What should we do

Welcome to the world of high tech.

 

Like all adolescents transitioning to adulthood, your son will need to learn not only to use tech, but to put up with all the crud that comes with it.

 

You can help by projecting a matter-of-fact attitude and suggesting he address his daily challenges with the same attitude.  The way you deal with this is going to give him his cues on how he deals with it.

 

Also understand that a common teenage strategy for anything they don't really want to do is to go all drama queen on you, in hopes you'll step in and do all the heavy lifting for them.  Don't.  First of all, you have your own jobs.  Second, he needs to learn to do his.

 

And third, if he can't handle the combination of burdens, I would suggest you totally forget about college baseball, because the overall workload there is much, much greater than what he's dealing with right now.  So if what's going on right now is too much for him to bear, there's no point in dreaming of college ball.

 

The message from parents should be, "Son, this is the way of the world.  May as well get used to it now, because this is how life will be from here on out.  Stop wasting time fretting and complaining, and just get it done."

I would talk to a teacher or counselor now!  Freshman year is so,important to the overall GPA, that I wouldn't want him digging A huge whole for himself. Do not allow him to fail. Maybe ask if there is a student that is successful. (maybe a lot of kids are struggling.). If there is a successful student, ask for tips.  Maybe you should dig into it and help your son.  

In addition to what Midlo dad said, if there are network issues, then surely your son isn't the only one that's having them. Your son might want also want to pay a visit to the school's IT folks and see if it's an issue with his device. Teachers posting assignments after the school day doesn't seem like that much of an issue - just log in after practice to see what's there. Deep breath, just do it.

 

I think all of my son's college homework is submitted electronically, both at JUCO and D2. There's no getting away from it.

 

My son also went through a school stress issue, but at the beginning of his senior year. Yes, he was overloaded and had to drop 1 AP class, but truth is, the major stressor wasn't school...turned out to be a girl.

 

 

I think:

• 3 honors and one AP might be too much for Frosh year.  Try to dump one or two if it's not too late and pick up the pace next year.
• Don't panic too much about Frosh grades. It's more important to make the transition to HS and get ready to kick serious academic a$$ next year.
• Get some tech tutoring for your kid  ASAP. Maybe I am inferring too much, but it sounds like neither you or your kid are super tech savvy.  If the homework load isn't much heaver than in middle school your kid should not be so stressed, so he's probably not comfortable with his new 'puter.  Most schools have after school tutoring sessions with upperclassmen set up. Since your kid is at practice at that time, maybe he could ask the Varsity coach if any of his players can help afterwards.
• Make sure you have rock solid, super-fast wifi at home. Again, maybe I'm inferring too much, but if you have good wifi teachers posting assignments after school should not be an issue.
• Send emails to his teachers frequently to see how he's doing, and to find out what he needs to do better to succeed.  HS teachers are not like HS coaches. They actually want to hear from concerned parents.

Just my 2 cents....

 

Also, if this school is tech savvy, they probably have Power School where you can check their grades daily.  If they are falling behind, you can investigate.  

My freshman has a similar schedule, 4 honors 1 AP and 2 regular classes.  The only sticking point is he is having a rough time in honors Algebra 2 (He's a couple of years ahead in math).  

 

I think there are issues with a lot of kids transitioning from middle to high school.  There are different expectations from teachers, not to mention the different social aspects.  I suspect they get the hang of it after a grading period or two.  Well, I'm hoping so anyway...

 

 

 

 

 

So being one year removed from it with my 2016 I too remember being concerned about every assignment, every bump in the road.  Geometry was my son's kryptonite.  Lots of challenges, me hounding about every test, on him all the time.

 

We get to second semester's first six weeks.  Baseball time and he is barely passing.  Mind you this is kid who got straight A's in middle school.  I am beside myself thinking here my kid has a chance to be on varsity as a frosh and he might blow it due to not passing a class.

 

My wife one night said why do you care so much.  Let him own it.  If he fails it is on him.  We have given him the tools and resources.  This isn't on us.  So I did just that.  I told him no longer am I checking your grades (I still did) or worrying about when you have a test and when something is due.  You know our  family expectations so take care of your business.

 

For him it worked.  He certainly didn't ace the last semester but he did much better. Both of my kids seem to respond well to this approach.  Maybe yours would too.  FWIW my kids teachers have no clue who we are.  We are very active at school but not that way.  My kids know that if I hear from their teacher it is not normally a good thing and that has happened too.

 

I remember feeling overwhelmed the first part of last year.  Probably more than my son did even.  It will all work out.  Even successful kids go through this stuff.  Good luck.

 

This, too, sounds very familiar.  We went through same thing with my 2016 last year (similar MS grades, all the honors classes, loaded up, etc) during his first few months of HS.  He realized "this ain't middle school any more" and came through with flying colors.  But, there were bumps in the road and still are.  Tough love.  I remember when he didn't do well on a test.  I asked if he took notes in class.  He said, "Yes, of course."  I replied by saying that he'd better (a) take more notes; (b) take better notes; (c) read them more often; (d) read them with more focus or (e) SOMETHING ELSE.  I said make a change, don't complain...you have to do something different.  I don't think taking a lighter load is the answer if you have what you know is naturally smart kid.  FIrst off, if he is going to try to get into a "highly selective" school, one of the things they look for first and foremost is that a student is not afraid of a challenge in the classroom.  Also, planning, being organized and on time and attention to detail are the keys (IMO) to being successful in the professional world.  Regardless of the level of talent/brains, some of these basic skills/habits can go a looooooong way (because so many people are lacking in them).  So, the sooner one learns how to manage a tough schedule, the better.  Same with dealing with adversity.  Good luck!  He will be just fine.

While tough love might work for some, completely removing yourself from a 14 year olds school work is not going to work for all. I am not condoning holding heir hand all of the time, but some help may be required.  I would check his assignments daily until he gets up to speed, and if he doesn't, he may not be able to hang with his friends, play X-Box, etc.  They do need to grow up at some point, but 14 is not an adult IMHO.  Our son has had moments where he hasn't taken care of business, and we stay on top of it.  He is a Jr. Now with a 3.81 GPA, has 8 college credits, with 8 more to come this year.  He takes care of business now, and we have nothing to worry about now.  A watchful eye in the beginning may be necessary and appropriate. 

While I think there is a lot of excellent advice here, I'm going to somewhat disagree with some.  One said not to panic about freshman grades and others say let him own it.  I agree to let your son take responsibility and own it but not without regular monitoring.  Freshman is the first year that grades count toward HS GPA.

 

One of our kids led us to believe his grades were under control for much of the start of freshman year so we didn't monitor closely enough/ soon enough.  He recovered by the second half but damage had been done.  By the end of his four years of HS, the poor freshman start affected his overall GPA enough that it left him just below a key hurdle for significant academic money available for most D3/NAIA colleges.  We couldn't afford to foot the whole bill for private academic schools so this pretty much took the great option of D3/NAIA schools out of the mix.

 

So, while I agree you shouldn't panic, shouldn't do it for him and should teach him to own it, I would not wait around for him to figure it out.  Make sure he knows all resources and uses them right away.  Monitor regularly and hold him accountable.

 

Remember, if he is going to play college baseball, most scholarship money comes from academics, not athletics... by a lot.

 

PS - looks like I was typing when Ryno posted... similar message.

I'm not going to discuss my kids' academic or athletic credentials here, but I think this is a parental cop-out.

 

There is a lot of caring and guidance to give 14 year olds, short of filling out recruiting questionnaires for them, and doing their homework for them, and other hand-holding exercises.

 

Heck, I can't begin to imagine not caring about kids' success even when they get to be adults. I think parents need to be there to advise and give guidance to their children...and share life's joys and disappointments with them.....always.

Someone may be mixing and matching responses above.  Tough love does not mean completely removing oneself from the kids school work, and I don't think I said anything that suggested that.  On the contrary, I actually offered to and did (and still do) stay up very late many nights helping him study.  I also help him plan ahead and not procrastinate.  Tough love means not letting them make excuses and not letting them back out of challenging classes and busy schedules - IMO.   Good luck to all.

Boy Green Light good to see you couldn't have interpreted that statement any more literally.

Do you know many parents who don't care whether their kids are successful??  I am not sure I know one with the folks I associate with.

To be clear about one thing, when I said "Don't panic too much about Frosh grades. It's more important to make the transition to HS and get ready to kick serious academic a$$ next year", I should have been more specific.  Certainly D's and even C's are not what you want your frosh bringing home for even a quarter.   But from what the counselors tell me, colleges think there is nothing surprising about a kid who pulled straight A's in middle school getting a few B's or maybe even a C or two  during the first semester of Freshman year, especially if they pull that up in the second semester and continue to show improvement during their Sophomore year.

 

(BTW we're anonymous here so I don't care about being regarded as a bragger when I say that my own kids have spoiled me so badly that I can't help but react with shock if I see anything less than an  A come  home.)

 

If the quote from your post does not literally express your thoughts, grateful for the clarification. I disagree with the literal reading, for reasons previously stated

There's nothing wrong with helping a kid through a rough transition from middle school to high school. Just don't do the work for him. He's probably a little overwhelmed. As a freshman my kids got lost going from class to class. The high school layout was confusing.

 

If a kid stresses out over the transition to high school and baseball he'll absolutely freak out over the transition to college and baseball. I remember my son calling and whining he had games right through finals. And he's majoring in Econ with a concentration in quantitative methodology. It's like majoring in advanced calculus.

 

Take a breath and get it done. Both of you.

Our school allows AP for Freshmen and i personally do not think kids that age r ready for them. Few r way above others and r fine but its college level work. They also write at higher level and imo  kids need a few good years of writing before AP classes. My daughter who is in honors program at college only took them jr and sr yrs. look into tutors. Go to teacher conferences and ask for help. If HS baseball us too much then only do travel summer ball. Freshman yr is difficult and having a neg experience can effect the next 3 yrs
Good luck

I would do the following:

1.) I would express to our son son how much I love him;

2.) I would express to our son  how much I love him;

3.) I would express to our son how much I love him and give him a hug filled with all the love I feel for him;

4.) I would talk with him about how he feels and what he feels is needed to support him through this challenge;

5.) I would talk with him about staying in the present, prioritizing his daily challenges and how to achieve them and what he might do to exceed them one challenge at a time, one day at a time(sort of like how to approach at at bat, an inning and a game of baseball but real life);

6.) I would try and develop an impression of how much pressure and stress he is putting on himself, how much he feels from trying to make his parents proud and how much pressure he is feeling attempting to meet what he feels are his parents expectations;

7.) I would express to our son how much I love him;

8.) I would share how vulnerable I felt at that age, how I struggled in school, for recognition and to find out who the heck I was;

9.) I would share with our son we will talk tomorrow on what he can plan to do tomorrow to feel success and what would that look like;

10.) I would meet with him tomorrow.

11.) I would tell our son how much we love him.

12.) I would absolutely take out of my thinking he is a D2, Juco or anything else baseball player and look at him right now so I take the stress of the "future" off myself and take off him my "stress" of the D2 or Juco I see in his future.  I would cherish he is a HS freshman with a chance to compete for a position everyday on his HS freshman team.

I agree on this.  Putting freshmen into AP history (technically AP Human Geography) is a method the school system uses to get around mandated class size limits.  The state doesn't consider AP classes to be "core" classes so the class size limits don't apply.  Any incomming freshmen who scored in the top 25% or so in the reading/language portion of the state standardized test gets shoved into AP Geography.  There are many in the class that have no business being there.

 

My son is pulling a B in the class right now, and I think he will survive.  If anything, it is an eye opener for him as to what he is expected to be able to do.

 

We're fortunate that his coach is supportive of kids with high academic pursuits. He has a freshman daughter  who is in my son's AP and some of his honors classes as well, so I think he is getting to see first hand what some of the players are dealing with.