Have we (Coaches, parents) been doing it all wrong?

Originally Posted by Golfman25:

… But granted, each kid is different.  Some kids (and parents) on the team don't always respond as well.

 

And there it is in a nutshell. The 1^st time my kid ran into a coach who got into his face thinking he had him figured out, it started a war, that the coach lost by the way. The problem wasn’t that the coach’s approach was wrong. It was that it was wrong in that particular case, and the coach couldn’t figure that out. The very next coach was even worse, but the way he went about it was different, and it worked.

 

Kids are people, and people react to other people depending on how they were raised and their life experiences. I seriously doubt there are many coaches out there who don’t believe their approach to such things is the correct one, because in their experience its worked more often than not. But that doesn’t mean its always right or that another approach wouldn’t work better.

 

This is one of those things that I point to when I counsel parents and players not to play under only one coach for a very long time. Its just like being out in the work force or going to school.  Sooner or later you’re gonna run into a boss or a teacher who’s way of doing his/her job doesn’t coincide with your idea of how it should be done. And when that happens, something’s gonna give, usually you. The easiest way to combat problems when that happens, is to have the widest experience possible. That way you’ll know what works for you and what doesn’t.

I am from the old school (I guess unfortunately?) of the hollering and maybe even some intimidation to get the point across. To drive and motivate us to pull up our shoe straps and work harder to grind out a win, etc.. It worked most times than not. It rallied us around each other. I don't think at times like that pulling each of us aside to have a "heart to heart" on what he saw in our potential, understand our past week, etc. would have worked. None. Yes I know that I am talking about a "group" versus "individual" inspirational pep talk but in the end I still think they are all the same. There were just times that I don't think I WANTED my coach to understand my problems or have empathy for me. Getting a nice swift kick in the hind quarters usually work me up from my haze, helped me get my focus off the things going on around me and put it where it needed to be - in the GAME. The purpose of my original post was not to say we are ruining our kids by this "type" of treatment. I am simply asking if we did it wrong perhaps not knowing any better or is doing it right today going to produce better results in our young athletes. And if it does, could there be any consequences to this as well. Such as what they expect or how they expect to be treated by their potential college Coaches and/or senior leadership on the team. Is Johnny going to be practicing with his heart on his sleeve and the first time he is confronted with shabby or lazy practice will he break down and cry because he's not accustomed to that type of inspiration. I don't know. These are all thought provoking questions to consider. I don't think a Coach has to come unglued and be ballistic to get a player focused but, if after you have Coached him/her to the best of your abilities and they're STILL not getting it what is wrong with raising the octaves just a bit and let them know things are getting serious in one way or another.

 

My comment about the "mental health" day was not directly connected to my question about how coaches are coaching athletes today. I ran across that scenario the other day and it just puzzled me and when I ran across that article it just made me think of the mindset of the younger generation. Have most of us taken a "sick day" when we were 100% healthy to just get away and unwind, refresh our batteries, etc? I'm pretty sure we have. What struck me is I guess the audacity for lack of a better word of actually stating that THAT was what he wanted. I have complained I suppose to co-workers in the past I needed some time off so I'm not saying there is much of a difference. If their sensibilities and feelings today are fragile were they feel they deserve or should be given a mental health day, then to me IMO there is just something majorly wrong with that sense of entitlement. If a 48yr old steel worker who worked 50-60 hours a week told me that he/she needed a mental health day, then I am pretty sure I would vigorously agree with them. A 22yr old who just started working in the work place? Umm, I'm not seeing it. I am not asking any who reads this to agree or approve with my way of thinking. We all have our own opinions.

 

It comes down if you view both of these scenarios above as having some validity to possibly being connected in some form because of treating them so softy and tip toeing around while they played sports (which to me begets SOME form of loud voices to inspire and motivate in its minimum form) could that lead to other adult on-set sensibilities where handling stress, deadlines, pressure, etc are common place in most jobs.

 

To those coaches who can identify and use personal inspiration, empathy, etc to help a young man or woman excel when nothing else seems to help, my hats are off to you. I know when my high school coach took off his hat during a game and slapped me across the face to get my attention it didn't sit well with me. But I understood WHY he did it and he was frustrated because of the results it caused. My dad? I had to make him sit back down in the bleachers and explained to him after what happened. lol

 

YGD 

People should never forget this:

 

In the end with rare exceptions it is the players that make the coach.  Not the other way around.  They out perform the opposition head to head.  Coaches can cajole, improve skills and strategize and add on...but the greatest coach cannot make up for a superior team on the opposite side run by a mediocre or poor coach. 

 

Does anyone tune in to watch John Fox....or Peyton Manning?  Don Mattingly or Clayton Kershaw? 

 

I can give you a list of coaches a mile long that were nobody or got fired a bunch of times before hooking up with a superstar player or great team.  There are very few superstars that were mediocre before some coach got ahold of them.

 

I'll start with John Wooden, Bill Belicheck, Joe Torre and Casey Stengal.

 

At the HS level a great coach can take average to good talent and be competitive and win.  Seems like every league has the coach that has a team that should be 9-13 but manages to go 14-8 a lot of years.  But I have seen a some guys sitting on pipelines of DI players that think they are the reason Old Towne HS is 18-6 most years when they should be 22-2.

 

 

 

In the end with rare exceptions it is the players that make the coach.  Not the other way around.

I can't say I agree 100%.  As odd as it is to say there is a symbiotic relationship between coach and player.  The great coach can pull out the best a player can be....but they have to let the coach do it.  Once the coach sees he's getting through on one level he is usually driven to try another. 

If the player doesn't feed off the coach, the coach can't feed off the player.  IMO.

 

Why have ALL my posts on this thread been deleted? I have said nothing inappropriate, out of line, or disrespectful. The above post, which was the origin of my attempt at shedding light on sexism, still remains. Yet every post I've made has been deleted. I would like to know a reason why it is deemed OK to be sexist here but not to point out said sexism. I will continue posting until this answer is given, publicly, for everyone to see. I don't care how many people urge me to "get the thread back on track" or even shut down discussions. Discrimination should not be tolerated and it bewilders me that it is. The fact that my posts have all been deleted with no public explanation and the above post hasn't is a mockery and disrespectful to this website and everything it *supposedly* stands for.

 

Jermg43,

 

It's not about sexism or double standards--it's about playing nice.

 

You joined this site one day ago, and every comment you posted has called someone a sexist.  

 

Name calling is not conducive to civil discourse.  It's bad manners to join a site and insult the members.  And worse, it's boring to read someone making the same charge over and over. 

 

No, it hasn't. 

 

Address the issue instead of shooting the messenger. The capricious moderation of this board is astounding. You've got a handful of people here that bully everyone and don't get touched, but when someone has the <gasp> nerve to say something that needs to be said, they're the bad guy.

Matt,

 

It's sort of like when you're umpiring.

 

Batters can whine about your strike zone, or they can try to learn your strike zone.

 

You and Jermg43 can stalk off to the dugout convinced that you are the pure in heart defenders of non-sexist discourse.  

 

But the call stands.

 

This thread is closed.