What's missing here?

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Originally posted by Coach_May:
I know from experience "years of it" that kids are simply different. Some are born with a drive to excel at this game. They love it. And when I say they love it I don't mean they love to play the game. They love everything about the game. They love the grind. They love to practice. They love to work at the things that will make them better. If you told them that running stadium stairs at 5am with bricks in their hands till they almost passed out would take them to another level they would be waiting on you at 5am every day. They are never satisfied with where they are. If they hit .350 they want to hit .400 the next year. They want more ground balls after practice. They want more fly balls. They want more BP. They want more more more. They love the smell of the glove, grass and the game is much more than just a game to them.

It takes this kind of love to get through the tough times. The times when the return on the investment just isn't adding up to the investment. And this can and will be the case the longer they play the game. They want to be the best. They want to play against the best. They want to be challenged.

Some kids are not born with this. It has to be nurtured. To be honest with you this is what I have always been the best at. I know the game pretty well. But there are many that have forgotten more than I will ever know. Here is the most important thing IMO. Create an environment that nurtures a young man's desire to be the best he can be. Build a fire inside of them. Praise them and create a dream in their mind of where they can be. Where they can go. Who they can be in this game. And most importantly what its going to take to get there.

"If you do what everyone else is doing you are working on being average. If your goal is to be like everyone else then you may just do that. You may just reach your goal of being average."

"If your goal is to be the very best. To be the very best you can possibly be. Then be willing to do what no one else is willing to do. Learn to push YOURSELF. You be the measuring stick for everyone else. If they run 15 bleachers you run 20. If they are hitting 3 days a week you hit 6 days a week."

Some kids are born with it. They take to it like water. They love it. They want you to push them. They want to push themselves. Some kids are not. But something special can happen. They see some results. They get some encouragement. They start to feel good about themselves. They start to push more. And then more. And then more. And then it takes hold and they are a monster. And this is not something you can turn off and turn on. They learn that this same work ethic and desire that is allowing them to excel on the field will allow them to excel in the class room, in their relationships, in their job, in their life.

My goal was to teach these young men what it takes to be special. Not just on the baseball field but in life. And the same things that will allow a young man to be his best on the baseball field will allow him to be the best he can be at the most important game of all. The game of life.

So teach them what its going to take to be special. Encourage them and praise them. Build a fire in their heart to be special. Teach them to PUSH themselves. I never had to tell my son to hit or throw or work out. I never did and never will and never would. What I did was show him what it was going to take. Got him around people with a drive and passion to be great. And then let it take hold.

"What are you doing today? Playing video games? Hanging out? Eating chips and drinking soda sitting on the couch? What is your competition doing today? When you lay down at night before you go to bed ask yourself this question. Did I work to be special today? Did someone out there out work me today? Never lay down at night and know they did. Go to sleep knowing you did everything you could do to be the very best you can be."

As a parent "Learn what it takes" "Teach them to push themselves" "Encourage them" "Get them around others that want to be special" and you can sit back and watch the fire grow. And you will know it when it happens. You will be the one saying "Don't you think you can take a day off son?"

Your not going to play for me if your not willing to do what it takes to be special. Your going to work harder than anyone your going to ever play. Your going to take that same work ethic to the class room. Your going to invest so much between games that losing is not going to be an option. And if your not willing to invest your not going to be around. And if you do stick around I am going to know you want to be special and are willing to do what it takes to be special. And you will be special.

If you don't know what it takes find out. And then teach your son to push himself. There will come a time when his talent is not going to be the determining factor. Its going to be his desire to grind it. Its easy to love the game when its easy. When the return does not take much of an investment. As he gets older and the investment required to play this game increases and the return decreases, is limited, is sometimes hard to even see, thats when you find out how much a young man really loves this game.

Long post. Rambling post. I could so many examples. Players who are in the Majors now to players who played college baseball who could hardly catch as freshman in HS. But all who wanted to be special, bad enough to push themselves in order to get there.

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Originally posted by BOF:
I have often thought that it would be great to go back and get all of Coach May's posts and put them together in "Coach May's Corner" or something like that.

Actually I think there is the makings of a book in much of his stuff. Anyone who has read Harvey Penick's book would understand.

Sorry to embarrass him, but there is some seriously good stuff there.

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Originally posted by ClevelandDad:
I've told my son's story a hundred times here on the hsbbweb but I'll keep telling it if I feel it will help someone...

I'll never forget the excitement when we dropped my son off on campus in the late summer of 2005. Seemed like it was only a couple of weeks later he was calling with good news that he had several hits in a scrimmage game and more than that, the coaches were complimenting him on his conditioning. I started thinking maybe, maybe my son would be the exception to the freshmen rule. At Christmas time, we received a nice handwritten note from the head coach and telling him how much they respected his work ethic and how they were expecting big things from him in the future. Obviously, that kind of encouragement jazzed the whole family up.

Fast forward to the spring...

I know he did not hit as well as he did in the fall but figured he had built up at least a little baseball capital with them. The last thing on my mind was that he would not make the team. A day before opening of the season he called very worried. He said that guys were getting their uniforms and he did not get one. I told him to check what was going on. He asked the equipment guy who told him they just did not have his uniform ready yet although that turned out not to be true. The next morning (Opening day 2006) he said they still did not have a uniform and I told him to ask the coach. That is when they informed him that he was redshirted and he called me in tears with the news.

When he told me, I thought what a cra-ppy way to manage a team - not letting a guy know his status until opening day and not informing him until he came to you. I didn't let on to my son however that I was discouraged. I do what I always do with him when there are setbacks and clemsonp, you better get used to this now, there are going to be setbacks EVERY year your son is in baseball. The one you are describing now is a minor one because right now, it appears your son has a roster spot. It is how you deal with setbacks that is the important point - not that they occur imho.

To finish the story, I told my son he could sit around and feel sorry about it or he could do something about it. Told him to have the best attitude on the team. Be the hardest worker. Be the first one there and the last to leave. Be willing to do all the team's dirty work like shagging balls and performing field maintenance. In short, I told him to go out there and be the best redshirt freshmen player in the country - and I meant that.

He did all those things and more to his eternal credit. His team started out horribly that year. They started their season 5-12. About four weeks into the season, a decent player who was not happy sitting on the bench asked the coach to be redshirted. They obliged and that turned out to be my son's first BIG break as that put him on the roster. That is my second piece of advice here clemsonp - the harder you work, the luckier you get and I have never seen anything to make me think otherwise. The joy in my son's voice when he called to inform me that he had been put on to the roster was priceless. It still brings a tear to my eye when I think about it.

About a week later, he got into his first game as a defensive replacement and of course our family was thrilled by that. He wouldn't turn 19 years old until a month after the college season was over. Imagine how your attitude changes toward things when you don't have something and suddenly how thankful you become for SMALL things.

He started getting put into the game as a defensive replacement but if the game lasted long enough where his turn would come up in the lineup, they would pinch hit for him and yes, he was disappointed by that but I kept encouraging him.

March 17th, 2006 and I am corny this way, tears come to my eyes every time I tell this story on the hsbbweb...

I worked past 6:00 PM that evening and coworkers encouraged me to go out for a drink to celebrate St. Patties day. It was a game night and frankly, I did not expect my son to play that night so I went out and had some fun as is customary on that day. When I got home, before checking the results of the game, I checked the hsbbweb and there seemed to be all kinds of hoopla down in the Ohio forum. I opened the thread and all kinds of people were congratulating me and my son for what he did and I hadn't even heard about it yet

Apparently, he got into the game as a late inning defensive replacement and his turn came up in the lineup. This time, they did not pinch hit for him. The game was tied in the 9th with the winning runner on base and two outs. All he did was line the first ball he saw and win the game and of course he was mobbed. That one hit changed his entire career. IMHO, he had the toughness and mental fortitude to be ready for that one at bat and that is something that I will always admire about him. Of course, he was lucky as well - it was St. Patties day for crying-out-loud and we have a little Irish on my mother's side of the family

When he called that evening, it was one of the greatest conversations I've had in my entire life. There have fortunately been other conversations like that but no doubt that was one of the best. He shortly thereafter became a starter and hit nearly .400 the rest of the season. The team started that evening at 5-12 and ended the season at 30-27 and I have no doubts at all where they got their spark. They never won less 50 games in a season the rest of his career and they played in some very big games.

St. Patties Day will always be special in our family clemsonp and I would encourage you, your son, and your family to never be DISCOURAGED but to always be READY. You can't control other people's decisions but you can always control your own attitude and effort.

quote:

Originally posted by ClevelandDad:
They say there are five tools in baseball but I am convinced there are six and perhaps seven. The sixth tool comes from the heart and that is my son's best tool. His desire to succeed is his own and I take no credit for that as it all belongs to him. The seventh tool might be persistence in the face of adversity. Whatever it is, I would encourage all you out there to encourage your kid's sixth and seventh tools. They my not be the best players out there today, but five years from now, if they apply their tools everyday, they just might be. There is nothing more satisfying than that

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Originally posted by Swampboy:

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Originally posted by ClevelandDad:

I don't see how you would want to pick the school as if baseball wasn't involved unless baseball was not that big of deal in the first place. Some people want to dip their toe in and if everything breaks their way, then they'll take the plunge and give it everything they have.

Baseball players don't operate that way. They are willing to take the plunge even if it means years of sitting on the bench and carrying the water cooler. They're willing to pay the price in return for the vision they have in their minds. I am guessing none of this makes sense to the average college-bound student who is looking for the whole package of experiences. For the dedicated baseball player however, they are willing to sacrifice and wait years sometimes to fulfill that vision.

This is an important point.

Young men are hard wired with a desire to test themselves and compete and find out where they really stand. We shouldn't discourage that desire too much as long as it is channeled in a constructive direction.

My son is not considered a pro prospect. A local scout who has seen him since high school and in the college summer league told me recently he's glad my son has good grades in a real major. He said my son has some intriguing things going for him, he'll continue to get followed, but realistically, the pro thing just isn't going to happen.

My son is aware of this scout's opinion and absolutely does not care. He has taken the plunge for baseball, and he will keep working as hard as he can until all baseball doors have been completely closed, locked, and barred. He says he can handle not being good enough but he can't handle the idea of backing down before he knows 100%. He says he will not let himself reach middle age and wonder if there was any way he could have made it happen. He has to know for sure.

And you know what? As long as baseball is keeping his education affordable and he's making good progress toward a good degree, I totally support him on this. This is the time of life he can dream, and if he's backing up the dream with sincere effort, I'm okay with it even though I tend to believe the scout.

There are thousands of young men like my son. It's not my place to advise them to pick a school as if baseball were not a factor. To do so would be to deny their identity.

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I would like to second the motion to add a "Coach May Corner". On this site, he is a legend, and we love him.

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Originally posted by cabbagedad:
Sure, Julie, would you prefer a link to the whole thread or just the post?

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Originally posted by Coach_May:
Its very easy for kids to love it when everything is going good. Its very easy to love it when the investment given yields results that are liked and many instances almost immediate. What happens when you have to work extremely hard, sacrifice what others around you do not have to give up and you are getting in return very little that can presently be seen? Do you have to love it? Only if you want to finish what you start. I wonder sometimes if people realize that most players at the college level do not play or play very little? 8 or 9 position players will get all the playing time. Three guys will start on the weekend and a couple of more mid week. And then 4 or 5 will get time out of the pen. Thats about 18 or 19 guys that will see time. The rest? I wonder how much they love it? I wonder how much that pitcher who gets a couple of innings a week if he is lucky feels about the game? Or that RHH that is the designated RHH in situations vs LHP? You know the guy that might get a couple of AB's a week? These guys that bust their butt everyday day in and day out and then are lucky to get their number called. And if a QAB is not produced they may not get another shot for 2 weeks? And those scenarios go on and on.

Summer baseball at the college level. Get up go work out. Get to the field and get on a bus. Ride for 4 hours get off the bus and get ready for BP. Play a 3 hour game and eat what is offered by the host team. Get on a bus ride 4 hours back and get in the bed at 3am. Get back up that morning and go work out because you have to be at the field at 3pm for the 7pm game. Finish that game at 10pm, eat, go to bed and get ready for another 3 plus bus ride the next day. And did I mention that you might not be in the line up every day? You might rotate as a catcher. You def won't if your a pitcher. Do you love it?

The fact is your either a ball player or your not. You either have that love and passion for it or you don't. You can't make a kid love it. And you can't stop a kid from loving it. You might be able to put some roadblocks in front of him. But you won't stop him. He will fight for what he loves. You might be able to manipulate the situation for him in order for him to like it. But you can't make him love it. And when girls, cars, friends, parties, life in general comes calling baseball will fade. When adversity comes it just won't be worth it. When they are no longer the star and the attention fades away its just not worth it.

For the player that loves the game the game is much more than the games. Its the practice. Its the workouts. Its the team mates. Its the locker room. Its the smell of the grass. Its the smell of the glove. Its that little voice in their head that says "I got one more great start in me" "One more great game at the plate" "I am almost there" "I am still a player" "I aint done yet" "I still got a shot" "We can do this one more time" "We can make it happen" "Im not giving up" "This is who I am" "This is what we are about" and I could go on for days.

Loving the game is much more than the actual game. Its way more than that. Its that feeling of being on a team. Being a part of a team. Being a part of something bigger than you. Knowing that your doing what you love and your working at being better at what you love to do. That there is a fine line between having success and failing and you can eek past that fine line if you dont give in. Putting it on the line and having the balls to know that you might just fail but you also might just not.

I have so much respect for the JH's of the world. The Adam Pendleton's of the world. Matt Foats of the world. They have the guts to fight for what they love. They are going to finish the race. And they will not have to look in the mirror when their 40 and wonder what could have been, should have been, would have been, they will know.

We live in a world today where the easy way out is often disguised with excuse's and blame put on others. I just call it what it really is today and what it always has been. Your too soft, you didn't really love it, you were not willing to pay the price because the price was too high for you, you don't want to admit it so you blame someone for your failure to pay that price. You didn't love it. Your simply not a ball player. Ball players look in the mirror for the answers. Never for excuses. They simply don't exist.
You can give your kid excuses and then wonder why he always has them one day. Or you can choose to see adversity as fire that will forge the steel. Or you can allow it to burn you up and use it as an excuse. Excuses are for losers. Ball players never lose. They just run out of innings. And then they win in life. While everyone else is whining and moaning in the midst of adversity ball players are right at home and will find a way to win.

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You can give your kid excuses and then wonder why he always has them one day. Or you can choose to see adversity as fire that will forge the steel. Or you can allow it to burn you up and use it as an excuse. Excuses are for losers. Ball players never lose. They just run out of innings. And then they win in life. While everyone else is whining and moaning in the midst of adversity ball players are right at home and will find a way to win.

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Originally posted by Coach_May:
Good points RJM. You can spend your time and efforts preparing to take advantage of an opportunity or complaining about not getting an opportunity. Look if a parent going to a coach and complaining about playing time actually gets their son playing time what does that say about the coach? And who is the kid that gets less playing time because someone's Mom or Dad went to the coach? When do his parents show up at the coaches front door?

I remember one year a parent wanted to meet with me about his sons lack of playing time. I told the parent to have his son come see me first since the player had yet to speak to me. The next day after practice the player came to me and said he wanted to play more. I asked him if he thought he had earned more playing time with his performance in practice. He said no. I asked him if he thought he had earned more playing time with his performance in the games. He said no. I then asked him why I should reward him with more playing time. He said he didn't know. I then explained to him that everyone on the team and in the stands wanted to play. But I had to play the players that earned the playing time. And playing time was a reward for performance and work ethic. I had already explained to him earlier in the year why he was not starting. I had already explained to him what I thought he needed to do to earn more playing time earlier in the year. The pressure was coming from his Dad.

I then told the player if he wanted to meet with me and his Dad to go home and ask his Dad if the next day after practice was good. The next day I asked the player if his Dad was coming by after practice. He said he forgot to talk to his Dad. So that night I called the players Dad. The Dad was upset with me and said he had asked for a meeting but I had not got back with him. So I explained the talk I had with his son and I requested a meeting with the player and Dad two days later on a day off "Sunday" afternoon.

When the Dad walked in he had this look on his face like he was ready to unload on me. The player looked like he was about to throw up. I felt so sorry for the player. The Dad started off talking about the other players on the team starting and how his son was a better player than they were. How he had played in front of them all the way leading up to HS and how his son was an All Star and these kids never made All Stars. He also went on to say that I was killing his kids chance to get a scholarship and I was killing his desire to play the game. When he got finished I asked his son in front of his Dad if he thought he had earned a starting spot on the team. "No sir." I then asked him if he had performed in practice and games as well as the players starting in the outfield ahead of him. "No sir." I then asked him if I had explained to him what he needed to do to earn more playing time. "Yes sir."

The Dad looked like he wanted to crawl under the desk. The player looked like he still wanted to puke. I then looked the Dad in the eye and said "Nothing you say or do is going to change anything as it relates to who plays and who does not play. Your son will get what he earns I promise you that. And I could careless who was the better player 5 years ago, 5 months ago, five days ago or five minutes ago. The player I believe is the best player when I make out the line up card is going to play. When your son is one of those players I promise you he will be in the line up that day."

I then went on to explain I was not going to discuss any other persons son with him. That I wouldn't do that to his son and I wasn't going to discuss someone else's son with him.

That was this players Jr year. He did not come out for the team his Sr year. His Dad still tells everyone in our small town that his son would have, should have, could have but didn't because of his HS coach. And that changes what?

Maybe if Dad had just told his son to work hard, fight for what he wanted, things would have been different. Maybe the player would have been motivated to get better. Maybe the player would have had a good HS baseball experience. Maybe the Dad would have enjoyed going to the games and watching his son when he got in games which he did many times. Instead he was a bitter man and had a miserable experience.

When my son has experienced tough times in this game I have always stayed true to what I believe. "The coach makes out the line up card. He is going to play who he believes is the best option. It doesn't matter what I think I am not the coach. It doesn't matter what the fans think they are not the coach. So what you have to do is convince him that you are the best option. What's that going to take? Do you know? If you don't know find out. If you do know or once you find out then do it. Convince the coach you are the best option. Do whatever you have to do to get in the line up. Do what ever you have to do to get better. Fight for it. If it matters that much to you then let your actions show it. Its not the coaches job to make you like him. Its your job to make him like you. And in like, I mean want you in the line up. So stop talking and start working."

If I thought I could go to a coach and earn something for my son I wouldn't do it. Why would I want my son to get something he should have to earn because I ran to a coach? How could he feel any pride in that? How could I? And if I thought he played for a coach that would put someone in the line up based on a parent coming to them and complaining ahead of another player who had earned it I would get away from that coach ASAP.

The player at the HS level and beyond should go to the coach and find out what he needs to do. If he doesn't already know. He then has a decision to make. Am I willing to do it? Am I capable of doing it? Then its up to the player. Parents, you can't get it for your kid once he reaches a certain level of the game. I know many times you have had the ability to manipulate the situation. But at some point and time its going to be simply up to him. That can be very hard for some people to grasp hold of. But sooner or later you have no choice. You can play the should have, could have, would have game the rest of your life. People will stand there and hear your words. But they are not listening. Its a story often told but no one wants to hear it.