Juco dismissal

Many colleges give players that screw up second chances. I know that UT has opened their programs to players that have had problems. Look at FIU and their player that had off field issues.

Well I believe that kids mess up and should be given second chances but it appears he used that second one up.

He knew the rules and he broke them twice, I would not be a happy parent. But that is me. Don't get me wrong my son wasn't 100% angel but he knew that you couldn't cross that line twice.

Are you a parent or the player?

I believe there are times where we parents need to keep our hands off and let our sons/daughters pay the full price...for their better good over the long haul.

I've had to do it. It isn't fun and I've had plenty of doubts along the way. I am in no way the 'perfect parent' nor do I have all the answers, but...

You need to think about whether or not you are there. Think about your son over the long haul...not next week nor next season.

Good luck! We're with you.

I'm his dad.I am hands off but supportive, just looking for some uplifting things to tell him. I know LSU had some fb players fail drug test and only were suspended 1 game, but that was probably 1st time. He screwed up and he knows it, and accepts it. Wasnt drinking but had beer. And is 20 yrs old. No excuses from him or me.

This is or was my sons player name, but he hasnt used it since he signed, so I will.

yes, there are Juco's he can transfer to for spring semester. sent you a PM

quote:

Originally posted by Play9:
Just got the worst news. Son was dismissed from team for having beer in dorm fridge. Was also caught last year. While Coach loves him as a person and pitcher, he couldn't help him. Son is obviously devastated, as are we. The school will honor his scholarship this semester, but he must leave his dorm, which is a whole other problem! He has taken a great attitude about this, and freely admits he screwed up, but is worried his bb career is over. They gave him his realease, just cant sign in conference. I guess the question is, is this the end, or is there coaches out there who understand kid's do stupid things sometimes? He had gotten some D1 offers. Are they gone now?

Please forgive me but I have to nitpick your post a little. I will totally understand if you get ticked off at me and wouldn't blame you but I'm hoping to point out some things with your post to get some perspective and tie into what TPM and JBB are talking about.

You did not get the worst news - you got some bad news but by no means is it the worst news. The worst news is hearing you or someone you love has cancer or has passed away. This is bad news so you need to keep that in perspective. This is in the grand scheme of things an inconvienence. Your son is still in school with the opportunity to continue his education. Yeah it stinks he can't play baseball anymore but it is his fault. It seems that you understand this and that's great. Your son needs to understand about choices and how to make them. By no means does this mean he's a bad person because he made a mistake again. At some point he needs to wake up and realize life isn't full of extra chances. Hopefully this does the trick even if it means he has to sit out this spring.

You said that the coach loves him as a person and a player but he couldn't help him. That leads me to believe that the coach was going to try to keep him out of trouble or there was an expectation by you / son that the coach would get him out of trouble. Am I reading that correctly or am I taking it out of context?

Seeing how they gave him his release I would see that as a good sign and see what is out there. Don't try to hide or sugarcoat what happened. Coaches are a small fraternity and they will call and ask what the deal is. It happens at the high school level. I've called coaches I knew or never met to ask about a kid they had but ended up at my school. You will find coaches out there who will want nothing to do with him due to this being his second infraction. You will find coaches who will give him a third chance (or a first chance for them). You will also find coaches who don't a hoot about any other chance as long as your son can help them win games and just use them. Basically the whole recruiting process starts over and your son has to work that again.

I do want to say that I appreciate the honesty from you that this is his second offense. Over the years I've seen people in your exact situation who want to not tell the whole truth or sugarcoat it because of whatever reason.

Once again I apologize for the harshness of my post but I'm just trying to give an outsiders third person's perspective on the situation. I wish you son the best of luck.

First of all I am sorry you and your son are having to go through this. It has to be a tough situation and I feel for you guys. The first thing you need to do is find out if your son has a drinking problem. Get him some professional help and guidance in this manner.

Your son should now be coming to the understanding that the Beer is not worth it. He should now understand that he needs to learn that he is free to make decisions but not free to choose the consequences of those actions.

Yes there are programs that will give your son another chance. Coaches understand that kids make mistakes. Coaches understand that kids are hard headed and make bad decisions. Take care of first things first and then start your search and help your son find another home. Support him. He needs your support right now probably more than ever. He already probably feels like he let everyone down and has failed. The last thing he needs is to have those he need to be able to depend on come down on him.

Get him some professional help in this matter. Then you will know if this is more serious than a kid just keeping some Beer in the fridge. And then help him find another home. Support him and be there for him. If he has not learned from this situation then there are more serious issues at play than not being able to play baseball. Good luck

quote:

Originally posted by coach2709:

Coaches are a small fraternity and they will call and ask what the deal is.

No truer words were spoken among all the other great insights Coach.

YGD

Thanks everyone. First, there were no expectations of what the coach could do. He (my son) did what he did and I say that because he talked to my ex wife and it was nice to here how his coach felt about him. His Coach is a really stand up guy and my son loved playing for him. He doesnt have a problem with alcohol and has been very good about being open about it. Plain and simple-he screwd up and now realizes how bad he screwed up. Thanks for the advice, and with his attitude, I think he will be OK!

Know of a couple kids who were caught with pot in their dorm when coach came by and saw it . Cut kids on the spot but all they did was transfer to another college for spring ball . Not sure how parents handled it but know both kids are on 2nd and 3rd schools . They are young , but adults are still overlooking situation rather than confronting it . Good luck to your son and hope he grows from this .

play9, my son was in a similar situation last year. Yes there are coaches out there who will give him an opportunity. Call any contacts you have, his high school coach, or better yet his old travel coach if he had one.

Be honest with all you work with and I'll bet they will understand. College coaches have most likely seen it all regarding players with beer and/or pot and stupidity. They understand 18-20 year old make bad decisions. It will go a long way if a former coach could attest to him being a good kid who made a mistake.

And never forget that coaches want to win. If you son has something to offer a coach he doesn't currently have, he might snap him up quickly.

Play9, this is less of a baseball question and more of a parenting question. Do you or your ex wife let him have an occasional beer watching the game friday night with you? I ask because casual drinking in the home for college age kids seems common and I often wonder about what happens when the kid employs the same logic on their own.

Again, absolutely no judgement here, just an honest question that I think people can learn by.

The biggest issue with the under 21 drinking law is that nobody agrees with it. I think it's hypocritical to send kids to war, but restrict them from having a beer with buddys back home.

The second issue is how can parents teach responsible drinking when the law prohibits it?

just my 2cents worth.

Good luck Play9.

I won't lie. Yes he has had a couple beers on a couple occasions, not as a norm, only special events when he isn't driving. I have no problem with him having a couple beers responsibly. At his dorm is not responsibly and that was his lesson to learn.I have 3 boys, and I think they are all great kids, but sometimes all our preaching to them is still not enough. He is coming home today for the weekend for the 1st time this year, so hopefully he can start to put the pieces back together.

quote:

Originally posted by baseball_fever:
Yes I agree with 55mom - we think boys are mature enough to shot and kill another human being in war and yet the drinking age is 18? Makes no sense.

On most college campuses the rule is no alcohol in the dorm, whether you are 18 or 21. Not sure it's really about age, but policy.

quote:

Originally posted by TPM:

quote:

Originally posted by baseball_fever:
Yes I agree with 55mom - we think boys are mature enough to shot and kill another human being in war and yet the drinking age is 18? Makes no sense.

On most college campuses the rule is no alcohol in the dorm, whether you are 18 or 21. Not sure it's really about age, but policy.

I don't know if that is true. None of the schools I went to (either graduate or undergraduate) have absolute prohibitions on alcohol in campus housing for undergrads.

his school did have no tolerance and we knew it ahead of time, but the irony is on his recruiting visit there was 2 empty beer cartons in the tree at the dorm. Son was his 1st recruit and I think he had to take care of that issue.

Play 9 and others....First I am very sorry for what has happened. I do believe he will pick up the pieces and be a better man for it. I asked about drinking at home because whether the law makes sense or not, it is the law. I would love to pour my son a beer and enjoy his company but I have a theory, if I blur the law, I am not doing him any favors. What that says it's okay sometimes, but it's really always against the law and parents can't fix somethings.

I say to my kids that I don't make the laws but I don't get to choose which ones I want to follow and they don't either. 55mom, if you are really opposed to the drinking age then try to change it but that will never happen as driving deaths have decreased hugely and I would so much rather this conversation be about picking up the pieces for this boy then about a drinking related death. The number of drinking related deaths is not a fictional statistic so I am good with the 21 age for drinking knowing it saves parents that dreaded knock in the middle of the night.
Play9, it sounds like you are supporting him and I hope so. We all make mistakes and how he picks himself up will go a long way regarding if or not he gets another chance.
I don't think I'd be serving at home anymore though. as there is no more important example then you.

Obviously you can't have beer on campus if you are under age. (wink wink - you see the road side trash on Sunday morning?) The law is the law, and if you get caught, well, ... My point is that this law coupled with allowing kids under the age of 21 to join the armed forces is sending a huge mixed message. Either raise the age to join, or lower the drinking age. Everyone should watch Restrepo, btw.

eta - I don't know what the answer is. though with college aged drinking remaining fairly consistent over the years, I would speculate that education and awareness have done much to curb drinking and driving. and you touch on the issue of how to teach responsible drinking when it is effectively illegal to do so. Of course, my husband and I hid any alcohol we might have had when his parents visited.... and we were well over the then legal age of 18!!

sorry to get so off topic.

quote:

Originally posted by 55mom:
Obviously you can't have beer on campus if you are under age. (wink wink - you see the road side trash on Sunday morning?)

Only when I happened to wake up near it on the one road into campus.

quote:

Originally posted by 55mom:
The law is the law, and if you get caught, well, ... My point is that this law coupled with allowing kids under the age of 21 to join the armed forces is sending a huge mixed message. Either raise the age to join, or lower the drinking age. Everyone should watch Restrepo, btw.

I'm not sure one SHOULD have anything to do with the other. I enlisted before I was of age to drink, and I don't think that justification ever crossed my mind. They are two separate issues that need to be judged on their own merits.

quote:

Originally posted by 55mom:
eta - I don't know what the answer is. though with college aged drinking remaining fairly consistent over the years, I would speculate that education and awareness have done much to curb drinking and driving. and you touch on the issue of how to teach responsible drinking when it is effectively illegal to do so. Of course, my husband and I hid any alcohol we might have had when his parents visited.... and we were well over the then legal age of 18!!

I agree that education has helped. The problem I see is the introduction of an intoxicant into the brain of a person whose judgment skills still aren't that developed, and no amount of education will counteract the decisions made in that state. It's not just about drunk driving, it's about propensity for violence, potential victimization, and the like. Keep in mind, I'm not saying the legal age shouldn't be 18, but I do see the logic as to why it's not.

I can't say I'm a big fan of the comparison between drinking age and enlisting in the military. US forces are strictly volunteer, so you pretty much understand what you're signing up for. I know a bunch of 21 year olds and older that still can't drink responsibly legally. Hell I know 30 and 40 year olds that can't drink responsibly, I think we all do.

Make the drinking age 18 and now you have HIGH SCHOOL kids who can legally buy alcoholic beverages, which in my opinion is not a good mix. The kids being killed by alcohol related accidents is already unacceptable but it would sky rocket if it were 18. Just go ahead and ask MADD. I realize kids can find beer or booze on their own but why make it easy for them? Sorry but joining the military doesn't necessarily make you responsible to drink.

To the original poster sorry to hear about your son getting the boot, but the rules are the rules. If he does get a third chance hopefully he takes advantage of it. He has his entire adult life to drink beers legally, but only a small window to play baseball.

As a parent of a son headed to a military academy - I have no issues with the "old enough to serve but not old enough to drink". I do wonder though why the only two ages primarily discussed are 18 and 21. Just because 21 may be too old - does not make 18 the answer.

I am sorry for you or you son. Some posters here are not very understanding. This would never of happened 20 years ago. Now with media, internet, etc. every little thing becomes a huge deal.

It is common practice in Countries all over the world to allow minors to drink (responsibly, wine at dinner, etc.). Those countries do not have the drinking issues we do. It's the forbidden fruit thing.

...and if someone is old enough to die for his or her country, that person is **** well entitled to a beer. (I was not in the military).

Yeah, let's just teach the kids to wait until they get to the MLB before they can drink and do Roids.

Well when you volunteer for the military they take you away from your parents and then put you through an intensive training regiment. They have professional experts in weapons teach soldiers not only how to operate and fire the weapons but also to take apart, rebuild and fix the weapons in pressure situations. They are given controlled environment situations to practice with instruction from the professional weapons experts. They have to take safety tests in order to operate weapons and if they end up not being able to handle the weapons then they are given a job where they don't use weapons.

Alcohol is given by older siblings, friends, family members etc..... and not always in a controlled environment. Sometimes the parents are idiots who can't handle the alcohol themselves.

Yeah totally the same situation.

By some how justifying under age drinking we as parents are sending a message to our kids that there are grey area's in the law but there are not. Parent's must teach college age kids to be responsible for their actions....Play 9, not a condemnation of you by any means, just wanted to flesh out this situation because honestly, you may owe your son an apology for letting him drink at home and blurring the boundaries.

To all of you who think the drinking age should change, spend some time looking into the effect of alcohol on a developing brain. I counter your opinion with my own which is that the age is fine, it's the parents who must set a better example of following the laws. By the way, I am not a tea toter.

quote:

To all of you who think the drinking age should change, spend some time looking into the effect of alcohol on a developing brain. I counter your opinion with my own which is that the age is fine, it's the parents who must set a better example of following the laws. By the way, I am not a tea toter.

If the drinking age is fine, they should raise the draft age and legal age as well. If you can join the military at 18 and be considered a legal adult, then the drinking laws should be 18. The current laws are flat-out wrong.

However, if there's a policy in place and the policy was broken, then the player will have to move on and learn a tough lesson. In the end, he will most likely be a better person for it.

Zomby, we don't have a draft. Joining the military is a career choice, a job. Nobody forces anyone to join up these days.
When I was 18 I would not have had the common sense to understand the ramifications of providing alcohol to my younger friends. Imagine if 18 year old high school students could buy, they would be put in a terrible position where a lapse in judgement led to a younger kids drinking and driving death or killing someone else.
Personally I am glad that I don't have to parent that responsibility as it would be way harder then simply saying I don't make the rules I just expect they be followed.
The choice a person makes when they are out of high school to join the military, a proud career for many kids whose path is not to college has nothing to do with drinking age at all. It's not a draft situation anymore where people are forced into service while still not able to buy a beer. The military could change it's age requirement to 21 but would that help a kid?

Play9,

As a parent of 5, I feel your pain. But, as parents I think we must try to share some perspective based upon the wisdom we have gained from our own lives...most often that includes failure. Failure is a powerful ally as things typically happen for a reason. Taking responsibility for our actions, admitting we were wrong and moving forward with an earnest desire to become a better person should be encouraged. The most successful people in the world have made terrible mistakes resulting in failure. Stumbling, falling down, coming to grips with our mistakes and moving forward make us into stronger people. Sometimes those mistakes cost us dearly, but in the end these things make us into who we are.

Life is full of second chances although they may come in a much different forms, truly learning and setting out to re-establish ourselves will ultimately result in a true sense of achievement. The recent example may be that of Josh Hamilton, a first round pick who succumbed to drug and alcohol abuse. It took some time for him to reorient himself and move forward as he overcame his demons, has become one of the preeminent players in MLB.

Your son can recover with love, encouragement and understanding. Given time your son will become a better person for his mistake.

quote:

Zomby, we don't have a draft. Joining the military is a career choice, a job. Nobody forces anyone to join up these days.
When I was 18 I would not have had the common sense to understand the ramifications of providing alcohol to my younger friends. Imagine if 18 year old high school students could buy, they would be put in a terrible position where a lapse in judgement led to a younger kids drinking and driving death or killing someone else.

The drinking laws when I turned 18 was 18 and I wasn't influenced to buy liquor for anybody. Nor did I turn out any worse off then if the law were 21. I survived it just fine. People can make bad decisions at 30,40 and 50. Again, it comes down to where the legal age is drawn. Either make it 18 or 21. Not pick and choose what makes an adult and what makes a minor. The law is wrong.

quote:

Originally posted by calisportsfan:
....Play 9, not a condemnation of you by any means, just wanted to flesh out this situation because honestly, you may owe your son an apology for letting him drink at home and blurring the boundaries.

wow, just wow

Do most really think college kids under the age of 21 dont drink? Really?

And as far as the orignal poster letting his son have a beer,before the age of 21, really do you think that is that awful.

Honestly the more open you can be with your children, the more honest about drinking, not make it such a big taboo, I think its better.

How many kids that drive under the influence that are too afraid to call their parents to say I drank tonight.I always told my kids that I didnt want them drinking, BUT if they did, call me anytime,I would come get them.Is that condoning it?

I knew so many strict parents who didn't think their kids did anything wrong, and most were sneaking behind their backs doing it.


This OP son made a mistake, he had beer in his dorm, that is usually a school violation anywhere.Some coaches may turn their heaeds, this one didn't.

The fact that it happened twice is the issue.He had a warning he violated the warning, and most coaches would have to act on it.

The issue for me if it were my son, is why did he viloate the no alcohol rule twice? Is there a problem?

I think some of the HS parents that come on here(some I said, and you can blast me if you want) are really, really naive.

You may think you know your kids really well.But you may be quite surprised when they get out on their own, away from you, in college, parties, fraternities,girls, alcohol, drugs, you name it its available.

The key is an open, honest dialogue.That means your kids can tell you everything, and not be afraid of your wrath of DONT DO THIS!!!.My kids have always been honest and open, they are 29, and 21.Never been in trouble, never drank and drove a car.But they drank some.

I just really cringe when I read parents who think their kids NEVER will or NEVER did.Maybe there are a few who dont but be real.Be real with your kids.

Drinking is a BIG deal.The age is because many are way too imature to handle the responsibility.There are some who may be mature younger, but the rule is for all concerned.

Open dialogue,open communication.You want your kids to not be afraid to tell you things.

You would be shocked by how many HS parents have parties with alcohol for kids all the time.Kids lie to their parents to go to them.

Do people want their kids to lie? Drink behind their backs?Thats really good.You dont know it so that means they dont do it.

I really think kids would do less stupid stuff if they could have people to talk to about their problems, temptations ,their fears, their insecurities, cause guess what everyone of our kids have some issues with those things.

When they can come to you and lay their hearts at your feet, and you love them and help them through it they will make better decisions for the most part.

I just find some of the thoughts here really judgemental.Be careful as your own may get into some trouble some time to.Most do.

fan of game, you're right on.

Purely as an answer to the original post - the issue here is about intentionally violating a rule a second time - any rule. I am all for second chances and third chances - with consequences. Second or third chances without real consequences teach only that the rules do not apply - and in college we are still teaching - right?

With regard to the logic that we should allow our kids to drink because they are going to do it behind our backs anyway --- um WOW --- extrapolating this to other behaviors is mind blowing.

Young people are going to push limits - we know that. With that said - do we really need to loosen the rules so that in order to push limits they must do things that are even MORE dangerous/ stupid / irresponsible?

quote:

With regard to the logic that we should allow our kids to drink because they are going to do it behind our backs anyway --- um WOW --- extrapolating this to other behaviors is mind blowing

Nobody said to allow it.Dont put words in my or anyone elses mouths.I said be real.let your kids be honest.If they make a deicsion to drink and DONT tell you and then they get into a car and drive, or drive with someone else??Im not condoning drinking.

I am saying dont be naieve that nobodys kids freakig drink.

Some of the people on here just make me not even want to bother having conversation with.You are so self righetous.

Nobody said ALLOW it,I said be open to listening to your kids if they do it.And most do.

Whatever, for those who havent been through HS yet, or college, best of luck to many of your perfect kids.I am amazed at the number of perfect parents and perfect kids on here.

Play9,

I haven't got time to read all the replies right now, but to answer your question. Sorry if this sounds a bit cold.

Yes, there are many schools that will give him another chance "if" he has something they want! He really needs to make the best out of the next opportunity. I suppose he knows that.

What he did was probably stupid, but lets don't fool ourselves into thinking college age kids all stay away from beer. He just needs to be smarter!

Fan, you are sure sensitive to someone putting words in your mouth or interpreting your post. Although I am sure you are talking about me because I am strict and don't condone my son drinking under age, I in no way believe he is perfect. I am simply comfortable in the role as parent rather then friend. It's my job to teach him the rules.

I am sure he breaks them but that doesn't mean my stance and the lessons I teach him aren't important in forming his approach to many things....kids do extrapolate. A=C for them sometimes. When he gets caught breaking a rule he will know I love and will help him as best I can. I will not support illegal actions which has nothing and everything to do with the fact that I love him. I want him to become a responsible man.

I am also one of the few parents i know who don't allow my kids to break the law we have about no other kids in the car until you have had your drivers license for a year. Sometimes that means I have go get them late at night even though they can get an illegal ride. That law has reduced teenage driving deaths by 50%. It's a good law which is why when he was caught driving friends he lost his car for a month. We didn't fight about it because he knew what the consequence with me would be. We don't get to pick the laws we want to follow.

Nobody is being self righteous here just because they have a different opinion then you. I just don't believe the laws are wrong if I don't like them. I believe it's wrong to break the law, any law.