Awful HS Baseball Situation

I will tell you about our last two experiences.  I was laid off from my job in 2016.  Moved from Cobb Cty to a smaller town in Georgia.  We put our son in private school and we were set.  He had met the new baseball coach and they seemed to hit it off well.  He was an 8th grader and when the season began well the fun began.  Parents did not want much to do with us.  We were not part of the private school group that went their from kindergarten on up.  Had to deal with the kids not wanting to have anything to do with him - just as your son.  When he moved up to 9th grade some parents did not like the coach so they got him fired and replaced.  Well my son went down on the food chain.  Kids he played with the year before got a jersey - mine did not. 

Did not matter since I was offered a new position I could not turn down in the town I grew up in.  Well the same thing happened.  Liked the coach as a 10th grader and then bam a new coach was hired.  New coach has a lot of talent sitting the bench - not even including my son.  But the same situation with the parents - ignored by almost all.  It was strange - my dad would come to the game and he would see friends from when he played for the same school in the 50's.  But the parents were still standoffish.  I started to see that when you watch them - they tend to break up into the same groups they had in little league.  Since my son did not play little league and did not play around here then it is hard for him to be accepted. Believe me a lot of what you describe is the same that happens to my son.  I just tell him to put his head down and do his job when given the chance.  He has done that quite well when given the chance - and some of the kids and parents have started to talk to us - not many - but it is a start. 

The thing is other kids he knows in the school have the same issues as he does.  One of his friends had been in the school for about 2 months when my son started.  He too was a transfer.  My son was the first to have spoken to him and this school has one of the largest military base in the country near it.  You would think they would be used to transfers in - but I guess not.

Good luck on whatever you choose.   

@Alanj posted:

I will tell you about our last two experiences.  I was laid off from my job in 2016.  Moved from Cobb Cty to a smaller town in Georgia.  We put our son in private school and we were set.  He had met the new baseball coach and they seemed to hit it off well.  He was an 8th grader and when the season began well the fun began.  Parents did not want much to do with us.  We were not part of the private school group that went their from kindergarten on up.  Had to deal with the kids not wanting to have anything to do with him - just as your son.  When he moved up to 9th grade some parents did not like the coach so they got him fired and replaced.  Well my son went down on the food chain.  Kids he played with the year before got a jersey - mine did not.

Did not matter since I was offered a new position I could not turn down in the town I grew up in.  Well the same thing happened.  Liked the coach as a 10th grader and then bam a new coach was hired.  New coach has a lot of talent sitting the bench - not even including my son.  But the same situation with the parents - ignored by almost all.  It was strange - my dad would come to the game and he would see friends from when he played for the same school in the 50's.  But the parents were still standoffish.  I started to see that when you watch them - they tend to break up into the same groups they had in little league.  Since my son did not play little league and did not play around here then it is hard for him to be accepted. Believe me a lot of what you describe is the same that happens to my son.  I just tell him to put his head down and do his job when given the chance.  He has done that quite well when given the chance - and some of the kids and parents have started to talk to us - not many - but it is a start.

The thing is other kids he knows in the school have the same issues as he does.  One of his friends had been in the school for about 2 months when my son started.  He too was a transfer.  My son was the first to have spoken to him and this school has one of the largest military base in the country near it.  You would think they would be used to transfers in - but I guess not.

Good luck on whatever you choose.   

Wow. Thank you. I am so sorry for you and your son having to go through that - twice. Heartbreaking to hear about him and the other transfers. Why are people so mean? What is the benefit of exclusion? I don't get it.

@RHP posted:

Wow. Thank you. I am so sorry for you and your son having to go through that - twice. Heartbreaking to hear about him and the other transfers. Why are people so mean? What is the benefit of exclusion? I don't get it.

When we moved from CA to PA it was difficult making more than casual friends at first. At the time Philadelphia and Pittsburgh were ranked the two least transient metro areas in the country. Some mothers were blunt enough with my wife to tell her they weren’t looking for new friends in their circle. They had their friends forever. Wives tend to make the social arrangements. After a couple of years I realized most of our social circle were recent arrivals.

After living there five years and my third year on the Ripken baseball/softball board I was told, “You don’t move here and think you can change the way we do things.”

@RJM posted:

When we moved from CA to PA it was difficult making more than casual friends at first. At the time Philadelphia and Pittsburgh were ranked the two least transient metro areas in the country. Some mothers were blunt enough with my wife to tell her they weren’t looking for new friends in their circle. They had their friends forever. Wives tend to make the social arrangements. After a couple of years I realized most of our social circle were recent arrivals.

After living there five years and my third year on the Ripken baseball/softball I was told, “You don’t move here and think you can change the way we do things.”

Ah, so the opposite of a growth mindset.

Hard for me to relate to, but thanks for the explanation. It helps a lot.

Parents want their kids to play regardless of how good they are, because they think their kids are ALWAYS good enough to play.  They'd think that if their kid was behind Mike Trout. If you're the new talent in town, it can be even worse.

I've been there.  My oldest was the starting centerfielder on his intermediate ( Intermediate? Yes, I know) team at a private school where his teammates had been his classmates (and Cal Ripken, Mustang, Bronco teammates) since kindergarten.  

A new kid comes shows up at the beginning of ninth grade and slowly but surely replaces my son in the batting order, relegating him to 8th or 9th after he had been leadoff for a couple years. The new kid also, temporarily, supplants him in centerfield, too, and my son ends up in left.  I was annoyed because I didn't think the new kid had earned the right yet to replace any starter, let alone my son. I didn't care how good he was. In fact, I didn't know anything about him at all. I had NOT been at practices.  I didn't know what was going on. I soon remedied THAT, however.  Through Inspector Clouseau-like surveillance--hiding behind trees, under cars, and in the tall, tall grass beyond the left field wall-- I observed a lot.

The new kid could fly.  He often ran poor routes to the ball but he was so fast it didn't matter. He could hit. For a skinny guy he had freakish power. Not like Shohei Otani, but pretty amazing for a guy who weighed a buck-fifty.  His poor route running eventually relegated him to right field, but he had the arm for RF. He never gave up the leadoff position and he was constantly near the top of the league, or at the top, in BA and stolen bases.

And then there was his father.  I tried to dislike him--after all, his kid had beat out my kid-- but I couldn't. He was friendly, happy that his son had finally been admitted to the school after tries at K, 4th and 7th grade, admired the fact that many of the other kids had been admitted in kindergarten and had a genuine kind of "aw shucks" attitude toward his own son's success.  He was also everyone else's kids biggest cheerleader. I stopped trying to not like him but I still wished my kid was The Man.  I soon realized, though, that my kid was gonna be a D3 Man, while the new kid was gonna definitely be D1.  It could be a lot worse. As George Patton said, he "could be shoveling s--t in Louisiana." No offense, Louisianaians.

Man, this thread just exploded quickly (in a good way).

The only thing that I haven't seen (may have missed) is what are the JV and V team histories like? Freshman ball can be hit or miss, and oftentimes it's an afterthought. But V for certain, and JV to some extent, are where the kids that get it done are the ones on the field.

On a V roster of 25 or so, there will always be a player or two who got a jersey just b/c their parent is president of the dugout club, or is a 3rd cousin of the coach, or something like that. But if they can't play, they will only get a pinch-run opportunity or an AB when it's a blowout. I think everyone here can attest to that.

So if the V team is competitive year after year, then they must be playing the ones who get it done. If your son is one of those, then you shouldn't have to worry about anything in terms of playing time. And the friendships on the team? They will likely come.

Storytime: Son is at a very large school, with a very competitive program, normally has 4-6 D1 commits, is always a threat to make a run at state. Through all the leadup to HS baseball, all I heard was that "it's all political, you have to be part of the right crowd to make the team, you need to be friends with the coach", etc.

Freshman year, my son was swimming, which overlapped with the first 3 weeks of voluntary workouts/practices/tryouts. He stressed about it nonstop, especially after he heard that other players on the team were telling the coach that he sucked, don't worry about waiting for him, he won't make the team, yada yada. He learned that his main competition for his position was already working out with JV and V, and guys were saying that he probably wouldn't even make the squad as a result.

He made the team, and we organized a party at our house with all the players/parents to let everyone get to know each other. Son started almost every game and got along great with his position-mate. But he still had a lot of arguments/near fights, had gear hidden from him, etc.. He had to go to the freshman coach at one point and tell him the situation, and that ended up in a big sit-down with the team and the V coach. And the freshman coach was....let's just say that 2 (good) players quit baseball after freshman year, and 1 (very, very good) player (and his position-mate) went home school after freshman year. So yeah, freshman year sucked.

That summer, he doubled up and played summer ball w/ the varsity squad as well as playing travel with his normal travel team. Totally different vibe with V summer ball and V coach. Had his ass kicked several times, but in a good way that made him a stronger, better player. He ended that season more in love with the game than ever before.

JV season, started every game in the aborted season. And this spring as a junior, he started 90% of the games and saw more time than any other junior. And the rest of the (remaining) players that gave him so much grief when they were in 9th grade? Most respect him and know that he earns every bit of playing time, and are his friends. A few are jealous, but keep their mouths shut.

Bottom line from my end: if the V team is a meritocracy, and the rest of the school/experience is what he wants, then it's likely worth sticking it out.

@smokeminside posted:

Parents want their kids to play regardless of how good they are, because they think their kids are ALWAYS good enough to play.  They'd think that if their kid was behind Mike Trout. If you're the new talent in town, it can be even worse.

I've been there.  My oldest was the starting centerfielder on his intermediate ( Intermediate? Yes, I know) team at a private school where his teammates had been his classmates (and Cal Ripken, Mustang, Bronco teammates) since kindergarten.  

A new kid comes shows up at the beginning of ninth grade and slowly but surely replaces my son in the batting order, relegating him to 8th or 9th after he had been leadoff for a couple years. The new kid also, temporarily, supplants him in centerfield, too, and my son ends up in left.  I was annoyed because I didn't think the new kid had earned the right yet to replace any starter, let alone my son. I didn't care how good he was. In fact, I didn't know anything about him at all. I had NOT been at practices.  I didn't know what was going on. I soon remedied THAT, however.  Through Inspector Clouseau-like surveillance--hiding behind trees, under cars, and in the tall, tall grass beyond the left field wall-- I observed a lot.

The new kid could fly.  He often ran poor routes to the ball but he was so fast it didn't matter. He could hit. For a skinny guy he had freakish power. Not like Shohei Otani, but pretty amazing for a guy who weighed a buck-fifty.  His poor route running eventually relegated him to right field, but he had the arm for RF. He never gave up the leadoff position and he was constantly near the top of the league, or at the top, in BA and stolen bases.

And then there was his father.  I tried to dislike him--after all, his kid had beat out my kid-- but I couldn't. He was friendly, happy that his son had finally been admitted to the school after tries at K, 4th and 7th grade, admired the fact that many of the other kids had been admitted in kindergarten and had a genuine kind of "aw shucks" attitude toward his own son's success.  He was also everyone else's kids biggest cheerleader. I stopped trying to not like him but I still wished my kid was The Man.  I soon realized, though, that my kid was gonna be a D3 Man, while the new kid was gonna definitely be D1.  It could be a lot worse. As George Patton said, he "could be shoveling s--t in Louisiana." No offense, Louisianaians.

This was a great honest post. Thank you. Very few parents will admit that someone elses player is better than their son.

This will happen in every level of baseball from grade school to college and possibly beyond. Get used to it folks.

For some strange reason, I find that dads can't seem to handle this. They take it personally and it's the families fault.  Or the coach is a bad guy.  They can never really see that another player may just be better for the position, or hits the ball harder.

IMO how the team accepts these position changes as a "team", is a reflection of the coaching staff.

Folks, HS baseball is an extra curricular activity. Make sure that you find your son a travel team, that matches his ability so he can play in the summer/ fall and not sit on the bench.

Also enjoy the moments because it goes by very quickly.

I feel very badly for the OP and her sons current situation. I definitely feel that her son coming late then playing obviously pissed off some. But that's on the coach.

However, at this point, it's either accept the current situation or move on. Season is almost over.

JMO

I've seen similar players/parents Smokem and it gives me hope this world is not all that bad.