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Emotional Pain in Baseball

P parent10+ posts
Rick Ankiel has experienced his share of emotional pain in baseball. Columnist Ryan Fagan recalls, "That 2000 playoff game was one of the most painful things I've ever watched. Even now, thinking about it starts twisting that knot in my stomach. Every pitch that went to the backstop, every look of helplessness on his face just was gut-wrenching." This from a column by Tom Weir of USA Today: "Redbirds broadcaster Steve Selby doesn't relish the memory from the second of those games, in Nashville. 'What I remember is that he had Hall of Fame stuff in the bullpen before the game. Everything was just perfect. Curveball, fastball, it didn't matter,' Selby says. 'Then he went out, and it just wasn't there. It was a helpless feeling. What I also remember is that the fans at Greer Stadium behind the plate were just relentless in letting him have it. It was wrong. It was kicking a guy when he's down. I was glad when they got him out of the game.' Eight pitches sailed to the backstop in the first of those games. ESPN chronicled both episodes in detail. Ankiel's lingering resentment was made clear last week when, according to the Redbirds media relations department, he rejected at least four interview requests from the sports network."

And now, with the HGH allegations, who knows what type of emotional pain Rick Ankiel is experiencing...

Another major-leaguer's emotional pain was chronicled by an article titled "The Records Almost Killed Him" in Sports Illustrated's The Baseball Book: "Wednesday, March 23, 1977, Perry Field, Gainesville, Fla. Roger Maris, beer distributor and 42-year-old father of six, stands in the Yankees dugout watching his old team prepare to play a spring-training game against the University of Florida. George Streinbrenner, the Yankees owner, approaches. 'Hey, Rog,' he says, 'where's the beer?' Maris laughs and shrugs. 'You should have asked me earlier,' he says. Steinbrenner chuckles, but then his smile fades a bit. 'You know, you're a hard guy to get a hold of, Roger,' he says. 'You're hard to get to New York for just one day.' There is a pause. Maris's smile continues, but it is artificial now, as though propped up with toothpicks. Steinbrenner is referring to the annual Old Timers' Game, an event Maris has never attended since he left the Yankees in 1966. Maris has refused to visit Yankee Stadium for any reason. 'Why don't you come?' Steinbrenner says in a softer voice. Maris stares out at the field. 'They might shoot me,' he says. Steinbrenner's voice becomes solemn. 'I'm telling you, Roger, you won't ever hear an ovation like the one you'd get if you'd come back to Yankee Stadium.' Maris looks at the ground. 'Maybe,' he says without conviction, and the conversation is over."

As a baseball parent, I know that emotional pain is not isolated to the Major League. A couple of summers ago, my son was moved to another position -- a position he'd never played a day in his life -- to cover for an injured teammate. The ball came in at a way different angle and my son started making errors. It really messed with his head, which was quite painful to watch. The pain was exacerbated when I overheard some ugly comments spew forth from a fellow teammate's parent about his performance. Thereafter, I cringed every time a ball was hit to him, and it took a good 6 months to fully eradicate the pit in my stomach.

The highs in baseball can be incredibly high. The lows can be pretty devastating.
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ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
quote:
As a baseball parent, I know that emotional pain is not isolated to the Major League. A couple of summers ago, my son was moved to another position -- a position he'd never played a day in his life -- to cover for an injured teammate. The ball came in at a way different angle and my son started making errors. It really messed with his head, which was quite painful to watch. The pain was exacerbated when I overheard some ugly comments spew forth from a fellow teammate's parent about his performance. Thereafter, I cringed every time a ball was hit to him, and it took a good 6 months to fully eradicate the pit in my stomach.

The highs in baseball can be incredibly high. The lows can be pretty devastating.


Very nice post and it is all true. Everyone fails and if you don't believe me ask the most talented player on the planet - Alex Rodriguez. Failure and hurt is part of the game. A young player that loves the game will learn that time will heal his wounds. You cannot play the game imho if you are afraid to face the darker sides of it. Hopefully the joy your young man derives from it will help him through the tough times Smile
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
The bigger the stage, the deeper the pain. My son had a very good 2006 season as a sophmore at a mid-major. He fought a shoulder strain from a car wreck in the fall of 2006, but had a very nice first half of the 2007 season.

The strained muscle started to bother him half way through the season. He struggled. His ERA went from 1.8 to 3.00 over the second half of the season as he misses starts. He found himself starting on the mound at the deciding game of an 2007 NCAA Regional at T A&M, against A&M.

He set down the side the 1st inning. He went out for the 2nd and had lost it. Velocity down from 90 to low 80's. He gave up 4, got pulled, they lost 4-1.

The kids walked to the bus to drive home, in the dark, in line. He tried to cover his eyes, pulling up his uniform, pulling down his cap. The only part of him visible was his eyes, overfilled with tears. Nothing I could do. I cried too.
Last edited by Dad04
CM Coach May1,000+ posts
When they fail on the field giving everything they have. Trying with all their heart to succeed for themselves and for their team. When you know how bad they want it and how bad they have worked to achieve. You hurt deep down inside for them and it is gut wrenching. When they fail in the classroom it is usually because they have failed to apply themselves. They have not put their heart and soul into the endeavor. And they deserve to get that failing grade. So instead of hurting for them you want kick their a**.
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
IMO - Losing - and failure - are supposed to sting. If they dont - its time to quit.

As to being affected by what some fans in the stands have to babble - that is a mistake.
Even as a parent - when I hear the peanut gallery get nasty - I get a kick out of it. Only because I know that they are neither good enough - nor are they brave enough - to be out there themselves. They are bystanders - not players. So who cares?

I felt that way as a player - and I feel the same way now as a parent.
G GemMomMember
This is the first time I have written a post here. I have been reading here for about 6 months and I have gotten some very helpful information from this site.

I had to reply on this subject. My son is a sophmore catcher and has a real passion for that position. The summer and fall before he was a freshman he was in a cast and didn't play any baseball for that whole season.

To make a long story short when he started spring baseball he got a case of the "yips". It was the strangest thing to see. He COULD NOT throw back to the pitcher. The throw was in the dirt, over the pitchers head or sometimes went clear to the outfield. What was even stranger was he could still throw runners out at second and third, the only throw he couldn't make was to the pitcher.

It was absolutely agonizing to watch. I could literally see the fear on his face. Not only was he embarrased, he also felt as if he was letting the team down, he was the starting catcher. We only have one HS in town and he had been playing with most of his teammates his whole life. The comments from the parents were brutal, I had to start watching the games from my car.

The coaches have been watching my son play since he was 10 yrs old and thank goodness they knew the player he could be. I give them credit, they never pulled him from a game, they let him work it out on the field. I am so proud of my son, he never gave up on himself. There were a couple of games where not one throw made it to the pitchers glove. He truly questioned if he would be able to continue playing baseball. He told me he knew if he ever pulled himself from a game he might never step foot on a field again. Thru this experience I truly believe overcoming a mental aspect of the game is one of the hardest things to do.

He finally worked it out and actually was called up at the end of his season to go with the Varsity to state.

Every once in a while he will still have a wild throw and I hold my breath until the next "good" throw!

Watching your child struggle is the one of the worst things to experience but watching them overcome the obstacle is a feeling you never forget.
Last edited by GemMom
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
Great post GemMom and welcome to the HSBBW. I think you hit the nail on the head. It was obvious you were hurting for your son because of the way HE felt not the "mechanical" aspect of the game.
quote:
It was absolutely agonizing to watch. I could literally see the fear on his face. Not only was he embarrased, he also felt as if he was letting the team down, he was the starting catcher. We only have one HS in town and he had been playing with most of his teammates his whole life. The comments from the parents were brutal, I had to start watching the games from my car.


Thanks for sharing and good luck to your son.
Fungo
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
It is very interesting to read all of the different perspectives - and I am glad that we all share how we view the game as parents.

Personally - I view every at bat - every pitch - basically every play - as a struggle.

I think that is what makes it fun - and as long as my sons are playing in that game - and playing 100% and battling - it will never really be disappointing to me regardless of the outcome.
Last edited by itsinthegame
CM Coach May1,000+ posts
Gamer that says it all for me as well. Some of the proudest moments I have had watching my son play was when he was have a tough day. One in particular comes to mind. His freshman year we were in the state playoffs and the game was very close. He came up in the 5th inning with two outs and us down by one with a runner on second base. The other team brings in a closer who had signed D-1 and threw very hard low 90's. Now my kid is 15 a freshman and he is in a big situation. He had a tremendous ab. Fouled off several fastballs. Hit one way out foul down the lf line. Worked a 3-2 count and fouled off a couple of more fb's. Then the guy throws a nasty change up and my boy K's. He was crushed that he did not come through for the team. He shook it went back out there and played great. After the game which we lost 3-2 he cried like a baby. Sobbed for at least an hour. All he could say was he let the seniors down. That is still the proudest moment I have of my son playing baseball. Why? Because he cared. And because it was about the team. Not about him. All I have ever asked from my kid and my players is give it everything you have everytime out. And care. If you do that you are a winner no matter what the scoreboard says.
B brod100+ posts
Dad04 - You are right on! Only a pitcher's parent knows. Although I sympathize with the first post by "parent" I'm not sure it isn't worse for the pitcher on the mound while the fielder struggles. It sure did seem like I bit right through my tongue more than a few times. But like Cleveland Dad says, everyone fails...and the joy takes you through the tough times.
O Orlando1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by itsinthegame:
As to being affected by what some fans in the stands have to babble - that is a mistake.
Even as a parent - when I hear the peanut gallery get nasty - I get a kick out of it. Only because I know that they are neither good enough - nor are they brave enough - to be out there themselves. They are bystanders - not players. So who cares?



Reminds me of an old line I read somewhere --- response by a player to a heckler.

"Say what you want. The stands are still facing me."



As parents, we know how important the game is to them, how much work they've put in, how much they want to help the team. We feel their pain and disappointment whether we can see their faces or not.

And there are so many odd moments of pride; I say 'odd' because only parents of athletes understand --- when they keep working through the yips, take it hard after the game when they feel they let the team down, and when they're disappointed at losing a game in which they did well. There are immeasurable life lessons here that will give them strength and guideposts throughout their lives.
Last edited by ClevelandDad
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
As the father of a pitcher/position player I know the stress is much greater for the position player's parent. The pitcher is a member of a pitching rotation and has a staff of pitchers behind him. The coaches will even walk to the mound to console him when things start to erode. Coaches NEVER yell criticisms at their pitchers --- they are always encouraging them. It is expected that the pitcher will be pulled at some point and be "relieved". Pitchers aren't THE starting pitcher on the team --- they are A starting pitcher on the team.
Fungo
P parent10+ posts
Fungo, good points. As the parent of a position player, I can't speak for pitchers' parents and how they feel, but I know firsthand how tormented a position player and his parents can be during times of struggle.

Part of my son's struggles at this new position occurred during the Junior Olympics. For a 16-year-old tournament, it was chock full of scouts, intense competition, high expectations, and high drama. As the errors continued throughout the tourney, I recall my stomach knotting up even as we drove into the parking lot at the baseball field before games. The effect was truly physiological. And the look of defeat on my son's face -- both after errors and after entire games -- was crushing. He knew he was letting his team down and it killed him.

He got through it, however, and became more mentally tough and resilient as a result. This past summer, he had to play that very same position several times and never made an error there. Go figure!

I guess one positive effect of struggles like this is it makes success seem even sweeter.
S scissorbill10+ posts
Gamer and others, I couldn't agree more. It doesn't hurt when you have nothing invested. Those wammabes in the stands don't have the skill or the courage to be out there so they do not count . Here's one we have in our players manual. Dont't know the author or would give credit.
"It's not the critic who counts,not the one who points out how the stong man stumbled or the doer of good deeds might have done them better.The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood;who strives valiantly;who errs and comes short again and again;who knows the great enthusiasms;the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause;and who ,if he wins,knows the high achievment,and who ,if he fails,at least fails while daring greatly,so that his place shall never be with those cold timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat"
Hats off to the PLAYERS.
B Bear1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by Fungo:
As the father of a pitcher/position player I know the stress is much greater for the position player's parent. The pitcher is a member of a pitching rotation and has a staff of pitchers behind him. The coaches will even walk to the mound to console him when things start to erode. Coaches NEVER yell criticisms at their pitchers --- they are always encouraging them. It is expected that the pitcher will be pulled at some point and be "relieved". Pitchers aren't THE starting pitcher on the team --- they are A starting pitcher on the team.
Fungo


Politically correct response: Not my point of view.

Direct: Balognie
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
Life is full of emotions--high and low

What about the IVY student who , upon graduation, doens't get the big job he expected to get?

What about the med school hopeful who doesn't get into the med school he expected gain admission to?

What about the star violinist who does not get "first chair" in their orchestra of choice?

Hey I was in the music industry for some 10 years---we made records we swore were # 1 hits and then you struggle to get a label and then struggle even more to get airtime---you want emotions and these emotions had $$$ attached to them


Keep in mind that baseball is a game, evenat the MLB level---that is why I say kids a should all have a college education before venturing into the "hot oil"---


Sure it is tough to watch you kid struggle BUT IT IS JUST A GAME !!!!
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
Regardless of what position your son plays, the agony or joy we feel never changes for any parent.

Sometimes I wished that son was a position player, if he had a bad at bat, chances are he got another one or two in the same game, or the next day or the day after that.

Pitchers who have to wait a week between outings after a bad one have way too much time to think about what they did wrong. I found this to be the greatest challenge, often times a few innings of relief that week will help get the kinks out and back on track. I also have found that most players are very seldom happy with their performance. This year after going for a complete game with one hit, after congratulations son said he would have preferred a no hitter. He told me his teammates felt the same way, one going 3-4 at bat in a game, the player said he wished it was 4-4. I don't think, in this game (or any sport), one can ever be completely satisfied, you always have to strive to do better, no matter which position you play.


Good coaches who know that a player (any) is doing everything he can but still struggling due to a mental block only, very seldom take the opportunity away. Once a proven player is benched for poor performance, that's where the mental problems set in. Sometimes it becomes harder for the player who is not a starter who gets a few at bats during the week, or limited time in the field, if you mess up, you have a long time to think about it, which affects your next at bat. The same for a relief pitcher who get only an inning or to a week.

Regardless the thing that I have found, most parents tend to agonize a lot longer over a poor performance than their sons do. Frown They also tend to hang on to the better ones also. Smile
Last edited by TPM
Moc1Moc1500+ posts
As a parent of two pitcher/position players my opinion is just the opposite of Fungo's.

That being said, I truly believe that Fungo's son's coaches were probably harder on the position players than the pitchers. Having now been involved with 3 D1 coaches my experience is exactly the opposite. At Tennessee the pitchers were absolutely berated on the mound by the head coach and even worse after the games. The position players were
coddled-especially the so-called "stars". They could do no wrong. Not just my opinion.

Points of view are relative.

A thought, position player gets to play 4 to 5 games a week in college, if he has a "bad"
outing he only has to wait 1-2 days before he has an opportunity to erase that last outing. Starting pitcher has a bad outing and has to wait 6-7 days until he gets another opportunity. Relief pitcher has a bad outing and and doesn't know when or if he'll get another opportunity at all. Now, throw in the fact that the coach has just called him a pu##y and berated him in front of his teammates. As a parent, I would much rather see my son behind home plate or in the field, knowing he's going to get 4 more chances this week to try to erase that bad memory.

Every program is different, I know, but in a perfect world I believe it's much harder for a pitcher's parent to handle the stress.


Dad04-I understand your pain ;
Last edited by Moc1
B BobbleheadDoll5,000+ posts
feel like TR and never sweated the bad days. I in fact expected them.
I told my son over and over that you can't win unless you know what it is like to lose. Enjoy the acccalades when you have great outtings and forget the bad outtings. It would be no fun to know you were going to be great every game.
BB is a game and it is a game of failure and striving not to fail. Fearing failure will almost gaurantee failure.
B BobbleheadDoll5,000+ posts
I think what he said is that he dosen't get bent out of shape over a bad outting. Yes you don't like seeing your son not do well but you learn to control your emotions.
I have never yelled at my son and always discussed bad outtings. My son was usually smiling a few minutes after a bad game. I have only seen him upset once since he started pitching and that was because he blew a game for a pitcher who had a great outting. That was very uncharacteristic and his teammates rallied around him to tell him they still loved him. That scene is burned in my memory. One of the highlights of his BB career for me.
Infield08Infield081,000+ posts
Control my emotions? Easier said than done when my son is NOT one to smile "a few minutes after a bad game." Mad

Quote from Tiger Paw Mom: "Regardless the thing that I have found, most parents tend to agonize a lot longer over a poor performance than their sons do. They also tend to hang on to the better ones also."

TPM, I agree! Here it is December, and I still occasionally indulge my mind and remember a couple of huge plays my son made this past August! Smile
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by Infield08:
Control my emotions? Easier said than done when my son is NOT one to smile "a few minutes after a bad game." Mad

Quote from Tiger Paw Mom: "Regardless the thing that I have found, most parents tend to agonize a lot longer over a poor performance than their sons do. They also tend to hang on to the better ones also."

TPM, I agree! Here it is December, and I still occasionally indulge my mind and remember a couple of huge plays my son made this past August! Smile


and I'm reliving two innings thrown in June. Smile
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