Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Fit to me is sticking with what is most important to a recruit and not compromising on what is most important to a recruit.  Typically,  fit involves athletics, academics and financial at a high level.   One of those criteria has to be the primary criteria in determining fit and the other two are contributors.   So, when presented with offers it becomes fairly clear which college fits the best and you have a pretty good idea what to expect before a student athlete steps on campus freshmen year.   As always, JMO.

The academic " part is fairly easy:  What would be the best academic "fit" if baseball weren't a consideration?   I've been around teenagers for a lot of years now, and seen very few who were unhappy with their college choice because it didn't "fit" with them academically.

On the other hand, finding the right baseball "fit" is hard, which is evidenced by the fact that so many D-1 players transfer after their first year, and innumerable D-3 hopefuls arrive at college only to find that they're unable to get a spot on the roster, or that they're deep down on the depth chart. 

Son accepted the first offer he got....over the phone about 20 seconds after it was made.   We had visited the school a couple days earlier and while we were there he said  "If they offer me I'm taking it".    Never really asked him why he was so sure that this was the place...it was the first time he had met the RC and the HC was out of the office with a broken foot, but there was something there that drew him in I guess.  2+ years later, he seems to have made the right choice.  Baseball and academics both going well and he loves the place to the point that other than visiting him there, I rarely see him.  It's close to home and he has a lot of HS friends that go there including his housemates.  I guess it "fit" lol

Trust, great question...and Fenway has, as usual, a very thoughtful answer.

My oldest did not find the right fit the first time around.  Way too focused on his relationship with the coaching staffs that were recruiting him, and not enough on the three things that Fenway talks about.  Nor was there enough focus on faith/spiritual needs, character and community the first time around.  Nor the overall environment of the schools, e.g., weather, facilities, etc.  And my wife and I allowed him to lead down that path.  It was a mistake.

For our youngest, we were far more prepared to look at the schools recruiting him beyond just academics, baseball, and $, and definitely beyond the personalities of the coaches recruiting him.  We provided better guard rails during the decision making process.  And now in year two, while nothing is perfect, the fit is definitely spot on.

My oldest is having his second chance with college and baseball.  After a 2+ year layoff from both, he transferred in Spring 2017.  Academics, baseball, and $ were still very important.  But we elevated the other factors in importance and he's found a much better fit. 

When son committed he decided that was the right fit.

There were quite a few times during the 3 years whether it was or not or if he should have agreed to get drafted.

I dont think anyone can really decide if their decision was a good fit until after all is said and done, especially when you sometimes bite off more than you can chew. Which he often felt he may have.

I look at it as a marriage. The courting period is terrific, then you have to work hard at the relationship. Its not easy!!!!

So looking back, knowing how son loves his alma mater and the people who surrounded  him along the way to help make him the man he is, it definetly was a good match.

When you sit down with the HC during recruiting, he should be explaining to you as parents and your son, that a large part of his job is to develop boys to become responsible men. If this isnt in the discussion, think twice if that is the person you want to lead your son for 3, 4 or maybe even 5 years.

Right fit can be easier or harder depending on the objective. If the sport is the priority over academics fit is relative to the opportunity to get on the field. A player can be kept off the field. He isn't kept out of the classroom. 

I told my kids the decision would be 70% academics. When my daughter received a softball offer to one of the top colleges in her desired major the decision was made. A guy has pro ball at least in the back of his mind. We figured son couldn't go wrong academically at a Big Ten. 

My daughter spend four years as a fourth outfielder playing about three-quarters of the games. Son started somewhere for two and a half years until a need for a second surgery eliminated redshirt senior year. He had already redshirted freshman year due to injury. But he got two degrees in five years.

Another great topic, Trust.

We are going through the process now and I've asked my son specific questions to help him understand what's important to him and to us as parents. What's important to him may change because he's still 15 but what's important to me won't.

My part along the way is to let him make some decisions (good and bad) and learn about the consequences of his decisions, let him fail some so that he understands how to overcome things w/o us bailing him out and also allow coaches to coach him w/o interfering so that he can, hopefully, adapt to various coaching styles and play for any kind of coach. 

During one of his eighth grade practices a kid missed an assignment and the coach was correcting him and was speaking loudly so that everyone could hear. Well the kid "thought" he was being yelled at and broke down crying. To each his own but that's unacceptable in the Shu household. 

Mine is chasing a dream to play pro ball. I can tell him what he needs to do, study habits, amount of classes to take or how much more he needs an A over a B regarding effort and studying etc, at the end of the day he wants to play pro ball. He is a B student and has contributed to the team the last 2 seasons. Who knows how it will work out, but he went for baseball...and i doubt changing that for a higher academic or tougher major/mix with baseball would have happened. He wanted to play Power 5 baseball and he got it.....so let''s see where the ride takes him.

Shoveit4Ks posted:

Mine is chasing a dream to play pro ball. I can tell him what he needs to do, study habits, amount of classes to take or how much more he needs an A over a B regarding effort and studying etc, at the end of the day he wants to play pro ball. He is a B student and has contributed to the team the last 2 seasons. Who knows how it will work out, but he went for baseball...and i doubt changing that for a higher academic or tougher major/mix with baseball would have happened. He wanted to play Power 5 baseball and he got it.....so let''s see where the ride takes him.

Anyone who blows ched like your kid should be chasing the MLB dream.  :-)

hshuler posted:

Another great topic, Trust.

We are going through the process now and I've asked my son specific questions to help him understand what's important to him and to us as parents. What's important to him may change because he's still 15 but what's important to me won't.

My part along the way is to let him make some decisions (good and bad) and learn about the consequences of his decisions, let him fail some so that he understands how to overcome things w/o us bailing him out and also allow coaches to coach him w/o interfering so that he can, hopefully, adapt to various coaching styles and play for any kind of coach. 

During one of his eighth grade practices a kid missed an assignment and the coach was correcting him and was speaking loudly so that everyone could hear. Well the kid "thought" he was being yelled at and broke down crying. To each his own but that's unacceptable in the Shu household. 

Thanks hshuler.  We basically took the same path that you stated above.  Son wanted to control his "destiny" on his own, do the work, learn from his mistakes, correspond with colleges, etc.  We watched him, suggested things we thought would help and if he asked us we tried to pick up the pieces.  I'm in no way advocating this approach for others because looking back it had many flaws(duh).  In the back of my mind I sit here thinking what if....His journey resulted in very few offers from D1 colleges (he didn't want to look at D2/D3).  Offers came in about a month before the NLI opening date.  He chose what  he believed to be the best fit.  Had we (parents) been more involved, in my egotistical thinking, he would have received more offers, played more national showcases, and been on radar for more RC.  At the end of the day though, his choice turned out to be the greatest fit for him.  I like to think of him being lucky, and I'm sure he would disagree.  The HC took a chance, right place, right time, right chain of events (graduating Srs, injuries,etc).  Of course his talent and work habits were a given.  Could he have achieved the same results at a different college?  I still preach and believe to find the right fit as all of the contributors have expressed.  I am now wondering if the best fit is really about how the player accepts the program, adjusts to adversities and competition, puts forth the correct working/studying habits, etc. which now becomes the best fit based on his adaption.

I figure since I'm the one funding college, I get some say. But I'm not prescriptive or dogmatic about it -- I simply handed my son a list of the US News Top 50 universities and said "Pick one of these." I think I'm being flexible-- one of those should be the right fit. ;-)

2019Dad, we are cut from the same cloth.  

2019Dad posted:

I figure since I'm the one funding college, I get some say. But I'm not prescriptive or dogmatic about it -- I simply handed my son a list of the US News Top 50 universities and said "Pick one of these." I think I'm being flexible-- one of those should be the right fit. ;-)

Kudos to you. I will probably make 2 college lists for my kid: the first one as you did and second very short one with our 2 local jucos should he choose a fine arts majors (sorry will not mortgage the house for an acting  or paint by numbers degree).

Trust in Him wrote:

"Could he have achieved the same results at a different college? I still preach and believe to find the right fit as all of the contributors have expressed. I am now wondering if the best fit is really about how the player accepts the program, adjusts to adversities and competition, puts forth the correct working/studying habits, etc. which now becomes the best fit based on his adaption."

I agree with you here. IMO, it's part - create your own opportunity (adapt) and part - the opportunity is present (having a legit chance to compete).

With all things being equal on the academic side, I've encouraged my son to go where he thinks he has a legitimate chance to get on the field earliest. 

Son's goal was to play D1 baseball at the highest academic institution possible. His" fit" was not to "compromise" lower academic schools for baseball..  Looked particularly at Ivy and Patriot conferences (and later NESCAC) where STEM majors were both possible and not discouraged. Another element for his "fit"  was looking at schools with smaller roster sizes where he could be given a legitimate shot as freshman. As for "Trusts" comment about future wife, not sure where it will go, but son is dating a gymnast who strives to be a future veterinarian.

Re the "future wife" --- I always loved the line from the elite HC's in trying to convince parents that their kid would be better off attending college instead of going pro:

"Do you want your future daughter-in-law and mother of your Grandchildren to be pre-med at (insert elite institution) or a stripper in Huntsville, Alabama?"

What is going on with all of the comments about girls this past week?  Occasionally is fine if it's part of a key learning or has a purpose, but it's starting to be a recurring theme that I haven't picked up on before and I think we can do without it. Thanks. 

Midwest Mom posted:

What is going on with all of the comments about girls this past week?  Occasionally is fine if it's part of a key learning or has a purpose, but it's starting to be a recurring theme that I haven't picked up on before and I think we can do without it. Thanks. 

I agree some of the comments are a little much. But I also will say that my dad's greatest fear was that my son would fall in love with a school on the other side of the country, go to it, meet a girl, marry her, and never come home.

Iowamom23 posted:

Midwest Mom posted:

What is going on with all of the comments about girls this past week?  Occasionally is fine if it's part of a key learning or has a purpose, but it's starting to be a recurring theme that I haven't picked up on before and I think we can do without it. Thanks. 

I agree some of the comments are a little much. But I also will say that my dad's greatest fear was that my son would fall in love with a school on the other side of the country, go to it, meet a girl, marry her, and never come home.

I totally agree with the bolded...I never tried to keep my '17 grad local but the thought of him moving out of area was way more then i was ready for. Full disclosure my entire family lives in the same town within 6 or 7 miles of each other, actually not a real small town (grad class of 600) but still pretty close. At the end of the process he chose to stay close to home...and as long as it was his choice I was good with it. 

So far it has worked well, Saturday night he texted on his way out at about 9pm to see if he could come home Sunday. He came back around 10, did wash, studied a little, watched a football game had an early dinner and was gone again by 600 pm. that was sweet day IMO. 

Fit is this.  If you are a conservative, stay away from Berkeley or most Ivies.  If you are a liberal, stay away fro Hillsdale or Hampton Sydney. 

old_school posted:

Iowamom23 posted:

Midwest Mom posted:

What is going on with all of the comments about girls this past week?  Occasionally is fine if it's part of a key learning or has a purpose, but it's starting to be a recurring theme that I haven't picked up on before and I think we can do without it. Thanks. 

I agree some of the comments are a little much. But I also will say that my dad's greatest fear was that my son would fall in love with a school on the other side of the country, go to it, meet a girl, marry her, and never come home.

I totally agree with the bolded...I never tried to keep my '17 grad local but the thought of him moving out of area was way more then i was ready for. Full disclosure my entire family lives in the same town within 6 or 7 miles of each other, actually not a real small town (grad class of 600) but still pretty close. At the end of the process he chose to stay close to home...and as long as it was his choice I was good with it. 

So far it has worked well, Saturday night he texted on his way out at about 9pm to see if he could come home Sunday. He came back around 10, did wash, studied a little, watched a football game had an early dinner and was gone again by 600 pm. that was sweet day IMO. 

My daughter went an hour away. We have a college literally in walking distance. If she went there, we told her she could come home at fall break. We had to drag her home as a freshman, now she volunteers and does it on her own. Now my son will be two hours away. Like having them close, but far enough away they have to grow up a little.