Missing our Loved Ones

I agree,

its coming up to my parents five year anniverasry of their passing. My mom died the day after Thanksgiving and my dad died 58 days later. Neither got to see my son play HS baseball. My dad would of loved it all. I miss them so much and i feel like an orphan. I continue to pray for MAry Anns family as they approach their first holidays without her. Its tough , it really is. God bless

I know what you mean, my Dad was at a different baseball field every day watching one of the six grandkids play. He didn't get to see my sister's oldest son and mine play side by side in high school baseball and is now missing my son and my sister's youngest play football side by side. I am having a really hard time with it. I am so sorry your parents died so close together. I don't know how you did it.

louisiana09,

I am still doing it. I still am recovering. I really havent been the same since. Its like the universe was altered forever. It will never be the same, Yes it can be good again and I will find joy and happiness, but it will never ever be the same as it was with them here.No body loves you like parents love their kids, I know this becasue I know how I loved my kids.I miss being loved like that. Being they only daughter with 2 brothers, being a daddys girl. Talking on the phone 2-3 times a day with mom about nothing much in paricular. Whats for dinner? what are the kids up to? just chatting. I miss that deeply, and with Thanksgiving approaching it is tough to get through it. The food has no flavor if that makes since. The holidays were when the grandparents showed up, then the festivities began. My mom was an exceptional holiday person, she loved it. and to have her in the hospital on thanksgiving night and gone the day after I dont enjoy the day as much. Im trying to be thankful for what I do have but the loss has blindsided me.

This is a very touching thread and I'm a guy poking my nose in here again, but you ladies have some of the best posts on the entire HSBBW so I hope you don't mind my peeking in. Sometimes the issues we face are gender-neutral and I appreciate the openness displayed in the ladies forum. More guys should try it.

To those of you who've lost your loved ones, especially parents.....it's definitely a deep hurt. But remember that the hurt is deep because the love was great and the connection was so strong. To have one, you will eventually have the other. That's the way it must be. And I wish I knew I would have a deep hurt under the same circumstances but, unfortunately, I doubt that I will. For a variety of reasons, I am not particularly close to either of my parents, nor to my brother. We are like four individuals tied by name only, scattered around the planet, and it stinks. I gave up trying to 'build' a sense of family some years ago. Mom and Dad don't talk. Divorced. My brother is in his own world nowadays (I'm certain they all feel the same about me). Instead of wondering how I'll manage when my parents are gone, I wonder if I'll feel much at all except for a strange sense that we were all robbed of something precious that no one seemed willing to fight for except me -- for awhile. Sometimes it's just not there.

That being said, it has made me a much better father and family man for my own brood. I refuse to let the same thing happen in my own little family. It's not always easy because I had no role model for it. But in my heart I know I will always do anything and everything for my wife and kids and my friends.

So if it helps at all, just know that the pain that you are feeling shows that you were indeed loved very, very much......

Krakatoa,

Your welcome anytime.You have a lot of insight and a lot of sensitivity that sometimes is amiss in men. (dont take it personal guys). You make a good point that and I would rather have had it and lost it then to never have experienced it at all. I am sorry you dont have a connection in your extended family. And its great you are reversing that in your immediate family.From posts i read of yours you are doing a great job.

Krak--you know you are always welcome here!

Holidays are difficult for many of us missing our loved ones. My oldest brother died in a car wreck on 12/22 and to add to that trauma, him and his vehicle were not found until 12/26. This happened when I was a child, but I can tell you I remember it like it was yesterday opening presents on Christmas but saving the ones from him so he could be there when we opened them, etc.. I remember my mom's scream when she found out... It was many years before Christmas became something for us to look forward to again, probably until Catcher #1 was born. Now that he is almost as old as my brother was when he died, I understand even more what a heartbreaking loss that was for my parents.

My mom passed away 6 years ago. I still miss her so much and find myself wanting to call her to tell her what funny things the kids are doing. Christmas is probably still the most difficult holiday for me, especially now that she is gone. But, life goes on. I am so thankful that our family is close. My kids help me get through the holidays (as well as life), they are oblivious to the holiday blues and their excitement helps me stay perky.

I am a softie (you know, the kind that cries at even moderately sad movies), and I am crying now, Geez Louise! I lost both of my parents many years ago (about 18 years). They died a little over a year apart, and both very suddenly. I still miss them terribly and think of them every single day. I am an only child, and my mother was an only, too. My dad had lots of family, but all of it back east, and we did not visit often or stay too much in touch. My husband's family lives relatively close geographically, but we are not close with them emotionally. Man, talk about feeling like you are lost in the universe...So, it goes. I love animals and I just lost my dog - which brought me back to the loss of my parents again. And every time I hear of a friend who has lost a loved one, I fall apart all over again. That may be why I have taken MA's passing harder than I probably should have, especially since I did not know her too well. It is hard times coming for me (the holidays), and they are the generally the worst times for me. My head clears up around April, usually. Both parents knew my daughter when she was a baby, and my dad carried around a huge wallet full of photos. You know, the kind that all link together, and when someone asked to see photos, he dropped them open like an accordian (dad was quite a character). My dad was in pro ball, and would have been at every single one of my son's games, no matter where he had to go to watch them. He died when I was pregnant with my son, although he did know that we were having a boy. My mom died after that. I live in a house about 1/4 of a mile away from theirs, and I spoke to them many times every day when they were alive. We were very close, the three of us.

I sure wish they could be here to see what great kids I have.

PS mom of 2, man I know what you mean about wanting to pick up the phone to tell your mom about what your kids are doing. To this day, I find myself thinking about that - that I really have no one to "brag" to about my kids.

My parents passed away 9 years ago when my son was only 3. They never got to see him play baseball. They were HUGE baseball fans and we were very close. This summer was tough. Southpaw's team played in the championship game at Cooperstown and when he was invited to the 14U NTIS as a 12 year old, I cried off and on for 2 days straight because they would have been so proud and probably even driven to Jupiter to cheer him on. The more my kids accomplish - the more I miss my parents. I am very thankful for my brother and 2 sisters and our baseball friends and family. I have aunts and uncles and parents of friends who try to fill the grandparent void for my kids. Our baseball family is amazing - they're always there to cheer Southpaw on like he was one of their own.

My mom turned 83 today, and I have been realizing lately that her time will soon come and I will be sorry that I haven't spent enough time with her.

My dad passed away many years ago, from Alzheimers. In the end he had no clue who my kids were and it broke their hearts to the point where they wouldn't go visit him anymore. The day after my son was drafted I went to visit where he rests to tell him, he would have been so proud! I wish that he was able to be there with us on that day.
My husband was a late baby from a second marriage, both his parents are gone and he has no relatives he speaks with that he knows are alive. His half brothers never acknowledged him.
I have two brothers, one who is off in a world in his own (like you stated Krak) and the other, my "little" brother the doctor and I talk about 4-5 times a week. He is his nephews biggest fan. It's hysterical, he's given up the Yankees for the Cardinals (except Jeter). I would be lost with out him.
Krak, you are always welcome.

My parents passed away almost 20 years ago within 8 months of each other. I have a video of Mom holding newborn #1 son and marvelling at his hands with his long fingers and pondering if he would play the piano one day and I respond "Maybe he'll be a baseball pitcher." I didn't even remember that statement until watching old videos during his senior year in high school. Son didn't start playing organized baseball until he was 7 yrs old, he actually played s#@@&r prior.

My husband's mom died when he was only 12 and his dad lives in Calif and does not relate to kids at all, zip, zilch, nada. So our kids have not had any grandparents which makes me very sad. Both hubby and I had terrific Grandmothers and I wish our kids could have had that experience.

Krak- We relate to your experiences, both personal and geographical and have made it a priority to "Establish our Own Family Traditions." Where ever we have been, we have tried to have some continuity within our family celebrations and creating our own traditions. Our kids don't know how it "used to be" or what we are missing, only what we make it now.

quote:

Originally posted by Krakatoa:

That being said, it has made me a much better father and family man for my own brood. I refuse to let the same thing happen in my own little family. It's not always easy because I had no role model for it. But in my heart I know I will always do anything and everything for my wife and kids and my friends.

I commend you. My husband shares these sentiments as well. The Buck Stops here! The cycle does not need to perpetuate.

Holidays are always a tough time. My son went away to college this year and we have an empty house. our younger son passed away 16 years ago. Every year, I wonder what life would have been with both of them. I think they would have been very similar in personalities and very good friends. Last year during one of my son's scholarship interviews, a lady came out of my son's interview crying. She said they always ask the students, "If they could talk to anyone in the world, who would they choose, and what would they say" She said most kids say Jesus, Einstein, or some famous person. She said our son said, I would like to talk to my little brother who passed away, I would like one more chance to say I love him. She said that made her want to go right then and call her own child. Make sure and tell loved ones you love them everyday. Who knows what tomorrow may bring.

tigermom... you obviously raised a wonderful, caring young man. Thank you for sharing that.

Tig-My deepest sympathies, I can't imagine losing a young child. Like my mom, I'm sure that is a heartache that never really goes away.

It will be 14 years ago next February that I lost my Dad, and I miss him every day. Shopping for the holidays, I'll still stop when I see something that would make a nice gift for Dad.

He helped with my coaching when my son was young and when he was back in St Louis, Aeden would call him after every game to give him a recap. He gave me, and my son, our love of baseball.

The last Christmas, he gave my son a baseball one of his old team mates on his Army Air Corps game sent him after he reached the pros --- complete team-signed ball from the '51 Giants (the Thompson shot-heard-round-the-world, Leo Duroscher, rookie Willie Mays '51 Giants!) One of my favorite pictures is of Dad pointing out names and telling stories to Aeden that Christmas morning. And my 10 year old son's response: "I'll be giving this ball to my grandson one day." Dad, with cancer, then told his grandson he was sorry he wouldn't be there to see him play professionally, and Aeden told him "he'd still be there".

I kept my name when I married, as there were no males in my generation and I didn't want my Dad's name to fade away; my son carries that name as well. When he played for the Storm, they put the players' names on their jersies. I have a picture in my room of him, on deck facing the field, showing my Dad's name on a pro jersey. He is, indeed, still there.