How to Handle a Difficult Season

For me personally as a parent it is much easier to keep my cool at son's baseball games vs. say my daughter's volleyball.  I think it has to do with the downtime of baseball between pitches, plays, etc.  Lots of opportunities for the wife to tell me to check myself

 

Nothing that I say from here on is meant to be disrespectful or preachy so please don't take it as such.

 

If your boy is meeting expetations in effort and doing whatever he can do to help the team win then who cares about the other stuff.  Who cares that Johnny is not as committed, or that Billy is going to a D1 to play and decided that he is going to mail it in his senior year of HS ball even though he is the team's ace and 3 hole (son's team had that happen last year). 

 

Get upset at the stuff that is in your small area of control.  Son dogs it down the line on a groundball (who knew Cano was such a slacker) jump all over him.  That you can control. 

 

 Kids and teams have bad days and frankly bad seasons.  Teams lay an egg and get beat by much inferior talent.  Turn right around and then they beat the team that they are less talented then.  That is why I think I love the game so much.  Any given day anything can and does happen.

 

I know one thing for certain.  You are like all of us and we love watching our sons play baseball.  Focus on that.  Take that attitude to the park and in your conversations with him and if the coach is a dufus, the team stinks, all the other stuff none of that will really matter. 

 

As to directly to number 2.  I don't know a lot of kids that worry about this issue to the extent that we as adults think they do.  They see the big picture better than we probably give them credit for.  Most would rather be no place else than the ball diamond win or lose.  If they do get run down by that they don't have much future in the game IMO.  Sooner or later they all play on a team that does not meet expectations for some reason or another.  Much of this issue is a fear and perception of us adults IMO.

 

Good Luck

FWIW, sounds as though you have and are equating success primarily in terms of wins and losses. No fun getting your head kicked in for sure. But sounds from your post as though you're ready to mail the season in before anyone has even yelled 'play ball!'. Ultimately can't control things like coaching, competition, league and lots of other factors... Think you have to encourage your player to meet the challenge head on, be a team mate, be a leader, and play with passion and heart regardless of record or scoreboard. Easier said than done maybe.

Thanks guys. 

 

I'm not necessarily looking at wins and losses but being competitive in each game.  I think 2-4 run differential games can generally go either way -- win some/lose some.  The 10, 15 and 20 run games are difficult to take.  I just don't want the kid to get discouraged and think he is no good. 

 

And yes I am discouraged even before "play ball."  I have the experience to see what is coming and I see this freight train coming right at them.  So I need to be prepared so I don't say/do anything stupid.   

That's where I try to keep my focus too... on my words and actions. I used to think just basically keeping my mouth shut was enough, and still think that's a pretty good start for myself! But players key off of your tone, body language, expressions. By HS they might have a good strategy for being less effected by mom and dad, but I think most still respond to some degree to their parents' demeanor. So I *try* my best to stay even keel and as invisible as possible. Think you're thinking smartly to get your own head right with what could be a frustrating season... so that you can help your son get as much positive out of it as possible.

Your son can only control how he plays and be supportive of his teammates. In terms of his conduct, you never know who's watching. Always act as he wants to be judged. 

1)  How do mom & dad keep a positive attitude and not get frustrated?

 

When headed for that train wreck, keep in mind that you will have a serious impact on just how bad it gets.  I loved the thread where people were talking about what to say to their kids.  "I love you" is a great start.  "I believe in you" is a good follow up.  Then, gosh darn it, sit down and enjoy it.  Let me be blunt here, you just might piss this opportunity away of enjoying being with your kid.  Don't be a part of the problem because, if you are right, the problem is big enough.  As I've posted before, my child was punished by the volleyball coach here and was not allowed to play one second despite being the "underclass player of the year" the year before.  My wife and I went to every match.  We sat there and supported her.  We were there when she broke down and cried because she didn't understand why she was good enough for this or that but not good enough to get in a match.  Finally, you realize it is not about you at all.

 

2)  What do I tell the kid to keep his head up?  He is not used to what I fear is coming.

 

You should always make sure that your child does not get their self esteem from what they do but rather who they are.  That will take care of everything in life.      

Nothing is more important than those two messages from coach B.

 

I will add, though, there is nothing wrong with preparing him for what he may face and present it as the great opportunity it may be.  If I recall correctly, your son is just entering HS.  If his team gets beat up badly early on, that tells him what the new bar height is.  If he knows this is a possibility going in, he will probably be better prepared to handle it properly.  He may have the opportunity to help set the tone and be one of the leaders who help direct the program in a positive direction.  He may be able to rally enough players to work harder like himself in order to make a difference for the team.  This may be a "beginning of year/ end of year" improvement or "this year/next year".  At the very least, he sees a higher level of competition and learns more about how hard he will have to work to get to the next level himself.  And he gets to compete against better competition, which also can only help him improve his own skill level.

 

There is little more rewarding than being a key part of a program turn-around.  There are so many great life lessons to be learned over the course of trying.

Didn't realize you and your son were heading into first year of HS baseball.  If that's the case, I think you might find HS ball and club/travel ball are very different animals in certain ways... can't approach one exactly as you do the other. If the HS team is as overmatched as you believe, you might find that one silver lining is your freshman son could get more significant varsity PT earlier.  Here in North Texas and I'm sure everywhere, there are many HS programs where the competition is such that even very talented underclassmen rarely see the field until Jr. or Sr year... and the JV is often highly competetitve for PT too.  It's fun to win, but also fun to play and play a key role.

My son's last year of high school ball the team was not very good.  He once pitched a no hitter and lost 2-0.  However that game and other like it got him multiple scholorship offers because of the way he conducted himself (and a little talent) in these difficult situations.  Coaches look at talent but they want players with good charactor also.

I'll echo Cabbagedad about the idea of turning a program around. My 2014 just finished regualr season of basketball last night. When they were in 8th grade. HS varsity team won 3 games, When he was a freshman 6 games, he nor any of the freshman were a part of those teams. HS basketball team had been "bad" for years, last conference title was 1997 when he was 1 year old. As sophomore, he was a role player on varsity and that team was young, 2 seniors who had worked thier butts off and were fantastic kids who wanted to bring back program,  one junior and a bunch of sophomores along with a frosh. They won 14 games and had first winning season in 14 years (14-12 and boy did they celebrate when they won #14), Last year as a junior, he was leader of team, they all worked hard, played thier roles, "team above self" was team motto, they won 19 games (19-7) and won 2 state tournament games (first ones since 1997), last night they won thier 20th game,his teammate became a 1000 point score (4th in school history)and won league title (fisrt since 1997),  These boys talked to the crowd (roughly 1200 people) on a mic while cutting down nets about Team above self, bringing pride back to the community, an honor to be a part, etc.

 

This team started with little expectations 4 years ago, they accomplished a lot. As cabbagedad said, it was year to year. 

I will keep it simple, this will be a new experience for him and YOU.  Don't put the fear of "what's ahead" in him, not necessary.

Why not just wait to see how things unfold.

I have found that worrying about things before you have to is counter productive.

tpm, thank you! you cut right to the heart of the issues and I sincerely appreciate it. Not wordy at all they the poster right above you on this posting

A few clarifications.  He is still a year out from HS ball.  HIs future HS is usually a sneaky good team.  They play in a very competitive division, so they struggle there.  But when they get into the playoffs, they sneak up on teams and can make a run. 

 

Some great thoughts, I'll keep in mind.  I'm preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.  Maybe I am 100% wrong -- which would be great.  He's been competing against his future competition for several years, so he knows them well.  And that is what has me worried -- I know what we are about to run into and the team/parents are unprepared.  I just want to be ready, with the right words to say. 

 

Sorry, I just dont get folks who worry about things when their sons still haven't made a HS team.
Let them play and enjoy the ride!  You will have a lot more to worry about when he reaches HS and not just about baseball!

Let me see if I can't paint you a picture, a la Hemingway. 

 

Leave work early.  Fight traffic, pick the kid and his mom up at 4.  Throw his gear in the car.  Drive 15-20 miles -- about an hour in rush hour traffic. Get to field at 5, an hour early to warm up for 6:00 game.  Chat while the boys warm up.  Man is it hot (or cold) out.  Home team (opponent) takes the field and the BIG twin is pitching (he's 6 feet, 200 lbs+, twin brother is 5 feet, 100 lbs.)  Hear kids say, man he's big and fast.  Batter up. Strike, one, two, three.  Next batter, maybe he gets a piece of it, grounds out to 2nd.  3rd pops up on the first pitch. 3 up, 3 down.  Take the field.  First batter, 4 balls, walk.  Second batter lines a double to left.  Third batter, single to center.  4th batter walk, 5th batter fly ball over left field head.  6th ROE, 1st base drops the ball.  Eventually, the inning ends.  Team down 5-0.  Parent says, maybe we should have thrown a few bullpens in the off season to get ready -- ya think.  Or did more ground ball work.  4th batter grounds out to SS (at least its hard hit, but man the shortstop is good, that would have been a hit last year).  5th, 6th and 7th strike out.  Back on the field and another 5-6 run inning.  And so it goes until the fourth inning when the 12 run rule takes effect.  Shake hands, clean up and head to the car.  As we walk, a parent says, maybe we should have worked on hitting a little more -- are all the teams like that?  Get in the car and say to yourself again -- we aren't ready, its going to be a long season. Kid doesn't want to talk and neither do you.  Drive home quietly. 

 

What's there to "enjoy." 

You're watching kids play baseball. Doesn't sound so bad to me. But if you don't enjoy it, you can stay home.

 

BTW  it sounds like it's all about you. It's not.

 

You got or get to watch your son play HS baseball - win or lose.  What could be more enjoyable than that?  Yes it's disappointing when the team loses, but at the end of the day it's still just a game. Enjoy it for what it is.

 

My son is at a JuCo now, but back when he was a HS sophomore, he made Varsity and eventually beat out a senior for the starting catcher position.  Anyway, we had no idea what to expect.  Program was in shambles with the team coming of a 5-14 season (2 of the wins were forfeits), hadn't been competitive in years and a new coach on board.  I felt the same trepidations - tough district and felt we're gonna get pounded - maybe if they're lucky, they'll have a winning record, let alone playoffs.  Maybe.

 

Coach was tough, but had a positive attitude - made all the difference in the world.  Long story short, team qualified for the playoffs that year, but failed to do well in the district playoffs.  Chalked it up to a learning experience.  Far better than I thought they would do.  The next year team did better, but due to the way it played out, missed the playoffs by 1/2 game.  Senior year finished the regular season in a three way tie for 1st and won the district championship for the 1st time in 25 years - a come from behind victory at that.  Team went deep into the playoffs losing in the state quarterfinals by one run.

 

Looking back, on paper, the best year should have been his junior year.  I really didn't feel they would do well his senior year, but so much for preseason predictions.  The point is sometimes you just can't tell how things will pan out.  They still have to play the game.

 

Relax, go to the games and cheer on the team.  Worrying about the season won't get you anything but grey hairs.

Golfman you sort of lost me along the way via your posts. You seem intent on focusing on negatives. It's a team and should be respected as such.  If it's as bad as you believe then it's at least a good leadership opportunity for those who will step up. Pretty simple... Be part of making something better. I don't really get the superior attitude of "the other parents and players don't get it, only my son and I do". I think school teams are generally a mixed bag of player levels, especially a middle school team which doesn't have four grades to recruit from. If your player is so head and shoulders above everyone then why not step up in practices and outside practice to help guys get better?

 

As for fighting through rush hour traffic for games that may or may not last as long as the drive... that line forms to the left and many of us have been standing in it for years. Going through that grind only to "ride home quietly" in joint dejection? C'mon man... your boy will be down the road in a blink of the eye at this point... how many one-on-one father/son car rides are left?  Wait until HS gets going... you'll wish you had an uninterrupted car ride together believe me. Think you may be looking through the wrong end of the telescope.

I am going to keep in mind that his son hasn't entered HS yet, still a travel ball parent.

I am in agreement with SG on many things he has brought up, if you think that you are the only parent who has had to rush home from work, fight traffic to get to the field, and then had the living daylights beat out of son's team you are WRONG. And if you think that your son is better than those others on the team, why not go find a better team to play with, if that is possible.

I remember when son moved up to the larger field, the coach decided to play up. GULP! We all laughed when the other team showed up, much bigger with facial hair already, we were pretty sure that the guys from Hialeah, FL used their out of country birth certificated to their advantage.

We ended up going to playoffs.

Consider this part of the dues you both will pay along the way.

For the rest of your son's bb career he will be playing against those bigger and better at some point in HS, college or beyond, these are good lessons to learn when young, it's NOT all about winning and yes you can get your tails whipped at anytime in the game.

Sounds to me like practice is in order.

Why drive home in silence, go get some food and find other things to talk about, if you can't you need to reevaluate your relationship with your son, and what is really important.

JMO

I agree with both TPM and SG.  I think once the OP gets into the HS season it will all make more sense.

 

2016 starts season this afternoon.  Last year I was fixated on him and what was going on there.  This year I am really excited to see the team play. 

Golfman,

love that handle "Golfman" BTW, it would fit me also.

I coached my son's select teams up until the year before HS.

I always stressed to parents how important it is to "play up".

When your opponent is knowingly better, a competitive player will feel compelled to find a way to survive or compete as the season progresses. When you can help you son keep his head up after a butt kicking, he will eventually acclimate to the environment. These experiences are golden!! You learn way more for those experiences, that you would if your team pounds your opponent all the time. The key is the internal willingness of players and parents to accept the challenges each day you arrive at the park.

Example - one year I had our team (a AA team under USSSA) scheduled to play in nothing but AAA and major level tournaments for the first 1/2 of the spring. In the previous years, we didn't do that. We would get into a tournament, go 2 and 2 and fall out on Sunday in AA events. So after playing up 1/2 the season and getting ours tails kicked, somewhere along the way, the team got acclimated and started to finds ways to compete. Didn't get beat up as much and began to win some. Then we returned to AA beginning the 2nd half of the season. We took 1st place in the first 4 straight tournaments we played in. No more 2-2 and out. We never finished below 4th in any tournament that 2nd 1/2 of season.

Point is, accept the challenge. Swallow your parent pride. Focus on getting him re-engaged after each game. Stay positive more than anything. Enjoy these days cause the will quickly go away.

FYI - my son is a senior in HS now. He’s signed to pitch for a D1 Juco that attained no.1 in the nation last year. He'll be the first to tell you, facing quality opponents has made him better. No question.

It sounds like an excellent opportunity for your son to be a positive role model/influence on other players.  Maybe his work ethic and upbeat attitude is just what is needed.  There is an upside to this situation, it is up to HIM to find it and time for you to let him find his way.

 

 

 

Goldman first I sympathize with your situation. I can't give you the sage advice of having gone thru it because like you my son is in middle school. But I can give you my 13 year olds perspective which really helped change mine.

His team has a new coach and new assistant this year. Neither have ever played baseball. Not even t-ball. His tryouts were two 2 1/2 hour practices. During that 5 hours each player took exactly 2 grounders at short, 2 at third, 2 pop flys in left, got 5 soft toss pitches and threw 5 pitches from the mound. That it in 5 hours. They went one at a time and all the rest just stood and watched. To say the least I was pretty disheartened about this season and these coaches.

So after the last tryout we were at my parents house for dinner. They asked my son how tryouts went. He responded "well I stood in line really well so I think I'll make the team". We all got a good laugh. Then my mother told him she was sorry he didn't enjoy it. He replied "It was kinda boring but how could I not enjoy it. I was on a baseball field". So I thought he's right. How many kids that can't play for one reason or another would love to be out there. How many old timers who have long been passed by, by the game would love one more day on a field.

A bad day at the ball field is better than a really good day most any where else.

HEY ! I work in Hialeah! There is no way ANYONE around here has false paperwork.

 

(Sorry, South Florida humor for those of you who live in the other 49 states)

Sorry, it seems some have missed the over the top nature of my "story" to TPM when told my kid is too young to worry about it and "enjoy" it.  We are all human.  We all have a competitive streak in us.  That is true whether the kid is 8 or 18.  The difference is perspective -- which should be different for 8 and 18.  I am just seeking some preemptive coping mechanisms for when the inevitable happens.  If I am wrong, and I hope I am, then no harm. 

 

And it is not any type of superiority, but rather knowledge based on experience.  As I originally stated, my kid has been playing in this league for several years.  I know what to expect.  It won't be a move up for him.  I agree with playing good competition, but also preparing to compete with them.  A 2 or 3 run game against a superior opponent shows you can compete vs. a 12-0 run rule, which shows you cannot. 

 

TPM stated it "sounds like practice is in order."  And that is my point.  We have not done enough to compete.  I have diplomatically tried to suggest we do more but my suggestions have not been taken.  Fortunately, my kid has kept up the routine he is used to on his own.  He'll be ready.  But the team wont be.  And that is my fear. 

Golfman,

I understand what your point was, I understand about being competitive and winning, many of us have been in the same situation.

I am telling you from experience that at this point it really doesn't matter, as some others have as well.

You asked for an opinion on what to say to your son, I don't know why you should unless he wants to discuss it, then you need to lay it out that this is baseball.

Why not take this as a learning experience, step up to the plate and speak up about have more practice?

My opinion at this stage, there is a lot of learning that can be done by just playing the game.  You know the situation, trying to convey is difficult but keep in mind all of us also see things differently.

Just one more story.  As son entered his first HS fall he was asked to play on a travel team, he agreed, then the HS coach wanted him to play with the guys from the HS who made up another team from that district.

It was tempting, but son, had made his decision and was not going to go back on his word.

We weren't that good.  The team consisted of kids entering HS and still in middle school who most likely would and didn't make a HS team.

That fall son hit 81-83 on the gun.  He actually used those numbers to help the team as much as he could and was able to "practice" his pitches while in game situations.

He actually came better prepared that spring than the guys who played with the better players and sat the bench.

This is a strange game, you never know what is going to happen, so being discouraged before hand doesn't always work for me.

Best of luck.

"I understand about being competitive and winning,"

 

Actually, I make a distinction between being competitive and winning.  You can go 0-20 and be competitive if each loss was a 1-2 run game.  No issues there.  But if you go 0-20 and the losses are by mercy rule, then by definition of the mercy rule you are not competitive.  Getting pounded game after game can have a negative effect on a players metal state and confidence.  I am looking to avoid that. 

Golfman, why is your son playing on this team if it is as bad as you describe?  Wouldn't it be better for him to play on the best travel team he can play on (within reason)?

Long story for another time.  But, realize there is some "writers embellishment" in my Hemmingway story above.  It is not unbearable.  The coach knows his stuff.  Teaches well.  He likes my kid.  It just that we don't work enough as a team -- at least from my experience.  They are basing their expectations on last years success.  But it is a whole new ballgame, against a lot better teams.  More likely than not, it will turn out better than I think.