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Mom who just doesn't understand

I idahojoe10+ posts
I am a 2012 player and am really struggling with getting my mom to understand my college process. My thoughts are that a JC would be a good fit for me for various reasons, especially because of the restrictions she has pit on me.

What I am looking for here is advice.

I've played on select teams all the way up, but the past couple years the teams I've been on have decided not to attend the big events out of state. What that has done is not gotten me out in front of college coaches, AT ALL. I've been off the map for 2 years as far as getting my name out there. There are hardly any 4 year colleges in my direct area that can just come and see me play, therefor I either need to go to a big showcase event or go to a good local JC and hope I can get my name out that way. My mom is constantly asking me why I would "lower myself to go to a CC". I tell her that a CC isn't "worse or lower" but that's my only option anyway because no 4 years have seen me play. I get admissions calls from schools who have seen sat scores and my mom tells me to just tell them I want to play baseball. She thinks that will tale care of it and I'll be on the team. I have repeated to her time and time again the recruiting process and she either won't listen or can't comprehend it. Then she goes on about "all we've done for you with this baseball and u say thats not good enough and u aren't grateful for anything!" when I ask her about going to a showcase. She doesn't realize a coach has to see you play to recruit you and if theres no schools around you you have to go to where they are. She won't listen to my dad either. I'm stuck because she will disown me for going to a jc, and if I do it her way I won't play baseball anywhere, and I know I can play at a pretty high level... HELP!!! Any advice?
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55mom55mom1,000+ posts
You have to be seen to be recruited.

If you and your Dad can't open her eyes, there is probably little an anonymous message board can do. However, she needs to sit down and read this board paying special attention to PGStaff , as there are many threads that address this very issue. Perhaps you and your dad can convince her to let y'all take the lead on this issue.

A CC is a very good option for many players and for a variety of reasons. Good luck.
O Outfielder100+ posts
Money is definitely an issue....believe me I know. However, we knew that some investment would be required so we stayed closer to home for the most part and did more local showcases. We initially felt that going to a JUCO was "lowering yourself" particularly with respect to academics. Our son is a good student (1700 SAT, 26 ACT); top 15% of class. Also, a good athlete....all district performer in both baseball and basketball...but wasn't getting a lot of attention mainly, I think, because of his lack of size(5'10" and 145 lbs). My wife, nor I initially, were crazy about him going to jr. college, but we wanted to support him and try to "keep the dream alive" and see if he doesn't grow and continue to develop his baseball skills. After his first day of classes, and first baseball practice yesterday, he sounded excited and energized.

Mom.....listen to your son and give him a chance to realize his dream. You don't want him looking back years from now and wonder "What if..." He may hold it against you and damage your relationship in the future. Plus, if money is a concern....jr. college is a whole lot cheaper!! Make him the same deal we basically did...you have 2 years to make it on the field...after that decide to concentrate on school.
Last edited by Outfielder
igballigball500+ posts
My advice would be to sit down (again) with your mother (maybe with your dad) and try and explain how the process works.

At the same time, if you and your mother share the goal of going to a good 4 year school to play baseball and you have the ability, you still have some time but you need a plan (and some resources).

First I would highly recommend (if you can afford it) going to Jupiter in October. Contact PG and get on a team if you don't have a local team going there that you can play with. There will be more college recruiters there than you can shake a stick at. They will be focusing on later classes but some schools are always looking for talent no matter the age.

In addition target the appropriate schools that you think would be a good fit for you from an academic, baseball and financial perspective and contact them before hand and let them know your interest, some basic facts about you and what team you'll playing on and the schedule when you get it.

Be proactive and be prepared to do your best there.

Now if you are able to follow through on a plan like this you will also be showing your mother the respect she deserves and frankly that will allow you to open to door for conversations with her about other alternatives (ie 2 year schools) as well. You show her that you are trying to get to where she (and you I assume) thinks you should go while also being realistic about a plan B.

This would be my advice. Good luck.
fanofgamefanofgame5,000+ posts
quote:
Mom.....listen to your son and give him a chance to realize his dream. You don't want him looking back years from now and wonder "What if..." He may hold it against you and damage your relationship in the future. Plus, if money is a concern....jr. college is a whole lot cheaper!! Make him the same deal we basically did...you have 2 years to make it on the field...after that decide to concentrate on school.


Its nice that more people are understandig that a JC isnt a horrible thing.Especially if you are not getting the looks you want at the time.My son got lucky to leave after one year and attend a 4 year schoolI think it is great you gave him these two years to get on someone elses radar.He is going to really remember you allowing him to continue to live his dream.

When a kid plays a sport, it makes the college process so much harder.Finding a Good fit and all that is involved isnt an easy task.

To the OP, I would ask your mom if she would spend a few hours just on this site , reading some of the information.It might really make her see the bigger picture of college recruiting etc.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
Go ahead, blame mom. Frown I always believe that there are 2 sides to every story (actually 3, yours, theirs and the real truth) Smile.

How proactive have you been in HS to show your folks that you are truely interested in trying to get attention? Not everyone gets to travel out of state, attend PG events, etc. But there are some things that you could have done.

I know a few players from your state that have gone to school out of state, even one that attended JUCO before he went to Clemson (Edmonds CC I think). Due to the circumstances, why didn't you have a website, written to coaches, tried to contact scouts for tryouts in your area. College coaches have eyes and ears everywhere.
Have you attended camps from the two major D1 schools in your state? If you had and done well, those coaches evaluations could have become recommendations.

She won't disown you for going to a JUCO, moms don't disown their sons for those reasons.
V VaRHPmom100+ posts
TPM asks some really good questions. Just because you attend a showcase where there are "loads of scouts" does not necessarily mean that you will be seen. We attended the PG WWBA 17U tournament in July and the most scouts we saw at our games was about five because only a few of the boys were in contact with coaches.

Do you have a video? There are plenty of free websites for recruiting where you can post your information, pictures, and video BUT that is just a start. Now comes the part that shows how serious you really are. You need to contact coaches first through e-mail and then with follow-up phone calls (one thing my son is suffering for because he did not do this). If there is interest, then you will hear from them.

Best of luck!

It is pretty late for a 2012 as far as many D1 school options, but there are still plenty of other schools looking for good players. Get your name out there and start making contacts. Call the coaches at schools you are interested in and schedule a visit along with a campus tour.
C calisportsfan100+ posts
Honestly, your mom wants the best for you. From a parents perspective, we see how few make it beyond college or even to college. I empathize with following your dream but I caution you that playing at a JC doesn't guarantee you playing at a 4 year school later on. It's still a very small percentage of players that make it through. Those we hear about are often the total studs in high school who didn't have the grades to get into a four year school out of high school. It's not limited to them, but they do make up a huge portion of those who play on from JC's.

You've worked really hard with your academics and your mom I am sure wants you to be rewarded with a four year college experience. Trust me, your experience will be hugely different if you take the JC path and then move on to college and aren't playing baseball. It's a big huge risk.

Also, parents think about you long term and beyond baseball which speaking from experience, my son isn't capable of doing at this point. He also considers going the JC route if things don't work out and I think he even thinks it's the way to go compared to a D2 or D3 which he could commit to today. I think of all the time and energy he has put into his studies and wonder if it isn't time to open his eyes to the world and find other satisfaction. It would break my heart if he decides that's what he wants to do especially considering he can have his picks of D2 or D3 schools. I hope he considers my advice and honestly, my feelings too but I will find a way to support his decision just as your mother will.

As parents, mothers or fathers, we all want what's best for our kids and don't loose track of the fact that we have experience in life to offer you. Consider what she has to say too.
Last edited by calisportsfan
VectorVector1,000+ posts
Lets start off with the premise that your mom loves you and wants the best for you. I say that with confidence, because if she did not, she would not care where you went to college, or if you went at all.

Now with that said, let me say that you are not alone out there in the world. My wife was adamant that our son not attend a JUCO because as she put it, it was like going to a 13th year of HS. When I came to this forum about a year ago, many here recommended JUCO as the right fit for my son. Frankly I got sick of hearing it because I knew my wife would never allow it, even if it was the right thing for my son baseball wise. Coaches of D1's along with JC coaches offered to speak with her to let her know their perspectives, but she would not budge.
So while I doubt she would "disown you", she might very well harbor some ill feelings toward your choice if you go that route.
My recommendation is to have her read through this forum to where she can see that you will need exposure to get on different coaches radars. The days of being discovered playing HS ball are coming to an end unless you are already a stud played, or live in an area of high visibility(which you do not).
If she reads that other moms or dads oppose JUCO's it might help her understand that she is not alone in that belief. Once she feels some empathy, she might let her guard down long enough to consider other possibilities such as showcases, tournaments like PG's event in Jupiter, or maybe a camp at schools she would approve of.
There are many paths to playing in college if you have the talent and drive, but you cannot sit at home hoping the phone will ring. Furthermore, she will come to understand that just walking on for a tryout is not a sound strategy.
Last edited by Vector
T Tooldforthis100+ posts
There are two ways you may approach this:
1) contact the schools that your mom has in mind and talk to the coaches and ask if they have a camp or can you come to the school for a tryout. The coach may help you with other options.

2)Tell your mom that with the cost of a 4 year college, you can get most of the classes that you will need for the first 2 years at the J.C. for thousands of dollars less and the chance of going to a 4 year college from that point may be able to pick up scholarship to help offset the cost for your 4 year degree.

We went the J.C. route and my son received three very good offers from some very good schools. Unfortunely, we were unable to accept them, but that's a different story.

Good luck whichever route you take and enjoy your college life.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
If baseball is important, in yur college decision, than the JUCO option as a 2012 is a very good one.

However, as I stated perhaps you have never really showed your mom how serious you were about baseball, perhaps you just sat back and let things happen and when they didn't you began to get pro active.

Is it too late, no, explain to her that you want have an opportunity to play at a D1 school and JUCO may be the way to get there, but you would continue to try to work between now and next august to find interest and get to work at it..asap.

Having your folks spend money they don't have to sent you to tournaments out of state doesn't guarantee anything.

JMO.
coach2709coach270910,000+ posts
Show your mom this thread and let her read all these stories about how JUCO has helped all these different people. From what I can gather she's got the nose stuck up in the air attitude towards JUCOs as in that they aren't worthy of being called a school. Please understand I'm not trying to insult your mother. If you don't mind would you tell us how far she and your father got in their education?

You can also approach it from the financial aspect. You can get around half your credits very cheap instead of going into major debt at a full university.

Also, it's time to take another step towards being a man. I'm sure you've tried to talk to your mom but she probabaly sees you as "her little boy". Sit her down and tell her you want to have an adult conversation about your future. Present a strong argument for JUCO from an academic and baseball standpoint. Then show how you can transition from the JUCO to a 4 year school and you still have a "real" education. Don't let her cut you off and make her see you as an adult because that's what you're transitioning to.
BumBum1,000+ posts
If you are sure you can play at a pretty high level I would recommend you get off your duff and raise some money yourself. Go door to door in your team uniform if you have to. Car washes. Get a part-time job. Identify a few college showcase camps that you can go and maybe a PG event. There are still some showcases out there but you need to raise the money now. Don't expect mom and dad to raise it. It's your dream.
Last edited by Bum
Low FinishLow Finish500+ posts
I hesitate to offer advice on this, but I'll try my best. JUCO isn't a bad choice if you want to play baseball. The education isn't horrible, and you'll have a real chance at playing for a D-1 if you prove yourself.

On the other hand, you could go to a D-2 or D-3 that you are interested in attending and try out for the team (to the best of my knowledge neither have sports scholarships, but it's been a while since I checked). Guys from D-2 and D-3 are drafted, though it isn't as common.

Either way, good luck! I hope it works out for you!
Last edited by Low Finish
D 2013 Dad100+ posts
I hate to be too harsh, but at the end, this is your life. Explain the best you can and if she won't understand, you need to make the decision best for you, not for your mom. You will later regret your decision and resent her perhaps. Buck up, send emails, make a video, ask your HS coach to help, if JUCO is the only place you get to play ball..YOU make the decision. If your mom won't support you, that's a problem with her not you. I'm sure you love your mom very much, but she cannot live your life. If you are passionate and love the game, you should go for it.

"The education isn't horrible." (Posted by Low Finish)

Gee, so kind. Is Algebra different at Harvard than City CC? No. Do thousands of years of History change in the CC textbook as compared to Princeton's? This JUCO/4 yr stuff is all ludicrous. Yes, the IVY and elite schools have very intelligent students and professors. But the academics, with regard to general studies, are the same everywhere. The same subjects are taught all over. Besides if you have the smarts to be initially accepted at such schools, you will be fine no matter where you go. It's all a bunch of hooey. While being able to secure admission to such great institutions is an incredible accomplishment, it's not the end all be all.

Sounds like you have it very tough! I feel for you and hope it works out for you.
Last edited by 2013 Dad

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