Antsy when son's playing-Advice?

Realize he is probably not a nervous wreck but  a focused young man establishing his mark on the team and coaches. Understand that all he brings to that team and school, you were a huge part of and now is the time to beam at his accomplishments and take a breath and enjoy this time. Delight in the calls he makes to you with his perceived failures and his successes . Realize he has it all under control and is happy and in his element! Cherish the time you are there with beaming smiles and an extra $20 slipped to him as you hug him and drop him off after dinners! This is the time to smile and appreciate one heck of a journey!

Is your son 100% prepared to compete. If so, he can't do anything more. He will compete to the best of his ability versus what his opponents bring to the field. That's all you can ask. 

 

My son is a position player only now. In high school he was a closer and a soccer goalie. From the time he started playing sports he was a pitcher, goalie and point guard in basketball. He's spent much of his athletic career with the team's success in his hands. I never got nervous. I had my turn. It's his turn now. I've always been confident he's prepared.

 

i pitched in relief my first two years in college before becoming a full time position player. Regardless of the situation I entered the game or what occurred while I was on the mound my attitude was, "You're not scoring" or "You're not scoring again." I'm sure your son has the same attitude on the mound. The best you can do to avoid anxiety is have confidence in your son.

Trust me you are not the first parents to "feel" each pitch. When my son was in college I was so anxious that I had to get up and walk. I used to "lap" the entire field several times during the game. I had a few spots where I would stop and watch a batter or two, and then keep moving. Once his team went back on defense I could sit and watch, but when they were batting, I had to be on the move (good old nervous energy).

 

The bad new is that it will all come and go before you know it and you will miss the angst that you are feeling today.

Plenty of PBR, not the baseball one . . . (or replace your beverage of choice)

RedFishFool

 

It is natural.  

 

Quick story...

 

i have been involved with baseball in many ways for most of my life. I had two sons that played professional baseball, one was a position player, the other a pitcher.  He (the pitcher) was on the very first DBack team. I never got very nervous when watching position player son.  But when he got called up I went to Arizona to watch.  I was sitting next to Bill Olson, another baseball lifer, whose son Greg was a veteran who had 250 MLB saves.

 

Anyway, they were playing the Astros and tied in the 7th inning when they brought in son to pitch.  All of a sudden I became a nervous wreck.  I asked Bill Olson if he felt like this when he first saw his son pitch in the Big Leagues.  Bill said, yes I did and I still do every time he pitches.  BTW, Bill is recognized as one of the best pitching coaches in the country.

 

I suppose some people can simply enjoy watching, but I assure you there are plenty of us out there shaking in our boots.  My suggestion is just try to act normal even though your gut is turning. Understand that everything is completely out of your control.  In fact, that is the reason we get nervous to begin with.

 

BTW, my vote for the most nervous dad we have seen would be for Eddie Kazmir, Scott Kazmir's dad.  He looked like a guy that had just chugged a 5 gallon pail of coffee before Scott pitched. It is a good thing that the pitchers don't feel the same as mom and dad when they are on the mound.

 

Bottom line... I think you are normal!  Your son has a great arm, I hope he stays healthy and has a lot of success. He certainly has the talent.

I suppose you're looking for something better than Bluto's advice to Flounder in Animal House?

 

          "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."

 

More seriously, the thing that most helped me stop stressing so much over my kid's pitching was getting to know the other parents and actively rooting for their kids.

I spend a lot of time around youth baseball as board member of our local LL.  I can walk up to a game, look and the stands and tell by the expressions on the Mom's faces whose son is pitching. They all look like they will throw up in the next few seconds.  Dads tend to walk down the foul line.  

 

My wife absolutely hates it when my son pitches.  She cringes on every pitch.  If my son hits someone with a pitch she wants to find the batter's parents so she can apologize.  It took her a long time to realize that an easy grounder to the 2nd baseman is often as good as a strike out.   

 

When my son was in the first years of pitching I often tried to will his pitches into the strike zone with body movements.  Sometimes it worked.

 

When it is your kid your kid it is hard not to worry and get nervous.

I will admit I get nervous when I am not able to watch first hand.  However, I have gotten to the point where I really enjoy watching in person (wife still hates it).  He now generally pitches with an excellent defense behind him - no longer terribly anxious about errors - and good offense - not the end of the world if he were to give up a run.  I've seen him enough times get out of jams (his own and others) with multiple baserunners so a hit - or two - no longer freaks me out.  Once I got past these distractions, I found I enjoyed watching him pitch.  I probably have more anxiety on the first pitch to the batter, but if he gets a first pitch strike, its fun to watch the pitch selection unfold.  Gotten to the point were I will try to guess which pitch he is throwing (generally follows coaches signal to catcher but does not hesitate to change when he feels a different pitch will fit better).  My second biggest anxiety is the 0-2 or 1-2 pitch - thank goodness for solid catchers as he often buries these in the dirt trying to get a swinging strike.  Next time you watch your son pitch, take each batter as its own little mini-game and enjoy watching your son win the majority of these little battles.

 

I do have a younger son (2024) that is just starting to pitch and all of my original anxieties are coming back - I cringe every time the bat makes contact.  As for my 2017, I'd much rather watch him pitch than watch him bat - he's already been in a boot after hitting a few off of his foot.

It's funny how we all react differently.  Now that son is a full time pitcher (other than during HS season) I don't really get that nervous.  Now when he was a position player for some reason an 0 for 3 would absolutely just ruin my day.

 

I have a feeling when I get to see him on a college mound I won't be very composed for a while. 

 

I do take SwampBoy's advice.  I love getting to know the other parents, players on his team and rooting hard for them.

RedFish,

I can completely empathize!  I am the same way.  Like PG said, you would probably look at me and think I was handling things pretty good, but on the inside I am DYING.  My stomach is always in knots.  I don't know how to tell you to handle it any better.  I always tell myself it will get better, but it doesn't.  I try the walking, but it makes me more nervous not watching than it does when I watch.  I will tell you that I tend to settle down a bit after the first few batters.  As long as mine is not walking batters, I am really ok.  Not that I enjoy seeing him get hit, but if the other guy is better I can live with that easier than if he is having a bad day and the control isn't there.  Thankfully, he has always thrown a high % of strikes.  At this point, I would relish that nervous stomach.  I know your kid is highly talented and will do great.  He is at a great school with a top-notch pitching coach.  I know that doesn't ease your anxiety, but all he has to do is continue to do what got him there and he will be fine.  Now, you just remind me of those words down the road when I need to hear them.  I have always been good at giving advice and very bad at taking it.

Thanx for all the responses thus far.

 

In my mind, the biggest issue is not being there. I sort of had this nervousness when I had to work and couldn't see a few of the games that he pitched in HS. My wife would text me info (and not fast enough as far as I was concerned).  I'm much more composed, inside and outside, when I am actually there. I trust him and his ability. He handles things much better than I would. It is a joy to me just to watch him pitch although a walk/HBP does still give me angst. 

 

What we got on Twitter yesterday was not even a play-by-play. It is just a short recap of an at-bat provided after the fact unofficially by an organization at the University. Some batters were skipped so I had to kind of piece it together in my mind what actually happened.

 

RFF

 

ps: Nuke, I don't drink beer but am old enough, after about 5 seconds, to figure out your reference to PBR!

Redfish - You have it easy.  My son was the closer for four years in College.  The worst job in college sports is being the closer's dad.  Long stretches of boredom followed by a few minutes of terror!  Then the second game of the double header...and do it all again. Now that its over, I miss it.

 

FWIW - the closer's mindset is one where he prepares to release the ball.  Thats all the closer can do.  He must think that everything that got the team into this mess was someone else's responsibility and everything that happens after the release of the pitch is someone else's responsibility. The closer controls only preparing to release and then releasing.  That is also a good mindset for parents.

I remember in one my son's tournaments, I went to the restroom, When  I came back, I saw a mom hiding behind a tree and occasionally getting out to watch the scoreboard. I asked why she was there. She said her son was pitching.

 

I know the feeling.  It's bad enough not being there.  It's worse when the only way you can "see" the game is via live updates.  I would often pace in the living room while I "watched" the live updates.

 

I much preferred the webcasts of the games - at least I could see the actual games.  I still would pace though.

 

I found the best way was to have an adult beverage to nurse.

 

When our son played HS ball I could not stay in one place for very long. I would find different vantage points to watch the game from.

Redfish, our son pitched four years in college, about 250 total innings, so you'd think we'd have gotten used to it.....  No, my wife and I were still a bundle of nerves even during his starts Senior year.  I think it is just the way certain folks are wired, not much we could do to change it.  We still enjoyed the heck out of it though, and I don't believe we looked outwardly nervous.  We also did not dwell on rough outings after the fact, although we definitely reveled on the inside for quite a while after the good ones....  Live Stats was the worst, because all you saw was "single to left field" or "walk" etc on the computer, but there was no context as to whether the hits were shots or lucky bloopers and dribblers, and was he just missing the strike zone by a fraction, etc or way off.  I think you're normal, embrace the nervousness - it is what is!!

Redfish.....tell me State has a TV network/Mobile feed or that you will watch him the SEC network????? I'm closer to mine and will still be putting alot of miles on the Bimmer to see him and when i can't, its Tiger TV. i hope you and the wife get to see him be successful there, it's an awesome place to be...will be looking for updates from you and YOU younggun.

I feel you redfish. My son is close. 20 minutes from home so getting to see him is relatively easy. Last year he got his first start in a conference game 7 hours from home. I couldn't go, older son was having a wedding shower that day. 2pitches into game, webcast, live feed and everything was gone. turns out the stadium lost their internet access. I was going nuts not being able to know what happened. Being the parent of a then freshman, I had no cell numbers of other parents so was blind for his entire outing. MUCH worse when you can't see / be there.

 

He is projected to be a weekend starter this year (we will see, he has to earn it but that is early projection). Told my wife I was going to all the away stuff. She told me we couldn't afford it, I have no doubts I will find a way to see him if at all possible . That one lost live feed probably will cost me $1000's in hotel, gas and travel over next 3 years

Great thread and take comfort that you are amongst many!! 

 

It can be a terrifying feeling.  And not being able to see it (i.e. tracking on Gametracker or Twitter or whatever) only makes it worse.

 

I finally resorted to not looking at those things until at least the inning was probably over.  That is, I might track that our son is in the game, but then I find something else to do (yes, that includes, having a cold beverage) and then just check back in 5-10 minutes.  At least for me, that seems to be a little easier.

 

BTW, for reasons I simply cannot explain, my wife is totally the opposite.  She doesn't get nervous at all and tracks every pitch sometimes.  Rooting all along the way.  It is NOT a good thing for us to be in the same room if I'm trying to wait it out and she's looking pitch-by-pitch.  Yes, there has been a tense marital moment or two when that happens. 

I know that once between the lines, players are expected to put everything -- especially their parents -- out of their minds. And I'm sure most do.

 

But still ... when mom and dad are there ... watching ... Jr. knows it.

 

So I guess the glass-half-full perspective, redfish, might be to view it as a good thing for your son: Fewer distractions. 

 

(This post will self-destruct the day my son moves 2,000 miles away to play baseball.)

Justbaseball - your wife sounds like mine.  She could patiently follow every pitch and cheer them on (like anyone outside the house could hear her.....*).  On the other hand, I'm pacing, walking outside between innings or watching a MLB game (Orioles or Nats).

 

When he was at JuCo it worse.  No live stats. If we were lucky there might be an update on Facebook.  Otherwise, it was waiting for a text from him and it was usually brief - just if the won or lost.  I'd have to grill him on how he did and what the score was.  Frustrating.

 

*Except one time I did hear her.  I was down the block waiting for our grand daughter to get off the bus.  I heard this screaming from our house followed by a text from my wife that our son had just hit a HR.  LOL!

 

like2rake - I hear you on the live stats.  Hard to envision what kind of hit a "single to LF".  Was it a blooper that fell in or hard shot in the hole?

As much as I am sad my sons playing days are more than likely over, those times of which you speak I dont miss.

I am not sure which is harder, waiting every five days to waych your son pitch 5,6 innings or never knowing when he will come into the game.

FWIW, son always did much better when we were physically present. Not sure why, he wasnt either.

Either way, there is nothing harder than being a pitchers parent. Maybe that is why there are so many folks here that have pitchers. Its the pitchers parents club!

 

While this is kind of embarrassing, I think some might find it humerous.

 

I really take a lot of pride in being cool and collected.  One time when son was pitching, I got up to go to the restroom. It was a quick half inning so when I started to walk back to my seat, he was out there again pitching.  So I found a spot out of the way, to watch from the side.  He had a 3 up 3 down inning.  I then went back to my seat next to my bride, great seats BTW. However, as soon as he went back out there I felt compelled to get back to that, out of the way, lucky spot and watch from there.

 

I told myself, you are an idiot. Like it makes any difference where I'm watching from. Then again, I just wasn't going to take any chances. I told my wife I just liked to watch from the side some times. When it is your son, it really is hard to enjoy the game until he is done pitching.  Especially in situations where there is a lot at stake.  Now if your son went out there and did well everytime out, things might be a lot different.  Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

 

I'm not sure anyone who has a son that pitched can say... I really enjoyed watching that game... when their kid stunk up the place.

I'm a pitchers mom and yes I have felt all those emotions that everyone has stated. It won't get any easier as he begins his freshman year at a mid D1. I do know he is working hard and ready to compete. looking forward to watching him play at the next level.

I too have had these kinds of feelings, like when my son as a HS Freshman started in his first Varsity game and his first game starting as a Freshman on his college team.  Maybe part of it was I just didn't fully trust the coaches appraisal of him being ready to perform at a higher level. In any case and for the most part I've never tried to measure his success by the pitch or by the inning or by the game, but by his trend.  And maybe that is the key for me for not feeling anxious very much.  For his pitching, for example, if his ERA trended down and BA and WHIP trended up I would have these feelings and if the trend got worse so did my anxiety.  Same thing for his hitting, if his BA and OPS is declining past a certain point, then my anxiety tended to rise in proportion.  So I guess it's really a matter of our own expectations along the declining sense of control that triggers these feelings as parents who love their children and want them to have as much success as possible. 

PMS-"Pitcher's Mother's Syndrome"

 

Just enjoy the ride; you will seemingly blink your eyes and it will be Senior Day his senior year.  

I am with you there PG...two nights ago I was watching my son grind -- gave up a bomb on a 2-1 fastball.  Next inning gives up another shot to RCF on an 0-2 pitch, next thing you know the guy below me is letting everyone know how my son is essentially a batting practice pitcher.  Not enjoyable at all.  Next time I may try getting up and moving somewhere else to see if the mojo changes  

Son's team has their first intra squad today.  I'm going to skip it and give him some space.  It will drive me nuts.  He's DH'ing and pitching....no INF until the next one.  From 3pm to 5:30, I'll be basically useless....lol.   May be his first game in 12 years that I likely won't know how it went until he calls.  I normally can find someone to text me updates...but I don't think I know anyone heading up today.  It's gonna be a long afternoon 

Another story of the "lucky" or not so lucky spot.  This summer, son is throwing a no-no thru 5 in an 18U travel game.  His mom is on the way and I'd been updating her...but I guess I hadn't mentioned he had a no-no going.  She gets there between innings, sits down right behind home plate (I'm waaayyyy out on the RF line).  He gives up a hit to the first kid.....then gets a DP on the next pitch....then promptly plunks the next kid in the head.  Strikeout ended the inning...no damage.  As he is walking off the field, he looks at mom....and says loud enough for everyone to hear "you can leave now mom"....lucky for him he said it with a laugh. 

Son has scrimmage today, tomorrow and Sunday. I have no idea when he's pitching. Not that I would get a timely response but I'm not texting and asking. Maybe this is the best way. If I don't know when he's pitching, maybe I will be less nervous. Last outing was fantastic so I will concentrate on that.

 

If that doesn't work, I may just put phone aside and go walk for an hour or two!

Just found out Freshman son will pitch innings 3 and 4 ( if inning 3 goes well) in the first game of the first scrimmages they have Sunday.  I'm already a nervous wreck. The school they are playing against is about 2 hours from here.  He said other parents are going so we could come, so we will take a ride. I should be having my mini nervous breakdown by 2pm Sunday.

Wow.  Either you make really good cookies or he's out of money    Have fun!

I just find this tooooo funny!

Baseballmomx4,

Have fun!!!

Uh-oh.  Not much of a baker!

You will really enjoy all the great memories after it's over. But right now you just got to hang on and enjoy the good times after they happen and suck it up during the bad times. Its kind of like riding a great roller coaster. Scared to death while its going and laughing after you step off.

This is me exactly. 2019Son had his first high school scrimmage this past weekend; he started the game for the JV and proceeded to throw six straight balls. I was thinking to myself "maybe he'll never throw a strike in high school." Thankfully, he settled down after that.

i took up photography... i still get wound up and grumpy, but at least I'm also trying to capture moments for later.  Its worked for me... so far

 

It may be hard but it's worth the anxiety.  2020 went 6 innings yesterday of shutout pitching.  He only thru 47 pitches.   I was with 2024 at football so I didn't see it.  Wish I had. That kind of performance may only happen once.

RFF,

 

You know my story.  We were also 8 hours away for oldest son's home games/scrimmages and practices.  Sorry, but we never went to a practice or scrimmage as it was just too far.  My son would give us a report of what we needed to know and that was fine by us.  As for games, we tried to go to as many as possible whether it was home or away.  When the "spring" schedule came out we'd get busy with hotel, rental car  and airline bookings using as many point programs as we could.  

 

With three former high school pitchers in the house it became easy for me to seperate myself as the father of the pitcher.  I'm always looking at the analytical side of the game and I kind of get wrapped around that rather than getting nervous about my son pitching.   My college son is also very analytical, and he never complained of being nervous except his first college appearance against UVA.  I guess looking at the games within the game was my way to cope, but it worked for me.  My wife would get nervous, and I tell her that this is the reason we travelled this far, nobody is better, and you've been through this a thousand times.....relax.   Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn't.  I knew my son was never nervous past his first college appearance.  He was an excellent fielder and very rarely beat himself with mental mistakes.  He knew what he was doing so I never got nervous or anxious because I was extremely confident in him.  

 

If you go to enough high school , travel and college games as I've been to you will see people drive themselves into a frenzy.  I think a few parents gave themselves ulcers worrying about every little minor detail or result of things that were way out of their control.  It is just a baseball game.  These kids practice and practice and practice these things repeatedly.   If my kid is happy and is getting an emotional return on his time efforts (he could be doing other things....like study) that should be enough. These 4 years will fly by.  Enjoy them.  Your son has enough to concern himself with academics and the baseball team pecking order.  If Mom & Dad are a nervous wreck it has the possibility to distract him.  I've seen that happen a bunch of times.  Be cool and calm for him.

 

As always, JMO.

I am with you on this Fenway. I think that I often spent too much time being antsy when I didnt have to.  My advice is enjoy more and fret less.
As far as practice. Let your son relay the info if he wants to. Remember its only practice.  And they will practice and practice and practice quite a bit between now and next spring. 

Enjoy this time as your son being a college freshman who plays baseball not as a baseball player who is going to college.  It will be over before you know it.