I don't post too often anymore, but due to all the great information I have received here I want to try to pay it forward. So this is a cautionary tale to parents of young players (and teens in general). To give a timeframe perspective on this post, I found this site about 18 months ago during the summer before my kid started HS. He started playing HS ball in 8th grade (freshman and JV because 8th grade is part of the HS here.) Warning: this post is LONG, but contains what I hope is a lot of helpful info to anyone with a kid who aspires to play baseball beyond HS.
The journey to playing college ball and beyond is LONG. It is a marathon that not many players finish. It appears my player, now a sophomore in HS, is one of those who will not make it to the next level... but definitely not because of a lack of talent. While there are many factors that go into the success of a player, there are a few common things that tend to derail talented players. Some of them were mentioned in a thread on here when I first discovered this site. That warning said something like "the 3 Gs have derailed many a talented player: girls, grass, and gas." That warning stuck with me for some reason as my player headed into HS last year as a kid with definite D1 potential. I had no idea how true those words were, or how quickly a kid can get derailed. So this is my attempt at shedding more light on the pitfalls in hopes that you can help your kid avoid them.
1) Starting at a young age, make sure they play more than 1 sport and/or extracurricular activity (at least until HS). Because no matter how much they LOVE the game at 8, 10, even 13 years old, HS ball is a whole different world. Even if your kid has played competitive travel ball, HS is different. Baseball becomes a grind at some point for every player. For some, that grind sets in during HS, for some its college, and for some it's MiLB or even MLB; but it always goes from fun to a "job" at some point. If they haven't had a break from the sport in 6 years, the grind may do them in when they hit HS. You're going to say "But my 13 year old little Johnny LOVES baseball so much he sleeps with glove at night and makes us throw to him EVERY night. He literally begs for baseball in the off season." TRUST ME...that was my kid too, doesn’t matter how much they love it when they are young because if he doesn't have something else in his life, he will likely burn out quick when he hits the grind of HS combined with competitive summer travel ball. It will likely consume their whole year in HS if they don't have another sport. Because practices/workouts last ALL school year; and then they have to kiss summer goodbye because as soon HS season ends, they will spend every Wed-Sun at travel tourneys until school starts again. They need to have balance in their life, and kids don't know how to get that on their own. So you will have to make sure he has that balance starting at a young age.
2) Don't get caught up in the early recruiting game. We all know that early recruiting is still a very common practice, and the new rules are not likely to change it any time soon. However, the player really needs to drive the recruiting process 100% himself (this is especially true for kids who are anxious by nature). It is easy as the parent to get caught up in the excitement of your kid having talent; and when you want the best for your kid it's easy to lose sight of the fact that this is HIS journey. Like me, you will say "but 3 kids on his travel team committed to D1s before December of their freshman year. I don't want little Johnny to get left behind because he's too immature to handle all this recruiting stuff. He's so talented...." Nope... HE HAS TO WANT IT ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT HIMSELF. I read many times on this site that the parents should not get involved in recruiting. I ignored that advice by justifying my involvement because I thought my player was too young and immature to handle it himself. Now I see that I missed the point: if your kid is too immature (or unmotivated) to figure out the recruiting game for himself, then he isn't ready for it. IF IT IS THEIR DREAM, THEY WILL FIGURE IT OUT. If it's your dream for them, you will try to drive the process. In hindsight, our player gave us clues that he was getting very overwhelmed about thinking about college as a HS freshman (and that he wasn't motivated to get involved in the recruiting process). But we tried to keep him on the fast track anyway because everyone else on his travel team was committing early and his travel coach was strongly encouraging it. Literally, the rest of his whole summer team has already committed to D1s and they are all sophomores. We thought he was going to truly get left behind and miss opportunities. That was absolutely not true in hindsight. The advice on here about junior year being the most important is still true for most kids. Bottom line is, THE KID HAS TO WANT IT. If the parents or a coach are driving the recruiting bus instead of the kid, that bus is probably going to crash; no matter how talented the kid is. At the end of the day, it is the kid who has to put in the hard work on AND off the field to reach the next level. The players I know who took charge of their own recruiting journey are all still on track to play college ball.
3) Don't let a bad HS coach ruin the game for your kid. This can take many forms. For us, it was the fact that the coach is a nice guy but terrible leader/coach. This frustrates our kid and burned him out. Coach made him play on 3 teams his freshman year when he was good enough to play V only. [I assure you, we are not one of those families that think little Johnny was good enough to play V but he really wasn't; it really was true in our case as pointed out to us by several knowledgeable baseball coaches.] But our HS coach believes younger kids don't play V no matter what (unless you are 1 of his 2 kids and then you can be on V). Our HS coach is a super nice guy, and dedicates a lot of time and energy to the team, but he is a terrible leader and coach. He doesn't know how to motivate or control his players (for example, several of them are potheads and he knows it, but does nothing because 1 of their dad's is a volunteer coach and the other families he's known since they were kids in our small town). So... our kid dressed freshman team because the program didn't have enough players to fill 3 teams; therefore, all freshman (except the coaches 2 kids) dressed every freshman game. Our kid HATED playing on the freshman team because the rest of the team was the Bad News Bears; it even had tiny little 7th graders on the team just to fill the roster. After the competitive travel ball he had been playing for years, it was a joke; he knew it and we knew it. We tried to keep our feelings out of it though and encouraged him to be the best HE could be. He also dressed and played JV unless a freshman game conflicted. He dressed V most games just to run (apparently coach is ok exploiting a kid for his speed talent while not letting him play). The last 2 weeks of his freshman HS season, he played 22 games in 14 days across the 3 teams, with no days off, and school was still in session. He was the only player dressing all 3 teams. I don't care how much you love the game, it becomes miserable at that point. In hindsight, we should have talked to the coach at the beginning of the season and limited our kid to 2 teams. We didn't care which 2 teams (freshman and JV would have been fine with us), but 3 is ridiculous. I agree with the wisdom shared here often that parents should not talk to the coach unless it is a health/safety issue. This was one of those times, as evidenced by the fact that our kid became so exhausted at some points he could barely function (his overall mental health tanked). So this was truly a health/safety issue for our kid. We also wish we would have sent him to a different school with a better baseball program (2 private schools with excellent programs in our area were options.) So be careful when choosing a HS program, and speak up when necessary to protect your kid (especially pitcher parents).
4) Don't buy into the showcase hype. This was also advice on this site we ignored. A good summer team that has a coach with a track record of placing kids on college teams is a much better financial investment than showcases. If your kid is truly stud/elite level, the opportunities WILL find him by his junior and senior year. And you won't have to pay for them. Again, trust me... I didn't believe that either when I read it on here. A year later, I get it. Most kids are not starting to hit physical maturity/strength until junior year at least (even if they hit puberty early like ours did). For most of us, our kids aren't "possible pro out of HS" level of good. Our kids are "good enough to play in college at some level" good. For these kids, statstics say they will play within a 300 mile radius of home. (Due to limited scholarship money, programs favor in state kids, especially those who qualify for academic money.) Those regional schools from D1 down will find your kid if you have a good travel or HS coach with contacts. If you aren't lucky enough to have a good summer or HS coach with those contacts, then consider doing some showcases and/or camps at schools your kid is interested in attending. But wait until at least sophomore year, if not fall of junior year. And remember, target the schools in your region. PBR is just as good as PG in some states/regions, with a much lower price tag. (I respect PG immensely and if you can afford their big showcases, go for it. But most of us are on a tight budget.)
5) The "grass" issue. This advice goes for all parents of teens, whether they play sports or not. Smoking weed with electronic devices and nicotine vaping are RAMPANT at all high schools now, even amongst the sports teams. In fact, the football team at our school may be the worst offenders. The kids sell these devices to each other; there's always a few 18 year olds on the team or at the school willing to make a quick buck. You may not think Little Johnny would ever try vaping, but trust me, peer pressure from your teammate "bros" can be stronger than any parental guidance or threat of punishment. Even if your kid is not a "partier," they may be vaping. Vaping is so common these days, there is even a popular meme about the "HS Boys Starter Kit" that includes the Juul. If you don't know what e-cigarette paraphernalia looks like, educate yourself. It is small and very easy to hide. And trust me, kids are REALLY good at hiding it. If you have any doubts, buy the test strips on Amazon and test your kid. Bring down the hammer if necessary, but help them break the addiction. Nicotine addiction is terribly powerful.
6) The "girls" issue. Players can get derailed very quickly if they date someone who is not supportive of their baseball commitments. This is a non-sports related piece of advice for all parents of teens: be careful not to let your child get into a serious romantic relationship until he/she is emotionally mature enough to handle it. Hint: most 15 year old kids are definitely NOT mature enough (but there are exceptions; only you know if your kid can handle it). Also, try to make sure the girl/guy they start dating is not emotionally unstable. If that person is insecure, huge red flag. Try to set rules for dating that encourage healthy boundaries for teens. If your kid stops hanging out with anyone else but his girlfriend, there are likely big time problems. If they never go out and do anything with other couple friends, even a bigger red flag. Isolation from friends and family can happen quickly. It's usually a control issue (a girlfriend's/boyfriend's insecurity makes them want to isolate the other from everyone else, including their families).
7) Watch out for your child's over all mental health. If they get in over their heads with a girlfriend, or you are concerned for another reason, seek professional help right away. White males age 14-21 are the highest risk group for suicide, while the suicide rate for black youths has seen a greater rise overall in recent years. No one's child is immune. One HS in our area has had 3 suicides so far this school year, including a volleyball player. Being involved in sports doesn't make our kids immune. Kids are facing even more pressures than we did as a result of increased academic and sports pressures, and we all know the negative impact social media is playing in teen lives. Check in frequently with your teen and make sure they are ok. Even successful HS athletes can become overwhelmed. Remember, teens live in the moment, and often can't see that the next hour, day, or week will bring better times.
I know this post is long, but as I stated in the beginning, I hope others will learn from our recruiting journey mistakes. The complete 180 shift from "I can't live without baseball" to "I hate baseball" can happen to anyone, and it can happen fast. It happened over the course of about 9 months for our kid, with the unhealthy girlfriend relationship being the biggest factor. But a lot of kids burn out for a lot of different reasons. Every kid is different, and some kids may never face any of the obstacles above. Just don't ignore your gut feelings if you start seeing red flags about anything. I wish you and your kids all the best as they navigate their baseball journey!
Edit: We haven't personally dealt with all of these issues. Some of them are personal to our story, and others are based on observations I have seen amongst the HS baseball team over the past 2 years. I made slight revisions to the original post because someone pointed out it could be construed as encouraging micromanaging of teens, which was not what I intended. This is just one story to hopefully help parents in guiding their player through the HS ball and recruiting process.
