Another parent on team yells at your son?

To me, there is no choice. If you are witnessing a parent on your side saying inappropriately derogative things to or about your child, you have to say something. That is part of your role as parent.

Can you let us know what the guy said.  I know you said negative comments, but what to do next might depend on what he said. Not excusing the guys behavior at all, it just seems relevant to know. 

Not sure I agree Matt.  I don't see it as part of my 'job.'

 

I'd tell my kid to ignore it.  He'll deal with a lot tougher stuff in life.

 

playball - Our sons have dealt with worse. One parent actively rooting against our son on the mound so her's would get a chance.  Parents, opposing players, opposing coaches actively dissing our kids in games.  We just ignored it.  It is…what it is.

+1.....It is part of the game that players all deal with sooner or later.

Agree with JBB.  Before age 13-14 or so, then I might say something to the offensive parent or address it directly or indirectly in one way or another. By HS age, I think you have to let your kid learn to rise above it... Learn how to consider the source... And generally learn how to handle such things on his own, with your support but not your intervention. 

A touch of subject but when my son was 8 he was playing in his first All Star game against another town. At this time my son was considered to be chubby. 

 

He was playing first. sitting by first base were two mom from the opposing team, who can only aspire to be white trash.. They made comments, which he heard, about his weight while warming up the infielders to start the bottom of the first.   He stopped his throws, stood on first base, looked at them and shook his head. Everybody saw it. The moms never said a word again. 

I agree with the ignore it sentiment.

 

When something like that happened to 2015, had just automatically ignored it - then when I brought it up after the game - he said he didn't even hear it, he was focused on the game. What he said next still makes me chuckle when I think about it... He said, "dad, the next time I talk to that guy, it'll be to respond whether or not I'd like to super-size it!"

 

Cracks me up. 

Disclaimer, don't listen to me.  I'm an old guy who has been in a few dozen fights, have been stabbed and almost beaten to death twice.  Once with a ball bat and once by 4 men.  So, take this advice for what it is worth.

 

This year, a guy was doing this to my daughter in a college game.  He did the same last year.  So, both years, I went up to him and asked him to head out to the parking lot so we could communicate better.  He didn't want to go.  Last year, they removed him from the game.  This year they didn't so I told him I'd wait out for him so that we could understand things a little better.  BTW, he called my daughter things that no one should get away with.  He had local law enforcement show up to assist him getting to his car.  Don't listen to my advice and I do keep a lawyer on retainer. 

Coach - Daughter would be a whole different thing altogether!  No one gonna mess with my daughters.  

In HS and above when your between the lines, no one exists outside the lines....

I would like to know as well to help with context.  Overall ignore what's being said unless it crosses the line and becomes very personal.  The best solution is find admin at the game and have them talk / eject the fan.  If you have no idea who that is then go ask who is working the gate or concession stand.  Our people can get up with me quickly in case something like this happens.

 

Now that is the administrator in me.  I don't have kids but if anybody said anything about my niece or nephew then we may have a different story very similar to what CoachB25 is saying.  You can take the boy out of West Virginia but you can't take the West Virginia out of the boy.

Like I said my son just ignored him and thinks he's a bit crazy. I'm the one ticked about it. He didn't have the nerve to sit in the stands and yell something, he did it while on the fence. Imo he's a bit jealous because he's son  rarely plays w Varsity. I would never cross the line of commenting on someone else's son during a game, much less yell out to them while they r playing from a fence. Says a lot about someone's character IMO. 

Have no problem with opposite fans yelling things, just expect more from parents on our team.

I would follow him to the restroom.

       
       

...and just count your lucky stars that it isn't your Dad. Think how mortified your teammate must feel...

IMHO - There is no place for calling out individual kids in HS or below levels of play. Remain positive and supportive unless the young man / lady is about to start a brawl and then yell "NOOOOOO" at the top of your lungs to try and prevent it.  

 

In college, there are lots of season ticket holders helping your son / daughter. Keep your chin up, because they paid to be there and paid more for the beer.

I always support this sentiment.  However, this is not the opposing fan being a bit of a misguided jerk, it is a dad from the SAME TEAM.  If it were my son he was talking about and I were in the stands as a dad, it would have to be blatant for me to say something.  If it were another player's son, and I am a dad (or a coach) who overhears, this is where my political correctness ends and I am making sure right quick that this dad knows this is someone's son, a teammate of his own son's, this is HS ball and he is way out of line.  I'm not going to let the rare idiot ruin the baseball experience for everyone present without at least making sure he knows he is being the rare idiot and his presence is not welcome by anyone if he continues.

 

Depending on the response, I would likely follow that up with informing the coach with the details so he knows the extent of the problem with this particular dad.

My son got yelled at by a parent once soph year in high school district playoff game. Down one, two outs, bottom of the 7th. Everyone in the park knew my son was going. 10-12 throws over later he was picked off first. Season over. The father of the player at the plate went nuts screaming at my son. He overlooked my son had just hit a 2 RBI single to get the team within one. His son was the leading hitter on the team. He assume it was a gimme if my son stoled second his son would drive him in.

 

My son didn't come out of the dugout until everyone left. When I mentioned the dad later my son didn't care. He said that dad has been an @hole all his life so it didn't matter what he said. 

 

I've always believed look first to see how your kids react before reacting yourself. Parents have a tendency to want everything to be OK for their kids. The kids are more resilient and thick skinned than we sometimes give them credit.

       
       

Yep!

Tell him to ignore it and concentrate on the game. It's the only way.

Agree with the others that it would be nice to know what was said, what some consider constructive, others consider negative. 

 

I am surprised, this being a HS team, that the HC does not say something if this guy is persistent.  That type of conduct should have been addressed in the player/parent  meeting at the beginning of the year

 

Not sure I can blame a coach for a player having a jerk for a parent.

Wow I didn't realize this was same team when I first read the post.  Still don't change what I would do other than as the HC I would call the parent the next day to discuss.  Never discuss right then and there - emotions way too high and bad stuff happens.  

 

RJM is onto something with the wait to see how kid react feels before doing anything.  If the kids not sweating it then probably best to let it lie.

Some terribly misplaced replies in this thread of wanting to follow the guy to the bathroom or wanting to fight in the parking lot (and at the college level to boot - come watch a game at Ole Miss, you'll have to fight hundreds of boisterous, complaining fans). You're no better than the parent yelling at the kid. Probably worse, as you are intending to cause actual harm. Don't lower yourself to their level. 

my son's first travel coach taught him well to block out any noise from the sidelines. But I certainly have heard things. One time he made a great catch up in the air and went to turn 2 with a beautiful throw but the 1b bobbled it and dropped it. the mother of the 1b ( who was sitting under my tent with her feet up on my cooler, as usual) yelled out, "learn how to make a throw! Who do you think you are, Derek Jeter? I was in shock but decided to take the high road. However, I never spoke to her again and oddly enough, suddenly my tent and car became very crowded so she had to make other arrangements.

 

Eta I never answered the question. Especially since this is school, where your son and his son are together everyday, I would ignore it or just mention it to the coach like "wow...some of these parents....!" Maybe he would say something, but really this is something players have to learn to tune out.

Usually the parents take it harder than the kids.  It has happened to me.  You want to kick some a$$.  Doesn't phase the kids.  You always must consider the source.  Cooler heads must prevail.   

 

 

I still remember seeing some poor kid's mom dragged off in handcuffs at a little league game.I never found out the circumstances, but it was not her finest hour.

That's what happens when you have an idiot that has never played the game living through his son.  Consider the source and let him vent for all of the times he was the non-athlete that never stood up for himself.  I always get a chuckle out of the ones causing all the trouble and talking the most trash.  They are usually the slobs in the stands that couldn't play catch with their kid much less play the game. 

I would explain to my son that it's unfortunate, but some people grow older without growing any wiser.  It's something he will need to understand all his adult life.

 

But I would probably think about what I would do myself.  I'm thinking I'd go stand by the guy and yell at his son, "He, # 12, did you know your dad's an a********e?  I'll bet you did, huh?"

I would have to be there to tell you what I would do, guess it depends on a lot of things like what was said, situation, how loud etc.  if you feel it was completely out of line then tell the HC so he can handle it.  

I think the guys actions require no response from the parent and player.  As your kids play sports you will always overhear someone saying or yelling negative things towards your kid, the sooner the parent and player learns to ignore it, the more enjoyable the game will be.  Consider it training for the next level if you son is fortunate enough to play.   

 

As an aside if the offender is "on" your own team, somebody will let him know.. On my son's college team a parent was hassling the HC about the performance of a particular player and to put his son in.  Coach stepped out of the dugout, yelled the offender's kid name, pointed at him and said "my office after the game" loud enough for the parent to hear.  

 

 

 

Parents who were athletes can be just as bad as parents who weren't athletic.

Anyone who truly believes they should do nothing, no matter what the level, is an indication of what's wrong with society today. Its either acceptable behavior or it isn’t. If its acceptable at a HS game, then its acceptable at a T-ball game.

Every time I think that I might want to go personally confront another parent/kid/coach, I remind myself that I would never want my kid to be ashamed that his Dad couldn't keep his focus on his son, and was arrested for fighting at one of his games.

 

If you must, just inform someone in charge.

HC didn't hear he was too far away. Son didn't tell us someone who saw it happen did. 

Will see how he acts next game. If he goes down fence line again I plan on  getting  close enough to hear. Thanks for replies.

You can get arrested for assault just for approaching someone while ticked off. All it takes is a Barney Fife police force. I've seen it happen.

I have spent some time thinking about this before I responded because I am a parent and I am a head coach and here is my opinion.  It is not OK for adults to yell at kids.  I don't even like it when parents yell at their own kids.  Here is the deal, if a person paid to go to a professional game they have paid for the right to say whatever they want.  However, we are talking about children and they do not have the right to yell at kids.  I believe it is also wrong to tell our children to ignore it and that we ignore it as well and chalk it up to, "It's part of the game."  It is not part of the game.  At one point, God willing, our kids get to a certain level it will be but not now.  Something needs to be done and it needs to be addressed with Admin/HC/AD.  Do I think you should approach the guy?  Yes, and I think you should say, "If you are going to ever publicly embarrass my son again. We will sit down with the Head Coach."  What you should tell him is to meet you in the parking lot.  However, we all know that will end bad and you will look like the bad guy.  I understand you so plays varsity baseball but he is still your child and something needs to be said.

I think you need to be very thoughtful on how you approach these situations.  I have a friend.  There was a mom on his team, that during a tournament was very critical of his kid in the stands.  It got back to my friend.  Well the crap hit the fan and the team eventually blew up.  Grudges where held.  Friendships where ruined.  Situations where uncomfortable.  And then the mom came down with terminal cancer.  A 12 year old boy was loosing his mother in front of everyone.  My friend and the mom eventually spoke very briefly again, but only a few months before she was no longer with us.  My wife and I were sitting in a local restaurant when we noticed the kid and his dad.  He came up to us to tell us the bad news (that she passed) and asked us to notify my friend.  So remember, life is too short to sweat the small stuff.       

Deleted the main part of my response here. 

Let's say a kid boots a grounder.  Big difference between..."Gotta make that play" and "You S@@@!"

 

1st one is a natural reaction if you are rooting for the team...I used to whisper that kind of stuff to myself all the time.  I also quietly muttered about repeat offenders with "when are they going to try so and so at that spot". 

 

Regarding any comments about kids other than my son.  Any out loud comments to a parent or another "fisherman parent" was always...  tough play or came up early.... Very bland...gotta know your clichés.

 

Why?  I vowed that I would never get caught up in the junk on the sidelines or ruin it for my son.  I never embarrassed him on the field and now that it is over I am glad I don't have to worry about that memory flashing across my eyes when I die.