what to do when your son has bad day

I don't know there are too many of us that can remove their emotions...

It is very important to have a correct perspective about the game of baseball, and understand that it is a game of failure. This fact is very critical for both you and your son if you are going to stay in the game for long.

That said, if you son had good swings and put the ball in play but was not as productive as he would of liked that is one thing, if his swings were off balance, slow or had mechanical flaws then you have information that needs to be acted upon.

But, you do want to enjoy the ride. This is something that bears repeating and reminding oneself. The further out you get, the more you realize what you will one day lose.

When my son has a bad day though, it is most important that I remain a positive influence on his life and help Him through this. I am the Dad, and my role is to be as supportive as possible, I am his biggest fan!

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When my son has a bad day though, it is most important that I remain a positive influence on his life and help Him through this. I am the Dad, and my role is to be as supportive as possible, I am his biggest fan!

The only thing I've found that's always safe to say is, "Where do you want to eat?"

That has always worked as well!

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Originally posted by floridafan:
That has always worked as well!

Welcome CF! Good first post.

Lots of deep breathing exercises seemed to help me. My son was a pitcher and had some ups and downs. He had some very bad outings along the way, including one PG showcase we thought was shaky, since he was just finished rehabbing a soft muscle issue. Another he sort of got stuck in an inning, including getting hit in the back of the head by the 2B's throw home, in front of a bunch of SEC and ACC coaches. I think we upgraded from fast food to casual dining that day.

He landed on his feet. PG gave him the benefit of the doubt based on his body of work and he had generally pitched well otherwise.

I think you blow off the random bad day considering the game is obviously very difficult to play. If it was easy they wouldn't pay guys $3 million a year to do it. the guys on TV have bad days too. Jr. landed on his feat, as yours will too.

Deep breath. Move on. Fasten your seatbelt, though. It gets crazy(er) after high school.

Swampboy...

awesome advice!

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Agree with you TxMom!

SUBWAY©...

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All your son can do is believe in his talent and move forward. All you can do is encourage him to believe. Sometimes you have to tell him you believe in him as a baseball player and a person.

Soph year my son was picked off first to end the season. They needed to win to make districts. His team was one run down with two outs. He's fast. Everyone in the park knew he was going. There were countless throws to first. When he was picked off a few dads screamed at him.

I let him have his space. He was the last one out of the dugout. I didn't go in. I waited. When he came out I tossed a roll of LifeSavers at him. He smiled. He chuckled. Then he said" "I have to look forward. But let me feel like **** tonight. I'll be ok tomorrow."

All I said was, "I know you will."

On those days.....

I remind him that this journey is a marathon and not a sprint and not to worry about a rough day, that in the grand scheme of things it is a small piece of the puzzle......

I look for something positive to compliment him on, even if it is something small or simple, even if is something as simple as his appearance, "I like the way you kept your composure and stood tall/strong, even when I know you didn't feel great about how the day was going."........

I remind him that baseball stats have no eternal value and I remind him that at the end of the day, God will not judge him based upon his ERA. (I know this one is a bit heavy but it does put things into perspective pretty quickly. )

I remind him that he knows and we know that he has talent....

I remind him that his parents are proud of him no matter what....

Then, I lay low and try not to say much....sometimes less is more.

quote:

Originally posted by cheapseats:
On those days.....

I remind him that this journey is a marathon and not a sprint and not to worry about a rough day, that in the grand scheme of things it is a small piece of the puzzle......

I look for something positive to compliment him on, even if it is something small or simple, even if is something as simple as his appearance, "I like the way you kept your composure and stood tall/strong, even when I know you didn't feel great about how the day was going."........

I remind him that baseball stats have no eternal value and I remind him that at the end of the day, God will not judge him based upon his ERA. (I know this one is a bit heavy but it does put things into perspective pretty quickly. )

I remind him that he knows and we know that he has talent....

I remind him that his parents are proud of him no matter what....

Then, I lay low and try not to say much....sometimes less is more.

Wow... really... really... loved that post!

My encouragement is similar. At the end of every day, God still loves you and so does your family.

Regarding baseball, there are literally hundreds and hundreds of ways to win a game and that is how I always encourage my son - did you help your team win?

I am like any other parent and want to see my son get a hit every time up. Short of that, if he strikes out, I encourage him to go out and make a great defensive play or something else constructive to help the team. Dive for a ball. Get your uniform dirty as that always scores points with the "old man." Draw a walk. Break up a double play. Encourage a teammate who might be down. Get hit by a pitch if necessary and take one for the team. Steal a base if possible. Lay down a sacrifice bunt if asked. Hit a sacrifice fly or move a runner if the situation calls for it. In short, do whatever is necessary to win the game as a team. Yes, you might have gone 0-4 and looked bad doing it, but you also helped your team win and that is more important. Those kind of attributes can even showup in a showcase setting where the team stuff might not be so apparent.

Always remember, those kids who struck your kid out have parents and grandparents who want to see them do equally as well. Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes it eats you. Real baseball players overcome defeat - eventually. They out-positive the negatives.

Good Topic and Posts! Welcome aboard cf!

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Originally posted by Swampboy:
The only thing I've found that's always safe to say is, "Where do you want to eat?"

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The only thing I've found that's always safe to say is, "Where do you want to eat?"

Thats funny but soooo true.

quote:

Originally posted by Swampboy:
The only thing I've found that's always safe to say is, "Where do you want to eat?"

I think this IS so true for most of us because it really helps de-emphasize the overall importance that our son's have placed on these events days prior. To them, if they looked bad, they feel that it impacts how they are perceived as a ball player.

Using this type of nonchalant statement at this time just reinforces the very fact that we look at them as our son (first) and no matter what, we love them. And that it also isn't a matter of life or death as they may be thinking at the moment.

We have a family tradition of stopping at a favorite restaurant on the way home from weekend tournaments and showcases around town. It's not uncommon that parents & kids are coming from different locations to meet up and having to wait for everyone to arrive before we can start sharing their respective adventures.

One afternoon, son had a particularly hard day and when he was released, walked up and asked if he sucked so bad we'd skip our tradition.

I told him I loved him and I would never skip the tradition based on something as trivial as having a bad day on the field. Bad days are part of baseball, even the best hitters go 0-4 a few times a week. You should actually expect it once in a while, it's just part of the game and as you get better, it'll actually happen more often. To miss our weekly family outting and prevent your mother, sister and I from sharing this time together for something as trivial as a bad game would be a horrible mistake. I think there are some leftovers in the fridge for you, I hope you brought your walking shoes...

Just kidding about that last part (couldn't resist).

This happened 3-4 years ago and I'd forgotten this warm memory until I read this thread, so thank you for posting about it. By the end of a nice meal, we were all laughing about what happened on the field.

There are other show cases, best advice is laugh it off and be ready to go the next time out. It's supposed to be fun.

Son gave up a 2 run HR to a pretty good hitter this spring....he was down about it after the game and I reminded him that he battled with a pretty darn good hitter....

that hitter has been drafted in the first round today.

The first time son gave up an out of the park HR (he was 12 or 13) he was a little freaked and told his pitching coach who said, "GOOD!!! I hope you pitch long enough to give up a hundred more,That'll mean you're a pretty good pitcher."

In the days of travel ball Dad and son developed a routine after each game. Dad would ask:

"What would you change today?"
"What did you do right?"
"Anything you want to talk about?"

and finally and maybe most importantly:

"What do you want for dinner?"

As a 12 year old, my son was brought in with the bases loaded to face the 9 hitter with 1 out and a 5 run lead in a playoff game. He did not give up a hit in 24 innings all season. However, he had just caught 2 games. He looked good blowing the first 2 by the little kid. However, the kid put a crazy swing on the next pitch and hit the oppo foul pole for a grand slam. An 0-2 walk (he got squeezed), 2 errors behind him, and a seeing eye ground ball and my son was face down on the mound crying in the dirt. If I could have taken all of that pain for him I would have in a second. I still remember the physical pain I literally felt for him. I had to walk out to the mound, help him up, and walk off the field with him.

That was rough, but nothing that Chili's with free refills couldn't cure within an hour. Kids are resilient. As has been said, even the best players fail miserably from time to time in this crazy game. At least now I can say to him after a rough day "yeah, but it wasn't as bad as that game!"

Thanks for the perspective everyone! It's much too easy to live and die by every outing, and this helps remind me that what 2013 needs is support and encouragement, no matter what.

And dinner is always a good plan. I think ice cream is good medicine, too.

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At least now I can say to him after a rough day "yeah, but it wasn't as bad as that game!"

Now imagine the feelings of the other dad. The dad of the "the little kid" who "put a crazy swing on the next pitch and hit the oppo foul pole for a grand slam." Do you think he was happy for his son? He and his son were probably at the Applebee's© next door to the Chili's© whooping it up with the team! How many times, through the years, do you think he will remind his son of that time at the plate?

Your son will never forget the day he gave that little kid maybe the biggest thrill of his baseball career. Kids are resilient. That's good. But they also have memories like the rest of us. Your son will forever be a part of that little kid's cherished memory. That's good. If he would think of that "little kid", even he would smile about that day.

...I had 'im 0 and 2. Then that "little kid" hit the snot outta' the ball!

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My boys are pretty good about those days that don't go well...they know those things happen and more than likely I'm in with Swampboy asking where to grab dinner or a snack or similar...

BUT, it doesn't matter if it is a practice, tryout, scrimmage or playoff game and it doesn't matter if it is dropping them off before school, as we're getting out of the car or up at the field if they're already there...I ALWAYS catch their eye and remind them before the activity to have fun...its one of those things that I've done since they were in T-Ball. It used to be an overall reminder along the lines of hustle, do your best and make sure to have some fun out there...at this point it is just a very matter-of-fact, "Hey - have fun..." and they get it...

Wood,

I am pretty sure that was the 2nd to last game that kid ever played and i am told one of his only hits of the year. But he does have a memory for a lifetime.

Let that be a lesson for you pitchers out there. ANYBODY with a bat is dangerous. Any bat can find a ball anc vice versa.

As they get older it does get harder. And the larger the venue the longer the impact remains. The worst thing to do - at any age - may be to overract - one way or another. After a VERY poor showing in a VERY high visibility venue my sons first reaction was to need some alone time - followed by a burning desire for another chance (same venue - two days later - A- performance). Still painful to think about / talk about the original outing - but after passage of time it - like most baseball experiences - has been a lifetime learning stepping stone.

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"I am pretty sure that was the 2nd to last game that kid ever played and i am told one of his only hits of the year. But he does have a memory for a lifetime."

That's what I was guessing. Thanks for sharing.
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"Let that be a lesson for you pitchers out there. ANYBODY with a bat is dangerous. Any bat can find a ball anc vice versa."

So very true!




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The thing that has always separated the great players from more common ones is their ability to "accept" failure. They innately know that to achieve greatness on the field you MUST drive yourself to the brink of failure. Great players learn to compartmentalize failure in one aspect of their game and it is over for them as soon as soon as the next at bat or fielding play. This separates them from the regular guy who's petrified the third time up after two strikeouts or the guy who just booted a grounder and now forgets that he could ever field at all. Use ALL FAILURE on the field as a learning experience. Get back up on that horse and go to the brink again.

quote:

Originally posted by YoungGunDad:

quote:

Originally posted by Swampboy:
The only thing I've found that's always safe to say is, "Where do you want to eat?"

I think this IS so true for most of us because it really helps de-emphasize the overall importance that our son's have placed on these events days prior. To them, if they looked bad, they feel that it impacts how they are perceived as a ball player.

Using this type of nonchalant statement at this time just reinforces the very fact that we look at them as our son (first) and no matter what, we love them. And that it also isn't a matter of life or death as they may be thinking at the moment.

Great advice from YGD, Swampboy, Floridafan et al...

Welcome Cf and good luck learning to internalize your emotions because believe me, it DOES NOT get any easier as time passes.

But it is paramount that you learn to "shrug off" the failures, look for positives and first and foremost remember, Floridafans words; "you need to be his biggest fan."

If we don't believe in their talent, it's all to easy for them to begin to believe that those people out there telling him he stunk it up today, are correct.

I 100% agree with promptly following those remarks with Swampboys great advice; "where are we going to eat?" And if he's old enough, let mom drive and let's grab a cold on with that steak!!

Enjoy the ride.

Seriously, ice cream always helped. Even at age 18

There are some days that are so bad that you almost need to reevaluate how you have spent your life. Enjoy the ride while you can, exiting the ride can get bloody. On days like this I find myself feeling horrible that I ever encouraged my son by telling him when he was 8, "sure, you can play MLB".

Dinner and Ice Cream do not help.

Baseball is a humbling game. When I coached I always judged my players not so much how they reacted to success(thats easy) but how they reacted to failure. The good ones handled failure well and because of it they were successful.

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"Seriously, ice cream always helped."

That's true. It always took a lot. My wallet is still vapor locked!



It was always a challenge to wolf down the last tub before it melted!




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My son had a bad game yesterday. He said "I stunk it up, can we go to McDonalds?"

Today we talked about a drill to work on what he was doing which led to his problems.

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"Welcome to McDonalds© sir. May I take you order?'

"Yes...we'll have sundaes. Lot's of 'em!'



"Uhmmm...double that!"



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