I kicked a kid of the team on Sunday...

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How do you know the situation ?


How can you say he set the kid up?

TRhit

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Anyway, the cleanup hitter doesn't like to catch. He shared the catching duties during freshman year and is ok at it, he just doesn't like it. perfect #3 catcher. I told him at the beginning of the season that I would only have him catch in emergencies. he didn't like it, but accepted it.

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3) he accepts his role as emergency catcher

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As much as I may not personally like the kid as much as some others on the team (selfish, arrogant, etc.),

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Actually, even though he's one of my best hitters, I don't want him back

Gee, where would I get that idea?

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QUINCY

As I said your thinking is why we have kids always looking for excuses for their shortcomings---you never address anyones thoughts just put forth what you think-- you do not even debate--

You asked me two questions and I gave my reasons for my thinking.

Isn't that debate?

As I said, I do not excuse the kid for acting like a kid, nor do I excuse an adult for acting like a kid.

Just calling it as it was presented.

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Excuses excuses. that aside the original post made it a point it was an emergency situation. the TEAM needed him to catch. the last time I checked baseball is a team game. Suppose the coach asked him to bunt and he said something similar like I dont bunt? The kid is wrong no matter how anybody wants to spin it.

Will,

I think it's unanimous here! The kid was wrong! Nobody is spinning it any other way.

The question is what to do now! There is a choice as always. He can be kicked off for good or given another chance. Some of the greatest coaches in sports have given players a second chance, other great coaches probably haven't done that.

There was a pro basketball player who actually "choked" his coach! And he got a second chance. You were probably a great but strict and tough coach. Others might become great coaches doing things a bit differently at certain times.

GoMo,

I'm glad that you are planning to give the kid a second chance, AND that you are planning to let him pay some consequences. "As an adult and a coach, I feel I have to take the higher road and show the kid (and the team) that a second chance is worthwhile."

Kids make mistakes, so do adults...in their jobs, in their family lives. It sounds like this kid perhaps has not learned a lot of restraint or patience from his home life. That doesn't mean that his actions should be excused, but he may learn a life lesson from being treated calmly as he tries to practice being a man, learning from his mistake, and then salvaging what he can of the situation. Make him apologize, make him sit a game or two, but allow the kid a chance to practice being a better person next week than he was last week.

Julie

I am all for giving a second chance. But dont do it again. Period. No matter what excuse they come up with

This is similiar to an incident here. Kid mouthed off at the coach, threw gear, cussed teamates trying to calm him down and left in the middle of a game. Great player known for short fuse, benched in past.

He called 3 days later begged coach for a slot any slot on the team. Coach said players actions affected the team so he had a team meeting and a secret team ballot and voted to give player a 2 chance. Two weeks later leaving town for a major tournament kid calls coach and tells coach that player is moving to a new team that respects him.
What a piece of work!

They played with 10 all weekend took second. Be sure he is sincere.

The problem is players will vote on the guys ability and not on his character. Sure they want him back to help the team win but the poor character will always come out even on the new team.

Bobble - interestingly, the few players I talked to said that the feeling of the team is that they don't want him back, regardless of the fact that he's our cleanup hitter.

But the kids don't run the team, the coaches do, and like I said previously, he's going to get a second chance. I'm sure every one of the other kids would want a second chance if it were them. If he's not sincere, which should be pretty obvious, then it won't last very long.

We have two games left this weekend (he's benched and we'll only have 10), and then playoffs next weekend, so we're almost done for this season.

goMO, I've only been in this situation once and it was in girl's basketball. Probably not to the degree you described. Hard headed girl that didn't have much and didn't respect anyone. Rough to say the least. Threw her off. I went home and it dawned on me that this young lady will never have anything positive in her life if she goes. She came back and apologized the next day. I went to the team behind closed doors and told them that I was giving her a second chance and that she needed them in her life. Nothing more and nothing less. "Star" of the team comes over after meeting and said that they need her too. None of them ran with her or called her friend and yet, they all realized her position in life and knew that they were better for helping her. The next year we are headed for the Regional Championship game. It is snowing and VERY COLD. Alone at the enterance/exit of our school is one car with a huge sign rooting us on. It was this girl. It made me cry and still does. Something to think about.

gomo
my first thought was no way let him back. let the team decide .....but sometimes other things decide for us. your a big person for giving him the chance. your the one that has to look in the mirror every day. right or wrong follow your heart. as some have said, he may need you more than you need him...... maybe neither one of you know it.yet.

A lot of us probably know a kid that has screwed up.
I think if you are seeing yourself as a true coach, then you are doing the right thing. A coach is a person that beyond the game, is trying to improve the lives of young people. To develop them as people and as teamates. We really don't grow until we face adversity, the choice we make, when faced with it. How many times have we heard a person say that their coach made an impact on their life, forever. Sometimes it takes the strength of character to to allow a player, student, person to fail, or make a poor choice in order for them to appreciate the error of their ways, and the one chance to make amends. Growing up is hard and it takes the give and take between adults and children/young adults to make it happen. Not everyone has a clear set of guidelines in their upbringing, especially when a break in the family takes place.
I personally know a player that went through some really tough times at home. Quit our high school team because he thought he wasn't getting a fair shake because of his circumstances..maybe that was a bit true, but he was perceived as a 'head case".
Enter a travel team, who took the time to figure out what was going on, that understood what the kid was going through, listened to the player, got the player on the right track, simply by taking the time for a one on one. His home life was so disfunctional that he didn't even graduate on time, BUT he got picked up by a college in the midwest and he will start there in the spring and then if all things go as planned will start baseball in the fall of next year.
Night and day on this guy - he is a changed person, and I think it was because in all of his havoc and uncertantity someone, his travel coach, took time to listen and figure out what was going on. So.......if a player is truly going through some tough times, and not just a brat, take a breath, and see if you can make a difference.

so here's the update..

team arrived early so they could have their meeting. they requested no coaches. I said no problem. while they are talking in the dugout, "Joe" walks over and comes up to me. "What's up?" I say. He looks visibly uncomfortable. "I just wanted to tell you that what I did last week was wrong, and I'm sorry. I know I crossed the line, and it hurt the team. I know I can't change what happened, but I want to be on this team, and I'll do whatever it is that is needed."

I tell him that I originally thought that there would be no second chances, but that's not the message I wanted to send to the team. I said if he was truly sorry, which would be evident by his actions and not just his words, then his actions should be forgiven (but not forgotten).

We talked a little more, and we both agreed that regardless of what I say, his teammates' opinions counted just as much, if not more, because if they really wanted him gone, it would create so much ill-will that he wouldn't feel comfortable and would walk away.

So I told him to wait a few minutes and then the team would meet with him. I talked to Tommy (the kid who wrote me the email, as he has become the unoffical "captain" of the team. He said they talked it over and the first vote came back that they didn't want him back. Then Tommy asked them to consider if this was them that we were voting on. Would they want a second chance? One of those "he who lives in glass houses.." kinda thing. I think this made them think a little more and they ended up changing their mind.

So Joe went into the dugout and they talked for about 10 minutes - much longer than I had expected. They came out pretty pumped up, went through their warmups and we went about our business.

Joe sat that game, but warmed up the left fielder, was our courtesy runner, and was available to pinch hit if needed (didn't happen). He was very supportive, gave our backup first baseman some tips about playing the position (voluntarily), and did seem genuine. Of course, this was just the first day, so we'll have to take a longer term view, but so far, so good.

After all this, I felt pretty good about how it worked out. I think everyone got something out of this experience, me included. We're hoping to put this behind us now, as our playoffs start on Saturday. We are the 3rd seed out of 14 teams, and we are expecting good things to happen. Playing as a team will go a long way in making that happen.

Thanks to all of you who have given their opinion, including Quincy, as its necessary to see all sides to really consider something fully and try to make the best decision possible.

Thank you for the update. It seems like you and your team handled the situation beautifully. I hope everything continues to go well for all concerned, and good luck in your playoffs!

tommy sounds like a leader, i'm glad it worked out. nice job coach.

Coach,

I know that things could still turn ugly again in the next game, the next week, or the next season, but I'm guessing...and hoping...they won't. I think you gave a kid a second chance, who really, really needed one. And you gave a bunch of other kids a chance to practice some serious stuff that sometimes doesn't come easily to adults either. Thank you for updating us.

Julie

Tommy seems like a very mature young man and a natural born leader. His parents should be extremely proud of him.

Good luck in the playoffs!

you guys are right about Tommy. He's been with me since he was six years old, back in t-ball. Always the smallest, but toughest, kid on the field. He'd take a bullet at 2nd base. He's one of the kids you'd want up in a pressure situation.

Good job, gm.