What are parents and players looking for?

KG

Change-up -- isn't there a way to "compromise"....that is, approach some games one way and others another way? Do you need to be 100% full strength for all league games? or in all pool games? The teams needs more than 9 players --- a good coach can juggle too. Is winning percentage a primary concern for your parents? We lost 19 games -- probably more than several 15 year old teams.

PD
If you are playing .750 ball, your schedule is not good enough. I have seen your team play and you will probably have to play some 17's and 18's next year or you will not lose 10 games.

Pd
Winning and loseing was not the problem,only that loseing breeds unhappyness.I was trying to say that sometimes a coach can be influenced by hanging with the parents.We won our share of games against some good teams but the parental influence on the coach was very noticeable. Again can't gripe cause change-son got alot of innings but knew several parents and kids that this hurt.

Folks I am sorry - but 16 year old young men need to learn to take care of their own business with their coaches. They are going to have to in two years anyway, why not let them get used to doing it now?

I just think that once these boys reach high school age it is time for us parents to begin backing out of the picture. Relax and let these young men learn how to stand on their own two feet.

But again -- it sounds like you're assuming that the kids that lost innings were hurt. I know this is a difficult subject -- I mean, none of us want our kids to play less. I suppose the challenge is finding a team with the right "mix". Our team has 5-6 HS-caliber shortstops -- some have had to accept a different role in the summer...and it would be silly to go look for 3-4 more.

You're right, everyone likes to win.

Wow, I'm getting too good at stating the obvious.

quote:

Folks I am sorry - but 16 year old young men need to learn to take care of their own business with their coaches. They are going to have to in two years anyway, why not let them get used to doing it now?

I just think that once these boys reach high school age it is time for us parents to begin backing out of the picture. Relax and let these young men learn how to stand on their own two feet.

Crawdad, I agree. How would you handle this situation. College coaches start telling you that one of the assistant coaches is giving very poor critiques, in fact, trashing your son. Not only on ability, but because this coach doesn't like him personally. Would let your son handle that or would you get involved? It is easy to paint black and white scenarios, but not all situations are that way.

As a dad, I want my son to growup, but I am not going to throw him to the wolves and abandon him either.

Crawdad, there's a mix - don't assume everyone is looking for hand-holding or a regular "conference day" with the coach. Do you send your son out the door to a game and say, "see you when you get home"? Even when our kids drive, I hope that is infrequent. No one is suggesting that these guys shouldn't handle issues on their own -- but staying involved (to a degree) isn't necessarily a sign of meddling.

Just trying to state what i was hearing from other parenta . They probably think that their kid were hurt. Mine accepted that other role you speak of and became a better player for it. I understand what you are trying to say though.

5-6 SS not a bad problem to have
You guys had a great season
Good luck to your son.

OK, I agree if I find out that an assistant coach is trashing my son I will get involved. But does that really happen alot? I really don't think so.

Let me explain to everyone what is going to happen - my oldest son plays Division 1 college football. I will tell you that my making HIM work things out with his high school coaches is serving him well now that he is 500 miles away from me. Believe me while your son is being recruited the college coaches are very talkative and reachable. Once your kid gets on campus they are on their own and you are completely cut out of the loop. Your son had better be able to handle his own business.

Again, for routine issues with coaches (including performance issues and playing time)a 16 year old young man should be able to handle his own business. If he can that alone will increase the respect he will have in the coach's eyes.

In my opinion crawdad makes some very good points. What has carried over to the athletic field in today's sports is what is going on in the classroom or with any other challenge that our kids have. As soon as a parent gets a smell of something happening they want to jump in and solve the problem. All of sudden the kid is now 25 years old and the parents are still solving the problems. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on summer coaches attempting to level out the playing time and in my opinion, a good percentage of coaches are very approachable, especially at the over 15 age group. In most cases if players are not getting what they feel is adequate playing time at this age the game may have gotten a little to fast for them. Not that they will not contribute in the future but they need to work harder and maybe get some individual instruction.

Thanks to all for the information. It has been very insightful. After reading all of this and with what I have experienced the last 4 years, let me make a recommendation to all. Keep in perspective that this is the world according to Lynn.

Take all of these things that you have stated are important to you and your player and choose your situation accordingly. Do not look at the team name. Do not look at last years record. Look at those things you feel are critical to your sons success and make the decision in January. Once you are comfortable with your decision, support 100% until August. Period, the end. Then you can start the process all over again. Now you ask, why should I support a less than desirable situation in July? Here is why.

Success in baseball is a product of how you deal with adversity. What else can you do correctly 30% of the time and be considered a success. If a quarterback completes 30% of his passes, he is done. If a guard shoots 30% from the field, he is done. A hitter can fail 7 out of 10 times and be considered successful. Teach the kids to deal with adversity and not pity themselves into being a victim. In my business there are a lot of people who are always victims. Coincidentally, or not, they are in the same positions today that they were in 10 years ago.

Victims do not succeed. Teach them to overcome the difficult situation they are in and make the best of it.

Everybody plays there last game. Babe Ruth did. Hank Aaron did. Willie Mays did and all of the kids we talk about here will. More than likely none of these kids will make enough money playing baseball to retire with out going into the real world to earn a living. Keep it in perspective. Do you want your son playing for someone who will help make him into the best player he can be or for someone that can make him into a better man. Baseball ends for everybody.

Make sure your kids learn how to compete, overcome adversity and to respect others. It can be assisted through baseball if you look in the right places with the right mindset.

Thanks again for all the insight.

I agree with Crawdad!!! I also understand that there may come a time when I need to get involved but if a coach is fair and honest, then my son will learn to communicate with him by himself.

I also understand that there are parents who want to be "kept in the loop". If they handle themselves appropriately, then I would assume most coaches (HS, College, summer select), would not have a problem talking with said parent.

KD
I am beginning to see why you like this guy
Thanks for the insight Lynn

I guess my only remaining comment is......few, if any, listed "helping my son become a better man" as a desired qualification. As far as I'm concerned, that's my job, not a summer league coach's. Don't get me wrong, if he helps, then GREAT! I do expect maturity, professionalism, and integrity -- if a coach provides a positive life role model, what a bonus!

But if "involved" parents (that is a good thing, right?) blame a coach for failing their kid in "life instruction" then shame on them.

On the one hand many are suggesting an arm's length approach to the parent/coach relationship, on the other hand we want him to teach our kids to become men? Seems like a difficult balancing act.

I am not arguing with your points, Coach V -- or with crawdad's or indugu's or others -- and I certainly agree with the concept of supporting the team by supporting the management (GM, coaches, etc.).

Good thread, everyone.

quote:

OK, I agree if I find out that an assistant coach is trashing my son I will get involved. But does that really happen alot? I really don't think so.

It happened to my son. Do not be naive. I know of many others that have been trashed by large ego summer coaches who wanted to get even with a top player. The fact that I know of at least 8 personally, speaks volumes about doing your homework. JMO

OK guys, let us state the obvious. A player has to have a relationship with his coach. Period. I did not see anybody advocate handling everything for the kids. Nobody.

This is a message board and people tend to deal with issues in black or white. Life is not that way.

Let your kids handle the little problems and even the big ones with your guidance. That is common sense. Let a coach coach. Common sense. Let us not lump all parents into that 20 percent of idiots.

By the same token, bad things can happen, bad coaches can happen. Do your homework and be there for you kid.

I never was a problem for my son's coaches and was always very supportive and still speak with them today. Even though my son will soon be 20. There was however a bad deal and I dealt with it. That is what parents do.

Let us not act like all the parents are carrying their kids bags and wiping their rear ends, just because they advise their children.

some of this stuff smacks of an attitude of well I raise my kid this way and so should you. different families and different relationships. They all grow over years.

I appreciate Coach Vanlandingham's advice. It is very good. As long as you have somebody like coach Vanlandingham. If you have Atilla the idiot, you may handle it differently. jmo I judge each coach by HIS behaviour. period.

BAM... BAM..BAM!!!!!!!!!! (that is the sound af Bighit's hammer hitting the nail right on the HEAD!!).

I agree with Big Hit on letting the player handle the little stuff and even the big stuff if they can but I would have to think that part of building self relience/maturity is for the player to know that if they "can't" handle it then there is a support system in place (in their parents) to help and hopefully the player will have the confidence to ask for that help.

I would think the goal of a lot of parents is to make sure that the support system, is there for all issues and not just baseball. We, as the parent, don't have to be the one that solves the problem, but maybe just the one that listens and gives advice or suggested direction.

Working in concert with our son's, their coaches, their teachers seems to me to be a very important building block for life skills and not an obstacle.

I believe there is a place/role for these multiple influences in our son's lives (now and throughout their lives) and the amount of influence, the type of influence changes as the son's needs change and adapting to those needs as a parent is what makes for a healthy/successful situation.

I guess I am confused....
OK, so some are saying that their 16 year old kid needs their daddy's help in dealing with their coach over "issues". Let's face it, the number one issue is PLAYING TIME. That is most of the disgruntled parents are complaining about in the stands.

And now let's face the issue of PLAYING TIME - Most of the time it is a PERFORMANCE issue - there is a better player playing in front of the upset parent's kid.

So why can't a bench warming player handle the above situation by himself? Why would a parent NEED to get involved (I am talking about a 16 year old man NOT a 12 year old boy).

I guess I am just not seeing the need for a continuing parental interaction between a 16 year old player and a coach.

Again, I am not talking about abuse, slandering, or any other types of out of the ordinary problems with a coach.

I am telling you within 24 months you can't confront the coach over playing time. It just won't fly.

Crawdad -- it sounds like you're describing parental problems more than player issues. As someone said in another post, most kids know the score and whether or not they should be in the lineup. Along that line, few kids are picking up the tab -- so, yes, some parents want to understand things that they may not see. That's when it gets hard.

INDUGU and others mentioned "nasty" situations between parents and coaches -- there are fewer such situations between coaches and players.

Bighit, OBN -- good posts -- the world is not black and white.

PD: you are right it isn't black and white and that is the best thing about this message board we get to see all shades and see that every situation is not the same, every player isn't the same, every parent isn't the same (or sane ), no 2 coaches are alike, every season brings new changes/challenges, every recruitment is different, every injury has a different recovery time/rehab/player reaction and more....

From all these wonderful posts with this type of varied information we can choose to take what info. we can use, what info. we choose to disregard, what info. we put on the shelf for future use and what info. we choose to share from personal experience(with hopes we don't get slammed).

And in the end, these posts are just like life, nothing is black or white.

Very interesting comments. I agree with most regarding letting the boys do the communication, especially in highschool. However, one needs to keep in mind that parents should not be intimidated not to step in and communicate if support is needed. One good approach for us when our son was younger was to ask him. Do you want any help with your stituation. When younger, he would occassionaly say yes (he has been playing bb since 5, now is a Sr. in HS).. Boys mature physically at different rates, and I think they do with their confidence (and emotionally as well). Since his Sophomore yr. we can't even go to the field after school to watch him practice. But this evolved over time to this point. We need to balance what our sons would like us to do, with what our coach offers and/or wants us to do, and what we see (intelligently and unemotionally) is going on with our coach. More so in summer ball situations rather than the HS. As in HS there are usually checks and balances in play just by the fact the coach is a teacher as well and an employee of the school district. Keep in mind that at least in Texas, until the boys are 18, we are and remain legally responsible for them (even if we would not like to).