High School Baseball Coach Etiquette

If this coach is the V caoch and your son is enjoying the last two seasons on the JV or lower how has your son been verbally bullied to the point to wanting to quit?If this guys really an ass at your school he that way period.Jusy how many "kids from other cities" can a loud mouthed coach get to come to a school where a parent will have to pay double?Taxes + private school fees.Are you sure your not just trying to stir things up?This years season is still in the brand new,next year is this year stage.Is there nothing positive about school ball and your son happening?

Can you give some examples of the "abuse" he has received? Are you sure that this just isn't a breaking them down to build them back up technique? Again it is very early in the season and depending on where you live only the 2nd week of practice.

There are many different styles of coaching. Have you watched (and enjoyed) the film "Miracle"? My son has had some very difficult coaches (various sports, including baseball). He's never quit any of those teams, and I'm glad that he didn't. We've always drilled into him that you finish what you start. Honestly, I think he takes it as a challenge, which is probably what the coach wants.

 

Unless the coach is actually endangering my son's health, I would never intervene or try to protect him. I understand that everyone's situation is different, but sticking with something that is extremely difficult can be its own reward. My son still talks to teammates with pride about some crazy incidences he had with a hard-nosed 12U coach.

 

Just based on your brief description, I'd say this is more normal in football and basketball, but yes it happens in baseball, too.

I'm going to base my advise strictly on taking for granted the truth of your last post. Rather than play for this coach, he should quit. I'd also be talking to the AD and explaining why he's quiting. The incidents you described concerning injuries (again assuming the truth of the matter, if they happened on the high school team, would be quite serious accusations that would lead to serious consequences for the coach. Not to mention the legal exposure those actions put the coach and school under.

"He can come up to bat and hit the ball, get on first base and when he looks at the coach he's shaking his head because he should have gotten to 2nd base."

 

"My son can hit the ball but the coach wants it in a particular place (maybe that's typical, I don't know) and if he hits it somewhere else, regardless if he gets on base or scores an RBI, he is scolded for not hitting it where the coach told him to."

 

Given these two examples, I'd say the coach is trying to get your son to play the game hard and the right way.  These things are usually learned before Soph/Junior year, so maybe your coach is being hard on him to accelerate the learning curve.  One thing I've noticed about coaches over the years - they are more likely to lean on a kid they see something in, while they often ignore (give up on) kids that don't have potential.  I'd recommend sucking it up and give coach the benefit of the doubt he's trying to make your son better.

Hi Private...are these statements correct?

 

1. Your son is not currently on Varsity, he is on JV

2. Your son wants to quit baseball now, in 10th grade, rather than deal with the Varsity Coach next year because he worked with the guy this summer and hates him?

3. Your son wants to play baseball in College?

 

Now my questions:

1. Can you actually control if your son quits baseball?

2. Could there be anything else going on other than just the coach he might have next year prompting him to quit?

3. Does he play Travel Ball, or strictly High School? 

Private, Im gonna be a little rough here, so please bear with me. 

 

Is it you or your son who loves the game?  I say that as I strongly encouraged my son to play football, basketball and baseball his first two years in HS.  He stuck with it, but after his Soph year of football he came to me and told me he was leaning towards not playing any more.  Same thing happened with basketball.  After a very long discussion with him I came to realize that he was playing to please me.  That was not something I really wanted.  I truly believed he would regret not playing.  I could actually see the relief in his face when I told him that it was his decision and I was not going to push him to play any more.   While he liked playing, he no longer had the passion for those two sports.  

 

 

I would agree with you here if not for the two examples concerning how this coach has handled injuries in the past. Again, I'm assuming the truth of these reports, but giving a kid flack for sitting due to a doctor diagnosed concussion is the equivalent to discouraging a kid from reporting them in the future. That is unacceptable from a coach. You can be the biggest dick coach in the world, but you can't do that.

Ultimately it will be up to your son to decide whether to continue to deal with the coach or walk away.  The only time parents should get involved is if the coaches actions or inactions are endangering the student-athlete. 

 

Now having said that, his comment about a player needing "brain rest" from a concussion would be cause for concern.  In our state (VA) there are concussion protocols that must be followed before a player diagnosed with a concussion can be allowed to practice let alone play.  Are there such protocols in your state?  Had your son been here, he wouldn't even be allowed near the field until the protocol is complete.

 

As Roothog posted his comments concerning the injuries you mentioned could be enough to bring serious accusations that could cost him his coaching position.

I think you have your answer there in that statement you made.

 

As others on this board will surely chime in, my kid is not in HS yet, so maybe I have no idea what I am talking about, but in my state 90+% of the college recruiting is done from Travel Ball.....all I can do is make a rational for the non-baseball world.

 

Lets say you worked 2 jobs, job #1 brought in 90+% of your revenue and you love that job, you are good at that job, and your boss treats you with respect.  The other job brings in less than 10% of your revenue, you are miserable while there, don't perform well because of the work environment, and you don't get along with your boss....would you really keep job #2 knowing your attitude could spill over into job #1?  Or would you just figure out how to make 90+ work for you?

 

Where is the positive in him staying on the baseball team with a coach that is a nightmare?  What are your reasons for not letting him quit?

 

 

 

 

 

This coach not only has a travel team in the summer he is also involved with school ball in the summer at the same time?In the past your son has played for this coach in the summer but not this coaches travel ball team? Coach is inviting him to play on his team this coming summer?

There has been actual families that have moved to your school district to play baseball for this coach?Coach has only been at your scool a few years?Does that mean 3yrs? 5yrs? It sure seems to me theres some coach out there that families are actually picking up everything going to new town to play BB for a certain HS coach that treats everyone like CRAP someone here would know exactly who it is.Anyone?

Like I said, I haven't lived through this but it's not making any sense to me, I would wait for others to chime in.

 

You are also about to get 10+ posts explaining "if you think high school time commitment is bad you will be in shock at the college time commitment needed...etc"

Coaches can be A*holes.  No doubt about it. Way too many small men, with big problems in the coach biz, if you ask me. I am probably one of  the least "pro-coach" posters on this board.  So don't take me as defending the coach in any way, shape, or form.  But in the in end, a coach is an "external" factor over which you have no control.   Just as you have no control over what the pitcher throws or what happens to the ball once it leaves your bat.   You cannot let external factors get in your way.  you cannot let them get you off your game.   If you let the pitcher get you all tied up in knots, for example, you are never going to be an effective hitter.   Control what you can control  Execute what you can execute, and let the fickle finger of fate take care of the rest.   If your son truly loves baseball and has that unquenchable hunger and thirst to succeed, then he cannot let a mere coach take that away from him.  That's make himself hostage to the whims of  the coach.  Coach's are just part of the luck of the draw, in a sense.   So I'm with you.  I wouldn't let him quit so easily.  I wouldn't let him quit without taking serious stock.  If he's quitting because he doesn't have his heart in the game anymore and can't bring himself to give what it takes.  That's one thing.  Cause continuing in that context is cheating himself and cheating everybody else.  But if he's quitting because he can't stomach the coach and hasn't figured out a way to deal -- that's letting himself be hostage to the coach   I would strongly urge him to find ways to free himself from being a hostage.  Quitting isn' t freedom in this instance. It's capitulation. 

 

 

Your son is going to a new school?Your son has followed this coach?Is this a HS with just JR. and SR.? or a four year school fr. soph. jr. +sr.If this is a typical four class HS your son is still having trouble fitting in?adjusting?If 2 year school why on earth would you follow coach?Anyone see anything about this not kosher?

"adjusting to high school has been stressful enough".....Your words not mine.

I agree with Joe on this one.

 

From your original post:

I told my son I can't support him quitting baseball and I feel this may cause problems between us.

 

This was a real red flag for me.  I quit playing football at 12 because my father was a lunatic for the sport.  Fortunately for me my mother was able to talk sense to him and my younger brother took it up otherwise he and I would still be estranged 40 years later.  As it was we barely talked until I was 14 and I was the 6th man on the JV basketball team as a freshman.  He had something he could be proud of then.

 

Sad part was it would have been my best sport I would have made an excellent high school football player.  Never got anywhere near the field including going to school's games.  Wanted no part of the whole football culture of the 70's.

 

None of this is worth that kind of tension in your family.

 

The coach is abusive yet he's able to recruit players to come to the school? I'm not buying he's abusive if that's the case. All it would take is one parent's complaint and someone from the school administration would be watching the situation. So maybe it's not the coach. Maybe your son is avoiding failure with a built in excuse to walk away from the game. Maybe the coach is a tough guy and your son can't deal with it. Players don't let a coach run them out of the game. They suck it up and deal with it.

Mom,

Some of what you say makes no sense (agree with proudheismine).  Are you sure you have gotten the correct info? What do you mean by abusive or being a bully? I dont buy all the work he has to do so he is stressed. If he wants to continue playing after HS he has to learn to be a student athlete.  

 

Its very hard for parents to see our kids struggle.  Its especially harder for us moms because we have never played and our protective nature.  

 

I strongly suggest that you take a step back and let this season play out. I dont see what you have posted as abusive. Unless there is a health issue here, you need to let him grow up and need to start letting go. He has got to figure it out for himself.

Am I missing something that was deleted?  

I think so.  Seems like a bunch of op responses have been deleted. 

It's the classic "didn't get the reinforcement of my opinion I was looking for" delete and bolt.

Well the guy was all over the place.  It just didn't seem believable.  The concussion thing is what did it for me.  In todays day and age, no school coach is going to mess with possible concussions.  My kid had a suspected one (just a headache from the "flu" or trig) and he was wrapped in bubble wrap and we needed clearance from the CDC to get back to action. 

The guy was a mom.
Does this change your opinion.
Just curious why no one checks profiles?

To the OP aka “Private”.  It sounds like your Son enjoys the game to some extent and may be taking the Coach a bit too personal.  I am not able to see all the posts that have been deleted by you, but it sounds like your Son is being coached rather than abused.  For instance, standing on first when he should have been at second.  If the Coach thought he could have had a double rather than a single, that tells me the Coach has confidence in his base running, but the player needs to learn proper base running.  That takes coaching, he won’t learn it on his own.  Also, he’s a sophomore on JV and he is in a “development” stage.  I think most parents want their players coached and developed.  As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be worried that my Son was being given a hard time… I would be more worried when the coach stops talking/advising/developing/coaching him. 

 

On another note.  Please do everything you can to keep your thoughts about the Coach away from your Son.  Think about it this way, if your Son comes home after a practice or game and is frustrated, encourage him to work harder, be the first one on and off the field, etc.  IF you say something to the effect like “your coach is being hard on you”, “your coach is recruiting players”, “your coach is such and a-hole he almost got fired last year”… Comments from parents to their player only give the player an excuse to not work hard, it gives them an out so to speak and undercuts their desire to compete… because Mom and Dad have validated their players thoughts on “it’s not my fault, it’s the coaches..”. 

 

Stick around the High School baseball web.  This is without a doubt the best resource for the Parents, Coaches, and Players of HS Baseball. 

Nice post!

There are some really good responses here.  We all know that it really 'hurts' when our sons (and daughters) reach an age where they encounter bigger bumps in the road.  We have 6 children, most of them adults now.  Yep, they still encounter issues...problems that we now know we cannot fix.  Told my wife just last year, "It really sucks when you realize you can't do anything about issue-X for one of our kids."

 

This makes it all the more clear that we have to let our children learn to face adversity and to find solutions that sometimes require courage/bravery.  They WILL someday encounter a difficult, maybe even abusive boss, customer...partner.  How will they handle it?  Did we (mom and dad) let them learn how to deal with it as young adults/teenagers?  Or did we always fix it for them?  I'll be honest, I'm not sure we always did let them learn themselves...its tough! - but we are better at it with some of our younger kids and I'm liking the maturity they're showing at a younger age as a result!

 

One of the best things about HS sports is that it presents our children with opportunities to face adversity, find a (sometimes clunky) path to a solution while in the midst of a (hopefully) supportive 'team' around them.  And if they fail, if they don't solve it gracefully - the penalty really isn't very high.  But even then, they learned about consequences and how to live with clunky solutions.

 

Its good.  Its really good - to let them navigate through this.  Its a genuine, real-life learning opportunity.

 

Provide your son with guidance, let him feel uncomfortable even if its tough...its ok, 'uncomfortable' motivates action, hopefully in a positive direction.  Let him find a solution that is 'mature' and helps him to grow up a little more.  It can be good...all good.  Just gotta let it play out sometimes.

 

One side comment...this particular comment is written in various forms here often.  I don't really like it.

The coach has only been at this high school for a couple years now and was on the verge of being fired last year due to all the complaints he received from players and parents

Why don't I like it? - well, because its overplayed IMO. Today, parents ALL OVER America complain (a lot) about their coaches, teachers...other parents.  Its gotten out of hand - just ask virtually any HS teacher/coach/administrator.

 

A HS coach from our area in CA last year was fired over such stuff.  One parent threatened to sue the school because his son missed Saturday practices due to religious reasons and the dad felt he was therefore benched due to his religion (and not due to his talent level).  Ridiculous, especially since his son wasn't very good at all and was probably lucky to be on the team.  IMO, he was really fired because the school administrators just wanted to 'erase'  the parental b*tching and get a restart.  In other words, I think they just took the easy way out.

 

Don't fall into the trap of 'everyone else don't like the coach either.'  Its petty and silly in most cases.  Make your own FAIR assessment and then let your son learn and experience how to deal with it - either way.

 

Some great responses on this thread. One of the toughest things to do for some people is to look in the mirror when faced with what they feel is an obstacle. Especially when it is their child going through something. We have heard about the coach. Now what can the player do? What can he do to turn this situation around? What can the parent do to assist him?

 

Well banging on the coach in front of the player will only fortify the players belief that he is being treated unfairly by the coach. It will give him the excuse that he is waiting on. It will push him the direction of least resistance. And the real problem with this is it doesn't stop with just this situation. It's a life teaching moment. Something to help him develop a course of action when these situations are encountered again in life.

 

Or the player can develop some real toughness. Outwardly showing respect to the Coach and his team mates. Working harder than anyone else. And inwardly saying to himself. "I am going to show that SOB that he can't run me off. He can't kill my love for the game. He can't beat me. I am going to force him to play me. I am going to become the toughest and best player player in this program. If he shovels 10 feet of S*** on me I am going to show him he can shoves 20 and it's not going to matter to me.

 

Man the bottom line is tough times don't last, tough people do. It's about time to get tough. To learn what it means to be a tough person. Put your big boy pants on and fight for what you want. Or put on a skirt and walk away and use this line I have heard so many times before "I would have, I should have, I could have, but the coach didn't like me." That works fine to save face. But it rings hollow inside of the soul.

 

Parents in order to make steel strong it has to go through the fire. You are doing your son an injustice if you never allow him to go through the fire. It's not going to kill him to face adversity. The fire is what forges the steel.

Well said Coach May.

I'll add this.

My kid came home one day and thought the coach was a bit tough on him a few days the last month or so.

I laughed because I know the coach from years of being involved in coaching youth sports pre-HS. I like him.

 

Told him the coach is tough on you because he believes in you.

Said when he stops pushing you to be the best you can be, is when he has lost faith in you.

 

And from the way it sounds, the op is unclear on what is going on here, if other kids WANT to play for him

 

 

My first year of high school the football coaching staff was tough on me (and others). I complained to my father. He gave me some good advice. He told me I could be a pu$$y and quit. Or I could man up and prove I'm learning what they're trying to teach me. He said the day they stop yelling at me I'm either a stud or they've given up on me.

I have posted this story before and so I will again. I came home from a football practice and cramped up. I mean every muscle in my legs cramped up. My mom helped me get hydrated and rubbed the cramps out for me. My Dad looks at me and says "What's wrong with you boy?" I said "Coach Davis just ran the _____ out of us. He said we were lazy and didn't want it bad enough." My Dad looked at me and said "Boy I didn't get to play games. When I was 18 I walked out from behind a mule and joined the Army. I got my first pair of shoes that were not handed down. I got the first tooth brush I didn't have to share. You want to come in here and cry about some F____ cramps! You are playing games. I wasn't playing games in Korea or Vietnam. Don't you ever come in here whining about Coach Davis again. If your not tough enough to handle it quit and get a job."

 

I laugh about that now. But at the time I wanted to bust him in the face. And Coach Davis. But it taught me something. The Truth. There is something great about the Truth. It hurts sometimes. But it aint gonna hurt you.  

Another grasp of reality story to add to Coach May's ...

 

Randy Pausch (google: youtube, randy pausch, oprah for an awesome ten minute talk on reality) complained to his mother his grad school finals were really tough. Her response? "When your father was your age he was fighting the Germans."

She must HATE Augie Garrido. 

Funny thing in all of this is that parents want their boys to play under top 25 coaches.

I always say be careful what you wish for.

Right or wrong I just feel theres something hokie about the whole thing.The kids a soph.playing or going to play JV this year(now) OP is about V HS coach who isn't the coach.The coach runs the HS summer program along with a travel team.The player has nothing to do with travel team but has been invited to play this coming summer.So I would guess the player must have played for the "bully of a coach" for what 4 weeks last summer? 6 weeks top? That 4-6 weeks last summer was so bad the player is thinking about quitting playing a game hes played for 10 years.really.Kids are being recruited from other cities( insinuating out of district) A coach might be able to slide one kid in and thats a real maybe.Not sure how that could happen and no one turning both coach and player in.Last night I thought about asking my guy if any of his coaches have ever got in his sh##.I ended up not asking since he has never brought it up.Maybe he just hasn't been around enough coaches yet.3 sport kid through Jr. high.Football baseball kid in Jr. year of HS.....

Personally, I like hardass coaches.  There is too much "good job little Johnny" and "that's ok little Johnny."  Sometimes players need to hear the truth, be made uncomfortable, or be pushed a little bit.  It puts hair on their chest. 

A coach's job isn't just about preparing the players for what happens on the field but also what happens off the field. In life you are going to have bosses that you don't get along with. If you only want to work for someone that you like, you might have a tough time finding or keeping a job.

All of this begs the question: When is being a hardass coach good? How early? FWIW, JP's coach at 9U was a hardass. And he taught him A TON.

 

At 13U, in the same game, his coach (a different one) benched two players on the spot. One rounded third too far from second on a base hit to LF and was tagged out trying to scramble back. The other was the second baseman, who failed to cover first on a sac bunt to 1B.

 

I'm good with all this.

 

(And I stand by my previous posts about 6-12 being about learning a love for the game. That's different from "having fun all the time."

 

I think the question of how early your kid is being exposed to a hardass coach has more to do with the parents problems with it than the kids problems.

 

When the 12u coach explained he was batting 9 and kids had to earn their spots and the parents likely won't understand the why's of which kid was chosen to play/pitch/bat...well there were a few of us parents that sat back and said do what you will, we will drive the car and write the checks, that's our only jobs.  Other parents started getting overworked "Well, when can he earn his spot back?", "What if I take him for extra lessons?", "Will he know why he isn't in the line up?", "Is there anything we can do to give him a better chance at being in the line up?"

 

I truly believe that the great divide is coming of those who will continue with the game and those that will not...but I have to say the parents attitude on "how their child is being treated" will be a bigger factor than I previously thought.  I don't think I personally can do anything to assist my kid in earning his spot...he either wants it and is willing to fight for it or it's just not important to him.  Why do these parents think they have ANY control over this?  I can only assume that 12u was too late for them to hear the truth about their kids abilities, or lack thereof.