College Representative Fail

Matt13, here's one example:

What does the 'Q' stand for?

Q can mean either 'questioning' or 'queer,' Fred Sainz, a spokesman for the Human Rights Campaign, an organization that lobbies for LGBT rights, told USA TODAY Network. Either interpretation is accepted, he said.

Here is the source:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/...er-meaning/26925563/

As for the other information you provided, it gets pretty confusing to me...  There is more I can say, but in the interest of keeping things civil, I think I'll kind of leave the topic alone for now.  To each his or her own (are you allowed to say his or her anymore?).  I just think every individual needs to strive to feel comfortable with who they are.  Whether it has to do with sexual identity, athletic ability or lack thereof, body image, looks, whatever.  I just don't think it's the responsibility of society or the government to take the responsibility for that.  

I really do wish you well...

2020dad posted:

2017LHPscrewball posted:

Then when a 16 year old decided he doesn't like how a school represented itself and would prefer to look at one of the other thousand schools available to him you say dad should step in. Sit him down, order him to rethink etc.  guidance is always good for our kids.

In other words, turn your 16 yo loose and ask him nicely to report back when he gets finished with some minor details of where he is attending on how it is getting paid for.  Maybe have an interesting talk by the fire his junior year about how he whittled down his thousands of choices to this one and sit back, warm your feet by the fire and congratulate him on a job well done.  

I must have a defective child cause that would not work in our household.  Kind of like when he burns popcorn in the microwave.  Directions say heat on high for 3-5 minutes - depending on wattage.  Kid sticks in in for 5 minutes and seems baffled as to why its burnt.  I'm not going to start cooking his popcorn, but I'll take this opportunity to explain the directions and let him know he's dealing with some higher wattages.  Better that than him going around the rest of his life saying that microwave burnt everything he put in it.

On a serous note, no kid realistically starts out with 1,000 college options.  For various reasons - excluding baseball - that number is probably no bigger than 100 max.  Throw in some baseball and the number maybe drops to 10 once things get serious.  Would hate to cross off one of those possible 10 on day one cause some guy is wearing too much jewelry.  If you don't think that is a reasonable piece of guidance to offer your son, then by all means let him decide.  I would think it would be a valuable piece of guidance.

If you read again I think you will find that my point was tongue in cheek because ao many of us have been told so many times to backmoutmof our kids decisions. I very clearly state that parental advice is a good thing. However you are ignoring the fact that maybe the parents agree!  And it's not for any of us to say where this kid should feel comfortable!  And I simply 100% disagree that your choices are as limited as you think.  True I suppose if you were the absolute lowest of the low ability wise and you insist on playing baseball somewhere. And I don't know how much more clear I can be on this but YES if he is down to 10 and he feels uncomfortable with one he should be down to 9!  I don't know why you would want me to say something different!

You 100% disagree?  I'll give you that technically a kid may have 1,000+ options, so I guess you are technically correct.  However, if you want to have a more realistic conversation, I would say 100 "choices" early on is probably too high of a number.  Besides, are you really supposed to get a solid handle on the true environment of over 100 schools?  If you make snap judgments - say, based on an initial information card - then I suppose you could technically say you could vet 1,000+ schools (maybe strike them from the list if they use the Common Application - that would be efficient).  

As for the parents possibly agreeing, the dad says in his post that he wishes the kid would at least take a campus visit, I suppose so the kid can actually get a true feel for the school.  While people can be uncomfortable with schools for various reasons, I would argue that your comfort level should be based on material issues.  You continue to argue that you should have the choice to decide.  I have never argued against that, just pointed out that not every 16 yo is equipped to make their own life altering decision.

As for the number of choices when it includes baseball, again if your are Power 5 material, then technically I guess you could play at most JUCO, D2 and D3 programs, and therefore would have far more than 10 options - assuming you don't have any strong preference between Vanderbilt and LOCO JUCO when it comes to their baseball programs.  I tried to be somewhat precise and qualify that number with saying around 10 options when serious offers are considered.  If this kid ended up with 10 options - and the one he visited with is one of the 10 - who's to say that school may not actually be the best fit - if only the dad would tell the kid to grow up and do some real investigation.  You see to argue that deciding on a whim - or some arbitrary visit at the high school - represents sound, mature judgement.  I do disagree with that.

Trying to get back to real life issues and give my opinion as to how folks need to make decisions after rational thought.

2017LHPscrewball posted:

2020dad posted:

2017LHPscrewball posted:

Then when a 16 year old decided he doesn't like how a school represented itself and would prefer to look at one of the other thousand schools available to him you say dad should step in. Sit him down, order him to rethink etc.  guidance is always good for our kids.

In other words, turn your 16 yo loose and ask him nicely to report back when he gets finished with some minor details of where he is attending on how it is getting paid for.  Maybe have an interesting talk by the fire his junior year about how he whittled down his thousands of choices to this one and sit back, warm your feet by the fire and congratulate him on a job well done.  

I must have a defective child cause that would not work in our household.  Kind of like when he burns popcorn in the microwave.  Directions say heat on high for 3-5 minutes - depending on wattage.  Kid sticks in in for 5 minutes and seems baffled as to why its burnt.  I'm not going to start cooking his popcorn, but I'll take this opportunity to explain the directions and let him know he's dealing with some higher wattages.  Better that than him going around the rest of his life saying that microwave burnt everything he put in it.

On a serous note, no kid realistically starts out with 1,000 college options.  For various reasons - excluding baseball - that number is probably no bigger than 100 max.  Throw in some baseball and the number maybe drops to 10 once things get serious.  Would hate to cross off one of those possible 10 on day one cause some guy is wearing too much jewelry.  If you don't think that is a reasonable piece of guidance to offer your son, then by all means let him decide.  I would think it would be a valuable piece of guidance.

If you read again I think you will find that my point was tongue in cheek because ao many of us have been told so many times to backmoutmof our kids decisions. I very clearly state that parental advice is a good thing. However you are ignoring the fact that maybe the parents agree!  And it's not for any of us to say where this kid should feel comfortable!  And I simply 100% disagree that your choices are as limited as you think.  True I suppose if you were the absolute lowest of the low ability wise and you insist on playing baseball somewhere. And I don't know how much more clear I can be on this but YES if he is down to 10 and he feels uncomfortable with one he should be down to 9!  I don't know why you would want me to say something different!

You 100% disagree?  I'll give you that technically a kid may have 1,000+ options, so I guess you are technically correct.  However, if you want to have a more realistic conversation, I would say 100 "choices" early on is probably too high of a number.  Besides, are you really supposed to get a solid handle on the true environment of over 100 schools?  If you make snap judgments - say, based on an initial information card - then I suppose you could technically say you could vet 1,000+ schools (maybe strike them from the list if they use the Common Application - that would be efficient).  

As for the parents possibly agreeing, the dad says in his post that he wishes the kid would at least take a campus visit, I suppose so the kid can actually get a true feel for the school.  While people can be uncomfortable with schools for various reasons, I would argue that your comfort level should be based on material issues.  You continue to argue that you should have the choice to decide.  I have never argued against that, just pointed out that not every 16 yo is equipped to make their own life altering decision.

As for the number of choices when it includes baseball, again if your are Power 5 material, then technically I guess you could play at most JUCO, D2 and D3 programs, and therefore would have far more than 10 options - assuming you don't have any strong preference between Vanderbilt and LOCO JUCO when it comes to their baseball programs.  I tried to be somewhat precise and qualify that number with saying around 10 options when serious offers are considered.  If this kid ended up with 10 options - and the one he visited with is one of the 10 - who's to say that school may not actually be the best fit - if only the dad would tell the kid to grow up and do some real investigation.  You see to argue that deciding on a whim - or some arbitrary visit at the high school - represents sound, mature judgement.  I do disagree with that.

Trying to get back to real life issues and give my opinion as to how folks need to make decisions after rational thought.

There are successful people all over the country from a wide swath of schools. There are hundreds of great choices for college and yes even over 1000. Of course a sports choice can limit that and sometimes severely. I just can't understand why it would be so important to force feed one particular school down a kids throat even though he is uncomfortable with it FOR ANY REASON!  Why are you so invested in what this one kid decides with this one school. Personally I couldn't care less if he changes his mind and goes there or if he permanently crosses them off his list. First I don't even know the kid and second I simply wish him the best of luck and the best experience for HIM. It's not about me or anyone's agenda. It's about this one particular kid. And if he has an agenda that's his business and his right. I am flabbergasted that this is not crystal clear to everyone. we can not criticize a kids college choice based on our own social agenda. It is quite clear where I lean politically and right here an hour away is one of the most liberal campuses in America at UW Madison. I will be honest and say I prefer none of my kids go there. But if one decides that is the best fit for them I can GUARANTEE you right here and now I will not stand in the way. So long as this kid is not harming anyone it is completely within his rights to decide what he is comfortable with. And in no way shape or form are any of us qualified to say what is or is not a stupid move for him. And I repeat I have no dog in this race. If he changes his mind and goes there I won't call it stupid. If it's right for him then that's fantastic. If he sticks to his guns and never gives it another thought - also good for him if that is the right thing for him. And nobody has the right to call that stupid either. Good luck to the young man in finding his best fit!

2020dad posted:

There are successful people all over the country from a wide swath of schools. There are hundreds of great choices for college and yes even over 1000. Of course a sports choice can limit that and sometimes severely. I just can't understand why it would be so important to force feed one particular school down a kids throat even though he is uncomfortable with it FOR ANY REASON!  Why are you so invested in what this one kid decides with this one school. Personally I couldn't care less if he changes his mind and goes there or if he permanently crosses them off his list. First I don't even know the kid and second I simply wish him the best of luck and the best experience for HIM. It's not about me or anyone's agenda. It's about this one particular kid. And if he has an agenda that's his business and his right. I am flabbergasted that this is not crystal clear to everyone. we can not criticize a kids college choice based on our own social agenda. It is quite clear where I lean politically and right here an hour away is one of the most liberal campuses in America at UW Madison. I will be honest and say I prefer none of my kids go there. But if one decides that is the best fit for them I can GUARANTEE you right here and now I will not stand in the way. So long as this kid is not harming anyone it is completely within his rights to decide what he is comfortable with. And in no way shape or form are any of us qualified to say what is or is not a stupid move for him. And I repeat I have no dog in this race. If he changes his mind and goes there I won't call it stupid. If it's right for him then that's fantastic. If he sticks to his guns and never gives it another thought - also good for him if that is the right thing for him. And nobody has the right to call that stupid either. Good luck to the young man in finding his best fit!

All of that is fine, but the OP's already suggested that he'd like his son to actually consider the school, but that son wrote it off because of this single issue/experience. As his parent, I think OP should absolutely consider whether allowing a 16-year old to make that kind of snap decision might be counter-productive. 

My son chose the school he's attending essentially without my intervention in the final decision making process, but I did help him get started on the "what schools might be good fits" part of the process at the beginning (at the 60ish schools stage), and we talked at length about his process as he went through it so he'd have at least a sounding board.  IMO, OP is at the stage where crossing schools off a list is premature, especially if it's for reasons that are effectively superficial (in the sense that he's only had one interaction by which to judge them).

This discussion is getting ridiulous.

Here is a question.  14 year olds are committing to programs, why can't a 16 year old decide he doesn want to go visit a program?  

Besides, at this point he is just getting inquiries,  things might change if the coaches begin recruiting him seriously.

Once again, these questions are optional, but he was put in an uncomfortable situation.  The school does need to know what happened, thats the issue.

TPM - ^^^^^ How many times can I hit "Like Reply?"

9and7dad posted:

TPM - ^^^^^ How many times can I hit "Like Reply?"

TPM posted:

This discussion is getting ridiulous.

Here is a question.  14 year olds are committing to programs, why can't a 16 year old decide he doesn want to go visit a program?  

Besides, at this point he is just getting inquiries,  things might change if the coaches begin recruiting him seriously.

Once again, these questions are optional, but he was put in an uncomfortable situation.  The school does need to know what happened, thats the issue.

I guess parenting styles can differ, but I'm not letting my 14-year old make life-changing decisions for himself right now (input on them, sure, the actual decision, not so much). I'd grant a fair bit more leeway to a 16/17-year old, but not without a lot of push back or discussion about the process.

Children, and this includes up to ages well into college-attendance, aren't fully cognitively developed. I realize that at age 18 we, as their parents, can't actually do much about that, but that doesn't mean we should abdicate all responsibility to teenagers where we do have more significant responsibilities as to their lives and life-choices.

jacjacatk posted:

TPM posted:

This discussion is getting ridiulous.

Here is a question.  14 year olds are committing to programs, why can't a 16 year old decide he doesn want to go visit a program?  

Besides, at this point he is just getting inquiries,  things might change if the coaches begin recruiting him seriously.

Once again, these questions are optional, but he was put in an uncomfortable situation.  The school does need to know what happened, thats the issue.

I guess parenting styles can differ, but I'm not letting my 14-year old make life-changing decisions for himself right now (input on them, sure, the actual decision, not so much). I'd grant a fair bit more leeway to a 16/17-year old, but not without a lot of push back or discussion about the process.

Children, and this includes up to ages well into college-attendance, aren't fully cognitively developed. I realize that at age 18 we, as their parents, can't actually do much about that, but that doesn't mean we should abdicate all responsibility to teenagers where we do have more significant responsibilities as to their lives and life-choices.

Conversely, if it is not THEIR choice they have no ownership in it.  Then when things don't work out there is a scapegoat in the form of mom and or dad who "made" them do this.

If it gets to a point where the kid won't choose a college because of many superfluous things then I think it's time for a talk, but what's the point in wasting everyone's time if the kid has made up his mind, regardless of why?  Okay, dad could push a visit.  Kid will go because dad wants him to, he will NOT have an open mind while there and ask multiple times how much longer he has to stay = everyone has now wasted time.

My son is 26 and he went to hs with students who were gay. What if your child was gay? Would this question make him more comfortable knowing it was a school that may have clubs or things for him to be comfortable with? 

I think most college campuses liberal or not will have gay populations. I think unless your attending a very conservative Christian college this may be the case. 

My son and his friends from his age group that I have talked to dont really have any issues with it. 

All any minority groups of color or sexual preference want to attend a school where they can enjoy their college experience and not face prejudice or shame. 

I have a gay family member and I am a Christian and it is difficult to understand that some people love differently than us. My goal is to love unconditionally and not make their sexuality really anything to discuss. It is who they are. 

I think moving forward like it or not this is our society and thank God they arent treated as badly as in the past. 

Teach your children to accept differences and judge people by their hearts.

CACO3GIRL, on the question of white people using the N word I highly recommend you check out the pilot of Donald Glover's new series "Atlanta."  Really good, and really funny.  If, like most boys his age, your son is a fan of Glover's rapper alter ego, Childish Gambino, he'll want to see it too. 

JCG posted:

CACO3GIRL, on the question of white people using the N word I highly recommend you check out the pilot of Donald Glover's new series "Atlanta."  Really good, and really funny.  If, like most boys his age, your son is a fan of Glover's rapper alter ego, Childish Gambino, he'll want to see it too. 

wow I never woulda thought I'd read Childish Gambino's name on this site...as I listened to 3005 this morning...