our situation was different ( on varsity as a freshman) but end result was the same. Every year he asked to transfer to a different school and we felt he just needed to learn to face the situation and deal.Finally in July before senior year he said he was not going back , he'd rather be home schooled and play travel. We were able to get him transferred and he was welcomed with opened arms but unfortunately covid hit. Despite that, he thrived academically, socially and athletically and we just wish we had listened and transferred him sooner.
@RJM posted:In a year of Covid how is it a bunch of freshmen all know each other well? How have the kids and parents managed to create cliques? Why would they have formed a dislike for one kid?
I'm guessing the school is K-12 or 6-12 and OP's kid is new at 9th grade
edit: just read OPs reply up above...forget what i wrote about the grades
@RJM posted:In a year of Covid how is it a bunch of freshmen all know each other well? How have the kids and parents managed to create cliques? Why would they have formed a dislike for one kid?
Yes. Exactly.
We suspect that there's one family - wealthy, with an only child, competitive - who has gone bonkers. We think that they are the ones organizing the outings, parties, weekend pickups, specifically excluding us. Now this kid is not someone my son wants to hang out with, but they do seem to be setting the tone for the rest of the team. We also suspect they have paid off the coach and perhaps some of the administrators, as the kids' playing time is way way out of proportion with his abilities.
It's like a TV drama.
@RHP posted:Yes. Exactly.
We suspect that there's one family - wealthy, with an only child, competitive - who has gone bonkers. We think that they are the ones organizing the outings, parties, weekend pickups, specifically excluding us. Now this kid is not someone my son wants to hang out with, but they do seem to be setting the tone for the rest of the team. We also suspect they have paid off the coach and perhaps some of the administrators, as the kids' playing time is way way out of proportion with his abilities.
Unless you have some sort of evidence, that accusation is pretty bonkers.
@JCG posted:Unless you have some sort of evidence, that accusation is pretty bonkers.
The assistant coach told some of the players flat out last week that the head coach had taken advantage of some goods and services offered by some of the parents. And based on earlier posts, it doesn't seem like the exchange of things for playing time is all that unusual. Maybe taking it is.
Especially in a private school setting, I wouldn't underestimate the power of money. Er, uh... "donations." Especially earlier - freshman year - when winning and losing doesn't matter much. And it doesn't have to be money. There are plenty of other reasons why some kids get favors here and there. High school administrators, ADs and coaches (teachers) are people just like anyone else and are susceptible to corruption and pressure. My son attended a public HS and we saw some things that didn't look right.
Freshman year a kid got cut Tuesday (first possible cut day) during the week of tryouts. On Wednesday, his stepdad went and raised hell claiming the kid was sick on Monday (first day of tryouts). On Thursday, his kid was back at tryouts. And Friday. His stepdad is a former MLB'er. Kid got a jersey.
The school's VP's kid was terrible baseball player. Every one knew he should have been cut as a freshman. Got a jersey all 4 years.
The school has an alum who is very wealthy and LIVES to donate all sort of things to the school's athletic programs. The alum still holds many school records and is adored by all. He's crazy generous to the school. He's got twin boys (amongst other kids who play sports) who just finished their freshmen year. I've heard they're not great ball players, but I promise you, they'll get jerseys as long as they want them. The school would be dumb to ever cut them. Turf for the football and baseball fields is expensive. The ball field's new scoreboard was expensive. The new multicolored LEDs for the football stadium looks amazing. And football needs a new scoreboard soon. Similar to the new one the basketball team just got. My son got 4 brand new baseball unis for the spring and 4 news for summer legion. I could go on, but you see my point?
A 2021 peer of my son's has never been a good ball player, but his dad played D1 basketball (and is a donor) and his older brother is current QB for a Pac 12 team and was a star QB for the high school. The kid rarely saw the baseball field, but was a no doubter to get a jersey all 4 years. Surprised exactly no one.
Having said that, I never have personally seen an instance where a subpar kid is playing/starting for VARSITY. I saw a couple legacy situations where a couple kids got a couple chances they probably didn't earn, but the moment they didn't produce in those chances, they were riding pine.
@RHP posted:The assistant coach told some of the players flat out last week that the head coach had taken advantage of some goods and services offered by some of the parents. And based on earlier posts, it doesn't seem like the exchange of things for playing time is all that unusual. Maybe taking it is.
I have read this whole thread and honestly, it's getting more and more bizarre. Sometimes coaches do lessons on the side and perhaps there might be some familiarity with other players but nothing can be gained by going down that path. I would forget I heard that and tell your son the same.
There were two kids in my son's grade who were on the outs with the coaches for different reasons, both were very good players. Both transferred, one found the same problem at his new high school, went on to play D3 in college but mysteriously left the team mid-season of freshman year. No matter where he went he found the same issue which tells you something.
The other transferred to a private, had fewer issues with coaches, kept his head down, and worked on his game, and is going to play D1 next year as an RHP (he also reclassed). His issues were more social and related to his father's passing when he was younger. He also socially didn't fit in with the kids. This kid though is a battler, I am a huge fan. I hate when kids get ostracized but for your son a new school and covid could really be the reason.
What's to be learned by leaving? Why take that risk, especially because he's still a freshman. If he is a good player as you say, you are not really concerned about playing time. If he's respectful of the coaches and performs he will get even more time as he moves up teams. Give it another year, a normal school year, and see where it goes. Hey if a rich family / rich kid is causing the issue now you might find there to be a few more of those types in private school.....
I am cognizant of the fact that this is easy for me to say because I am not in the thick of it like you. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Is this just about the baseball team or does this include classmates, football, etc.?
@TPM posted:Is this just about the baseball team or does this include classmates, football, etc.?
Thanks. He played frosh football earlier this year and had no problems. All was good. He had a great time.
But once baseball started, the tone from the players and parents completely changed. 180 degrees.
Politics and payoffs in HS baseball programs are nothing new but they certainly can be disgusting. In 2014 I ran the fall program at the large 6A Texas HS that my middle and youngest son attended. Both kids were in the baseball program and both were varsity players (senior & freshman). The program had plenty of decent players but the coaching situation had been a dumpster fire for a decade. A new HC (that I really liked) had just been hired and was taking steps toward building a program. There were 3 teams that fall and over 60 kids in the program. Word got out that juniors and seniors would be cut in the spring if they weren’t good enough to contribute on the field. A few of the no baseball talent seniors happened to have parents that were employed by the school district. These parents believed that their kids were entitled to be on the team due to them being employees of the district so they banded together. They got a competent coach falsely charged with a fireable offense, conducted a kangaroo court hearing and had him dismissed, and replaced him with another district employee that was their friend (and completely unqualified to be a HS HC). They trade off was “we will get you this job if you take care of our kids.” Thats exactly what happened and the change took place over Christmas break. On the first day back to school my freshman son got called into the coaches office and was demoted to JV. The reason given was that the new HC “has 12 seniors to worry about.” We battled thru a miserable JV season with one son and an even more miserable varsity season with another son. Both my kids were good players at the time and both played college baseball. But that year both lost playing time to lesser players that had influential connections. When it became obvious to me that most parents at this school had no moral dilemma about rigging the system to favor their kid (at the expense of younger, more talented kids) I knew it was time to move on and my son transferred to a bigger (and much better) school district as soon as the season was over - and it worked out great for my youngest son. I only wish we would have done it 4 years earlier so it could have helped my middle son too.
Something sounds weird. You say your kid is being singled out and ostracized by the entire team, yet you nor he have any clue as to why? This just isn't possible if you are paying attention. You say kids hitting .500 are sitting while kids playing .050 are playing... How do you know everyone's stats? You say some parents are paying off the coaches... Really? In my experience when the whole world is against one person, usually you can look at the person in the middle of all the trouble and find the reason.
@Smitty28 posted:Something sounds weird. You say your kid is being singled out and ostracized by the entire team, yet you nor he have any clue as to why? This just isn't possible if you are paying attention. You say kids hitting .500 are sitting while kids playing .050 are playing... How do you know everyone's stats? You say some parents are paying off the coaches... Really? In my experience when the whole world is against one person, usually you can look at the person in the middle of all the trouble and find the reason.
I hear you, but I don't think that applies in this case.
Stats are kept via GameChanger. If you're a family member, you can see them for the entire team.
Kids post to social media showing the parties and get togethers.
Assistant coach said what he said.
Again, it's only been a few weeks worth of games and practices so far. We've barely spoken to anyone on the team. Met the coach once through the fence when he asked whose parents we were.
Hard to know what would cause such hostility. I mean, what could one player have done that's so bad that none of the other players want to spend time with him? And if something was that bad, how would we not know about it? Wouldn't someone have reported it to the coach or the school?
The only thing that makes sense is that some parents are generating hostility towards us and creating distortions on the field in order to bend the program in favor of their sons. Because they really don't like that my son is lining up to be the QB/ace pitcher/academic star of the class.
I can't come up with another explanation.
Kills me to see my son so downbeat after games and practices. He's typically never happier than when he's on a baseball diamond.
I was the new kid in 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th grade. It’s not easy being the new kid. You think it’s tough fitting in on the bench. Take starting positions away in three sports and see how you’re received.
It’s not just about the player you replace. You’re also bumping other players down the line. At the end of the line someone drops out of the lineup.
Sone players are happy to have a new player who helps the team win. Others are buddies with the player your arrival “screwed.”
Then it goes further than the team. It’s a social issue. For the girls there’s a new guy in town. Several of the guys who have been there don’t like it. On top of it all I was a math nerd. So I got mocked for being smart.
I didn’t have a choice in three of these four moves. Running may not be the best choice. You could end up in the same situation all over again. Or you can stay and mend the fences.
@RJM posted:I was the new kid in 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th grade. It’s not easy being the new kid. You think it’s tough fitting in on the bench. Take starting positions away in three sports and see how you’re received.
It’s not just about the player you replace. You’re also bumping other players down the line. At the end of the line someone drops out of the lineup.
Sone players are happy to have a new player who helps the team win. Others are buddies with the player your arrival “screwed.”
Then it goes further than the team. It’s a social issue. For the girls there’s a new guy in town. Several of the guys who have been there don’t like it. On top of it all I was a math nerd. So I got mocked for being smart.
I didn’t have a choice in four of these five moves. Running may not be the best choice. You could end up in the same situation all over again. Or you can stay and mend the fences.
Thanks.
When my son was in HS a group of parents tried to take out the coach. They complained about so much stupid stuff. He never gave in to their demands and the AD stood by him. I had no issue with him, but then again he loved my son and gave him lots of opportunities because he deserved it. I know that being a top recruit was tough for some folks to handle. I actually spent my time running the concession with another parent and stayed out of the way of those baseball moms.
The coach seems to be part of the problem. He has his favorites and in these days maybe parents ARE giving him money. All coaches have favorite players, but should never treat any player with disrespect, or allow parents to do so.
No one here can tell you what to do. You need to have a family sit down and discuss. Ask your son what he wants to do.
I still feel that a trip to the AD is in order.
@TPM posted:When my son was in HS a group of parents tried to take out the coach. They complained about so much stupid stuff. He never gave in to their demands and the AD stood by him. I had no issue with him, but then again he loved my son and gave him lots of opportunities because he deserved it. I know that being a top recruit was tough for some folks to handle. I actually spent my time running the concession with another parent and stayed out of the way of those baseball moms.
The coach seems to be part of the problem. He has his favorites and in these days maybe parents ARE giving him money. All coaches have favorite players, but should never treat any player with disrespect, or allow parents to do so.
No one here can tell you what to do. You need to have a family sit down and discuss. Ask your son what he wants to do.
I still feel that a trip to the AD is in order.
Do you mean that your son being a top recruit was tough for some folks to handle? Call me naive, but why? Why would anyone have a problem with that? So foreign to me. Thanks.
As my daughter was heading into high school the parents got the softball coach fired. He made the girls cry. They should have cried. Over two seasons they had a 34 game losing streak and went 6-38. This coach had spent the previous three years making sure middle school kids were getting to the right travel teams.
Well parents, be careful what you ask for. A new coach came in. She started five freshman over upperclassmen. The parents went nuts again. The parents lost their argument when the five freshmen led the team from worst to first.
Over the course of the season several seniors quit. The parents went to the new AD. He told them to pound sand.
These five freshmen graduated with four conference championships, four trips to states and five D1 softball scholarships. They went 54-2 in conference play and 102-14 overall. Five other non seniors from their senior year went on to play college softball at some level. A few years later the parents of terrible players were still whining their girls were screwed.
Some parents would rather their kids be handed a position and lose than compete for a position (and possibly lose out) and win.
The new AD who told the parents to pound sand started a new era at our high school. A school that was a doormat in everything but country club sports became a conference powerhouse across the board. Fortunately, the seniors first baseball coach was fired when my son was in middle school. The seniors first philosophy led to seventeen losing seasons in his twenty years of coaching.
@RHP posted:Do you mean that your son being a top recruit was tough for some folks to handle? Call me naive, but why? Why would anyone have a problem with that? So foreign to me. Thanks.
That was a while ago but I can probably say that things haven't changed that much, according to the things you have told us about the parents on this team.
@TPM posted:That was a while ago but I can probably say that things haven't changed that much, according to the things you have told us about the parents on this team.
Thanks. So strange to me that some parents would rather sabotage and weaken a team than see a player “get ahead” of their son. It’s just stupid.
@RHP posted:Thanks. So strange to me that some parents would rather sabotage and weaken a team than see a player “get ahead” of their son. It’s just stupid.
It seems stupid to those who have proper perspective. But in the world we live in today, more people have poor perspective than have good. Especially when it comes to HS sports.
@RHP posted:Thanks. So strange to me that some parents would rather sabotage and weaken a team than see a player “get ahead” of their son. It’s just stupid.
Some parents believe in seniority and losing over meritocracy and winning. When you see it it’s a way you can divide up unsuccessful programs from successful ones. Our district was this way before a new AD came along.
Well plenty on this post to make bulletin board material for all 4 years of high school—chances are someone from your son’s team is already a member. Certainly nothing said here stays confidential and most members have a good idea of other members’ sons identities. My advice is still to back off and let your son handle it—way too much pressure if this gets back to his coaches.
Nah, I doubt it. We're from all over, and RHP hasn't given enough information, she shouldn't worry about it. It's a good general discussion, and if this situation has happened to one person, it has probably happened to hundreds.
All these drama stories are making me realize just how good my son's HS coach and program were, though. Whew.
RHP, the season will be over soon, hopefully he will have a better baseball summer.
@adbono posted:It seems stupid to those who have proper perspective. But in the world we live in today, more people have poor perspective than have good. Especially when it comes to HS sports.
I guess so.
@anotherparent posted:Nah, I doubt it. We're from all over, and RHP hasn't given enough information, she shouldn't worry about it. It's a good general discussion, and if this situation has happened to one person, it has probably happened to hundreds.
All these drama stories are making me realize just how good my son's HS coach and program were, though. Whew.
RHP, the season will be over soon, hopefully he will have a better baseball summer.
Drama is exhausting, unnecessary, and a total waste of time. Can’t wait to move on to summer ball. Thanks.
@RHP posted:Can’t wait to move on to summer ball. Thanks.
My wife and I were saying this 3 games into the HS season. Totally different vibe with summer ball.
@TerribleBPthrower posted:My wife and I were saying this 3 games into the HS season. Totally different vibe with summer ball.
Unfortunately the goal for many families quickly becomes getting thru HS baseball without setting your player backwards in his development.
from another perspective. Your son is new to the kids and coaches. Coaches may go with what they know at first, and simply don't put the time and effort into changing things for a while. I know some coaches who insist on keeping the same lineup and pitching rotation for a long period of time before changing. There are times that it seems bad one way, but that could just be the current time. Of course, I could be wrong, but I think it is worth to give more time before going too far on a conclusion.
For kids not getting invited to parties, all of my three kids had awkward freshmen years (my youngest is currently in his last week as one). Often the 'too cool for school' kids (and the baseball team has a ton) are more interested in growing up early, which includes vaping, drinking, and other similar things. My youngest used to be good friends with many of these kids, but not so much anymore. The thing that I find difficult to believe is that all of the baseball kids are like this. Maybe a small majority, but there are some really good kids on our baseball team, and we have been able to foster some new friendships related to other things with them than go to parties. None of my kids had as extreme situations as yours, but most of them were able to figure it out by their sophomore year.
@adbono posted:Unfortunately the goal for many families quickly becomes getting thru HS baseball without setting your player backwards in his development.
Isn't this sad? We had a great experience with JV football at our HS, but baseball has been a different story. Our son's freshman year JV experience has not been what he had hoped for. A very wide spectrum of talent (several kids who have only ever played town rec-ball), a very inexperienced JV coach, jealous and gossipy kids, coach getting upset about petty stuff yet running very unorganized and rec-ball type practices - this list goes on. Oh well ~ We can't wait until summer ball with his showcase team!!
@RJM posted : Some parents believe in seniority and losing over meritocracy and winning.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ is 💯 % accurate!
This is how the “juice box and participation trophy” generation of parents think. It’s foreign to people that are competitive (like most people on this board) but very common among parents with players that have no aspirations to play beyond HS. And guess what - the overwhelming majority of HS players will never play past HS. IMO this line of thinking prevents players from learning life lessons that are presented in the form of athletic competition. When what should be competitive gets turned into an “activity” all the participants lose.
I hope you take this in the right tone. Maybe you need to set the tone for your son. You have said multiple times that you do not talk to the parents or coaches. That is a red flag. I know you may not see it as one but if you do not connect with the parents then they or their sons will not connect with your son. They may see you as alienating yourself from them. I get it. I'm not always the best at building relationships with new people, which sounds weird in my profession but it is true. My wife does 10 times better at connecting with other parents of our son's college teams. Mine is I'm there to watch baseball and if relationships are built then great if not no big deal. But she also enjoys the experience of the social side of the team better than me. I'm just there for the ball and my son. Maybe you need to be more like my wife and less like me. Introduce yourself to the parents and get to know them. Make sure you cheer for their sons and encourage your son to do the same. If there is one strong family, then that is your first target to get to know. Find common ground and be their son's loudest cheerleader. At least, make an effort. I don't understand parents that don't talk to the coaches. I don't talk baseball with my son's college coaches but I normally talk to them every weekend about life, their families and other things. Offer to help in anyway he needs without interfering. Make sure you know him and his family and build that relationship. That may change the tone for you and your son. No guarantee it works but if not at least you can say you tried your best. Good luck.
@PitchingFan posted:I hope you take this in the right tone. Maybe you need to set the tone for your son. You have said multiple times that you do not talk to the parents or coaches. That is a red flag. I know you may not see it as one but if you do not connect with the parents then they or their sons will not connect with your son. They may see you as alienating yourself from them. I get it. I'm not always the best at building relationships with new people, which sounds weird in my profession but it is true. My wife does 10 times better at connecting with other parents of our son's college teams. Mine is I'm there to watch baseball and if relationships are built then great if not no big deal. But she also enjoys the experience of the social side of the team better than me. I'm just there for the ball and my son. Maybe you need to be more like my wife and less like me. Introduce yourself to the parents and get to know them. Make sure you cheer for their sons and encourage your son to do the same. If there is one strong family, then that is your first target to get to know. Find common ground and be their son's loudest cheerleader. At least, make an effort. I don't understand parents that don't talk to the coaches. I don't talk baseball with my son's college coaches but I normally talk to them every weekend about life, their families and other things. Offer to help in anyway he needs without interfering. Make sure you know him and his family and build that relationship. That may change the tone for you and your son. No guarantee it works but if not at least you can say you tried your best. Good luck.
That’s really helpful. Thanks.
So I'd like to tell the same story y'all told above but from a different perspective. Years ago (middle school travel team) Lefty played with a tiny little kid, we'll call him "OtherLefty". Ok ball player, not great but adequate, left handed like my kid, so I paid a little more attention to him than most. Got some playing time, but not a lot. Poor kid couldn't hit it out of the infield. Did ok at first base. Parents are nice but stick to themselves mostly. Mom keeps book, which makes everyone happy because she does a pretty good job. HS comes around, OtherLefty makes Frosh team which doesn't surprise anyone because he has an older brother that has gone through the program, but he got the good DNA (unlike OtherLefty) and is tall and athletic and can MASH - he's gone off to a mid-major where he's doing well. Freshman year starts and all the stories I hear are of corruption and unearned playing time from friends at this school. OtherLefty is the primary example. He's the starting first baseman despite the fact that he's 5'2" and still can't hit it out of the infield. (much to the chagrin of the 5'10 fat kid's dad who's son can hit bombs 1/4 times up to bat and is used to him being propped up at first) Mom still keeps book but now every time she talks to the coach all eyes are on her. They have longer conversations than everyone thinks they should. Talk of infidelity ensues. Everyone is pissed! They must be up to something because the family mostly sticks to themselves. Frosh coach fuels fire by telling some of the dads he was told by head varsity coach to start him and play him
Fast forward 4 years: OtherLefty is now 6'3" and filling out nicely. He is AMAZING at first base, probably due to all those extra reps these past 3 years...and, much like his brother had done before him, he is a presence at the plate. Great hitter. Bomb dropper who can poke holes with a grounder as well. And those conversations with the coach? Apparently this daughter of a former MLB coach (brief major, longtime minor & scout) had been tracking every pitch kids have thrown and documents the count and pitch thrown for every hit, strikeout. She’s gamechanger but on paper and can tell the difference between a slider and a slurve. (Honestly, I think she’s on the spectrum because it’s borderline Rainman shit)
Be careful projecting what you all THINK is happening. Because while all those parents were thinking something nefarious was going on, coach was just playing long game. He didn’t care about the W-L record of a freshman game. He cared about reps and development. Family stayed to themselves not because they were doing something wrong but because mom suffers from terrible social anxiety and OtherLefty has to work really hard for his 4.3 GPA.
@PitchingFan I think your post is a fantastic approach to take. I really like the big picture example it could set for for the kid. It's trying to make lemonade when dealt lemons. It's just one of the many non-baseball skill sets that can and should be pulled from athletics. My son got some great baseball coaching and instruction at times during little league. Since he got to high school, he's gotten VERY little. That's what math and social studies teachers playing baseball coaches will get you. The real/best skills he's leaving high school baseball with are not baseball skills. They're skills that can help with all aspects of his life - through college ball and beyond. There are plenty of people here supporting a transfer and that's perfectly fine, but my vote is try to overcome the obstacle. Run TO it; not from it. It very well could be the precursor to amazing story that will not only help the kid for his entire life, but also inspire those who inevitably hear the tale.
"I don't understand parents that don't talk to the coaches."
I think I understand why you've said this, but I'm firmly in the 'don't talk to coaches" camp. For me, there's too much risk inherent in it. The primary reason for me is that whatever my son gets out of the experience, I want it to his and his alone. Pure. Authentic. I don't want to have any influence (for better or for worse) on any coach or what my son does/doesn't get from him. If I had a good (non-baseball) relationship with the coach, I'd still worry that A) it positively influenced the coach with regard to my son and B) that other parents/players might resent it and view it as posturing. Not worth it. If anything, I'd prefer to have my son need to work a little harder because his dad completely distanced himself from the coaching staff. I prefer to show my appreciation and gratitude to the coach when the experience is over - and I do. Until then, I want to be a ghost. This about my kid and I always aim to keep it that way.
@PitchingFan posted:I hope you take this in the right tone. Maybe you need to set the tone for your son. You have said multiple times that you do not talk to the parents or coaches. That is a red flag. I know you may not see it as one but if you do not connect with the parents then they or their sons will not connect with your son. They may see you as alienating yourself from them. I get it. I'm not always the best at building relationships with new people, which sounds weird in my profession but it is true. My wife does 10 times better at connecting with other parents of our son's college teams. Mine is I'm there to watch baseball and if relationships are built then great if not no big deal. But she also enjoys the experience of the social side of the team better than me. I'm just there for the ball and my son. Maybe you need to be more like my wife and less like me. Introduce yourself to the parents and get to know them. Make sure you cheer for their sons and encourage your son to do the same. If there is one strong family, then that is your first target to get to know. Find common ground and be their son's loudest cheerleader. At least, make an effort. I don't understand parents that don't talk to the coaches. I don't talk baseball with my son's college coaches but I normally talk to them every weekend about life, their families and other things. Offer to help in anyway he needs without interfering. Make sure you know him and his family and build that relationship. That may change the tone for you and your son. No guarantee it works but if not at least you can say you tried your best. Good luck.
Interesting point. I admit I am the isolationist that sits far away from the parent masses...and drama. I guess it could get interpreted as being anti-social. My kid hangs out with his team, they are friends and do the parties and other teen stuff and I somewhat trust him to steer away from trouble. Please don't take this as a snarky response, but he is a young adult and does not need me to set the example for social interaction, I did that in his pre-teen years. If he doesn't get it by now, then I blame his mom.
Most college coaches really prefer not to have conversation unless it's about injury, especially before a game. Having an already established relationship is something different than trying to make conversation.
The HS coach's approach should be to promote relationships among the parents. You know, like work together for a common goal, which is a successful program.
JMO
I'm with you 2022NYC. I do not feel the need to do the social stuff when sons were in HS, when middle son was in college, and now. I do interact with several dads but not many. Son has a great repoire with the team and I encourage that. I encouraged in this situation because when we moved to SC in youngest son's junior year he was already committed to P5 and everybody was talking. I had been a successful HS HC and we had a lot of targets on our backs. He helped them win a district championship and got POY for state and his HC got COY. I had to come out of my comfort zone and talk to coaches and parents that I would not normally talk to but needed to build relationships. It usually involved life and not baseball especially with coaches. Built a great relationship with son's HC and even now 2 years later have a great relationship. It changed the perception of son and me in community I believe. I went above and beyond to get involved in youth softball and baseball programs along with son. Now there is a small town in SC that wears a lot of UT orange where normally only Clemson orange is worn and will be representing son at University of South Carolina this weekend as UT plays USC. Even many USC alumni are sporting UT orange just for him. It is a side of sports that we do not always talk about on here but the social side can be a great weapon or weakness.
Man, this is an awful situation. I guess we would leave and hope anywhere would be a better place than there. Best of luck to you.
I’m ten years removed from high school ball. Youngest just turned 28. Most of my memories are great memories. Until just now I forgot how toxic was my son’s freshman year on JV and soph year on varsity.
When he played JV he was easily the best player in the team as a freshman. The coach raved out loud about him to the point where it was embarrassing. It lead some parents to make snide comments about my son. There were also parents talking behind my back because I always chatted with the coach. I never opened with more than “Hello Coach.” But because I had played college ball and coached travel ball the JV coach enjoyed talking baseball with me. I never made the conversations about my son. A lot of parents believed I was paving a path for my son.
The next season my son was the first opening day soph starter in six years. Once again I heard whispers I had something to do with it. Also on the team was the first freshman to ever make varsity. It was the new coach’s third season. He had cleaned out the poison. He now had a “if you can play, you stay” attitude about varsity,
Soph year my son was the third best player on the team. The freshman was the fourth best. The dad and I watched games together. Other parents didn’t talk to us much. I told the doubting parents over the next few years I believe they’re going to see a lot more sophs making varsity. It’s exactly what happened.
There was something else in play at the games. Part of the team came from Ripken ball. It was full of politics and dads rigging the system for their sons. I had walked away with my son calling a spade a spade even though he was a star. As one board member said, “He (meaning me) isn’t on the board to represent his son. He cares about all the kids getting a fair shake.”
I was asked how much I was paid to move and switch programs. We just needed a bigger house. The freshman and my son came from the LL program that saw not winning the district as a failure. It was a competitive, meritocracy league. Even in high school the Ripken people still had ill feelings towards the LL people. Some parents were ticked they couldn't manipulate the new varsity coach. He wouldn’t even talk to them.
But when I post about my son’s experience it’s almost all positive. Because I had forgotten about the BS. What I remember is a second place finish and two conference championships and all the enjoyment involved watching the kids play. Even some of the parents who ignored me and the other dad freshman and soph year opened up the next couple of seasons.
As for the relationship between the coach and my son ... Soph year my son didn’t think the coach liked him even though he was starting at short. The coach barely talked to him except when he was being hard on him. It was an old school coach/rookie thing. But the coach pushed to get him named all conference. After the last game of the season the coach smiled at my son, put his arm on his shoulder and said, “I expect you to put this team on your back the next couple of seasons.”
The moral of the story: Don’t over think how things start out.