nugget regarding their practice routine. I am no longer their coach, it is up to the coach to instruct now.

I try not to miss scrimmages, just as I try to make every game.

My ex-wife can tend to cheer at the wrong time and...

Oh wait...never mind...that is not what you meant by "The other parent" my bad!!

quote:

Here's an exercise for the parents of those kids who are always on the field.

Put on the shoes of the parent whose son does not get the AB's/innings, does not play travel ball, will not do anything but maybe adult rec beyond HS, but gives 110% at all times, and loves the game.

Now.....

If you were that parent, would your attitude toward supporting your son be different?

That's a very good question.

I probably have a better perspective than most on this site here since I've been on both ends of it. His freshman year he hardly played and his junior year when he made varsity, he got limited AB's(as most juniors did because it was a senior-loaded team). The one thing he had going for him was between his sophomore year and half way thru his junior year when he made varsity he played every inning on the JV level. When he got pulled from a JV game, it was to go over to the varsity game to get put in the game. That worked in his favor because even though he ate up the JV pitching and wasn't challenged there, he said it was better than getting buried on the varsity bench like most of the juniors who made varsity on opening day that never or rarely played or even got reps down at JV. If my son had been a career bench warmer, I would've been more inclined to watch him practice if that's where his game action was. In fact, I'd be less enthused about going to games knowing he never played.

While the pro scouts weren't breaking his door down, he was a very solid player who had a solid high school career with a breakout senior year as a full time starter and productive #3 hitter in the lineup.

With that being said, I would've probably watched more practices from a distance if i was able to get to them on time if he was a bench player.

I did mention in an earlier post that if I knew my son and his coach were comfortable with parents hanging around watching tryouts and practices, I'd have gone to everything or at least as much as I could've but my son wouldn't have cared for it since most parents never did it and I really never knew if the head coach did or didn't. I got the sense he preferred tryouts and practices be their time only.

I was thinking about this after I posted my thoughts about not attending tryouts or practices.

I remember in HS a freshman dad that came early to every game, stayed for every game. Our JV played before the V, running the concession stand I realized that he was always there. At the end of the season he told me since his son was just an average player compared to others and sat the bench and time in the game wwas not as often he made sure that he was there so he wouldn't miss the one at bat, or the few times he subbed. He never complained and appreciated every time his son got into the game. He also offered to help during V games, he and his son stayed for every game to watch. The dad was one of the nicest and had no ego and never talked about his son but wanted to know about every player and cheered for everyone on the team. I always made it my business to tell him what a great job his son did when he came in, even though he struggled and I know he appreciated it. This is, IMO what the parents of the talented players need to do more often, to support those that most likely will never experience what some of us do.

I agree for some they may never get the opportunities that others will have. Enjoy it while you can.

We always get to every game as early as we can. All three boys always look/ed for us and you can see a visible look of relief on their faces as soon as they see we are there. #3 is the only one who will return the wave, but they all acknowledge us in their own way. If we were ever late to a game unexpectedly, the first question out of their mouths after was always "where were you guys? I was worried." Part of their personal game prep was making sure Mom and Dad had arrived - all was well and the game could now start! They appreciated us being there for them, knew that it took a lot of sacrifice (getting to work early, begging off to get out early, whatever) to get there and they never took that for granted. Now if grandma comes, they actually come to the fence to say hi... we never warranted THAT much attention!

And I do miss the days when my boys still needed rides home from practice so I had a good excuse to go a little early and watch the tail end of practice. Never got close, just pulled into the parking lot where I could see the field and enjoyed the moment. Shot the breeze with a few other parents who were there for the same reason I was... love the game, love my kid, love watching him in the one place on earth that is truly his.

The memories are fleeting. Catch 'em while you still can.

I can only speak from LL/Super League experience. But we have already worn both sets of shoes, and, it appears, we will again.

27 has lived, breathed, slept, and existed for baseball. Basketball is his therapy sport. Football doesn't exist, and the same with s****r. When we first moved to Utah from California, he started over on three straight teams. (We bounced around Utah a little before we chose a spot and had the house built.) He went from being the new kid, down in the batting order, limited-playing-time player; to the #1 starter, #5 batter, virtually every-inning player. Along the way, he experienced being benched for better position players, and spending games and tournaments completely out of the batting order. There were times when, as a parent, it hurt to watch. But we hung in there, because whether it was 1 out, 1 inning, or 1 game, we were getting to watch our son play the sport he has always loved. It did get better. He got better, and along the way we go to wear the "other" shoes.

Now, we get to return to the earlier days. 27, as a freshman, will dress Varsity, and play a mix of JV/Soph. His playing time will be reduced, he'll spend a lot of time on the bench, and his pitching will be limited. We'll make every game possible, just as before. Because, we'll again have that 1 out, 1 inning, or 1 game where we get to watch our son play the sport he has always loved. In the words of Shrek, "That'll do, Donkey...that'll do."

rz1 - that was your all time greatest post imho. It made me think about things from a different angle. I have been consistent. I do not hold it against anyone who desires to watch tryouts or practices. You have made a great argument why that is perfectly acceptable and that also is in accordance with my previuos support of those who do. I will stick by my feelings however. For me, it is not the right thing to do. I am willing to let my son stand and fall on his own merits and willing to let him tell me about the results.

Nonetheless, that was a great post

quote:

Originally posted by ClevelandDad:
rz1 - that was your all time greatest post imho.

and to think it only took 4,324 posts to get the CD seal of approval

My kid took this parent thing to another level this last Fall. He set up three 10 player pitching clinics for kids going to the big diamond next year. I showed up fashionably late to watch his teaching skills. As I drove up I looked on the field and there's a group of kids along with a group of Dads learning how to properly stretch. I had to smile because I knew where he was going with this when I saw a box of old gloves sitting there. For two hours those kids/Dads learned how to use ther-bands, what "arm-side" meant, footwork drills, the "change-up", a simple pick-off move, fielding the position including bunts, and winter conditioning drills that they could do together. He also talked about respecting the game, the opponent, and the umpires. The kids worked and learned - the Dads watched and learned. It was pretty cool how he tied those two groups together in a learning experience.

Granted this was 12 year olds who just went through an off season clinic, but most the Dads from every group commented to me afterward that it was one of the best baseball experiences they ever did with their kid. That was a "warm-n-fuzzy" experience for me that probably reaffirmed the thought that baseball, as competitive as we make it on this site, is still only a game that we pass generation to generation. Mythreesons said it best....

The memories are fleeting. Catch 'em while you still can.

RZ,
GREAT POST!!!!!!!

rz

those are 2 excellent post's. that last story is what baseball should be about. dads and son's bonding through the game. excellent.

i have spent some time coaching rec baseball, mostly for my enjoyment. not every player is going to another level, some won't climb the ladder, some don't even know there is a ladder. i've seen kids who know every thing about the game but just don't have the tools. yet they enjoy themselves just the same. they are part of the future of the game. without the love of baseball, this site wouldn't be here. they are the future fan's of the game.





i had a coach in br baseball. he was a friends dad. i learned many new baseball things, also learned to have fun with the game without horsing around. he had the ability to point out your short comings,that would make you smile. but mostly what he gave me were fond memory's of the game. that's what i try and give kids, that positive memory that can last a life time.



most of us here were not drafted, didn't even play at a level most of our kids do. but yet we love the game...... ever wonder how that comes to be?