when your dad is hurting your chances of being recruited

Dibble, I'm sure that there have been a few mom's with this attitude as well.

I think we've seen those Dad's starting at T-Ball through high school...and every all-star team.

Doyou think the Dad will ever "get it"...I doubt it.

Dibble is absolutely correct.

Lafmom may have hit upon something as well.

I'm sure that there are alot of well intentioned parents out there who just do not understand that college is a totaly different enviornment than high school. The interaction between parents and coaches is almost non-existant as compared to the high school situation.
Also college coaches have enough to worry about with their own players, the NCAA, and the school administration to have to deal with Coach DAD or MOM on top of all that. They prefer not to have the player on the team no matter how good he/she may be.
Somebody needs to talk to that Dad or Mom and let them know that he/she needs to back off and let the kid and the coach talk and also, that parent needs to get informed on how baseball recruiting works and the financial packages involved.
We have parents down here that have moved their kids from schools so many times that college coaches won't recruit them. With some parents they will never understand no matter how you explain it to them. I feel badly for that kid.
When my son was being recruited I let him talk to the coaches alone and after they finished I was able to ask certain questions that I felt were important concerning the academics and baseball as well as the financial aspect of my son going to that school. But overall it was my son who spoke alone with the coaches.

Well my pop is cooler than a ripe cucumber so I don't got problems

I have found that college coaches welcome interaction with parents of their players. My son's pitching coach is available at anytime to answer questions, and will not hesitate to call if there is a problem. He is very PATIENT.
What they do not like is the parent calling and asking why their son sat while another played.
You are questioning his/their authority.

I agree, players that seem to move from HS to HS within the same vicinity can get passed over by the schools that player has high on their list. The constant transfering sends a signal that someone was not happy, usually the parents.
JMO.

I cant tell you how many times I have had this conversation with College coaches and High School coaches as well. When your son is being recruited they are not only concerned with your son , what kind of talent he has , what kind of young man he is, but they are also very concerned with what type of person the parent is. The last thing they want is a parent that is going to be a pain in the neck. There have been a ton of young kids that have missed on opportunities because the parent or parents have be a red flag. It is just the way it is. What take a potential headache for four years when you don't have to.

It has been stated parents have to realize that college is not like high school. Obvious statement. If the situation in high school was one where the parent was always calling the coach or "meddling" for use of a better word then he or she is in for a big big surprise.

I have spoken to several college coaches who have passed on various recruits because they did not want to deal with the parents for 4 years.

g house

How does it get that bad?

Will,
As soon as a parent says to the coach, my son's stats were better than his stats, he's a goner.
Also, coaches don't want a parent to convince him (the coach) why he should take their son. He already knows why he wants him, he doesn't need mom and dad to tell him. Some parents just have the attitude, YOUR school is not good enough for my son to play there (which really translates into, my son needs more $$ to come play).

Turn it around folks, ask the coach, "why do you want my son to play at your school", "what do you see in him that others don't", "do you think he will be able to acheive success in your program and in the classroom", "I appreciate and thank you for considering my son for your program", "I appreciate the time you have taken to come see my son play", " We appreciate your phone calls"., etc.

Some just dont have a clue Bad enough the stuff that goes on with some of them during high school but as they say people only do what you let them

College coaches are not weak individuals that let parents modify their game plan. If they are they don’t last long. This may sound strange but when you get to the D-1 level the parent/coach relationship is virtually non-existent. I don’t think the dad or mom hurts or helps at the D-1 level. If the parent has a question about anything there are a host of people that a parent would talk to before they would need to talk to the head coach. At my son’s school there were three assistant coaches, an administrative assistant, a trainer, a Chaplin, and a director of marketing all of whom I knew on a first name basis. All were great people and would go out of their way to help the parents in any way they could.
During the recruitment of our son the head coach talked to us at length and I asked if it was OK to contact him in the future if I had any questions. He said “Of course you can” and gave me his home number and his cell number. “You can call me at any time and we will discuss anything you like... except playing time”. In three years of college the head coach called me one time about an injury and one time about a surgery my son was going to have. I might add the head coach stayed with us all during the 3-4 hours while our son was in surgery. They coach ‘em...We raise ‘em!
Fungo

Fungo- thanks for the interesting comments. They have added credibility when you take into consideration that your son was truly an impact player in his program.

If an impact player's parent's are to be kept at arms length, all the role players parents would be wise to take notice of this and realize what college ball is all about!

Fungo, I think, too the fact the fungo jr. was at Auburn, a private school as opposed to a State U is a big factor. Maybe not all privates are like this, but this is what we have experienced this summer in the recruiting process.
I've only seen this kind of openness with 1 State school...Wichita St.

I'm sending you a PM

Baseballmom,
I got your PM prior to reading this. Auburn is a state university but it is larger than most which probabaly means more staff and more structure in the baseball program.
Thanks,
Fungo

Fungo is correct in his statement regarding the Head Coach and contact. We have never called him other than during recruiting time.

However, he has a relationship with each of his players parents and makes it his business to see and speak to the parents that don't come often to see their sons play. On the road he makes it his business to come see all the parents if they are by the bus, waving their players off to a game or home. We always get a thank you for coming and he is a hugger as well. He also will take the time to speak to parents regarding the team as well as the players progress.

Our son's coach plays for the team, so the bond changes a bit, he is also a players parent.

On the other hand, as for the assistant coaches, they are always available. Being that many players are out of state, they are always available and will discuss anything you need to discuss with them. I know my son's pitching coach spends lots of time on the phone with the freshman pitchers parents. He is also teh recruiting coach, so he develops a relationship with all players and parents. And I don't know of any parent at CU who indicated they were kept at arm's length. That is just the way he is, not necessarily the norm. However, parents should know that at anytime the lines of communication are open if you have a concern about anything, except playing time.

Interesting discussion:

Really would not know if our son's coaches are open to communication or not as we've not discussed anything with our son's coaches since he was 13 years old. Why? We were given our orders and told that we'd be dead if we did!

Really...I know that we all love them and want the best for them...but it is THEIR game and I want our son to know that we trust his ability to handle his own baseball career.

Sometimes I REALLY miss those days when he WANTED Mom and Dad to make those phone calls...

123kmom

"Trusting your sons ability" what a novel idea!!!

123KMOM ...

We did things similarly through high school and college. We enjoyed a wonderful relationship with all his coaches ... everyone of them, including high school, came to his wedding. But the relationships were purely "platonic" if you will ... general conversations about the success (or lack thereof) of the program, the conference, lots of general baseball conversations and social niceties. Never once, after he started pitching in high school, has either his dad or myself communicated anything with his coaches about his baseball activities, progress, etc. We share the same thoughts you do ... it is his future and his career and he has to learn to handle things with his coaches directly. We obviously would have expected phone calls if there were something serious like an injury or, heaven forbid, academic or drug problems. But otherwise, he was on his own.

As I have said in the past, I stopped getting information from his coach when he "retired" and I was no longer sleeping with the "coach" on a nightly basis ...

While I think it's important that son have a coach that I COULD go to if there was a problem, I think it's more important that he has a coach that he can go to. I have never and would never go to a coach to discuss his playing time - that is not my business. In the recruiting process we have considered personalities of the coach. It was important for us both that he have a coach that he could knock on the door and share a concern or problem (whether that be baseball or otherwise). If it was a coach he felt he couldn't do this with - we weren't interested.

As far as parents communicating - I think it's great to know that they are there for your son i.e. Fungo's son's situation. I think it's great to know they would be there for any family emergency if you needed to call. However, I never understood those parents that tried to control playing time, positions, etc. in high school and certainly wouldn't be able to understand it in college. I can't imagine that there would be many of these types at that level?

Other than supporting the baseball program with our $ like other parents, we avoid speaking to the coach unless he specifically comes over to speak to us. My son plays baseball we don't.

My son was being recruited to transfer to another college which would have been a parallel move for him. He asked us about it and wanted me to speak to the coach. I told him no. I advised him to finish where he was at, earn the right to move up, and finish his degree. Those are the proper goals for young men his age, in this society with things being as competitive as they are.

If along the way he gets drafted we will see what that means. But the education for a Hispanic male is critical in the event he has to compete in the work force for a good career opportunity.

As for the baseball interrelationships between the coaches and my son that is his world and we do not intrude there unless the coach makes the contact himself.

What we are doing is making sure that our son is being handled properly with his nutrition having him under the care of a nutritionist. My son has about 5% body fat. all solid muscle and very wiry.

His weight training is handled by a professional trainer which he see three times a week.

Those are the things that we see where we can assist him achieve his maximum efficiencies in his pitching. Keep him healthy and strong, "naturally" and let his pitching coach help him develope.

There are parents that are obnoxious, had one screaming about why they were having my son pitch, mind you, at the time, in the 7th inning he was throwing a 2-0 2-hit shut out, but the parent was upset because my son was making the batters hit "can of corn" fly balls out to left field where his son was playing, and he was concerned that his son wouldn't be able to deal with it since he was just coming off an injury to his leg.

I chuckled to myself when I heard that going on.

21 hit shut out?

I see. thanks.

I guess I am just an outgoing person, because I became good friends with my sons HS coach, and I regularly communicate with my sons College coaches.

Heck I still exchange Emails with the coaches from the college my older son transferred FROM.

Of course not once did I ever discuss another player (other then the occasional So and SO had a great game or play) and never discussed my sons playing time.

Coaches are people too (at least most of them) and they enjoy talking and BS'ing just like anyone else does. You just need to show them that you respect them and their roles and know that your role is strictly as a parent/fan/supporter.

OMG Barbara....

Every time they call you, you learn something new and it doubles your value here helping others.......
You're not here to be a cheerleader, but rather, a well-informed, well-intentioned, shoot from the hip source of recruiting info willing to share great info with curious parents....

Your son is lucky to have these men, and the help they offer on the "beyond college" aspect is something talented players parents should hope for....

Jack is doing it the way he experienced it...
God Bless him...I love that!

I think we all (including myself) got off track on the topic of the original post.

The post was about dads hurting one's chances of being recruited, good examples of why stated.

Having or not having a relationship with your son's coach doesn't hurt your son. As soon as some parents hear that others have parent/coach relationships, they assume it is about meddling or about something their kids can't handle or something the parent doesn't like.
It's a personal preference, a friendship, for the coaches as well as the parents.

123Kmom.....Great post. Glad to see a viewpoint expressed that is closer to that shared in our household.

disclaimer: this opinion is the opinion expressed by ME alone, and it is not meant as an attack on any other opinion expressed prior.

Tiger Paw

I guess it depends on the type of relationship.

The only coaches that don't like a parents involvement with his son and the recruiting process are coaches that are INSECURE.

I know as much about the game as any high school or college coach.

Haven't had to get involved at any time because I understand the roles of parents and coaches and the athletes.

If I saw a "problem" would have no hesitation about talking with the coach about the problem.

I've seen more coaches ruin good players than good players ruining coaches.

Deal with it.

Hey....if a college coach welcomes open phone communication or open e-mail correspondence with his parents....AND a parent feels a reciprocal relationship...HEY....go for it. I'm not saying that type of relationship doesn't exist (obviously it does), but I do not think parents should expect it as the norm on the college level. No matter what YOUR intention is, even if it is purely "platonic and social"....it could possibly not be perceived that way by other parents...and it could invite unwelcome criticism and reprocussions from other team mates and family members. It is up to each individual to decide if they are comfortable with that type of scrutiny...irrelevent of what their true intentions are. There is no right or wrong in that choice, just your own comfort. I guess that our family does not want to put our son, or our family, in that type of situation. Plus, we are confident in letting our son handle things. Caving to opinion? Weak-willed? Perhaps it is. But then again...I wound up deleting a couple of my prior posts due to an off-base e-mail this morning complaining about what MY intentions were. My intentions were not ANYTHING like what I was accused of....but I don't want people thinking otherwise and I don't want to have to deal with the reprocussions...so I deleted them...it just wasn't worth the aggravation. I guess it is no surprise then that I wouldn't want to have to deal with that type of "questioning of motive" when it comes to my son's college baseball career. You have to deal with enough criticism in your life...let alone "unwarranted" criticism.

disclaimer: the above opinion expressed is Mine, and mine alone. It is not meant as an attack on any prior opinion.

Beenthereil

It is not that coaches dont like parent involmvemnt. It is the tyoe of involvement. there is a right and wrong way of going about things. knew of a high school parent who made up a story to a college coach saying how another school offered xyand z. could they do better. Of course the other school and coach never talked or contacted such. Well it just so happened that the 2 coaches got to talking and the players name came and one coach said what was told to him. did not go to either school. Did the parent help here?

The last time as a Dad I was involved with a sons recruiting was back in 1993/94

At that time there were no showcases to speak of, at least not known to us in the Northeast.

This being the case their wasnt a school that didnt know about my son, thanx to Dad's creative marketing skills.

To make it short the bottom line was this---I am at tournament the year he is off to college for his frosh year and standing at the rear of all the college coaches behind home plate I hear one coach ask " Does anyone know where the Rizzi kid ended up? Darn, his dad must have made every coach in the country aware of him with campaign."

I hear the reply--"yea--the kid ended up at New Mexico State--whatever his Dad was doing it worked for the kid to end up out there"

Dad walked away with a grin on his face, fully satisfied

Ya gotta believe in what you are doing folks and work it hard--if I didnt do what I did NMS never would have known my son existed-- Did I appear to be "baggage"--perhaps to some but apparently not to all

Just a few things from experience

Will...Understand what you are saying.

Been through the recruiting process with 2 sons. One went to Mississippi State and now another to Princeton.

In recruiting, coaches and assistant coaches remind me of President Clinton and his famous "I did not have *** with that woman..." speech. Believe me, they talk with other coaches all the time...assistants and head coaches.

They think we're all stupid and don't know or don't understand the recruiting process. That is where Perfect Game; Team One; College Select; and, Midwest Prospects helped our family and my son.

Had a "wanna-be" national power say nothing for 3 weeks after the July 1st contact date for my son. When I called to inquire, he said they weren't going to be recruiting my son. Said they waited to see who else they might have "commit". By the way, same guy is no longer at that school. Has a head job now. I don't forget those things.

In college baseball recruiting, just be prepared for the coaches playing kids against each other (coach and school and kid).

Part of the "process" and you should be aware of it, that's all.

I think we all are missing the point of the topic.
This isn't about marketing your son during recruiting, it isn't about calling the coach during recruiting time, it isn't about calling just to say hi phone calls to the coaches, or to call or not to call with a concern, it isn't about relationships made during your son's time at school, it isn't about relationships not made, etc.

This is about why kids get passed over. This is about parents who complain why their son was offered less than the other kid, This is about the parent who thinks their son is better than the program (remember coach saw him play in a tournament), this is about parents lying to others about their son's offers, this is about making coaches promise playing time and position, this is trying to manipulate BEFORE your son is offered, this is about why did he change HS's 3 times in 4 years, this is about parents fudging stats to impress, it's about Will's story, etc. That's what puts up a signal to some coaches to stay away. That's it.

I don't want parents who are going through the process to think if they make a call to the coach to ask questions it will hurt their son's chances to get recruited, or if they have done their homework and appear a bit smarter than others it will it scare the coach off, or even if they want to ask for more money.
Don't also want parents to think that if they want to talk to the coach when son comes it is not ok. Will it hurt your son's chances to play, will he sit because you called,of course not.
I had a parent email me the other day asking me advice regarding making a phone call to the recruiter. This is a very sensitive and difficult time for her and others. They are stressed and nervous. Let's get over ourselves, our issues, who has called and who has not called, our kids are there already, there's are not.

Threads are fluid..they develop and morph contingent upon the information that posters choose to share. It all has relevance and IMO doesn't merit a "let's get over ourselves". Why can't posters share what they want to share in a polite non-confrontational way? There are differing opinions, they all come from personal experience, they all have merit, and they all give food for thought. Personally, I find the different approaches interesting and think they all contribute to the discussion, including yours TPM.

TPM

Title of thread---"when your dad is hurting your chances of being recruited"

Over marketing can be a detriment to the porcess thus my post of an actual experience

Isnt it best to speak of experiences not suppositions ?

"Lets get over oourselves"-- what is that all about ?

I am with luvbb--the thread may float at times off the main line but it is great to read the thoughts and experiences of others--many great posts

It is probably helpful to see both sides of the scenario - Dibble's original post is right-on about parents being too involved in the wrong aspects of the process, while TR's experience shows how parents can be involved without being too aggressive and giving the wrong impression.

Tiger Paw Mom said: I think we all are missing the point of the topic...

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Each one of us brings a different perspective and experience to the topics based upon economic circumstances, ethnic background, and we contribute through that filter which is from a prism of our own life.