How to get a kid to just relax and enjoy and not press

My advice...  this can't be corrected overnight, but it has to be worked on starting at some point.

Some points to consider:  Never focus on the results, ie base hit.  His job is to hit the ball hard.  And just because you do your job and hit it hard will not guarantee a hit. Focus on the process, pitch location, selection, mechanics, etc.  Some times you find yourself against a pitcher and just making contact feels like a win.  

Most important in my opinion, is the player HAS to clear his head of all thoughts with the exception of... see the ball, hit the ball.  

That's the Reader's Digest version.

And let me add, because in my attempt to be brief I wasn't clear, he should think about what he did during the at bat (pitch identification, selection, mechanics, etc) AFTER his at bat.  He shouldn't focus on "did I get a hit".  Because we all know that a crappy swing can produce a base hit at times.  While he's in the box it's just "see the ball, hit the ball".  Eventually he should learn to make adjustments during an at bat and not after one, when it is possible.  But he has to be able to remove as much of the emotion as possible from his at bat.  There will sometimes be a little emotion present, and at times - with the right emotion and understanding how to process it, can be good.  But that is for lesson #2.  

There's a memorable line from the Spiderman movie "with great power come great responsibility"   Does your son bat clean-up? Is he expected to get on base and drive in runs all of the time?  This may be as simple as moving him down in the order like they do in the bigs when a guy is scuffling.  He will probably see more fastballs and can relax because he is not batting 3 or 4 with so much expectation.

He's much more of the lead-off hitter type.   High OBP,  lots of steals, lots of walks when he's going good, seldom K's.  puts up long AB's at times.  and  can also hit doubles and triples.  Not at all  a home run threat, though.  Hasn't had one of those since he was like 12.   But still a high pressure part of the order.    When coaches feel he is pressing he sometimes gets moved to the 9th hole, where his basic  skill set is  still useful, but less pressure.   But at his best he is highly suited to lead off.  

In the past, and in this one,  you have posted that your son has a paid hitting instructor. I would think that is the person who should have the answers. One thing for sure, getting input from multiple sources, including yours,  would, in my view, need to be filtered through the hitting instructor so your son is hearing from one voice.

One issue which certainly makes me wonder is why the hitting instructor has not solved the dilemma which sounds like it is ongoing? It seems like he knows and has identified the issue?

What is the advice from the instructor and why is your son not adjusting to it?  Personally, I think your son's answers are there, not here.

I was just about to post something quite similar to NYdad2017, because the situation, as you describe it, sounds like a complete lack of focus and mental preparation for each AB and each pitch. Your son seems focused on a result, as he creates it and visualizes it, before and during the AB.

Perhaps your son might be helped to know that opposing pitcher knows nothing about his sweet swing and elite bat speed and could care less.  That pitcher's job is to "beat" your son and your son sounds like he is making it easier to do by not competing against the pitch and pitcher.

Yeah, hitting instructor has identified the issue and is definitely trying to help the kid learn to just trust his basic mechanics.  Hitting instructor is highly focused  on getting to kid to just trust  himself and not  try to do too much. He says that's the only thing at all holding the kid back to any degree right now.   In fact, he said almost what you just said just yesterday. about the kid making it easier for the pitcher to get him out -- especially advanced pitchers who know how to take advantage. 

Kid is definitely working on it.   I just thought that  there might be some wisdom here that might help  reinforce teacher's message.   I certainly don't substitute any insights of mine for the hitting coach's.  Nor would I substitute any of yours --as much as I respect you all.    Indeed, I don't even repeating coach's messages unless it somehow comes up in  conversation.   I gave up trying to coach him years ago.  We get along much better that way.  And I tend to just follow his lead, and seize small opportunities to reinforce a point made by others  here and there. 

The kid loves to talk about hitting -- not just his own, not even primarily his own.  This morning, for example, he was dissecting Posey's swing, and why his power numbers are so far down.   I managed, in the course of the conversation, to remind him of something his instructor said about his own approach.  But that wasn't the focus of the conversation.  And he noted the point and then we got back to Posey.  

What does your son say about why his approach changes so much in an AB, in the ways you vividly described it?  It is  hard to understand why the hitting instructor knows what is happening, apparently your son knows what is happening, but no one knows why and it still is not fixed? I realize you think it is stress and pressure and maybe that comes from your son and/or the hitting coach and/or you.

I personally think NYdad is quite on point based on what you are providing. It sounds like mental preparation coupled with focus and approach during the AB.

Is your son a better hitter with 2 strikes? If so, why? What changes.  If your son is better with 2 strikes, that further suggests it is a focus and mental approach, and also suggests it is an approach your son can control, but chooses not to unless forced to do so by the count.

SluggerDad, there is no magic potion nor overnight fix for this.  infielddad has just provided advice that most other players never figure out.  Your son has to answer the question "why?".  When he understands the why, then he can proceed to adjust his way of thinking.

He is, in fact,  an excellent 2 strike hitter.   He can spoil many tough pitches.  His swing and miss rate -- even when he is not at his best -- is really low.   So you might be onto something.    Hitting coach has a hypothesis about why and again, sees his primary task right now as working on this problem with the kid. 

To put my  own hypothesis somewhat crudely  is that the kid needs a little  more "ice"  in his vein and also needs the ability to focus on this moment, this pitch, then that pitch., and not anything else when he is up there.  

Don't get me wrong, when he's feeling no particular pressure and he's just having fun, and not caring about who is watching or who he needs to impress, that's what he does.   But he somehow let's "external" things affect him for the worse. I'm not sure it's a conscious "choice"  but there does seem to be something about his psychological make-up.

It seems odd, to me, that your son talks so much about hitting, but yet it appears we don't know HIS answer for why he has such  different approaches, as you have described them.

I don't know how the instructor can "fix it" until he knows what your son is thinking, or not, and why your son has a certain approach with 2 strikes and another when he supposedly feels the "pressure" of needing to impress someone watching.

Knowing there is someone watching who needs to be impressed is a classic illustration of a lack of focus.  In any AB, it is between your son and the pitcher and that is his hyper-focus. Suggesting he has any appreciation before and during an AB that someone who "matters" is "watching" screams lack of focus.

If your son is as good with 2 strikes as you describe, it sure seems he can choose to focus in that situation. To me it could mean he is choosing not to focus and be mentally prepared in other situations, such as when someone is watching.

I am going to come down on the opposite side of pressure being the root cause.  From your description, it is lack of focus, with pressure being the "excuse." Your description makes it sound like your son is playing to impress someone rather than win an AB but he can choose to change that approach with 2 strikes.  Well, the same "pressure" and more exists with 2 strikes but he chooses to focus.  That ability makes it sound like pressure is the excuse, not the cause, to me at least.

Tough issue with no simple/easy answer. My 2017 son is an excellent hitter and has worked hard to become so and stay that way...but he still gets down on himself at times. Playing the what-if game, like: "what if I hit that first pitch outside FB instead of taking the called strike and working into a hole because I was looking for a better pitch to hit", etc. I like to see that he is reflective and, when necessary, "appropriately self-critical," but too much self-criticism and doubt can be a terrible thing WHEN (not if) he has to work through a slump.

He does feel the pressure to deliver when batting third or fourth, and at times it can make him bat relatively poorly.

As others have noted, start with recognizing good pitches to hit and which to take. Have a plan, watch the pitcher, and be prepared. If a guy drops a huge breaking ball in on you as a first pitch you mentally tip your cap. So now you are 0-1. Revise plan accordingly and realize the likelihood of a good outcome has dropped substantially. Etc.

My son would rather you throw that for a first pitch, because the next time you do it will get hammered.

SluggerDad, let me ask a question.  What conversation do the two of you have prior to your son attending a showcase or tournament at which there will be coaches or scouts?

Stuff like,  "looking forward to this?  Should be fun. Just relax and do your thing."  I try not  to talk to him about who will be there, who will be watching, etc.  

 Infield:

He's very good AFTER THE FACT  of recognizing what he did or didn't do.    He diagnoses his own AB's a lot.  Has me tape every one of them and studies them at home. It's not like he is always like that.  He once had a streak where he was on base  in 26 of 30 PA,  Last fall he had a 12 game hitting streak  during which he was hitting the ball all over the place.   So it's not as though he NEVER focuses.  But he gets into these ruts where he himself admits that he is really pressing.   The start of this past varsity season, which I mentioned before,  was a case in particular.  

I asked because it is important to remove the "Dad" in you when discussing things like game performance with your son.  Of course there should be times when he talks to you about a game, and that's when you are a Dad and listen, but it is important to never be critical or demanding of him in anyway.  If HE goes into that area, then keep it focused on the process.  What he was thinking, etc.  What he should try to help him achieve a better process, not results.  Hope I made sense there.

Whenever life or sports gets complicated.....simplify or go back to basics.  I'd suggest he try to try to focus on the laces of the ball coming out of the pitchers hand as early as possible.  This will focus him on something other than himself and may get him to relax.  I can't promise it will work for him but it always worked for my players.

have him quit thinking and take the at bat.  Thinking is to be done outside of the batters box.  I ask my son how many times he's pitched a strike when he's been thinking while pitching - answer, none.  Chanel your inner Livan Hernandez

Baseball is the most confounding of sports.  The more you tell someone to relax, the more they press sometimes.  The more you try and help someone out by talking about what may be wrong/different the more things can go in the opposite direction.  Psychology is often times opposite of what it may be for other endeavors.

What sometimes parents forget, baseball is still a numbers game.  Your kid might be a lifetime .600 hitter but he still gets out 40% of the time.  Sometimes, the 40% will all come at once and thus nothing is wrong other than the normal occurrences of averages.  The kids on the other teams have parents and grandparents who want to see them do equally as well so sometimes things just even out against you.

The person I would tell to relax is the parent.  I am giving that advice as someone who had to learn how to relax himself and it took me years to learn how to do it.  As my son rose higher in the sport, the periods of failure became more often and sometimes for longer periods of time.  I think the more you can relax, and go without noticing the ups and the downs so much, the better it will be for your son to relax.  He may be doing everything perfectly right now but you are too "un-relaxed" to notice. 

Actually,  ClevelandDad, it's primarily his hitting coach who is telling him that he is too geared up and not trusting his hands, his bat speed.  It's his hitting coach who is telling him that more effort isn't always better effort.  It's his hitting coach who thinks he needs to work on the mental aspect of his AB's. 

I think my 2017 is similar to your kid. Sounds like the same basic type of player.  He had a very solid 6-game tournament last week. Almost everything was hit on the screws.  Two for two getting sac bunts down, had a couple doubles, drove in a bunch of runs, including two on sac flies.

Yet last night, 0-3 on three ground balls to the left side. Once again trying hit the outside part of the ball on 3 outside pitches.  But that's the way it's always going to be.  He's going to struggle to play well as long as he keeps playing. Everyone does.  That's just baseball.   (OTOH he did play well on defense and threw out a kid at the plate to preserve the win.  That's baseball too.)

"I managed, in the course of the conversation, to remind him of something his instructor said about his own approach.  But that wasn't the focus of the conversation.  And he noted the point and then we got back to Posey."

Not to get on you but this conversation stuck out to me. First excellent advice here from people who really know about hitting.  

The above conversation had your son talking about Posey, you inserted him and his issues into the conversation. Your son quickly alerted you that wasn't part of the convo.

Been through many 0fer days with our son and all the other aspects of hitting. I remember an incident, my son chose to play with Jalal Leach on a travel team. He had spent a couple weekends playing on a couple teams but chose to play with jalal.

We were at a local tourney. Our first one with this team. Son was up to bat. Two outs,runners on, game deciding runs. Jalal called time out and called my son over. I was thinking oh, what kind of pressure is he putting on my son.

My son got a two strike double cleared the bases. After the game we asked him what did Jalal tell you?

he said this: What do you want for dinner tonight, hamburger or steak? Son said Steak. He then said,good,now go have some fun!!!!

Baseball is mental and the player has to learn to control that aspect. There are books out there to help, the mental aspects of hitting is one.

I know all through out college and pro ball the saying was Trust the process,dnt look at results.They will come.

Many times when my son was 0-4,he would say things like I squared the ball up 3/4 times,it was a good day with the bat, PERIOD move on.

If you don't learn this, the game is going to eat you up. Sooooo much failure as a hitter.

Don't talk about it with him, leave it alone and with the hitting coach. We all have done it at times but it doesn't work. Leave them alone about the game. I think many parents put way too much pressure on their kids as CD said,maybe not even knowing.

My son went to PG in east Cobb 18 and U as a 16 year old and hit so well, his coach called me and said "this kid can hit" had to of hit well over .300.16 in the 18 u group.Didn't get a sniff. Don't put all the eggs in one basket. Lots of time to prove you can play besides one tourney.

My son didn't "alert me that that wasn't part of the conversation."  He said, "I see your point."  and then we talked more about Posey.

"I managed, in the course of the conversation, to remind him of something his instructor said about his own approach.  But that wasn't the focus of the conversation.  And he noted the point and then we got back to Posey."

K I misunderstood. Your splitting hairs to be honest. My point was don't bring it up when he is talking about something else. Look I'm just trying to help you.

I have been through PAC 12 baseball. two years of the minor leagues and I am telling you they dnt want to hear it. Pretty soon he will tell you exactly that. Your paying for an instructor, Be dad, be the fun guy.

Dnt stress,that's what I am trying to say.It wont help and will eventually hinder him as a hitter.

 I get your point.  But you're misconstruing me, that's all.  Kid used the exact same phrase do describe Posey that his coach had just used to describe him at one point. I said, laughing.  "that's just what so and so said to you yesterday."  it was a light moment.   

"

"Actually,  ClevelandDad, it's primarily his hitting coach who is telling him that he is too geared up and not trusting his hands, his bat speed.  It's his hitting coach who is telling him that more effort isn't always better effort.  It's his hitting coach who thinks he needs to work on the mental aspect of his AB's. "

Then ask the hitting coach.I m kinda confused what you want us to say?

It affects them all.  Here's one about Mike Trout:

...amid the tension and the pressure and the noise of a crucial spot in front of an anxious fan base, when Trout took White Sox ace Chris Sale deep for a game-tying, eighth-inning grand slam. Trout admittedly came to the plate searching for a home run, then fouled off a couple of mid-90s fastball, repeated that magic phrase, stayed up the middle with his swing and smashed a line drive out to left-center field.

"You get big in situations, and you lose your mechanics in the swing," Trout said then. "I just had to remind myself to stay short."

That's basically what I tell my kid - stay short, don't try to do too much.

K.Sorry if I misunderstood.

Just be careful to not make it the topic of the household(

Baseball is mental!!! You know that.

hmm.  I assumed there would be some additional wisdom here.   Of course, this is a thing that he is working on with his coach.   And of course he should hear one voice.  Just thinking about what works and what doesn't work here.   Looking for psychological insight.  Thought there might be some.  Thought others might have experience and insight. 

Have him read the Victoria's Secret Catalog before he bats. 

Now that is funny!

Good advice.  Unfortunately,  he's more likely to do that than we are.  Very hard on himself when he's "slumping."  

Were trying to give it to you.

Look I am not trying to be a jerk. You got a lot of sound advice and it hasn't seemed to help. CD son is in triple A,infielddad  knows more about hitting than anyone I know.I think they have tried to give you advice. I tried and you picked my words apart.

there is no secret psychological advice. They all go through it,try to not over analyze it,relax you and your son.Thats kinda the general trend of advice.There isn't much more to say.

I didn't mean to offend you fanofthegame.  I appreciate the discussion.  I just pointed out that you misconstrued one bit of of my conversation with the kid.     I didn't take that to be a big deal.  Really, I didn't.  I hope you didn't.  Or I don't think you should. 

With all the time, money and effort spent on skills instruction at an early age, travel ball, every doodad and geegaw you can use to help your child get better at sport. With all the thousands of miles driven and hundreds of hotel nights invested in things that are of great benefit and those of questionable benefit, it amazes me how LITTLE emphasis gets put onto something that can and should, and is likely BEST taught at a very early age...something that will give your child the tools to perform at ANY sport, and really in LIFE...with no body tearing or mind-bending ramifications for teaching it early...

And that "something" is SPORTS PSYCHOLOGY. The earlier you can get a child to embrace focusing on process over result, the earlier you can map his mind to think the right thoughts and eschew the wrong ones, the better the chances that he will be able to carry that lightness to the plate, the starting line, the worksite and the boardroom.

There's no reason you can't start laying the foundation for a strong sporting mind in early childhood. I am surprised there are very few sports psych resources out there for children (and their coaches).  Some of the things kids need to learn are counter-intuitive to what many youth coaches preach.

It's not always easy to explain that sometimes when you try harder you do worse. If you're happy about three quality at-bats after a loss, you're not a good team guy. That it's important to learn to have the "give a shits" is a good thing isn't always easy to teach in the context of a lot of the sports our kids play these days.

Slumps are not fun. They are a part of every good hitters game. It kills us as parents as well.They just have to learn to work through it. There is no magic to it.

The great players, they do this day in and day out. It is hard, baseball is hard.

I respect fanofgame's advice as much as anyone here on the board.  I think what she is saying here is more than perfect.  She knows from experience what she is talking about.

This topic is more about trusting higher powers and loving your son than results.  I really respect SluggerDad for starting this topic.  I was/am just like him and thought just like him.  I am different with my seven year old grandson however.  He is a very good baseball player and I am very relaxed

Seriously, fanofgame and infielddad's advice cannot be improved upon.  SluggerDad is obviously a good parent and only wants the best.  Relax and let things happen in due course.

Not at all.Were having a good healthy discussion with respectful dialogue. I haven't taken anything you said as disrespect.

I get it.I had a son that went through walls as a hitter. It is hard as a parent.

Your son will learn to get through this in time.

Just try to enjoy the moments because it ends one day

You have received a wealth of replies with many different perspectives.  Seems like you deflect and bob and weave with each one. There is no magic solution to what is happening as you have summarized it. One thing for sure is the hitting coach "telling him" ain't doing it, from what you are telling us.

One thing is puzzling to me...you bring this up just as your son is going to play in a PG  event which, clearly, you feel is very important for him. Your belief is "pressing is what got him into trouble this Spring" and you "don't want a repeat of that."

I still don't accept your pressing explanation but that is not the point of this post.

The point of this one is to ask: if you don't trust your son at the PG event because of what happened in the Spring and the impact of stress/pressure, and his hitting coach is "telling him,"  how in the heck is that combination going to support your son to trust himself, trust his swing and trust his hands?

He is likely to have a multitude of "stressors/pressure creators" observing him at the PG event. Why wait until just a few days before the event to bring the all important  mental aspect into such a challenging skill as hitting high quality pitching at the PG event?

Even if you got a magical solution, how would you or his hitting coach introduce in a "fail safe" manner just a few days before such an important event, without risking it having the opposite reaction?

I think you are way off base suggesting those who have responded didn't provide additional wisdom and your last comment to fan comes across to me at not  helpful. I think you received a number of very thoughtful replies and suggestions but none were the magic you wanted.  Perhaps that is a great thing for your son just a few days before such a big event at PG?  I know everyone who posted in this thread hopes the very best for your son over the next few days.

Dad, if you and his coach want him to trust his swing, maybe it would be best for you to trust your son and his swing, too?  Just a thought.

I haven't quite read the whole thread but I do see some heavy hitters that know what their talking about have posted - CD, FOG, IFD - to name a few.  So what I'm about to put is either something they've already said or is better than what I'm putting.

This will fix itself with these three things

1.  Maturity - the ability to make or want to make changes comes with time in seeing the current path's not working.

2.  More at bats - plain and simple he needs to have at bats where he focuses on making the change with getting the job done taking a back seat.  It might cost him a few at bats but how's that different than what he's doing now?  Have him practice it in BP and drills then take it to the field (preferably during practice) in games where he focuses on relaxing.

3.  Stop making it an issue - you, him, hitting instructor, grandma, crazy uncle, best friend....whoever.  The more people talk about it the heavier the weight becomes on his shoulders.  Similar to the old story if I tell you to not think of a pink elephant what is the first thing you picture?  Yup a pink elephant.  Let this advice be in the background and be a key word / advice just before each pitch during BP or off a tee.  But other than this stop mentioning it.  It will start to sink in that it needs to be done without the self - defeating cycle of always thinking about the negativity of the situaiton.