What Now????

Nice post. Heartfelt. My guy's several years behind yours, so I don't have anything for you. But thanks to you for providing yet another reminder to those of us with kids at the beginning of the process to "enjoy the ride."

jsingerjj,

Nice post, I feel ya! My son is a little over five weeks from leaving, so it hasn't quite hit me yet, but...you can bet it will when he's 1-2 weeks out, and especially the day we drop him off at his dorm. Our family is fortunate, he will be within 70 miles of our house, but it's still going to be a tough transition in the beginning.

My wife and I went home for lunch this afternoon, and he was upstairs playing his X-Box with a friend. I looked at my wife and said, "Five Weeks and he's gone...are you ready?" She looked at me and replied with a laugh, "the question should be posed to you!".

BTW...nothing wrong with being a little selfish and asking your son to hang out with the family a little more before he leaves, he'll appreciate it later on. Our family is going to load up the RV a week before our son heads off to school and take a quick three day trip.

I feel your pain! Mine leaves in two days. It's been a great summer and I think he's ready. Mom and I? Maybe not so much.

We left our first child on the dorm room steps six years ago. She was crying, my wife was crying, people walking by were crying. It was tough. She's graduated now and doing just fine. We all lived through it.

Daughter #2 was dropped of on the dorm room steps three years ago. Big sis was there so it was a much easier transition for everyone. Still tough but more manageable.

As I said, my son leaves in two days. I don't know what it's going to be like leaving him 300 miles away. Logic says the last one should be easier but now we'll have another dynamic at work - The Empty Nest.

You've done a fine job raising your son. He'll be fine. He knows right from wrong and will make mostly the correct decisions. You have to have faith that you and your spouse did a good job. Once you see that you did it will get easier. It also will make homecomings that much more enjoyable. You'll also be amazed at how much they mature and how quickly it happens.

Hang in there.

After 8 years of going through the mental turmoil of sending kids off for another year of college I have officially retired. However, 3 graduations made the anguish a worth while experience. Hang in there everyone and enjoy the new growth process.

I remember writing a similar "bon voyage" article like this 3 years ago. lol. My heart was being ripped into by him going off to college (at that time only 2hrs away) but nevertheless, he wasn't going to be HOME with me. My heart was up in my throat choking me as I wrote it. I feel your anguish and pain triple J.

There's one thing you wrote above that you really need to remember as he goes off to college - allow them to fail and provide them guidance when needed, so they learn from their mistakes. My son did just that during the fall though nothing major. But being away for the first time brought new decisions and choices that he unfortunately wasn't prepared to make. And yes, he was raised in a loving environment and knew right from wrong all his life. But not having the parents around is totally different. But this is a good thing. They DO learn.

You'll love to utilize Skype (that is, if you can get him in the room long enough to get on!). lol.

Someone on here suggested to me back then as they responded to my post about this very same thing that I would be surprised how I would feel a couple of years later. I laughed at them down my long nose! lol. They were RIGHT. I'm chomping at the bit to get him back to school! All in love of course. lol

Good luck to your son!

When I started reading this thread my heart rose up to my throat. It seems like just last week I was leaving my daughter at college. I won't lie - - it was horrible (even though I still had my son at home). Fast forward to this fall, my daughter has graduated from college and will be moving about 3 hours away to begin her career and my son will be leaving next week to return for his sophomore year at a college 7 hours away. I still cry occasionally because I miss them but life goes on and they are both happy. After all, that's what we raised them to do - - grow up and leave home.

Always think about those parents who have sons over in Afganistan. Off to college seems so much better.

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Absolutely right!

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I agree PG, thanks for reminding me/us.

quote:

Originally posted by PGStaff:
Always think about those parents who have sons over in Afganistan. Off to college seems so much better.

That certainly puts it in perspective.

Granted we parents have either been through dropping the kids off at college or will be in the not too distant future. It is harder for some than others, but in no way can it be compared to parents with kids serving in a war zone.

I was the last child to leave the house for college. My parents had been used to me being the only child left home for about 6 years. I had often been a kind of buffer between them at times, hanging out with one and then the other and sometimes just relaying messages across the house

While they more than verbalized being worried about what it would be like with me gone, things have gone pretty well. They now do much more together, things that are more interesting than riding together to baseball tournaments and things of that ilk. They both have integrated one another into each other's hobbies. For instance, my dad shoots sporting clays (clay targets for those that don't know) competitively. Lately, my dad has been finding weekend tournaments that are in locations that allow for Mom and Dad to go out and do other things, like golf or hit the casinos (there goes my tuition! ).

I suppose what I'm trying to show through all this is that you just have to see your son's time away not as much as someone being gone, but rather an opportunity to gain something. Clearly, this can be more time with your spouse, or more likely more time spent doing the same things with the younger kids!

JPontiac,

Interesting perspective from the son! In our family, my husband is a truck driver who is only home on weekends. While we spent many years traveling to baseball game and tournaments on weekends, there wasn't a lot of time to spend on each other.

Our son is the youngest of two, and when he was getting ready to leave for his freshman year last summer, my heart was about to break. It did help to see how excited he was for the new stage of his life. I actually managed not to cry until we left his new dorm. After about a month and a half, he actually started to miss the old family. We would drive up to campus(about 150 miles) for fall games, and he was genuinely glad to see us.

The tradeoff with sending your child off to college is that if you are lucky, they come home as an adult. I have had great summers with both of my children, seeing how they have developed, what decisions they have made regarding their futures. Because of school and baseball commitments, neither child will be home next summer. I am already trying to adjust to that!

PG you are absolutely right, that statement brought tears to my eyes.I have a friend whose two older boys recently enlisted, and her youngest son is heading to college, having all her three boys leaving the nest is much worse than what most of us will be feeling.

My son heading to college in 7 days, 9 1/2 hours away leaves a lump in my throat. I watched, probably for the last time, he and his father playing catch in the front yard last night,probably for the last time, and just said a prayer all will work out for him, baseball wise and academically.

1B is breaking us in slowly these last two weeks without summer ball. He is out every night, found himself a girlfriend and is working during the day. A quick hello, shower and off he goes again. It is going to be tough not seeing him for weeks, months at a time, but as long as he continues to make the right choices, puts his best effort forward, and stays out of trouble. Well, then we did our part.

Best of luck to all our sons, may they make the spring roster, get good grades, make lasting friendships and stay healthy! Here's to Fall Ball in College! wooooohooooo

This type of thread comes up each year and each year, I enjoy the responses we get. Very nice indeed.

This is one of those things you just have to live through and experience for yourself. If you think about it, our whole website is geared for this moment. What a blessing it is for kids to go off to college.

I enjoy reading all the posts regarding this subject. It has been very therapeutic. I’ll restate this again, this is an outstanding site not only from a baseball perspective, but parents and players can learn a lot of life lessins. I feel very fortunate to be a part of this community!!!!

quote:

What a blessing it is for kids to go off to college .......

.....and to come home.

Instead of starting my own thread, I am just tagging on to the “woe is me, my son is leavin’, what am I going to do thread.” Like CD I enjoy the stories so here is mine. This is a bit of a ramble -but here goes.

We leave on Sunday to take BOF Jr. to his new world, 1,400 miles away. I keep unsuccessfully trying to convince my wife that we will see him about as often had he been “in state” 400 miles away…..Thank god for Southwest Airlines and web streaming is all I can say. My son has said we can come down as often as we want - I am not sure he really understands what he just committed himself to. I am positive he does not think we will take him up on it very often. However, I am beginning to think that he really is “college material” since he knows when we do show up, he is going to get a big ol brisket down at “The County Line” each time we come rollin’ in. (smart kid, he already knows that he will be sick of the college food - even before he gets there)

Related to this, I have to share a wonderful blog of a women who is soon to be an empty nester whose daughter is going to my son’s school. Take a look; it has some great stuff that even us dads can relate to. For moms it is priceless.

http://theviewisgreat.wordpress.com/

As I am typing this I wonder where the term “woe is me” comes from, and as I often do I Google it. (where would the world be without Al Gore) The first thing it references is Job. (pronounced jobe, not job, for the too many of you unemployed) I think about what PG posted - it is not really that bad having to take your son to college when you think about the parents who have their sons in Afghanistan, particularly after this week. This makes me reflect on what Job went through and realize I am being silly worrying about taking my son to a school that has the best dorms in the country. For handful of you that don’t know about Job, here you go: (for you atheists out there, don’t worry it-won’t-hurt-you-to-read-it. - IT IS JUST A STORY)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_(biblical_figure)

For those of you who don’t know, my son is going to school in Texas and I have a story to share about a woman my wife met in the store last week. She was shopping for dorm stuff for my son and she starts up a conversation with a sharply dressed woman. She inquires where my son is going, and my wife shares her concern about him being so far away. I am not sure if I can type a Texas accent but I will try… So this lady says in a big ol Texas drawl “H O N E Y what are you worrying about? Your are not sending him off to wwaaar you are sending him to T E X A S” She looked at my wife…. after a little pause….she says “G I R L he is going to be just fine down there, us Texans are the friendliest people in the world…..but G I R L, you need to get a little more gold and some bigger hair” True story. (she is NOT going to dye her hair blond....)

Not to offend anyone else in the country, but I am thankful knowing where he is going. Anyone who has spent any time at all in Texas knows exactly what I am talking about.

So what I am going to do with my extra time now? I already have this one figured out.

I am going to work more to pay for all of this college “stuff”! I used to have a big high-powered corporate job 10 years ago and made a conscious decision to take an easier job with less travel. This allowed me to spend more time with my family, coach my son, and get involved with my community. I can honestly say it was the best decision I have ever made. I have coached him from T Ball all the way through HS. We have had some great vacations, been to some great tournaments, meet some amazing players and their families. We have had a great time finding the right school for him. (stressful but memorable)

PM me if you need a High Tech Executive who is willing to go anywhere - any- time.....except weekends from late Feb – May (I am also going to be bagging those frequent flyer miles and hotel points and make my son really be sorry about his commitment)

In the mean time I am practicing up on my “Texan”

Vaya con Dios Y’ all

PS: The Alamo does NOT have a basement...

My worse day as a parent was when I left my daughter at college. When we got back to the house my husband asked what he could do to help. I said "just leave". He took my then 4 year old son and they left the house. I cried like a baby.

This past July that daughter and her two sons sat with us at several baseball games, watching my baby boy (now 16) play. Time marches on!

I thought when she left that I would be less involved in her life, but that hasn't been the case. It is just a different involvement.

I posted it on another thread but I will say it here as well. For me, it felt like a huge loss when my daughter went to college. In reality, it wasn't so much as a loss as a transformation, a passage.

That being said, I have to admit that I am dreading the day when I leave my son wherever he is going to school. Even knowing what I know about it, I will still shed a tear or two.

PS, thanks to those parents who have sent their children off in military service.

And BOF...And your story about the women talking to your wife could have been about any of my relatives in Texas. You did an excellent job of describing the accent!

BOF, great story!

I visit San Antonio from Ft Worth about every 4 - 6 weeks. I'll be happy to check in on him for you. He'll be fine though, Trinity is a great place to go to school and in a wonderful city. Just get ready for the day he calls and says, "Dad, mom, I've decided to stay in Texas after graduation."

Junior5 is settled in and classes started yesterday. We are safely home back in Arizona 2500 miles round trip later.
Taking him to college was one of the best experiences I’ve had with my son. I rank it below his birth and above his high school graduation. He drove by himself most of the way as my wife and I followed behind. We did 6 hours the first night making it from Phoenix to Albuquerque. The next we drove 10 hours to my in-laws in western Nebraska. The simple act of driving was significant to me. As a man, I take pride in my ability to drive 12 hours straight over the years as we took family vacations. Seeing my son behind the wheel and driving on the interstate “correctly” gave me a sense of pride. He has taken another step in being a man. This may be corny, but I am sure other men understand what the ability to drive a long road trip means.
We arrived at school and the move in day was incredible. I was anticipating a swell of emotion as we went through the routine of orientation, getting his keys, moving his stuff into his room, and helping him get organized. It was quite the opposite, I saw a new level of maturity as we went through the day. As we walked from a welcome ceremony across campus back to his dorm for the final goodbye, I was thinking about what I needed to say. What advice I needed to give. I realized I didn’t need to say a whole lot other than I love him. He was ready for this next stage in his life and so was I.
One more thing, I am not going to lie. I have been doing some Facebook stalking. In this case the texting and social media we often get on our kids about works in dads favor