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Did this coach go to far? Everyone thinks so.

T themez10+ posts
After mulling over an issue that happened at a JV baseball game yesterday. I decided to call a friend for advice who is an Athletic Director at one of the bigger high schools here California I had told him what had happened during a JV game yesterday. It is stated below. He told me we do not endorse such behavior from our coaches to student athletes during any type of event. He also said no kid should be put in this situation like that. Something like this should be taken up with the player in private or during practice. He recommended that I inform the athletic director at the HS via email if there was no inclination that this would not happen again.


My son had hurt his throwing shoulder weight training. He pulled a muscle the same day of a scrimmage game. He catches. His throws back to the pitcher were low; bouncing etc… they had to take him out of the first inning of the game because his arm was hurt. He fesses up to the coach and said he hurt his shoulder in the weight room. He rested his arm for a couple days. Their first real game he started and was still having a small problem. The ball was getting to the pitcher no problem but there was no zip on it. The coach was yelling at him to throw it harder back to the pitcher. The throws to second were fine. My son said he had a kind of a mental block when throwing it back to the pitcher after pulling the muscle in his shoulder a few days earlier. Yesterday’s game he comes in the 4th inning and proceeds to catch. His throws back to the pitcher were fine, kind of a nice lob. The coach yelled at him to zip it back to the pitcher. He just kept throwing it back like he normally does, not hard, easy for the pitcher to handle. The coach continues to yell at him continually in front of the crowd at the game. The coach then storms out of the dugout in front of all the players, parents and peers and says to my son.



“You better throw it back hard to the pitcher or I am going to take you out now. “!!!!

Everybody heard this. Some parents looked at me, and the visiting team parents were kind of thrown back. I was standing behind the visiting parents stands. I was humiliated and my son was embarrassed and shook up. A parent who I was standing with said you better say something to the coach after the game, he felt it was wrong to do that. I confronted the coach diplomatically after the game and told him that it was not right for him to yell at him in front of his peers, parents and fans and humiliate and embarrass him. He didn’t want to hear it. And said this conversation is over. He gave me some BS… Oh their 15 @ 16 and I can talk to them the way I want to I’m the coach. I tried to butter things up and told him he is the coach and he has the right, but what he did was uncalled for. He gave me no inclination during our conversation that he was going to stop this in the future. I walked away on good terms. Humiliated and embarrassed at the least.


I would like to know how you feel about me confronting him after the game. Has a parent you want to go to the games to enjoy your son playing baseball. Then you see this type of behavior and it ruins it for me and my son. He just wants to have fun and play ball.
Last edited {1}
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shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
quote:
The coach yelled at him to zip it back to the pitcher. He just kept throwing it back like he normally does, not hard, easy for the pitcher to handle.


quote:
My son said he had a kind of a mental block when throwing it back to the pitcher after pulling the muscle in his shoulder a few days earlier.


Umm,....and you wonder why or are shocked that the coach yelled at him?

I'm confused. Perhaps I'm missing something. I will go back and re-read.

But I will add FWIW that if a parent deems it necessary to talk to a coach, I would highly recommend making a scheduled appointment, and not confronting him/her before or after a game.....ever.

Why was it exactly that you were humiliated?
Because your son got yelled at by the coach????
Last edited by shortstopmom
P playersmom10+ posts
quote:
I would like to know how you feel about me confronting him after the game. Has a parent you want to go to the games to enjoy your son playing baseball. Then you see this type of behavior and it ruins it for me and my son. He just wants to have fun and play ball.


Confronting a coach right after a game - I would say NO, not a good way to go about it.
Last edited by playersmom
CADadCADad5,000+ posts
You shouldn't have confronted him. It sounds like the coach could have handled it better but was within bounds. When a coach tells a player to do something he has a right to expect them to do what they are told. The player had the option of telling the coach what the problem was, but simply ignoring the coach was wrong. This is a chance for you to help your son learn a lesson. He needs to learn that he either does what the coach tells him or if he can't that he has to fess up to the problem is that is keeping him from doing it.
S switchitter100+ posts
Not a good move to confront the coach after the game. Other parents probably saw this and coaches don't like to be approached after a game and he will more than likely carry this with him.

Your son should have been honest about the injury to the shoulder much sooner. I know, I know, he did not want to disappoint or feel like he was being a wimp. No excuse....he needs to learn from this and take his lumps from the coach...no matter what the AD from the other school said. That was a bit irresponsible for an A.D. to say that. He probably was just trying to side with you to give you comfort knowing full well the coach was well within his bounds with players the age of your son.

I yelled at my center fielder (age 11) for taking a seat in center field. He took a seat while the pitcher was actually pitching to the batter. He was the other coaches son (who was on vacation). I stopped the game and called him out in front of everyone. He was 11 and fully capable of knowing he was taking advantage of the situation. I told him it can't happen again. Do parents like that? Heck no! they hate to see it with their kid or another.
Last edited by switchitter
PH Pat H100+ posts
I think more info is needed to judge the situation. Were the "lob" throws resulting in anything? Was the other team running all over him? Was he hurting the team? Did he talk to your son afterward? As a coach if I ask a kid to do something and they don't do it the first time I ask, I pull them aside and ask why? At 15 or 16, although they can and will be yelled at (for multiple reasons)(I have never taken this approach), they should also be able to provide a reason for their actions. I'm not saying coaches shouldn't yell or scream or single out a kid, but just being in charge isn't necessarily a reason to take that approach.
Last edited by Pat H
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
I would like to know how you feel about me confronting him after the game.


Please don't do that. If you have an issue with the coach, please discuss it together privately, if you need to. If I take what you wrote at face value, I think you over-reacted a bit. the guy does have a right and obligation to coach his team from the dugout during a game. Most successful coaches don't go out of their way to "show up" a player or umpire. There are such fragile egos inside the fence, you know. Smile

Nobody, including the coach, really gives a rodents behind if a parent ego is bruised, and probably rightly so. Baseball is a difficult game to play well, not easy to learn. Egos need to be checked at the concession stand on the way in, imo.

JV baseball isn't usually polished, pretty or polite.
Last edited by Dad04
B 1BDad100+ posts
If, as a high school coach, you feel you need to yell at your players. You have more problems than a catcher that lobs the ball back to the pitcher.

I had to edit this post to add....as a retired Army guy...I have a slightly different opinion of yelling. As evidenced by my children who sometimes think I'm yelling as opposed to raising my voice.

A coach could probably find a better way to communicate than by yelling. IMHO. It worked for me, and I had the opportunity to lead alot of teenaged young men.
Last edited by 1BDad
coach2709coach270910,000+ posts
I'm not saying the coach is right or wrong because he handled it the way he handled it. If your son tells him "coach I pulled a muscle today and it hurts" then the coach already knows what to look for / expect. But hiding it from him and then not throwing it back hard when he has said it makes the coach look bad. Here is a guy who has said "throw it back hard" and yet your son doesn't. Coach says it again - yet your son doesn't. Now it looks like the coach has a problem player. A kid who WILL NOT do what he says. He's got to fix that problem. Some will yell, some will work harder, some will beg / plead, some will bench and some will throw off the team - regardless the coach has to do something.

Now everything is out in the open and your son is gunshy (it's understandable after an injury) but he keeps doing the same thing after being told what to do. Again it looks like the coach has a problem player. He has to to do something.

Did it embarass your son - sure. Did it embarass you - sure because you told us. Was it right for the son to hold out the injury from the coach - no. Should you have talked / confronted coach after the game - no.

There were a lot of mistakes by everyone involved - coach down to player down to parent.

Everyone is right that parents should never talk / confront a coach after a game over something controversial because the emotions are way too high on both sides. The coach is mad, the parent is mad and it's usually in front of everyone. Now the "I am right but by golly and I am going show you I am right in front of everyone" mentality comes out. So who wins? Nobody.

I got to agree with TR - is being yelled at the worst thing to ever happen to your son? No it's not or it will not be. Does that mean he should enjoy it or have fun because of being yelled at? No because it's not fun or enjoyable. It's meant to teach a lesson. I got yelled at and embarassed quite a few times when I was growing up - I hated it but I learned if I didn't like it then to not do it again. You can learn good lessons this way.

Let me ask you this - how did the coach react when your son finally told him he was hurt? Was he a jerk then or did he understand?

This guy might be a jerk and terrible coach and if he is then I am sorry your son has to put up with him.
T themez10+ posts
He did not cause any runs to come in with his throws. He came up the next inning after collecting his thoughts and hit a 2 run single for a 3-2 lead. they won 4-3. There was a guy at 3rd in the last inning. No passed balls etc...I agree with the AD. Pull him a side or talk to him in the dugout. Don't make a circus out of it in front of everyone. This coach was making a bigger issue then it was. I confronted him with parents around to make sure they saw I was calm and collective. If you wait till everyone leaves and appproach him then this coach accuses you of threatening him etc...this is fricking HS JV for gods sake. If you wanna pay for you kid to be yelled at play travel ball.
T themez10+ posts
His injury is fine now. He has a mental block throwing back to the pitcher for some reason after the injury. He practiced 2 weeks with the varsity prior to JV and had no problems. They would have sent him down the first day if he had this throwing problem. He'll get over it. His throws to second 3rd etc... are hard and fine. 90 percent of the people who I have talked to said the coach was out of line. He is not a problem player. He said he was just making sure he got the ball back to the pitcher has not to have bad throws until he gets thru this throwing issue.
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
quote:
...this is fricking HS JV for gods sake.


Yes it is, and this is also just the beginning.

We as parents learn alot too from this baseball process.

I doubt very much if the coach is going to make accusations of you threatening him should you make an appointment to see him in his office,..the next day.

You still sound kinda heated, IMHO.
I'd let the waters cool a bit and then come back and re-read this thread. I think you are getting some good advice, even if everyone isnt agreeing with you.

quote:
He'll get over it.

Yeap,..they usually always do,...its us, the parents, that sometimes have a harder time of it.
Last edited by shortstopmom
fanofgamefanofgame5,000+ posts
First I agree after a game is never a time to approach a coach. You state its only JV ball, but the coaches really dont want to deal with parents anymore. Your son needs to step up and learn to talk to his coaches.
Yelling isnt necessary but its going to happen.There are a lot of emotions during a game,I think in the long run you will cause your son more damge confronting his coaches.
This is a good time to express to your kid to do what he is told by the coach,otherwise the coach will find another player who will listen.Also let your player learn to deal with these types of issues. My particular son would of been very upset with me if i said anything to his hs coach about anything to do with this sort of issue. He would tell me stay out of it its my problem.
I hope things get better and your son and you can enjoy the season.
T themez10+ posts
There is a game today. I won't be there.
I will let it die out. I accept all advice and criticisum. Watch a college or pro game. A lot of the catchers lob it back to the pitcher from their knees etc. Who gives a **** how the catcher returns the ball has long has it does not affect the out come of the game. No harm no foul...
CPLZCPLZ1,000+ posts
Personally, I'd thank my lucky stars that I wasn't pulling pine slivers out of my sons backside.

Mental block? Have a seat here on the pine and let me know when your mental block goes away so that you can follow your coaches instructions.

Sorry, but we are beyond the line that describes soft here.
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
quote:
Who gives a **** how the catcher returns the ball has long has it does not affect the out come of the game.


Ummm,..apparentley the coach did. Roll Eyes

Like I said before,...us parents have alot to learn too during this process.

Enjoy your son's season. Go watch him play,...dont let anyone give you a reason to miss it,...just perhaps sit out in center field, with your mouth duck taped and hands constrained,...like I have been ordered to do. Big Grin Big Grin
Last edited by shortstopmom
S switchitter100+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by themez:
There is a game today. I won't be there.
I will let it die out. I accept all advice and criticisum. Watch a college or pro game. A lot of the catchers lob it back to the pitcher from their knees etc. Who gives a **** how the catcher returns the ball has long has it does not affect the out come of the game. No harm no foul...


Try to calm down just a bit. Some coaches in high school, college, and pro's want the catcher to get it back to the pitcher the same way every time, rapidly. This prevents runners from getting any ideas, provides a cadence for the pitcher to find "rhythm" and a host of other reasons. I certainly feel your pain and plight because our kids have gotten yelled at for what we think is no reason over the years and natural reaction is to blow up at the coach. We are not faulting you for your emotions but simply stating beliefs based on experience (which is what this board is for).
Last edited by switchitter
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
The coach may have been.
And chances are if so, he may very well be again.

Different coaches have different styles. Some styles us parents agree with, others we arent so fond of.
Doesnt really matter though, cause bottom line, he's the coach and we are simply observers.

The lesson and important part here, is how you teach your son how to deal with it.
Most of the time, the athletes get it real quick ( they adapt, overcome, & achieve ), especially if we the parents, stand back a bit and watch from the side...... ( or out behind center field...or from across the street,..behind a tree,..etc. Big Grin )


Best of luck and hang in there!
Last edited by shortstopmom
T themez10+ posts
Hey TR what if he was throwing it HARD back over the head of the pitcher? would you take him out. Hes throwing it hard. My neighbor said had got in the same mental thing throwing the ball back to the pitcher when he was a catcher. He said he got over it. It does happen.

Why do you think during the middle of the season so many MLB hitters are seeing shrinks because THEY ARE IN A SLUMP. They know they can hit, they are a major league player. Baseball is such a mental game.
P powertoallfields1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by TRhit:
The bottom line here is not what other coaches/teams do but what your son was asked to do by the coach and he didn't

The coach is in charge and like I said before if yeiing is all it was than you are fine---I would have pulled the kid right then and there for not listening to me as the coach




I have to agree! It really doesn't matter if the Coach is a jerk or not, just like it doesn't matter if the Cop or your Boss is a jerk, you still have to do what they say. Coaches have the power to tell scouts "your kid is uncoachable". Bite your lip, take a nerve pill or what ever and watch your son play ball. One other possibility, is that your Son's arm is still hurting, but it's not as bad when he throws hard. I had that problem after hurting my shoulder when I was 17. I'm almost 50 and still can't throw the ball straight when I try to throw it easy. I would ask him in private if that is the case, if so, get him to a Doctor ASAP and shut it down until you see what the Doc says, JMO.
Last edited by powertoallfields
2Bmom2Bmom1,000+ posts
quote:
I yelled at my center fielder (age 11) for taking a seat in center field. ...I stopped the game and called him out in front of everyone. He was 11 and fully capable of knowing he was taking advantage of the situation. I told him it can't happen again.


Does anyone remember when Bobby Cox did this to Andruw Jones a few years ago? Ol' Bobby hobbled all the way out to CF and sent Andruw to the bench. I think Andruw made that catch every time after that.

I guess it doesn't stop with JV.
We had a varsity game last year where the Head Coach of the opposing team, who had a good enough reputation, had a complete meltdown. If I remember correctly, our pitcher had a very nice curveball working that night, and the coach told his batter not to swing at curveballs. Kid swings and misses at a first pitch curveball. Coach yells from the dugout "I told you not to swing at curveballs!" Kid swings and misses at a second curveball. Coach comes out, grabs the kid by his arm, drags him back to the dugout, yelling the whole way. Sends another batter out on an 0-2 count. So..if you're our coach, what pitch do you call?

Kid watches strike 3. A curveball. No kidding. Mad

So after the game, the coach takes all of his players way out to CF (this is on our home field) and stomps back and forth, ranting and raving, swinging his arms the whole time. We had two security guards there, and they didn't leave until the rant was over. Finally the other team loads up on the bus and goes home. The coach is still at that school. 2B has a friend on the team, and apparently the guy is an OK coach. We played another ugly game against them last week (we won again), but no major meltdowns.
T themez10+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by RJM:
quote:
I would like to know how you feel about me confronting him after the game.
Your son should have approached the coach the next day (never after a game) if it bothered him, not if it bothered you.


Lets see I have 1 athletic director, 1 JV softball coach, parents, coworkers tell me I did the right thing by confronting the coach first. This JV baseball coach gets the respect from me whatever he dishes out. He is a fricking volunteer. He does not teach at the school. He is being paid by my tax dollars to coach the team. He works for ME. I talk to the coach on my terms not his. You do things in front of me or my children I don't like it you'll hear about it, I don't care who you are. You think I'm any bit concerned of a retread baseball Coach.
Please!!!Coach the team. Have some ethics. Teach the youngmen with a good example.If He ticks me off again I'll be in his face again.
please
K KnightTime100+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by themez:
Lets see I have 1 athletic director, 1 JV softball coach, parents, coworkers tell me I did the right thing by confronting the coach first. This JV baseball coach gets the respect from me whatever he dishes out. He is a fricking volunteer. He does not teach at the school. He is being paid by my tax dollars to coach the team. He works for ME. I talk to the coach on my terms not his. You do things in front of me or my children I don't like it you'll hear about it, I don't care who you are. You think I'm any bit concerned of a retread baseball Coach.
Please!!!Coach the team. Have some ethics. Teach the youngmen with a good example.If He ticks me off again I'll be in his face again.
please
Yet another brilliant post by our resident scholar.
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