Things parents do to hurt their kid's baseball career

The kid is on the roster at a top 25 school. Not too shabby. He is a freshman. Now he is just one among many. How is he handling it. He is the one who has to deal with what he has to deal with. It is college.My son is in a similar situation. There are things that have happened that are frustrating. He thinks he should get some more time. I feel similarly. He is on his own. He tells me of his frustrations> My advicehe has to handle it. I know it happens before college where the parents make a fuss about things phone calls letters. That is bad and getting worse but there comes a time when you must back off.

Dibble - I understand what you are saying here.

I'm just going to express a little sympathy for that parent though. I think it must be hard to go from being the big cheese on your high school team to the bench in one year, even though it is a top-25 program. I've run a 1,000-player youth baseball league for a few years and I have not met a parent yet (self included) who doesn't think that their son is better than he really is. I think thats normal - and I think its related to how deeply we parents love our children and want them to succeed.

Having said that - some temper it better than others. I'm sure the conversation you overheard didn't impress the scout - but I would guess that scout understands that its a dad feeling bad for his son. I understand that feeling. I had it when my son was 9 or 10 and didn't get to play in an all star game. I didn't complain, but I know the feeling.

Our son will be stepping into a top-25 program next year, and I don't know for sure what the future will bring for him. Its entirely possible I didn't do my homework either. And I know that if he finds his time on the field limited that I could feel bad for him. While I'm very hopeful for the best for him, I will remember your words and keep any other thoughts to myself.

________________
"Pitching is the art of instilling fear," Sandy Koufax.

Very nicely written, Just. I agree.

last summer...son was in a regional playoff tourney playing on a team with players better than he...at least on some level per se...

all had college set in stone, except my son and another...coach pitched the other boys and picked up a couple...mine had the start in Sunday's game..we didn't get there, since we lost back to back on Saturday...unanticpated to say the least..son was there 4 days...was very sad...

told me I just wish I'd had a chance to show them I could have done a good job..

hubby and I only could console...he came away more determined than ever to give it his all at any chance he was given...had a great fall..and never looked back...

as a mom..sure you want to see you child play...to say otherwise would not be true...

but those times when it doesn't come together - those are the hard lessons...and they will separate our kids during the process...some will move ahead while others stall out...some will succeed...others will try...and yet, others can become even more motivated...

it's important for them...it doesn't make it easier...we parents should be working ourselves out of a job each and every day...

and sometimes it's hard for me not to want to fix everything for my son...but I can't...

I really feel for this boy who isn't getting playing time, as we can't possibly know the entire picture and the what or the why the coaches are not using him.....

I hope it works out...but parents don't always see or know enough about what the coaches are faced with when making that lineup.

I'm not in the process yet (I have an '08), so I will phrase what I'd like to say in the form of questions since I am by no means an expert and I'd really like to hear what others who are, or have been, in the process have to say!
Is it possible that some of these kids who are not getting the playing time they thought they would simply chose the wrong 'fit'? Was the desire to join a D-1 program more compelling than assuring playing time at perhaps a lower-level school? When meeting with the coaches before making the final decision, are coaches generally honest about initial playing time?
I was talking with a dad whose son is, in my humble estimation, going to be a D-1 prospect. So I asked dad, "Where's he headed? Miami?" (they're big Florida people) and dad basically said no way, he wouldn't see playing time, so they'll choose a school where he can get decent playing time as a fr/so then look into transferring. Seems like a smart way to go and something I'm keeping in mind as I gear up with info to jump on this merry-go-round in another year or two.

"Son, when you pitch a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know."

I'd say it usually is a 'fit' question, or maybe a lack of doing your homework. Coaches aren't going to say, "What, are you crazy? No way you'll see playing time until you're a Junior"; they'll say you have the opportunity to compete for a position.

But you have to take a look at their roster and stats. Who holds the position, what year is he, how are his stats. Then the same for backup. Is it a program that ever plays fr-soph, is it a program that brings in a lot of JuCo transfers. And all this with being realistic about your player's talent level.

Your player doesn't get better by not playing. Go where you will play is the best baseball advice for choosing a college. If he's looking to tranfer to a high-profile school, I would recommend the JuCo route.

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From 'Nice Guys Finish Last' by Leo Durocher:

Baseball lives at the center of a never-flagging whirl of irreconcilable opinions.

Krakatoa,
It is very flattering to be recruited to a top D1. There are pros and cons on attending. I think that most coaches are honest about playing time, most freshman are not usually impact players the first year. There is a lot of learning to do during that first year, and one may see games during the week which are not usually conference games. This is expecially hard for a pitcher, their time on the mound is very limited the first year, which is good,less wear and tear on the arm.
Parents and their sons need a reality check when deciding where they will attend school and play baseball. Most of the top 25 are excellent schools and I think that is very important factor. However it is important to pay attention to the roster when deciding where to attend and by all means have an honest discussion with the coach. By the way, Miami has a very young team, but if they all stay and use their five years of eligibility, yes the new recruits might be sitting. Lots of top schools lose a lot of their players to the draft, and in some cases that opens up opportunities for the younger players. Also, scholarship amounts usually gives one an idea of where the player stands. A school that has offered quite a bit is not going to have that player sitting for too long.
My son will be attending a top 25 D1. I do not think he would have decided to attend if he did not feel he would be sitting on the bench forever. And I don't think that he would have wanted to change schools, so he made sure that his decision was the right one for him. I agree with Justball, if things turn out differently, well then I will also keep my comments to myself. It is also going to be hard to adjust to being the top dawg on Varsity to one of the low men on the totem pole.

Bases,
sounds like you and your son have really thought it through and made a good decision based on all available info. Best of luck to him (what school?)!!

"Son, when you pitch a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know."

Justbaseball,

quote:

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I've run a 1,000-player youth baseball league for a few years and I have not met a parent yet (self included) who doesn't think that their son is better than he really is. I think thats normal - and I think its related to how deeply we parents love our children and want them to succeed.

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Amen to that statement. That is why it is so important to get objective evaluations of your sons ability. Especially if your son is a very good player. Very good players tend to have people pump them up higher than they really are. It is important to know where your level is in picking a school.

the Florida Bombers
"I love the HSBBW"

Krakatoa,
Clemson.
GO TIGERS!!!!!

congratulations on Clemson; went to school with Jack Leggett.....good man and good coach....best of luck to you and your son

Bump...

In my humble opinion the worst thing a parent can do to hurt their kid's baseball career is to be absent! I can't tell you the number of times I've seen some kids look at the parking lot to see if Dad is going to show up for a game.

I have nothing to add on the specific topic but in light of some of the garbage posted on this site as of late, I felt compelled to say that this thread started out with some of the most thoughtful, well-reasoned and considerate posts I’ve read in quite some time.

Then I noticed that the posts were actually written last year. As soon as it was bumped to this year, the very next post was trying to take it downhill.

MWR-VA

Is there a purpose in bumping year old material ????

Advice to parents Let the kid play.

Two years ago my 05 was picked for a regional team to play in the Junior Olympics. He didn't know them and they didn't know him. He essentially sat for the entire tournament. He was miserable. I was at least as miserable. I couldn't fix the problem which at the time seemed huge. Two years later, I read on his college essay application that this tournament was his turning point. He decided that he either had to work harder than ever before or he wouldn't attain his goal of playing college ball. It wasn't me the dumb parent who had the answer. The kid fixed it himself. It is not easy for a parent to watch his son be sad, but it is part of life. Best of all you get to be proud of the achievements he attains.

TRhit...

"Is their a purpose in bumping year old material????", you ask.

This is the third time I have been asked this question but in other forums as well.

As you know, when a "bump" is made, this is because a webster feels a need for the question and/or answers to be brought back to discussion again or just as an fyi for others to learn from an important topic of past discussion.

In the past, I have noticed where you have "bumped" different types of information, questions, etc., but I knew you were attempting to assist fellow websters as well.

There's nothing personal or any kind of hidden agenda. Just topics of discussion whereas I felt was appropriate to re-discuss or re-educate our members. We have many new folks on the hsbbweb trying to learn as you and I did several years ago Tom when we first joined this wonderful site.

Like you Tom, I have been a member of the hsbbweb since the very beginning. Oops, does that mean were "old timers"?

Thank you , MWR-VA.

MWR

I was just curious as to why you were bumping threads is all.

Not worried about an "agenda" or anything personal.

Now I know why

Thanx

Actually, MWR, I thought it was a heck of an idea: highlighting topics that are of perennial interest AND reminding us all why we're here. Thanks.

I see the problem as often two-fold. On one hand, many times the player simply wants to be able to say he played D1, and doesn't want to see the facts...that he isn't really an automatic D1 caliber player. The lure of the ego can be a strong one for some kids.
On the other hand, I see many parents who push their kids to go "big" so THEY have something to brag about. They don't want to believe that their kid probably isn't good enough to go D1, so they push their kid to sacrifice a sure thing for a maybe thing. I wish this wasnt true...but if you've coached very long you've seen it.
Parents: If you have a good high school coach...let him help you. Most good coaches truly care about their players and their futures in the game of baseball, and they'll do what they can to assist the young man. However, allow the coach to be honest in his evaluations...hiding from the truth won't change the facts!
Players: Enjoy the collegiate baseball experience...regardless of the level. Players that played D3 or NAIA (like I did) will tell you that they couldn't possibly have had a better time if they had played at a higher level. College baseball is a great time in a young man's life...and the level isn't what makes that true.

CoachKnight- so true, nice thread

Moc1 and Orlando...

Thanks!

Coach Knight,
Very nice post and a truthful one at that!