Accepting Blame

TPM, I think it's more of "Accepting Responsibility". In that, this whole site was created to help in the recruiting process. From day 1, everyone preached "do your homework"..and sometimes the college step means you study like it was an MCAT!

 

I adopted a mentality & pretty much stayed the course..."don't sweat the small stuff"...."take the emotion out if it"....make a list of pros & cons"...."think things thru"...."have an attitude of gratitude"...."take off the rose colored glasses"...."you put your pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else"..."when he's between those lines, the coach owns him"...."remember the first 3 letters of assume...don't go there"....

 

Common sense & a few manners basically go a long, long way. Its always a 2 way street.

 

 

lol...Now, what might have prompted that post? 

 

I think it's always been there; although the "blaming quotient" might ebb and flow. Could it have anything to do with the fact that we're nearing the early signing period?

 

I also think that some of the more ...er..."mature/senior" of us might be more sensitive to it than others for the following reason:

 

Our sons have been through it. In your case, you've been through it...and more. Your son was one of the nation's finest pitchers coming out of high school. He had a stellar college career in the ACC and was drafted very highly after his Junior year.

 

Since turning pro, he's persevered through injury after injury, just preventing him from grabbing the brass ring.

 

Given his makeup, I'm not betting against his getting that ring; but, now that he's been through all that he has, a parent like you is particularly aware of the fact that NO ONE is entitled to ANYTHING in this game. It's filled with failure, bumps, bruises; and, the higher a player rises, the more acutely aware he is that it's about very little except business to the people who make all the life-affecting decisions.

 

Meanwhile, we have the less "mature/senior" among us. They're the parents of high school studs. Their sons' experiences so far have been much like ours were up until that point. The world is their oyster, and they can't wait until that brass ring is nearing their grasp.

 

Like ours at that age, their sons are the toast of their teams; and, in many cases, their areas and states. No wonder that they occasionally bristle when a college coach even suggests that Johnny might need to be treated like everyone else...or, heaven forbid, treated even worse than some others!

 

After all, the lion's share of the coaches that have had them, so far, have had no reason to treat them in any way other than the local royalty that they are. Ah, those were the salad days, weren't they!

 

Of course, when Johnny gets to college, he'll realize very quickly that EVERY locker in the clubhouse is occupied by a player who is his equal or better. Not only that, but some of them will have played and developed against college competition for two or three years by the time Johnny arrives.

 

The prickliness that they're feeling during the college recruiting process is just the beginning of the dog-eat-dog world of college intra-team competition. Needless to say, it's more so if they go straight to the pros.

 

So, I guess I feel like both parties are understandably coming at it in the way that they do. The $64,000 question is how the newer players and their parents adjust to the realities of the post-high school environment.

 

This is an important post for baseball players and their families because things will go wrong for baseball players.  They get hurt, they get overlooked and undervalued, they have bad games.  Their good pitches sometimes get hit hard.  Their hardest hits sometimes get caught.  Other guys get unfair breaks and undeserved recognition.  Scorekeepers and umpires commit outrages. It's tough and it's unfair.  

 

The normal human reaction when things go wrong is to assign blame elsewhere.  This normal reaction is self-defeating for baseball players because they need to respond to all adversity (and all success, too) by doubling down on effort, consistency, focus, and determination.  

 

Blaming makes us feel better (briefly) about the last step.  It doesn't help us take the next step.

 

Even so, if posting anonymously here helps parents refrain from venting or blaming around their real-world baseball circles, I guess it's okay for us to provide that outlet.  Maybe we could set up a "blaming and ranting" forum where every post ends with, "There!  I feel better now and won't say anything about this injustice to my player or his coach or the other parents."

 

Good post, TPM.

TPM

 You should also keep in mind that though us new guys do value your experience and advice and though you think you have seen it all please be aware that there are unique situations and just because that they differ from what you know doesn't make them untrue. With your having the second highest posting on here maybe you should look at this “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”

 This site is great and extremely informative. I have said it before I have been reading on here for just over a year and really do wish I would of found it 4 years ago as it would of saved me a ton of money and time. But from reading on here over the last year I have seen a lot of someone new coming on here to post to only get chased out and never posting again.  Kind of counterproductive to what you would think the site is about or at least what one would think it is.

Mech1978,

Or maybe it means she has to repeat herself because people who post only to have their preconceptions confirmed need to hear what she has to say more than once before it sinks in.

 

Swampboy point taken but my points are still more than valid.

mech1978:

 

There was absolutely nothing "unique" about your situation except for the specific persons involved in it. It was unfortunate; but far from being termed "unique."

 

A number of people told you as much, and they gave you the benefit of their advice from the experience of having gone through extremely similar situations.

 

The people who have the hardest time on this website are the ones who profess to want advice, but who make it apparent that what they really want is recognition and/or commiseration.

 

 

My point was that you took a cheap shot.  

 

If you disagree with the substance of a post, argue the merits--don't attack the person.

Something that I've noticed: 

Effective leaders never blame anyone but themselves when they fail. Ineffective leaders blame everyone but themselves. 

 

 

 

Mech ... Once people have been there, done that with recruiting just because they didn't personally experience an event doesn't mean they are not familiar with it. My son had his own unique experience (two serious injuries). I was also exposed to all the experiences of his travel teammates and several of high school teammates. Throw in all the travel players he played with along the way who play college ball, friends being recruited in other sports, multiply times two since his sister went through college softball recruiting and everything I've read on this board. There are very few "I've never heard that one" moments. And I'm just one of many people on this board who have been through the journey with their kids.

When I went through the softball recruiting process with my daughter I felt like a blind man with a walking stick other than the help from the experienced travel head coach and a friend who was on his third softball recruiting journey. I made mistakes. I didn't blame others. I asked myself where I might have gone wrong and made corrections. One time we drove eight hours each way to have Friday and Saturday rained out. Sunday was six one hour games. While I thought the weekend was an unfortunate waste of time due to rain it turned out to be where the college my daughter attended discovered her. All it takes is a couple of good swings sometimes (and being a 5'10" girl).

My two cents.......One of my favorite topics on HSSBBWeb is lessons learned.  It comes around every year, sometimes twice a year.   Oh my gosh could I write a book on the topic of mistakes I've made over the years.  If you are afraid to make to make mistakes, and will not accept blame, your baseball journey at any level with be significantly harder than it needs to be. 

 

My hope is that other people learn from my mistakes as well as other's mistakes.   The game of baseball & recruiting at any level are setup for you to eventually fail.  It is a certainty .  Accept responsibility, figure it out, don't make a fuss, move on, and don't make the same mistake again.    That is what I get out of TPMs post which by the way brought a big smile to my face and made me chuckle.  If you are new to this site, just listen & think what these "oldtimers" are suggesting.  They are handing priceless nuggets of knowledge to you the best way they know how.  JMO.

My only problem and the whole problem with TPM was that she outright called me a liar. She has no defense or excuse for that.

 

You're missing the point of this thread. Rather than lashing out defensively because you didn't like how someone worded something, I would suggest taking Swampboy's advice, here: 

 

"If you disagree with the substance of a post, argue the merits--don't attack the person."

 

There are going to be lots of things that happen to you and your son that are unfortunate. It's part of life and it's part of the recruiting process. There's no need to attack people because of their interpretation of something.

 

TPM can be brash sometimes but she is never dishonest and she is always willing to help. She doesn't have to do that.

 

If you'd like help with the process, stop continuously lashing out because you didn't like the wording of a sentence directed towards you. If everyone did that, there wouldn't be very much communication anywhere in the world.

 

And, as an aside, Prepster is 100% correct in saying that your situation is FAR from unique. It is unfortunate and frustrating, certainly. But it is not unique.

No, you were not called a liar.   

Like I said in reference to the coach...what he said & what you heard may be 2 different things. Everyone has to "interpret".

 

Look, mech, everyone wants the best for your son. It is really time to be constructive for his benefit. Be thankful for the new doors that have opened to him. Help him prepare for these visits, get the stars out of his eyes, be mature & logical in accessing these opportunities, read the recruiting tips & list of questions he needs to ask/know about. Who will he contact for the academic side of things?  What is the academic support for away games? Mandatory study hall? when are workouts? (5 AM, as at some schools?) etc, etc, etc...

This is your next step! Get going, now!! He & you want this to be a great learning experience! 

My time here is a result of the mistakes that we have made along the way.
You don't learn unless you make mistakes!

 

 

BTW, your knowledge here on your sons journey is priceless. Required reading for those whose sons are considering the Ivy league or similar very high academic programs.

 

Prepster,

Thanks for the kind words about DK.  With all he has been through he never blamed  anyone, he knows it's all part of the game and the business of baseball.  Your statement that no one is entitled to anything is so true, and they will realize that a year or two into college ball or after a few years in milb. 

 

Baseballmom,

I get ya but I meant accepting blame. Accepting responsibility is a given.

 

Swampboy,

No one knows how much your son has been through and I have never once heard one word of blame on anyone. Good for you and best of luck to him this spring!

 

JH,

You have been through a lot yourself and no one has pulled through it better than you.

Most have no clue what you or many of our sons have had to endure to get to where they are, and that includes operations, as well as many months spent on the DL!

 

 

RJM,

No one knows better than you how relentless I can be!  

 

Mech,

It's ok, you will catch on sooner or later. I called you a liar and you called me a troll, call it even and get over it and get over what you consider your "unique" situation.

Baseballmom,

Amen. 

 

Now let's all look for the next new posting....

I just found out I can add members to a block list. Although I never meant to offend anyone if I did so please feel free to add me to yours.

Mech, TPM did not "outright call you a liar."  I went and read the entire thread.  You are the one who used the word, "liar." 

 

Per the blame game, this process is not easy.  Parents often don't know what to do, who to ask information from, who to trust, and the agenda of the recruiting institution.  Yes, agenda.  Just as the parent has an agenda to get as much money as they can for their child to attend an institution as well as playing time, institutions have agendas as well.  Look, parents are often on their own and the learning curve is sharpe.  Do your best and use sites such as this as a resource.  I don't know how many times I've heard a parent say that their gut feeling was ... and they went the opposite.  If it feels wrong, it is.  Don't blame anyone else if you have not done your homework.  Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.  JMHO!

Long time lurker. 

 

I can see where Mech. believed he was called a liar.  

 

"TPM stated:

People with agendas usually don't stick around that long. 
I didn't call mech a liar, he called himself that.  I questioned the validity of his argument same as I am questioning yours.

Now it's getting fun. A new member joining just to jump into the fray rather than ask a baseball question. People don't join the board for their first post to be taking sides in a spat. College recruiting isn't the only this long time members have a lot of experience. Welcome to the uncourageous person who created a second chat name just to jump info an argument.

You and TPM can play word games all day long.  It's no wonder lurkers stay lurking.  

 

 

I consider myself to be  new to the board and I have posted some good posts , bad posts. I have taken part in the "blame game" . 

 

I have read thousands of posts on just about any topic, but most are in the recruiting forum.

 

As some of you know I have 4 sons, one playing JUCO baseball , a 2014 , 2016 and 2018. So I am going to be in the recruiting game for hopefully a long time. Having just gone through 2013 and now working on 2014 its never ending.

 

What I have learned from this message board is invaluable. Now I understand that everyone's situation is different to a degree, but 90% of the time everyone situation is the same.

 

First of all it would be great if instead of the parents asking for advice from the board it was the student athlete.  It seems the players take criticism better than the parents. 

 

Like I said I'm going through this process many more times than I would say 99% of you on this board, so for the newbies take a word from a guy going through as we speak...

 

1.) Make sure above all else your player makes the best grades that he/she is capable of making. 

2.) While your player may be ranked in the top 5 in the state, chances are he is not quite as good as you think he is.

3.) Coaches recruit on need.....find one that needs you

4.) Be humble, teach your player to be humble, appreciate what you have ,

5.) Parents curb your jealously.....you know what I'm talking about.

 

Lastly, Mech1978... TPM has been nothing but a blessing to my sons.... so back off with the personal attacks...

 

 

What persaonal attack I asked her politely to back off. She kept trolling and I called her on it
  I am sure she gave sound  advice in the past bit she didn't do this for me. Let it die I blocked her and hopefully she did the same.

Seems to me most of the "trolling" going on in this thread is being done by you.  Why don't you take your own advice and back off (said in a polite tone)...you're not adding a lot of value at this point,

 

We could all benefit from learning how you and your son deal with your current set of challenges...I hope you can turn things around and contribute to the community and not continue to pout because your feelings got hurt .  If not I have a feeling quite a few of us will find out how to use that blocked feature you seem to like talking about (said in a not so polite tone).

Mech - you have a PM

And that's why i asked for this to stop. I even asked the admin to pull the thread as it became useless. I came here for one reason and one reason only. My kid loves to play ball and I love to watch. If I can help him that's great and that's my ONLY Agenda. (What agenda others have is not my concern)

The lesson here mech is not to buck the lifers because you will always be wrong. 

100/ correct;-)

Being labeled an "Old Timer" doesn't make anyone more important. I don't mind being labeled a "Lifer", in fact I like it and it's true.

 

As a Old Timer/Lifer I have seen many first time posters welcomed with open arms. I've also seen those with an agenda and those just trying to stir up trouble.  I do think there is somewhat of a consensus among the majority of "old timers" when it comes to many topics.  This is due to the collective experiences of many people.  Many of the complaints and/or excuses might be very legitimate, but it gets old.  We all know life is not fair and everyone has obstacles. 

 

Sometimes I write things while being angry and wish I would not have posted It.  I sure don't think that is a good way to get started, even on a public website. I don't see any reason why anyone should ever think a first time poster is a "troll" unless they really are a troll.  Be humble, be friendly, be polite, you will get lots of respect and maybe even some  help here.

 

If there is one thing I have learned it is that every situation is unique.  There might be many similarities, but no two are the same.  It just can't be the same because we are dealing with different individuals.  The other thing I have learned, the older I get the more I realize there is more that I don't know than what I do know. Yet, I still think I know quite a bit.

 

I do know there are chronic complainers!  Usually these type people end up screwing everything up.  They spend so much time complaining that they never get what they want. Stop complaining and figure out how to be a winner!  Quit making excuses, quit blaming others, quit being miserable and move forward!

 

There are people that participate here that have lots of experience when it comes to baseball.  I never liked the word "expert" but there are experts here.  Yet there are not two people here, or anywhere else, that have had the same exact background or experiences.  Maybe that is why the "oldtimers" even disagree at times.

 

And how about Sonny last night? Always really liked that kid! Everybody that knows him would say the same thing. Young guy, very talented, very smart! Never has anything to complain about. Doesn't even need baseball to be a complete success in life.

 

 

Well, I just read this thread for the first time...was at or entrenched in college football most of yesterday.

What a terrific beginning to this thread!  TPM, Prepster, baseballmom, Swampboy, RJM...others.  Simply fantastic posts!

 

I hope it can get back to those, cause they were far more interesting (and useful) than the bottom half of the thread.  

I have watched Sonny play since he was in 8th grade... exciting to see him do so well last night..... But then again I have watched Price play since he was a freshman...

Old Timer here.  Been there and done most of that via both coaching and recruiting for the kid. 

 

This thread could have applied to almost any disillusioned, angry, upset, ... member.  It is an important thread because it calls for accountability.  Should any member decide to take it personal or "about them" is on that member.  Some advice I'd give any new member(s) is to find those posters old timer or not, that seem to have applicable information to your journey and pay attention to what they say.  Ignore the rest. 

 

Man, when I read some of the responses not only in this thread but also in others, there is so much wisdom being imparted on the membership and from so many different perspectives.  If I had this to do over, I'd do it like I did the first time and read this site to glean all of the helpful information I could find. 

Lesson to be learned. Don't post when you are pissed off.

Jerseyson and I were texting back and forth last night about Sonny during the game...what a special performance!

 

It's nice to see the good guys do well.  Jerseyson played with Sonny in a couple PG events and he said Sonny was not only one of the best pitchers he had ever seen, he was also one of the nicest guys you would ever meet.  

 

As good a player as Sonny was/is, what I remember most about him is during the Aflac All American game (now PG All American) Sonny was not allowed to pitch in the game due to a Tennessee HS eligibility rule. While the kid had to be crushed to be missing out on the biggest game a HS player can be part of, he accepted his fate with grace and maturity that most of us could learn from.  From that point on I knew I would always be a fan. 

 

 

I love seeing all of the young guys do well, and not rot away in AAA, like they used to. 

 

Cole's performance the other day was special.

While the topic is Vandy pitchers in the playoffs don't forget about Minor with the Braves. I've followed Vandy since two former teammates/friends had sons play there to current where one of son's former teammates plays there. I remember reading Minor's senior year of high school ERA was 0.14.

There are too many lessons in this thread to pull it. It's inconsiderate to ask other people's efforts to be deleted.