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What are the 'taboos' in coaching travel teams?

justbaseballjustbaseball10,000+ posts
I remember when we began the recruiting process for our older son for college. One of the taboos I heard about was 'parents don't drink on official visits.' I told my wife this, but at one dinner, as a California wine lover, she invited a coach to have a glass of wine with her. He very politely declined and mentioned that as a college educator, he might not be setting the very best example for our son by drinking. I admired his stance on this and so did my wife. She didn't have her glass of wine after all.

Last year on our way to an out-of-town tournament...the 'hired' coaches on our 8th grade son's travel team all sat down to have a beer or two in the airport before the flight...in plain view of the entire team. For some reason, perhaps related to the college recruiting experience, it bothered me. No, I didn't say anything, but it bothered me. And yes, I've drank a beer or two or three in front of my kids.

Some of the same coaches brought their girlfriends with them to the tournament...stayed in the same room. Yes, its the 21st century and I don't think my kid is totally naive and will never be exposed to that, but is it ok to be treated so casually in front of pre-HS (or even HS) boys? I'm uncomfortable with it.

There are other things. Dirty language, smoking, bad behavior, etc...

Do these things bug you too? Or am I just too old fashioned and a prude? Just interested in your thoughts about what behavior is expected out of coaches of summer travel teams.
Last edited {1}
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Frank MartinFrank Martin1,000+ posts
I have seen much worse. Players/parents and college coaches were staying in motel and they had happy hour in real small restuarant/ bar in the motel. A player's dad got plastered and came up to 3 different college coaches all sitting at the same table and said to each college caoch oen after the other. " I really want my son to attend your college."

The poor kid was know as the player with the drunk dad. Needless to say the dad completely killed any chance of being recruited by any of the college coaches he chatted with.
BeezerBeezer1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by justbaseball:
Last year on our way to an out-of-town tournament...the 'hired' coaches on our 8th grade son's travel team all sat down to have a beer or two in the airport before the flight...in plain view of the entire team.


I think he's be scared for life! You should move to a more wholesome part of the country....say NE Ohio!!

Big Grin

Interesting questions though. I'll have to think about it.
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
Since our team is older we have some different situations---

We allow the ,kids to go out together for a dinner/movie with a set time to be back in the hotel---we have also had the entire group of parents go out for dinner etc and as a group and they had a time to be back at the hotel---they actually were late one time and let me tell the players let them have it but we could not bench them---the players where waiting in hotel lobby for them

I have no problem with sitting down with the parents for a drink a two and talking about the recruiting process/kids/team---I think it builds a family atmosphere and a togetherness and helps us to get to know each other better--no different than many of us meeting for breakfast in the hotel in the morning--- there have also been times when dads have asked to join me in my/their room to watch a game and have a few beers and pizzas/grinders and talk baseball

We are there for 3 or 4 days and I think it is important to build a togetherness and have a great time win or lose


Just my thoughts
L latteladyMember
quote:
Originally posted by justbaseball:
Do these things bug you too? Or am I just too old fashioned and a prude? Just interested in your thoughts about what behavior is expected out of coaches of summer travel teams.


Yes! We are bothered by those things. Character is important.

A couple of falls ago, our then 13 yo son's team's coach told the team that if they won that weekend's tournament, he would have them all over for burgers and his girlfriend (who apparently worked at Hooters) would wear a bikini and help grill the burgers.

We decided then that our son wouldn't return to that team for the spring! Maybe you could say that we are too old-fashioned or prudish, but I think we need to be very careful about what role models we put in front of our kids.
BBfamBBfam500+ posts
Not prudish at all. My son is 13 at wouldn't be allowed to attend a team function like that. His former team used to like to go to Hooters and our son was never in attendance. The manager, his son, and our family always went somewhere else. Kids see too much already, don't see any reason in encouraging it. As far as drinking, as long as coach is over 21 and only have a drink or two, I don't have a problem. I am more offended by the obnoxious parents and fans than occasional drink by a legal age coach.
Frank MartinFrank Martin1,000+ posts
Was on a baseball trip and the players and parents were all housed in an Embassy Suites. Also staying their was World Wrestling Federation and their Cheerleaders.

The dads and their kids though it would be nice to have their kids and them have their picture taken with the cheerleaders. Everything fine all the moms should up and saw their hubby and their kids being photographed with cheerleaders. The dads knew immedialty the moms were going go nuts, which they did. The dads spent most the week saying a whole lot of " Yes dear".
quillgirlquillgirl100+ posts
I think having a friendly beer or two, but not getting plastered, is ok. Especially if there is an "adult table" and a kid's table. Or if folks are hanging around by the pool or whatever.

I think bringing your girlfriend along is more questionable. I suggests it's about the vacation and the babe in your bed, more than the baseball, the team, the games, etc. I guess I'm old-school. Nobody on the team can have girls in their rooms before a game! Bad juju.
play baseballplay baseball1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by BBfam:
His former team used to like to go to Hooters


My daughter's FORMER softball team used to go to Hooters...the manager liked the food there (ha) and so they would all go....

The girls were 11 and 12 years old....

Character is very important.

My daughters also played in an organization where the married head guy had a "relationship" with one mom (married) and her coach had an affair with the head guy's wife...YIKES....way too many kids involved, way too many marriage vows involved. And did I mention all the drinking they would do?

Needless to say, we are no longer with this softball organization of 8 teams....
Last edited by play baseball
Frank MartinFrank Martin1,000+ posts
Does not everyone go to hooters for the food, why else would you go there?

Had a number of college coaches want to have dinner at Hooters. One person drank his beer straight from the pitcher. The Hooter girls were like we have glasses please use one. The drunken coach kept drinking straight from the pitcher, claimed he did not want to dirty any glasses.
Drank 3 pitchers by himself and never had to use the bathroom either.
BumBum1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by play baseball:
quote:
Originally posted by BBfam:
His former team used to like to go to Hooters


My daughters also played in an organization where the married head guy had a "relationship" with one mom (married) and her coach had an affair with the head guy's wife...YIKES....


Wife-swapping in baseball??!! That's unheard of!
Coach MercCoach Merc1,000+ posts
Always tried to make any trip just about baseball. Coaches and players. the was no concern as to wether parents or spouses were traveling. Player (16-18) were alowed out like TR stated in groups of no less then 3 players and coaches had to know where they were headed, movies, arcade etc. We to always had a in the hotel curfew with a lights out time and hour or so later. Most times at hotel curfew, we'd have a few pizzas waiting for the boys.

Here's a good one for ya. We collected all the cell phones at lights out. We had the phone chargers and made sure each players phone was charged for the next day. From experience, players sometimes complained that their roommates were on the phone with their girlfriends at all hours of the night. Were getting calls at all hours or text messages. This became a problem and we had to address it. If they needed to call home or if there was any kind of family emergency, the coaches could be called or the player could stop by the coaches room. It was fun...
Last edited by Coach Merc
play baseballplay baseball1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by Bum:
Wife-swapping in baseball??!! That's unheard of!


Well, it wasn't technically "wife-swapping".
One couple ended up getting a divorce. It was NASTY. Still is, from what I hear.

When my oldest son was 13, the esteemed coach of the team had an affair with the mom of a player who was brought to help at the CABA tournament--and the affair occurred while in Broken Arrow....and the players all knew it.
We left the team when that season ended.

On my younger son's 12 year-old-team, a mom and dad of two other players fooled around... and they were not very subtle about it. This team broke apart immediately following the national tournament.

I guess when certain people spend a lot of time together, stuff like this happens. I imagine that this happens more often than we think...or want to know about. Not that one would want to know about it.

It's important to choose your teams carefully. There is a lot more to a "team" than the sport.....

And there are reasons for leaving teams that go beyond baseball ...
Last edited by play baseball
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
playbaseball

You are so correct about it being more to a "team" than sport

We are quite particular about kids/families on our team---we like to build a "family" ---many times it is not the kid the most talent who can help the team---this is critical since we have kids from all over the place and from all sorts of backgrounds


We still have dads from years back who touch base and ask how some of the kids are doing today---

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