Can a cyber-friend be as good as any friend?

I've enjoyed reading this, and wasn't going to post but I have a hard time letting TR stand alone (even though I am certain he doesn't mind one single bit.)

My definition of friendship is closer to TR's. I have only a handful of very close friends that I'd trust my life with, but there are many people I am friendly with. Some are more than just acquaintances because we have a history together, or some common experience that elevates our relationship above the acquaintance level, but most are really just that.

I wouldn't call my closest friends "brothers" (some are female) because my own sister and brother would trump even my closest friends if I had to make a choice. Not everyone feels this way, I know. My personality makes me cautious about forming close life-long relationships, I'm very choosy and need lots of convincing (ask my husband!) to form those trusting bonds, BUT I am also fiercely loyal and generous and willing to go to the mat once I've made those strong connections. Because I am this way, I don't use the word "friend" lightly or casually, and I don't assign that title to very many people. It carries a great deal of significance and reverence for me. Let's just say I understand what TR means. We are probably on the same wavelength.

My husband is more like everyone else here! He has never met a stranger, believes the best of everyone, is open-hearted and gregarious and extroverted and trusting. He calls many people his friends. It's a different way to be, one I admire, but it's hard for me to relate to.

I do appreciate my cyber-connections on this board and the "virtual" community here that often feels very real. I love that we reach out to each other and offer advice, congratulations and consolation. It expands the world in a good way and speaks highly of the people that populate the baseball community. This sort of forum is not so different from having a group of pen-pals, which was something my mother's generation did. I consider you all my "cyber-pals" and look forward to possibly making a few acquaintances in person someday: IRL, as they say.

Some of the most amazing, heartfelt and moving posts I have ever read. I agree with all of them. I have kind of morphed into Dick Vermeil as I have gotten older so many of these posts have brought tears to my eyes. If my son could play baseball half as well as some of you write he would be a major leaguer someday.

It's easy to explain this site to other people as a resource to learn all things baseball and help in the process of moving a son's baseball career along. It is very hard, though, to explain the enjoyment I get from being a member of this community. I really didn't understand it myself until this thread was started (thanks justbaseball) and these wonderful essays were written.

The answer to me is that we are a family. A very big family, but a close nit one. I am very fortunate, happy, proud and humbled to be a part of it.

I have not met many of you yet, but I look forward to meeting many of you soon.

There is a difference between friendship and being a kind and compassionate individual that cares very much about other people, treats others with respect, regardless where they fall in your circle of friends.

That's why JT was so special.

Am I friends with the parent whose son was hit in the back of the head and died? No, never met him. But I have the compassion to acknowledge the tragedy. This has absolutely nothing to do with friendship.

Everyone defines friendship in different ways. I may see someone on the street that needs assistance and offer my help, not because I am friends with them, but that is my nature. I have a very bad habit of expecting the same in return, and that is a problem I deal with often. It doesn't make it right or wrong. I am one of those people that doesn't rely on friends for favors, in fact my best friends are usually the last to be asked for anything. This thread, IMO has nothing to do with "best friends". I am sure that you will find the "best" part being a small circle for most, and "friend" including a larger circle.

Just my opinion, but after posting here for so many years, there is no way I couldn't consider many here my "friend" or part of my baseball "family". I refer to many as friends, not just someone I know or know of.

Also, it's very easy to figure out here who is self serving who cares very much more for themselves than for others. For me, that's not what this place is about.

JMO.

TPM

Compassion is not friendship---never has been never will be---I have compassion for a lot people in situations but that does not make them "friends" and that is what the thread is about

Agreed, TMP. Generosity and kindness are personality traits that extend beyond friendships. Where we draw the line on that generosity probably is determined by the strength of our connection to the other. Who would we lend money to? Who would we give a kidney to? Who's children would we take into our home and raise as our own? Who would we allow to move into our home? Whose marriage/baby naming/birthday/funeral would we attend at all costs? That's material generosity, but there is also emotional generosity/kindness. Who would you be extremely reluctant to believe the worst of? Whose character and honor would you defend in court? Who would you love and support despite poor choices, strong words, disgrace?

Small kindness are affordable and we as humans should not be stingy about extending them broadly. The original question was: can a cyber-friend be as good a friend as any? The answer depends on your definition of "any" and "friend." Some of us can form important attachments online, and others can't form the same kind of connection online that we can in real life. Some of us have a strict set of criteria for calling someone a real friend and other have a more open set of personal guidelines. No right or wrong here, just different personality types and experiences.

quote:

but I have a hard time letting TR stand alone

Perhaps you can be TrHit's friend

Seriously, I get your point about it being a personal definition. If you define freinds too broadly, you might expose yourself to too much risk and get your feelings hurt, get disappointed, or worse. If you define your friends too narrowly, as some of the definitions in this thread imho, you can rob yourself of treasured life experiences. There are risks in life. If I keep myself enclosed in a box, I can never be hurt by someone else. On the other hand, it would seem pretty lonely inside. Indeed, to each his own.

CD

Do you really and truly have concern about having your feelings hurt or being disappointed ?

If your child was in need of some help getting recruited , finding a place to play at the next level and someone stepped up and helped him reach his goal what would you call that person? Lets say you have never met the person before. Lets say your only contact with this person was a few posts on this website and a couple of PM's. Would you call that person your friend if they did something that allowed your child to achieve his dream?

If you were down in the dumps about you kids baseball situation. You really had no where to turn for advice. And then someone on here stayed up with you to the wee hours of the morning talking to you and giving you advice. Advice that in the end assisted your son and gave you some peach of mind. What would you call that person?

There many many more scenarios I could list.

I call that person a friend. You may call that person an aquaintance. As long as it continues to happen and as long as we continue to do that more than argue about stupid things that in the end dont mean a hill of beans I'll stick around.

A colleague. A confidant. A contact. Possibly a friend. I'd certainly feel gratitude and deep appreciation for the help someone offered, and I'd hope to return the favor. There are many labels and maybe it's all just words that ultimately mean the same thing. Maybe the argument is semantics and the meaning we each attach to particular titles.

Again, I agree with TR. It's not really about avoiding disappointment. For me it's about sustainability, longevity, depth, history, compatibility, and more than can be gleaned on a message board. This does not diminish my appreciation for those on cyberspace. From what I know, I do like many folks here. Couldn't pick them out of a police lineup!

I really think it has to do with your definition of friends.

We have friends here on this site that we've never met.
And I understand perfectly what TR and quillgirl are writing in there post's.
It would be hard to call someone a friend that you never met.

Then we have our Best Friends.

To me Best Friends are the one's you grew up with.
You went to school with, the one you Married.

I can tell you that there are thing's I write here on the HSBBW, that I would never talk to my best friends about.
Really heartfelt emotion's that my Best Friends would not understand.
There's a certain disconnection here on the site, that allows us to open up a little more.
Without fear of being exposed for being to sentimental or a Sap.

What you find here on the HSBBW are Cyber personality's.
Some are no nonsense,
some are fun loving.
We have are charactors,
and are correctors.

Some that just want to talk baseball,
and cannot stand to defiate from that subject.

Other's that can move the subject to a differant tangent.

Right or Wrong, we all come here for differant reason's.
But mostly I believe the Old Timer's come here,
Well because we are Hooked on this site.
The people are real.
They share and discuss just about anything and everything in the book. Thats about as human as you can get.
There's real emotion in there post's.
Truly Heartfelt feeling's.

We can all use Friends like these here on the HSBBW.

Your Friend, theEH

Whe EH said!

44--I haven't been on for a while---I'm holed up in a Super 8 in Columbia, TN, trying to keep my hair from really looking like Bozo the Clown! I'm not having much success----but thank you so much for the compliment.

Your post is right on. I started to quote it----and then realized that I would be quoting the whole thing! It was an amazing assessment.......



This is a great thread....I'm so glad that the question was not only posed, but that there are so many fabulous responses.

theEH--great response, too.

quote:

I'm holed up in a Super 8 in Columbia, TN, trying to keep my hair from really looking like Bozo the Clown!

play baseball,

You win the prize for the funniest quote of the day. I'm guessing it is weather related, and reminds me of the time we both got drenched running into the restaurant, just after hearing the news on our car radios that the 35W bridge had collapsed. Unforgettable!

Julie

.

quote:

Originally posted by theEH:
Sap.

Tree sap?

If so...I'm guilty!

quote:

I have been following this thread since its inception. I have started and erased many responses. O44 you hit the chord I was searching for and Coach May concluded the words I couldn't find.

I used to joke that you could hold my wake in a telephone booth. Then my world came crashing down around me. At first I couldn't imagine how I would make it through that day yet any other. Then my friends started coming forward. Some of them I hadn't heard from or seen in years. Some were mere acquaintances who stepped up in all kinds of ways. Many were right here on this site. I found solace and hope in the words they sent and strength in their prayers. Some I have met, others I spoke to only by way of a thread or a PM. The one thing I seemed to know is that their thoughts and prayers were genuine and sincere.

I can't explain this site to my wife. I quit trying. I am not sure I completely understand myself but we are connected if we choose to be.

JBB thank you for this thread.

deldad- That was the possibly the best example of what this site provides. There is certainly no one else here that could have said it better. Thank you for sharing your feelings once again. I've followed your posts for a long time and although I don't believe we've ever communicated one-on-one, I've appreciated a lot of your posts for several years. I am very happy that you continue to post here amidst everything that is happening and I hope that you can find some more solace, as you said, as time moves on.

Thanks.

If her name was Mary Anne- cyber can be even better.

She talked me through things that none of my touchable friends could ever understand and some would have never tried to understand. I thank God everytime I log on to this site that he gave me Mary Anne for even a short time.

This site AMAZES me! When I read the title I was going to post something wacky (ie, naw, all the good friends these days come from Latin America or No, you've got to go to high-priced showcases to find a friend in this day and age)...

Well, anyway; I read this thread and it was really uplifting because I COUNT MANY, MANY of you as my friend. Blessings to you all.

Guess this thread feels a little spooky given the events of the past day or so.

No worries. We're all 'good folk' here.

.

Cyber friends are great. They can't, unless they're incredibly crafty, get a hold of your chocolate covered Long Johns.



.

Y'all aren't real? I am flommoxed fo sho.

I see online people as having the potential to be friends. The exchange of online conversations lead to a trust that still must be validated face to face. What would make me trust people on this site more is everyone here cares about their kids and had a cause related to that. But if you start seeing many of your cyber friends as friends, log off and get out the door.

Cyberfriends are real people at the end of a keyboard. I don't think automated bots are posting these forums.

many cyber friends end up married

I saw an article in USA Today T'eo's cyber girlfriend may be a 22yo Samoan guy who lives at home with his parents.

"A friend of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo told us he was "80 percent sure" that Manti Te'o was "in on it," and that the two perpetrated Lennay Kekua's death with publicity in mind. According to the friend, there were numerous photos of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo and Te'o together on Tuiasosopo's now-deleted Instagram account."

http://deadspin.com/5976517/ma...all-season-is-a-hoax

oh what a tangled web...

so much for the integrity of notredame

Love is not necessarily requited.

Just tell me you love me. I'll believe it. I'll ignore your facebook profile with links to drunken sailors.

Cyberfriends: Caveat Emptor.

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:
I saw an article in USA Today T'eo's cyber girlfriend may be a 22yo Samoan guy who lives at home with his parents.

I've not been checking out this board for quite some time. A number of reason's, My older son made it to the minor's and younger son was in college, but looking back it was probably because of JT's death, that just kept me away. I did not handle it well.  JT and I went way back...  We met on online back in the 90s... Anyone remember Infosports? (I checked and its knowledge base is still there with Posts of mine from almost 15 years ago.)  Well JT and I started emailing everyday. I think my oldest son was around 10-11 years old at the time.  He's now 26.   

Well our little emailing grew into a group who supported each other and our son's careers. We'd email about everything, mostly baseball related.  But... Heck, JT even supported me thru my divorce and death of my mother.   It was 6-7 years before we met in person and we only met a couple times; but we emailed daily. (plus contributed to all the boards) I consider Jeff one of my best friends and was devastated when he died.  I can vividly remember getting the email that Jeff had died and checking with Paul F.(another cyber-friend part of our group). I had to leave work the rest of that day, it upset me so much..    Jeff and I was as close as any friend I ever had and he probably knew more about me than any one else and its still emotional remembering.  So yes friendships can form online and become special people in your life.   JT was one of mine.  So I'm a bit sorry this thread turned into a little bit of Te'o bashing.  

 

Just as in life there are several levels and I became acquaintances with many others - JustBaseball I see is still active, (His son and mine became teammates in the minors)  TigerPaw Mom, (even though she's a Clemson fan   )and others as our sons started competing with and against each other in college.  Its good to see some of the oldies still here. 

 

After stumbling in here, I am left wondering if TRHit would reconsider his opinion on what a friend is........after his passing and in the wake of all the recurring mentions of his name that still on site.....

 

I hope he does....