10 Things Parents of Athletes Need to Know

You...nah......lol.
Good stuff TD.

Good points.  I might have slipped on a few. 

 

Well, to be honest, never more than several during a particular game.

I think if your totally playing rec ball that you might be able to go by those 10 things. But as a parent I will not let them make all their own choices for many reasons.

                 First of all I trust my judgement on whats best for my kid before his, not just baseball decisions but what hes watching on TV, eating for dinner, and what is the best baseball program to play for.

          Second don't sit back and relax too much, when most competitive programs are lifting weights and taking lessons in the off season. I have seen good ballplayers turn into great ones over the winter, while other kids lost ground not doing anything baseball related.

 

justbb,

None of us did all 10 all the time. The difference is you set goals for yourself, those who post here, on other sites and in your community. I am not surprised you would post this list of 10.  it is not that you set a standard for anyone except you and your family.  Where you are unique is the expectations are contagious, just like these 10.

While I love the 10 and especially 8-9-10, I found the over 120 comments more interesting.

One particularly interesting and somewhat repeated comment was posted by those who refer to themselves as a D1 parent.  My question is why does anyone post they are a D1 parent? What is a D1 parent? Why is that something to post? 

We are all parents. Our sons all compete if they are lucky enough to play in college.

Is a D1 parent more "meaningful" than the those like myself, a  parent of a pretty good player who competed at the D3 level?

I fully understand D1 and D3 are different.  I certainly acknowledge many post their son is D1 and far fewer are D3.  I have always wondered why parents post with that distinction, just as fungo asked many years back on this site about  the meaning and distinction of "high academic D3?"

I guess the point of my post and observations is you and I have talked many, many times and never once have I perceived a "distinction"  in our conversations between D1 and D3 parents. Our sons have experienced similar struggles and similar highs, certainly not equal if we want to measure those things. They play the same game, with the same equipment, on the same field. We just seem like parents and I think you are such a unique "parent" in creating that "comfortable"environment, without distinctions, for most parents who have a son playing in college at any level.

Taking the lead from what fungo asked several years back, what is a D1 parent and how is that "parent" meaningfully different from a D2 parent, D3 parent, NAIA or JC parent...or is that part of the 10 things a parent needs to know?

The Doctor,

Without questioning your experience on any parent issue other than baseball, I wonder why you feel you have any particular ability in baseball.  Our son hardly ever  took lessons in the off season, actually never because he played basketball, flag football, soccer, swam and threw in some tennis along the way. The extent to which he "lost ground" to  those devoted to doing only baseball related activities seemed indistinguishable within practice times allowed for HS baseball in our State.

Do parents really know what is best in baseball? if so, why do so many MLB players who are parents suggest an action plan seemingly different than "parent" knows best?

I understand this but what do you do to help teach your children learn to make their own choices or make good judgments?  Are they allowed to make a choice / judgement with failure in order to learn from it?

Concerning the last one about your child is watching you, nothing could be more true!  When my daughter was a Junior in HS, she asked me after the game why I got up to walk around during one of her at bats.  Great question.  I guess I was nervous and too anxious to sit down.  So, I told myself that from that day forward, when she hits, I'll make sure to smile at her and stay in my seat. 

 

As any FYI, I have never been one to yell encouragement or, for that matter, say anything at all when she plays.  I don't video her games.  I want to enjoy each game as it is played.  I love our talks afterwards and believe that so many parents don't enjoy the moment.  You are never going to get those moments back. 

 

Edited to add:

 

infielddad, I'm a D-II parent.  I guess from your observation about those parents who have to assert that they are D-I my experiences don't count.  LOL

 

The Doctor, our experiences are so much different.  Good luck!

 

 

For me, one of the interesting things I have learned from a host of college, minor league and MLB players and families…yup, I've met a lot of 'em…but nearly all of them, in retrospect, would say these 10 things are exactly the way they feel about it.

 

Its rather eye-opening when you hear essentially this message from that pool of players and families…again and again.

 

Like I said above, I didn't live by them entirely, but my hope is it will save a handful of parents willing to listen and in turn...to avoid a fair amount of self-inflicted stress while gaining a chance to smell the roses along the way.  

Good stuff, JB!!

 

Meanwhile, I couldn't agree with you more, infielddad, about there being no justification for trying to distinguish between the DI and the D3 parent's experience (or any other division, for that matter). We're all "comrades in arms," and have the scars (and joys) to show for it! 

 

 

 

Infielddad,

 

I believe the definition of a "D1 parent" (or more specifically, a parent who refers to him or herself as a D1 Parent) is one who doesn't yet accept #5 on the list of 10 Things Parents of Athletes Need to Know.

Absolutely dead on...all 10 of them. 

 

As a parent, I like to think I've matured & mellowed over the years.  Hopefully, I've demonstrated to my sons how they should behave as a parent to my future (gulp!) grand kids.  

I raised my kids with the George Costanza theory of do the opposite. I was raised by the parents from hell in terms of accomplishment. I couldn't do enough to please my mother academically. I couldn't do enough to please my father athletically. Imagine being scolded after getting a B or going 3-4, 2 homers and 6 ribbies for losing concentration and popping up in the fourth at bat. No mention of the success.

 

All I ever asked of my kids was maximum commitment and effort. Any time they were up against it I stayed relaxed. I figured I would congratulate them if they won and console them, if needed when they lost. With a couple of exceptions I always treated them the same as all the other kids I coached.

I definitely made a lot of mistakes, and I to believe that I have improved in a lot of areas.  One on the list that I have definitely mellowed on is forgotten equipment.  Since my son is a lefty, if he left his mitt at home, it was a real problem...

RJM, Your right on. some kids and parents don't think you can push a kid into giving maximum effort.  I'm big on cutting the mental mistakes to a minimum, Physical error's are part of the game, and are gonna happen. But if a kid stays focused and gives me what he's got at all times he can play with us a long time. But those demands are too much for a lot of parent's. Let them play! or just let them have fun! let's go get ice cream! there is a place for those parents in rec ball.

 Occasionally one of these families make their way on to a competitive team and reality set's in, and they usually are around for just one season. It's kind of a shame when you see a descent ballplayer stay down because Mom and Dad have issues. Sometimes we see these kid's a few years later and our boy's have passed them by. Sometimes it's just a Mom that ruin's it and the Dad try's to explain why they have to leave,only to tell us 2 years later that they had made a big mistake.

  So the cookie cutter 10 commandments are not for everyone.

 

P.S. I would of responded yesterday evening but at about 10:30 last night my son asked me to shoot him some curve balls.....yes in January.

I definitely made a lot of mistakes, and I to believe that I have improved in a lot of areas

 

Me too Ryno, and I have two lefty's...that's why I had 3 kids, If I screw up the older one, I have two more chances to get it right!!!...lol

 My son has played for nice dad's that wasn't the best coach, and he has played for guy's that ran a tight program who knew baseball and came across as a bit abrasive. He would rather play for the abrasive guy that makes him a better player, that is just his make-up. He responds well to a competitive practice, and being held accountable is no problem. This type of atmosphere is not for everyone, and that's OK. But the type of instruction and environment that we prefer is what work's for us. I still don't think there is one set of rules for everyone on how to raise an athlete.

I have also broken many of the 10 unfortunately.  However I don't believe you can just leave your kids alone in sports anymore than you can leave them alone in life.  Kids need encouragement and direction.  As they get older they should make more of their own decisions in life and sports.  As a HS senior he makes all his own decisions In sports still not all in life, I make recommendations he decides.  I have come to find I could have done more of this at a younger age.  Usually when he ignores my advice he regrets it later but he learns from it And applies what he learned to other similar situations.  What I have always insisted on is give everything you've got, stand up for your beliefs protect those that can't protect themselves.  So in the end I think the uninvolved parent is just as bad as the overly involved.  It's a balance that we don't always get right but should strive for.

I really don't think anyone is saying these are the 10 golden rules...or 10 commandments of athlete parenting.  So I don't think anyone should read it that way.  Nearly all of us on this thread have admitted we didn't follow them all of the time.

 

But they are 10 pretty good ones.

 

As my sons have progressed to college and pro baseball, I often still attend area clinics especially if our older son is going to speak at it.  My wife and I end up at dinner with our sons and their teammates a number of times a year.  Sometimes...some of them have eaten at or stayed at our house including a recent Heisman Trophy runner up.

 

The "ice cream" comment above got a little chuckle out of me because I've heard these guys say so many times to my younger kids or to kids at clincs..."make sure you go for ice cream after the game." 

 

I think I know what you meant "Doctor," but please realize that the very highest attaining athletes think rec ball and ice cream and goofing off a little and not focusing on one sport...especially at a young age...are about as important as curve balls at 10:30 pm. 

thanks for the link; just posted that for the parents in our PAL programs. I'm sure some of them will be mumbling bad things about me!

 

"How dare you say my son/daughter is not a professional athlete!!!"

Goes for those older guys as well!  

 

What does practicing hitting CB's at 10:30 at night have to do with any of this?

 

Parents need to know when its time to help and when its time to back off. Most of all, as with anything in life children have to learn responsibility.   I don't see the above as for "rec" ball folks only, but should be a general guideline in keeping yourself as a parent in check.

 

Why do people blame the moms, there are a lot of professionals out there that are who they are because of their moms.  Maybe those moms put their foot down because the dads were making their kids miserable, it happens all of the time, someone has to provide balance. 

 

The object is to help our sons/daughters to make the right choices he/she feels is best for him/her, not  the ones that WE feel are best.

 

By the way Doc, please see the HBO short entitled, "Trophy Kids", if you haven't already.

 

The OP's link to the list is so very valid per being the parent of an athlete.  The insinuation that this would be for rec parents and not some type of elite athlete's parent is missing the point.  Some of the posters in this thread have children that have played at very high levels.  My child has done so as well.  I think that many of us who have been through the process may see the validity more than some still on the journey.  That would be a shame. 

 

Doc, your point about pointing out that your son was wanting to continue working at 10:30 at night was to demonstrate to us that your son was more dedicated than the typical player. For fun sometime, you might want to go back and read about how some of the member's children have done as documented on this site.  They have also been highly dedicated.  My daughter is hitting right now while she is home and her boyfriend is here waiting for her.  She just told him she intends to hit until 8:30 tonight so, sit down and have a talk with dad.  I'd live to sit with TPM and have a sweet tea while hearing about her son.  RJM has been a consistent poster here and it would be blast to spend time with him.  Well, there I went and started naming names.  Justbaseball, Coach 2709, Prepster, ...  I apologize because I know I'm leaving such high quality posters out.  They have, "been there done that" and so, keep that in mind.  JMHO!

Is this just a typo type thing which can happen on a message board or do you  believe it to be your role to "raise an athlete" and your son's youth and "identity" to be formed and shaped by being "raised as an athlete?"

CoachB,

Tea sounds nice but so does a beer!!! 

 

Its ok that you don't remember, IMO, loving and appreciating the game has nothing to do with how successful you will be later on. I know plenty of guys so in love with the game,  but never even made it to college.

 

For Doc's info,  Prepster's and infielddad's sons played in college and pro ball and both now D1 coaches.  Justbaseball's son is on the roster of a ML team and played in the Pac10. His second pitcher son has a player now playing in the same conference as #1 pitcher son did.. Bum's son has played college and now a pro pitcher.    Swampboy's son plays for a D1. And your daughter CoachB, well we all know that she is just a GIRL (a young woman actually) but she probably is better than half the guys who play ball!

Doc! Those are just the players of the folks who posted in THIS topic.

 

And wanting to practice at 10:30 at night has nothing to do with your skills.  You can be the worst hitter in the world and be passionate and want to have the bat in your hand 24/7.

 

infielddad, that would be another topic worthy of its own thread. 

 

I always wanted to think that I raised a young lady who could separate athletics out of her life.  For girls, pro ball isn't really much of an option.  Still, when I think back about the motivation for grades, etc. it was so that she could play ball.  Your point is valid that we raise children some of which happen to be athletes.  Still, in my household, I don't know if they can be separated.  Again, I think this would be a great thread on its own. 

 

TPM, I'm not old enough to drink a beer.  So, I'll buy you a beer and myself sweet tea. I only drink sweet tea and water now. 

Sorry, Fenway's son not only excelled on the field but in the classroom as well (Fenway is our IVY League specialist here) and RJM's son plays  but not sure as of this up coming season where.

Hope that covers everyone's players!!!!

I think I  understand what infielddad is saying.  It's about raising children not athletes.

 

We gave our kids the opportunities for their passion and it was their choice to go with it or not. They made some mistakes and we did too, the OP's list is a reminder what is important when it comes to sports.

 

 

 

Coach B

In that case, I will take water!

Coach B,

Being a Card fan, I know why you would like to sit down and chat for a bit.

 

So FYI, son recently bumped into former teammate and Cardinal Albert Pujols , you remember him, right?

 

Now that was quite an interesting discussion they had together!

 

TPM, I love the Cardinals.  I once had the fortune to be allowed some access to the Cardinals.  As I think I might have mentioned, when the new Busch Stadium opened, only 2 HS teams (1 game) were allowed to play in the new park its first year.  My team was one of those two teams.  So, wayyyyyyy back in the day, I had a chance to see this young guy working on hitting.  (Jim Edmonds was there as well.)  His name was Albert.  Who would have known back then the success he was to have had.  That had to be in the early 2000s.

 I will admit that I am guilty of nudging my kid's in the right direction. I would never name anyone to put pressure on them or cause embarrassment or even draw attention to them and make them feel uncomfortable but, People seem to like to list their experience and talk about how they know what others should do and whats best for them since it worked for their son.

 If your boy was gifted enough that he didn't need any extra work, then that's great! if your kid grew into an athletic body and people took notice, good for him! but hard work and lot's of support is the route we choose. We are thankful for a couple of hard nose coaches that came into our lives and made the summers something to get excited about. as far as travel ball we have been everywhere and none of that would of happened without a big commitment. The teams we see year after year at Super NIT's and the Elite are not laid back. They do not take the (everything will work out approach.)

 Most of these team's have some kind of a MLB connection. Sometimes it is a Dad a Coach, or the guy's running the program have retired from the game. They talk about the off season, and what they are working on and how good they are gonna be next year. They never mention anything about being laid back. Like I said it wouldn't be right to name anyone, but I knew a kid who wanted nothing but a batting cage growing up and he finally got one when he was a teenager, he hung drop light's in the trees so he could hit at night, hitting line drives became boring so he would make up different games to make it fun. He ended up winning a world series with the White Sox, this average size kid had strong disciplined Coaches, and put in lots of hard work to get there, I'm fine with that because I know more people that do better by working hard and putting in some extra work than who I know that have succeeded by taking a passive position.

 

 

 

I wonder, from your posts, about the separation between coaches and parents.

The article is 10 things parents can observe. It does not mention coaches.

If you are suggesting the 10 things a parent needs to know is not workable with demanding coaches I sure would be interested in your thinking and considerations.

Being a parent who recognizes this is the experience of their son or daughter, does not live through it, and watching them coached by demanding coaches does not, for me,  seem inconsistent. Seems pretty healthy in most ways.  Are you saying the 10 and demanding coaches are mutually inconsistent in "raising an athlete?" 

How old is your son?   What is a Super NIT and Elite? 

 

Only when your son has been through the entire process and reached the real "Elite" levels of baseball will you look back and realize the insanity of it all.

 

I have seen a travel team coach walk off the field -- with his son -- half-way through the game, angry over playing timed.  When my younger boy was in T-ball I saw parents run to the mound and almost engage in a fist fight over a close call.  I've seen parents 86'd from the field for drinking, smoking and berating the ump. 

 

I've seen blogs blow up locally and remember the best line.. one parent stating succinctly:  "If you ever get a dog, you need to name him CLUE.  That way you have a CLUE!"

 

I've seen statisticians cheat to help their sons.  I've seen coaches slap their sons in the face because they didn't focus on the game. 

 

I myself when I was 10 years old was relegated to the bench because I signaled a home run (the fence was a rope) for the opposition.. it sailed two feet over. 

 

I was once sued by a team mom who was not happy about he son's playing time.  I once sat next to a lady complaining how her son had too much talent to sit and, once he got into the game, had a ball bonk off his head in center field.

 

I remember a dad helping his son get out of his trousers in the parking lot so he could hurry to another field and another team to play.  I've seen kids whose parents shelled out $500 to attend a college prospect camp that threw 67 MPH from the right side.

 

I've seen it all in this game. ONLY when your kid gets to college and beyond will you realize all the nut jobs have long since focused on helping their kid through clarinet lessons.

Nice post Bum. 

i've seen some similar things. Funny thing is a lot of the kids with crazy parents from LL days r no longer playing. 

know a good family who has spent about $10,000 in the last two yrs taking son to lessons/showcases/camps as well as flying him all over the s east to play in tourn, and the poor kid(2105) has gotten no interest from any school. He works very hard, and I feel for him. he needs to look into D3/NAIA schools and find a good academic fit, but they r not seeing that. 

Wish  we all had a Manuel, but that's not the case. Not just in baseball though. Always a story every yr w parents fighting at youth football.

I agree, and have seen many of the things you all just mentioned, But my original reply was focused on the idea of just sitting back and doing nothing in the off season was not our plan of attack. And most of the kids I know love baseball, and love to work out anytime they can.

Bum - You just made some of my coffee come through my nose.  I had a Jose Conseco flashback.

 

Doctor, 

 

This comment explains why there is controversy on this thread.  What you are objecting to is not what the 10 Things list talks about.

 

Nothing in the list of ten things for parents suggests players shouldn't be serious about competing or improving.  Nothing suggests parents should find easy, laid back, non-competitive coaches.  Nothing hints at limiting off-season conditioning and training.  

 

Every one of those ten things is a reminder to parents that we shouldn't be uptight, overstressed, out of control, self absorbed jerks who let our hopes, dreams, and fears poison relationships with coaches, other parents, and our kids.  And those reminders apply to parents of aspiring college or pro prospects just as much as they do to parents of recreational players, maybe even more.

 

Nothing in the list says anyone should be laid back or less than committed to excellence.

 

The lady who wrote the list does say parents should be supportive as their kids pursue their goals.  And since her son is playing D1 lax, I'm sure she knows "supportive" includes paying for and encouraging all that extra work and finding competitive programs with serious coaches. 

 

Please go back and read the ten items on her list.  Then tell me if there are any of the ten you think are inconsistent with helping your son achieve his baseball goals.  I think we'll find we really don't have a disagreement on those particular ten items.

 

Best wishes, 

S

Super nit and elite is usssa baseball.

The things listed above have nothing to do with playing rec ball,usssa, Connie mack, legion.  It has nothing to do with what ex big leaguer your son plays for and their workouts in the season to make them better. These are adult men not kids.

Its just a 10 point reminder of how to conduct yourself as a parent, no matter what team your son is playing for and on what field or for who.

By the way a good read I suggest would be the "Matheny Manifesto".

 Oh well that was fun, I have a field to go drag now. Good Luck and Happy New Year!